Chapter 100
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Translator: 8uhl
Chapter: 100
Chapter Title: The Weight of Victory
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Alter's rehabilitation thus stretched to about thirty minutes. I don't know how many times he got up today. Even as his knees hit the floor and his shoulders slammed into the wall, Alter got back up.
“Let's call it a day.”
Alter never knew when to stop once he started something, so Rireu and I had to watch over him and persuade him several times before we could finally get him back to his room.
After helping Alter into bed, Rireu and I returned to our room.
“I hope I don't give you my cold.”
I said, wiping my runny nose with a tissue. Looking after others when I wasn't in good shape myself was quite draining.
“My master is, for the most part, okay.”
Rireu said, looking at the closed door. It seemed she still couldn't believe her master had become so weak.
“He'll be fine. He always has been.”
I could no longer tell if that was a prayer or a guess.
“...Let's check your temperature. You have a cold and you were out for too long.”
Rireu caught her breath for a moment, then came over to me with the thermometer from the desk.
It was an oral thermometer, and I didn't like it much because it left a faint taste of mercury on my tongue.
I'd never tasted mercury in my life, but I was sure this coppery, cold taste had to be it.
“37.5. You should be back to normal by tomorrow.”
Rireu said, holding up the oral thermometer. I still didn't understand the principle behind how that thermometer worked.
“It's lasting too long for a simple cold. Is today the fifth day?”
I said, taking off the cardigan draped over my shoulders to head out into the hallway. With my right hand not working properly, taking off clothes was no easy task.
“…”
Rireu watched me struggle to take off the cardigan and said nothing for a moment.
“Uh… what is it?”
“Your hand.”
Rireu said curtly, pointing to my right hand.
“What?”
“Your right hand, when is it going to heal? A few days ago, you said it was just a sprain.”
“Uh… it's taking a while. Well, my body is rather unusual.”
“Shouldn't you see a doctor or a cleric? It's healing too slowly.”
“No, it's not that serious. Everyone's busy, I can't bother them over a simple sprained wrist.”
“…It's not a sprain, is it?”
Rireu asked in a cold voice.
I could have brushed off her question, pretending it was nothing.
That probably would have been the best way.
“…Well, you're right.”
And yet, I didn't lie.
I don't know why.
It was just… I was just… a little tired.
“What happened?”
“…”
I lowered my head and let out a sigh.
As I thought, bluffing that it was nothing would have been the right answer.
Rireu was already suffering enough.
Alter, who was like a father to her, was so broken he couldn't even walk properly.
I didn't want to add to her worries.
Though it was a bit late, I shrugged lightly and opened my mouth.
“It's nothing serious…”
“I asked what happened.”
Rireu repeated, her expression cold and firm.
Perhaps she had seen through my bluff from the very beginning.
Rireu was an elf with sharp eyes, after all. It was impossible that her keen perception wouldn't have pierced through my clumsy pretense. The reason she hadn't said anything until now… must have been out of consideration for me.
I couldn't hide it forever, so it was better to just come clean.
“I messed with my bio-electricity. The thing we talked about once before.”
I confessed the truth.
My heart didn't feel lighter than I expected. In fact, it grew heavier.
Then again, the truth is always heavier than a lie, weighing down both the listener and the speaker.
“What, you…”
“I know, it was insane. A dangerous procedure where errors were bound to happen. Still, I got off easy with just the nerves in one wrist getting fried. Taking on an Overlord comes with that kind of risk…”
I quickly cut her off, rattling off excuses like a machine gun.
But I wasn't the only one who could interrupt.
“You actually did it?! Are you crazy? I told you so many times how dangerous it was! We promised to leave it as just an idea…!”
Rireu's raised voice cut through my pathetic excuses.
Seeing her flushed face and trembling hands, I felt like I had committed a mortal sin.
“…”
She stopped raising her voice, clenched her jaw, and shut her mouth. Rireu wore an expression that said she felt so pathetic she could die.
“…You didn't have a choice, did you?”
She lowered her head as she spoke. Her long blonde hair fell like a curtain, hiding her face. Her voice was as small and insignificant as when she was still shy around everyone.
“Yeah. It was an Overlord.”
I answered calmly. This wasn't a bluff or an excuse, but a fact.
She carefully came closer and touched my right hand.
I couldn't feel a thing.
It was as if my right hand wasn't even there.
From my right elbow to my fingertips, the entire forearm was numb.
No matter how hard I tried to move my hand, the muscles wouldn't obey my brain's commands. The neural circuits had been burned away.
The cause of my right arm's condition was, of course, Maltiel.
In the battle against that monster, I had stretched out my right hand at the last moment and poured a massive electric current into Maltiel's chest.
In that instant, two bio-electric currents carrying conflicting commands—[contract the muscles] and [reach for the chest]—collided at my fingertips.
This overlap of commands, something that should never happen in a creature without two brains, delivered an unprecedented shock to my nerve cells and muscles.
As a result, my right arm was ruined.
“…What about the Saintess? Can't even she fix it?”
“The prayers of clerics only accelerate 'natural healing.' They can't regrow a severed arm, you know. Damaged nerves can't be restored. So… it can't be helped.”
“…”
“What's wrong? It's just one hand. So many people live without a hand. Besides, I'm a mage, right? I can handle most things with magic…”
I collected myself and repeated the words I'd been telling myself for the past few days to Rireu.
“…with magic, I can take care of it, so…”
I was even trying to smile, but it probably looked awkward to Rireu.
“I…”
She started to speak but stopped, swallowing as if choked up, and took a breath.
“I didn't do anything. While Rex, my master, and you, Bin, were risking your lives on the battlefield, I was just lying uselessly in the rear, like an idiot…”
She was digging herself into a hole, and I didn't know how to stop her.
What should I say?
‘Rireu, your lightning strikes were amazing. Thanks to you, the battle was much easier, so don't be so upset.’
No, that's too cliché.
‘You had used up all your mana, Rireu. There was nothing you could do. Don't worry about it.’
…Telling her not to worry is just nonsense. That won't comfort her.
‘If you're frustrated, then get stronger.’
That's the worst.
That's something I'd only say as a joke during magic practice.
“…Do you have some time tomorrow?”
I don't know. Just.
“Let's go get some coffee in the evening.”
For now, let's just run away from all of this.
***
The city was bustling to an extent that the word 'festival' couldn't fully capture.
Everyone on the streets, without exception, had faces flushed red as if they'd had a drink, and they sang loudly. Performances by bards and musicians filled every corner.
Some pubs were even giving out free alcohol to passersby. Meanwhile, nobles would climb onto platforms in the square whenever they felt like it, spewing praise for the historic victory and the soldiers.
Newspapers detailing the Sword Saint's historic feat of personally dispatching three Overlords were flooding the streets. On the next page of those papers were articles and portraits of Rex and me, who had dealt with Overlord Maltiel.
A few idiots had dyed their hair white, apparently to imitate my appearance described in the papers, and I couldn't help but let out a dry laugh at the sight.
I….
I was truly sorry, but all of this was disgusting to me.
I just wanted to escape the chaotic square and find a quiet cafe, and Rireu, standing beside me, seemed to feel the same.
We moved as far away from the city center as we could. If I had known, I would have asked to be dropped off at the outskirts from the start.
I had wanted to enjoy the festival and forget the bad memories and thoughts, even for a moment, but that plan failed unexpectedly.
We walked for a long time before entering a small cafe located where the city met the farmland. The only lighting was a small lantern, and the chairs and tables were old and cracked, but for tonight, this was the best we could do.
“…What is it.”
The owner, who was sitting with his back to the entrance, greeted us by only turning his head. His face was indifferent, as if he had no intention of doing business.
“Are you open?”
“…Why would the door be open if I wasn't?”
His voice was raspy and the epitome of unfriendly.
For a moment, I considered opening the door and leaving, but the thought of searching for another place like this made me pick a suitable spot and sit down with Rireu.
“You'll have espresso.”
The owner decided our order for us.
It was an absurd situation, but I calmly composed my voice and called out to the owner as he headed for the kitchen.
“I can't drink coffee.”
“Then why did you come into a cafe?”
“Do you have any tea?”
“Tea, my ass. You'll both have espresso.”
“…What's your problem?”
I asked the owner, who was consistently hostile towards us, in a sharp voice. I was already in a bad mood, and I didn't know why bad things kept piling up like this.
“…Problem?”
The owner, who was on his way to the kitchen, shot me a sharp glare as if my tone annoyed him. The man fixed his gaze on my hair, let out a dry laugh, and slowly walked towards me.
“The problem is those clueless idiots in the square, screaming their heads off for some so-called festival.”
The man's face, illuminated by the lantern, was full of wrinkles. His hands were covered in burns and calluses, and his hair was full of gray strands.
It was a face that the word 'ghoul' would fit well. Deep dark circles under his eyes, bloodshot pupils, broken fingernails, and scrawny arms and legs.
“Looking at that hair, you seem to be one of them. Wouldn't it be better for you to just get out of my shop and look around the city? You could probably get some free alcohol and coffee.”
“You seem to have a lot of complaints. Wasn't there a history-changing victory just a week ago? You should just enjoy the atmosphere…”
“We haven't even held the funerals yet!”
Thud!
A scrawny-looking arm slammed down on the table.
Rireu flinched at the sudden impact, tucking her head into her shoulders, while I glared at the old man.
“I said we haven't even had the damn funerals. Tens of thousands of people died! And what, enjoy the festival? Hand out drinks? They can go fuck themselves! I haven't even found my son's body!”
The old man's ragged breaths hit the table and spread throughout the shop. A cold autumn wind seeped through the cracked window frame.
“…You said you can't drink coffee, so you'll have milk. One espresso, one milk.”
A moment later, the old man, having calmed his anger, quietly turned and disappeared into the kitchen.
“…”
Rireu leaned on the table, biting her lip.
She gently touched my right hand, which was resting on the table, and remained silent with her head lowered.
I wanted to run away from the bad memories.
But they just wouldn't let me go.
No, maybe I was the one who wouldn't let them go.
If I had truly wanted to escape those terrible memories, even for a moment, should I have stayed in the square?
“I don't think I'll ever be able to wash away these scars.”
“…”
Rireu didn't reply, simply meeting my gaze.
“There's nothing we can do. Nothing but wait to get used to it.”
She gently wrapped her hands around my numb right hand.
Looking at that senseless arm made me feel even more suffocated. I couldn't stand it.
“I wish I could just have a good cry, but I can't even do that.”
Composure.
This damn composure is the problem.
I just want to cry like a madman, scream, and get angry.
I want to lose my reason, but I just can't seem to make it happen.
I never knew that being unable to go mad could be so painful.
I covered my eyes with my left hand and bit my lip.
From the kitchen, I could hear the sound of coffee and milk being poured into cups.
“…I shouldn't have let Alter be like that. What if he can never walk again for the rest of his life?”
A wave of meaningless regret washed over me. My lips felt parched, and my whole body felt like it was growing cold.
The image of those trembling old hands and legs flashed before my eyes. For a moment, my breath caught in my throat.
“Like I said… my master is, for the most part, okay.”
Rireu spouted her carefree words. Honestly, it pissed me off.
I don't know why I was so irritated.
‘…So pathetic.’
Soon, the sharp feelings directed at her turned back towards myself.
The fingertips of my left hand trembled. I let out a deep sigh.
Even my sigh was shaky.
…I don't even know what I want to do anymore.
“I'm going to get stronger.”
It was in that moment.
That Rireu's sudden declaration was heard.
I lowered my hand and looked at her.
Her large eyes shone faintly, catching the moonlight streaming through the dusty window.
“I'm going to become much stronger than you, Bin.”
I didn't quite understand what she was trying to say.
“And once I'm that strong, I'm going to take all the expectations and fame you carry.”
“Take them if you want. I never wanted things like expectations or fame in the first place.”
I found myself replying to her with a sharp tone without meaning to.
I don't know why I'm being so pathetic.
“That's my point.”
But Rireu didn't shrink back at my sharp tone; she looked me straight in the eye and spoke.
It was strange.
The usual Rireu would have pulled her hat down low and avoided my gaze in a situation like this.
“The pain you're feeling right now, Bin, is a pain only those who never backed down can feel. It's the suffering of the brave, who gave up everything for victory.”
She spoke as if making a vow, her voice tinged with a faint compassion.
“I'm going to get insanely strong, and I'll take even that pain from you.”
And finally, I was able to admit that I was scared.
“…Hah. Unbelievable.”
Of course it's scary to think I might never be able to use my arm again for the rest of my life.
Grisha said Rex would wake up within ten days, but every moment, I was secretly worried he might not.
Rireu firmly believed Alter would overcome it, but I had already concluded that Alter would never walk on two legs again and worried about his despair.
This war was too horrific. Too many people had died right before my eyes.
“…Damn it.”
The various afterimages of the war still lingered before my eyes.
And yet, even falling into a deep, untroubled sleep every night with the help of [Composure] was, in fact, a little frightening.
But as she said, despite all that, this pain and worry were the price of protecting everything, of surviving.
Besides, the war wasn't over yet.
“…Thank you.”
At last, I felt like I could breathe a little easier.
Yeah. For now, I thought, just being alive was enough.