Chapter 59
Translator: penny
Chapter: 59
Chapter Title: On the Precipice
“Dangerous! Have you lost your mind? Get over here right now! You trying to kill yourself!?”
I said nothing.
I could feel the Commander's sincerity.
Come to our side.
Yeah, right.
If anything, it made me uncomfortable.
Not like a mother's warm touch, but like someone forcing their hand out to grab me.
“My goal still hasn't been achieved.”
The Commander's expression twisted subtly.
He was one of the few who already knew what my goal was.
“......I understand your desire to see your mother.”
He didn't back down.
He took another step forward, as if intent on persuading me.
“But imitating a human with something from the Abyss will only bring ruin in the end.”
He continued carefully.
“It's not your mother. It'll just be the Abyss wearing her skin. Is that really what you want, Miss Esira?”
“......”
“Asrania wouldn't want her daughter making this choice because of her, either.”
The impassive mask I'd been holding cracked just a little.
“......Ha.”
A dry chuckle escaped through my lips. A voice like scraping a rusty blade.
“You think you have the right to say my mother's name?”
Rage boiled hot inside me, yet strangely, my core felt ice-cold.
“What do you even know to spout all this crap.”
The Commander bit his lip hard. He didn't get angry. Layers of deep guilt and pity settled on his face.
“......If we're talking qualifications, I have none.”
His voice sank low, as if refusing to run away.
“It's true that I failed to protect her. It'll be a sin I carry for life.”
“Then shut up and get out of my way.”
“Asrania...”
The Commander took another step closer. A distance that should have felt intimidating.
But it was more desperate than threatening.
“I know something of the life she led.”
“......”
“Lady Asrania fought the Abyss for a full year. She was prouder than anyone, and she walked the righteous path to the very end.”
The Commander's fists turned white. Veins bulged on the backs of his hands from gripping so tight.
“Do you think someone like that would want a daughter who harbors a monster resembling herself?”
“......Please.”
His voice dropped even lower.
“Shut up.”
A hollow emptiness opened in my chest.
The pillar of malice I'd been leaning on had come loose.
“Haa...... haa......”
My breaths came ragged. The metallic tang of blood surged back up my throat.
I thought I'd washed it away. Was that just wishful thinking?
My mind tangled into a complete mess.
I was scared, angry, going insane.
No, I wanted to go insane.
But more than anything, what I couldn't bear...
Was that I missed my mom.
I stumbled back like I was fleeing. Another step.
Just as the Commander opened his mouth again, Marigold stepped in front of me.
“Enough.”
Swish.
Golden threads spurted from her fingertips.
Several strands shot out at once, aiming for the Commander's neck, arms, and legs. Sharp as wires.
They looked ready to sever his limbs clean off.
“Commander!”
Reina swung her sword to deflect them.
A tense struggle of strength played out between the taut threads and her blade.
“Nngh......!”
Reina's arms trembled violently. Her sword bent like it might snap. No ordinary strength could hold against it.
She really meant to kill him.
“Marigold!”
She ignored the Commander's shout.
Reina strained to push back the encroaching golden threads, yelling in a voice thick with bulging veins.
“What the hell are you doing?! Stop this right now!”
Marigold didn't smile.
Strictly speaking, it wasn't that Reina had deflected them. Marigold had pulled them back herself.
But the exact details didn't matter right now.
“What the hell do you think you're doing?”
“You're the one pointing a blade at the Commander.”
“Then what was that crap your boss just pulled?”
Marigold's expression turned utterly icy.
It was a killing intent she'd never shown before.
“You here to persuade me? Or finish me off? Pretty words for advice—you just gutted this already ragged girl even worse.”
Reina's brow furrowed.
“It's a misunderstanding. We're just trying to stop the worst possible choice...”
“Stop it? That's a laugh.”
Marigold scoffed.
“You don't even care what she's clinging to right now, do you? That's why garbage like that comes out of your mouth.”
The Commander looked at me.
Just his gaze alone twisted my guts with revulsion.
I stepped back, repulsed.
I retreated again.
“Mom...”
The words slipped out against my will.
“Mom...... Mom......!”
The next words hovered on the tip of my tongue but wouldn't come. Like someone had clamped my throat shut. My vision shook mercilessly.
Why.
Why does it feel so hard to breathe?
My legs moved on their own. I stumbled over the ground.
Even staggering off-balance, I desperately put one foot after another, widening the distance.
Marigold's head turned toward me late.
“Esira?”
The bowstring-taut tension shattered in an instant. The killing intent that had burned to devour her foes faded away just like that.
The Commander and Reina stared this way, caught off guard by the sudden turn.
Unable to bear the suffocating silence, I twisted away.
I ran blindly.
It didn't matter where. I just wanted to vanish from their sight.
I wanted out of this suffocating place.
I wanted to breathe.
The moment I said her name again, I felt like I'd shatter into pieces.
“Esira!?”
Marigold called my name urgently.
Again.
“Esira!”
I didn't look back. Her voice grew distant. The world faded to black and white, leaving only me behind.
I've gone mad.
Maybe I already had.
I ran aimlessly. Without knowing where, just kept going.
As long as I could escape this suffocating place.
Even the sensation of my feet hitting the ground dulled.
My lungs burned, but I couldn't stop.
No, this pain was almost welcome.
The more my body hurt, the fainter the thoughts gnawing at my mind became.
“Hic......”
My vision blurred. Tears, sweat, or the blood that hadn't fully dried—I couldn't tell.
Everything was a mess.
What I wanted wasn't some grand justice or noble cause.
Not some heroic dream of saving the world.
Just once.
I wanted to be held in that warm embrace again.
“Welcome home, my daughter.”
Just to hear that gentle voice.
Is that such a great sin?
If I could see Mom again, even as a monster.
But why.
Does everyone tell me to stop?
To get angry at my twisted obsession?
Indignation and sorrow tangled together, scorching my throat. Every breath stung my chest.
How far did I run?
My stifled vision suddenly cleared.
A cold night wind cooled my wet cheeks at the same time.
Thud.
My sprinting feet halted.
One more step, and I'd have plummeted.
A sheer cliff right in front of me.
I gazed down into the dizzying abyss like I was entranced.
A hallucination mixed in with the wind.
Come to our side.
Behind me, they tried to grab me. Ahead, the Abyss waited.
My lost toe trembled precariously at the cliff's edge.
That was when it happened.
“Esira!”
Marigold shouted urgently from behind me.
“What are you doing there?!”
Her voice quivered.
Only then did I turn. Marigold was leaning forward, poised to lunge at me any second.
“Dangerous! Have you lost your mind? Get over here right now! You trying to kill yourself!?”
“Don't come any closer.”
It was a voice so small it might get lost in the wind.
Yet everyone froze solid.
“Miss Esira.”
The Commander swallowed dryly before speaking. His eyes shook with anxiety.
His body was rooted in place, but his voice trembled like it could seize me any moment.
“......Please, calm down. That's way too dangerous. Step back first, and let's talk. Okay?”
I didn't respond.
His words felt distant, like tinnitus buzzing in my ears, not reaching my mind.
One more step, and it would all end.
Whoosh.
Fierce night winds surged up from the cliff base.
My disheveled hair whipped around, clothes flapping wildly.
“Esira!”
Almost a scream.
I slowly opened my mouth.
“I know.”
“......What?”
“I know. That Mom's dead.”
It was a flat voice.
“I saw the blood pouring out, her last breath, even getting dragged into the Abyss. Every last bit of it.”
Something that was neither laugh nor sigh escaped me.
“How could I not know?”
“Y-Yeah. That's why, that's why. Please come away from there. Yeah? Esira.”
Marigold pleaded almost desperately.
Reason says it's over, emotions say no.
This contradiction's endpoint was right here.
Standing at the cliff's edge, the answer finally came into view.
I looked down at the drop and said,
“Mom's dead anyway.”
The corner of my mouth curled up slowly.
A grotesque expression, even to me—unclear if it was a smile or a sob.
“So she'll be waiting for me down there.”