Chapter 179
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 179
Eun-chae stared blankly at the notebook, reading its contents.
=
-Is this week’s schedule okay with everyone?
└I’m fine with it. <\- The Witch
└Okay, I’ll proceed with this then.
=
It was the notebook they used for communication between the personalities.
Now, only the handwriting of Eun-ah and Eun-byeol remained.
For some reason, Eun-chae felt a pang of emptiness, a throbbing ache in her chest that made her unable to look at the notebook any longer. She got up and ran toward Dokyun.
As always, Dokyun was sitting on the sofa looking at his smartphone. He tilted his head in confusion as Eun-chae ran and threw herself into his arms.
“What’s wrong?”
“The fish.”
“Ah, want to go see the koi?”
“Yeah.”
She buried her face in his chest and nodded. Dokyun picked her up, stroking her back as he walked. For some reason, she seemed dispirited.
They went out the front door and walked to the pond in the left corner of the yard.
When they arrived, Dokyun set Eun-chae down.
“It’s starting to get chilly, so let’s head back inside once evening comes,” he said.
“Okay.”
Nod. Eun-chae nodded and plopped down on the small fishing chair in front of the pond.
It was a chair Dokyun had bought for her. Eun-chae loved the fish so much that she came to the pond almost every day, and he’d worried that crouching was bad for her back. The chair had since become one of her treasures.
Eun-chae sat on the chair, blankly watching the koi swim in the pond.
There was ‘Reddy,’ with its white body and red spots.
There was ‘Sparkles,’ which shimmered a brilliant silver.
And there was ‘Wiggles,’ her absolute favorite because it was prettier than the other koi.
As Eun-chae watched the fish she had named one by one, she felt Dokyun’s hand approach and take hers. She held it tightly as they spent time together.
Dokyun felt a small seed of worry sprout within him. Eun-chae had seemed particularly listless lately. He spoke up.
“Is something wrong?”
“No.”
“Really?”
Eun-chae’s gaze shifted from the pond to Dokyun. His gentle smile was one of her favorite expressions.
As she met his eyes, she felt the words she had been holding back burst out.
“Do I have to go, too?”
Thump—.
Dokyun froze. His expression began to harden.
His mouth opened and closed like a fish. He didn’t know what to say, couldn’t fathom what feelings had led Eun-chae to ask such a thing. After staring at her for a long moment, he finally pulled her into a tight hug and murmured.
“You don’t have to go. If you don’t want to, you can stay here for as long as you want.”
It was a lie.
But even so, it was all Dokyun could say.
After all, Eun-chae was his sore spot, the personality who had approached him with a unique attachment. There was no way Dokyun could bring himself to tell her, ‘You’re a child who has to disappear.’
Eun-chae closed her eyes, basking in the warmth of his embrace, and gave a small nod.
Her arms wrapped around his waist. With every breath, the scent of his clothes filled her nose.
A warm scent. Thump. Thump. A scent that made her heart race.
As she held Dokyun, she suddenly felt a wave of drowsiness wash over her, and her eyes fluttered shut.
*
Dokyun carried the sleeping Eun-chae back into the house, laid her down on the sofa, and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as his thoughts continued.
Can I…
Could he really send Eun-chae away?
Could he send this child away and go on living?
Eun-chae was different from the other personalities.
Her lingering attachments had already been resolved. The only reason she remained was because, at the time, the naive Eun-chae had wanted to stay a little longer, and he himself hadn’t wanted to let her go.
In other words, she could disappear whenever she wanted.
If he had to pinpoint any lingering attachment keeping her here, it would be the task of apologizing to the four personalities this child had swallowed. But even of those, only one remained.
Dokyun realized it was time to accept a truth he had been desperately trying to ignore.
…It’s time.
He had to prepare for goodbye.
Coexistence was not an option. This was true for the other personalities, but it was especially true for Eun-chae, who held a large share of Eun-ah’s memories.
The memories held by the other four personalities, plus the ones Eun-chae held. On top of that, Eun-chae was the one who held the core trauma that had dominated Eun-ah’s childhood.
If Eun-chae remained, Eun-ah would have to live her entire life with a hole in her soul.
It wasn’t a matter of who was more important or a choice between one or the other.
It was simply the right thing to do. Dokyun couldn’t let his own selfish desires keep Eun-chae here.
With a furrowed brow and clouded eyes, Dokyun gazed at Eun-chae.
Huuu… Huuu… The sleeping figure breathing softly was clearly Eun-ah’s, but to Dokyun, it was still Eun-chae.
She was such a pitiful child, one who had only known pain for her entire life and was only now beginning to discover joy.
Dokyun’s head sank. A long sigh escaped his lips.
I know…
He knew he had to send Eun-chae away, but he just didn’t have the courage to do it.
*
A few days later, on a day when Eun-seol was out.
Dokyun watched her immediately reach for a bottle of liquor and spoke.
“Eun-seol.”
“What.”
“It’s been a while. Would you like to go out for a drink?”
Eun-seol’s gaze shifted to him. Her deep, sunken eyes seemed to be trying to discern his intentions, quietly piercing through him.
Meeting her gaze, Dokyun let out a small smirk and added.
“I’ve been craving one for a while now.”
And I have something I’d like to discuss.
As Dokyun waited for her answer, Eun-seol finally nodded in agreement.
“Let’s go to that place from before.”
“Sounds good.”
Click.
Eun-seol put the bottle she was taking out back into the cellar.
*
A quiet bar in a bustling downtown district.
Dokyun and Eun-seol were back at the same bar where they had drunk until they’d blacked out. They sat side-by-side, picking at dry snacks.
“This place has a great atmosphere, even seeing it again.”
He was commenting on the bar’s interior.
Eun-seol silently nodded in response, then muttered a question.
“So, what is it this time? Why are you looking so pathetic?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s written all over your face. Looks like you’re worrying over some bullshit again.”
Her words were harsh, but their intent was endlessly warm.
Dokyun chuckled at Eun-seol’s snippy remarks and finally broached the subject.
“It’s about Eun-chae.”
“Why, did that bitch cause trouble again?”
“No, Eun-chae is always a good kid.”
“That’s bullshit. Have you not seen the way she acts? The ungrateful bitch doesn’t even know whose money she’s living off of.”
Isn’t that because you dump your hangovers on her every time?
The thought crossed his mind, but Dokyun forced it down and muttered a defense with an awkward smile.
“…Still, in my eyes, she’s the kindest person in the world.”
“Ha! Are you her dad or something?”
The question came out with a scoff. Dokyun flinched and stared down at his glass.
Her dad.
The words pierced right through to the core of what Eun-chae meant to him.
They weren’t related by blood, nor had they spent many years together, but…
“…I think it’s something similar.”
Dokyun thought of Eun-chae as a daughter.
How could he not? She was a child who knew nothing and only knew how to hurt herself. A child he had saved with his own two hands.
They had built new experiences and memories together, one by one. To Dokyun, that’s what Eun-chae was.
His expression clouded over at the thought, and he finally spoke again.
“…I don’t have the confidence to send Eun-chae away.”
It was the thought that had been churning through his mind for the past few days.
“I know it’s the right thing to do, that I have to send her away, I know that, but…”
Damn it, why wouldn’t his heart listen to reason?
“…I don’t want to let her go.”
The words came out haltingly, spoken with great difficulty.
Listening to him, Eun-seol looked at Dokyun’s slightly broken expression and gave her answer.
“Then don’t send her away.”
“…What?”
“Is someone nagging you to send her away? If you don’t want to, then don’t.”
At Eun-seol’s words, Dokyun’s head snapped up. His face was a crumpled mess of bewilderment.
“What are you talking about…”
“We have plenty of time, don’t we? Eun-ah is getting better now, and all the dangerous stuff is over.”
Eun-seol paused there to lift her glass and take a drink.
After gulping it down and setting the glass back on the counter, she looked at Dokyun again and continued.
“Why are you in such a hurry? Is someone breathing down your neck to get rid of that bitch?”
“Well, that’s…”
“She’ll leave when she’s good and ready. Look at the others. Didn’t they all leave when their time came?”
Dokyun stared at Eun-seol with a blank expression.
She had already averted her gaze and was sipping her drink with an indifferent look on her face.
Her words, her demeanor—it all made Dokyun reflect on himself.
Was I in a hurry…?
Had he been rushing? Had he been thinking that he had to send Eun-chae away quickly, that he couldn’t afford not to?
Thinking back, the answer came easily.
He had been rushing.
When did it start?
After sending Eun-ji away, then Eun-sam, and then when he started looking into Eun-byeol’s past. The moment he decided he had to resolve Eun-byeol’s lingering attachments, that all the personalities deserved a happy ending.
It seemed he’d been feeling chased ever since that moment.
Dokyun realized it belatedly.
No one had ever told him to send the personalities away quickly.
The only one rushing to send them away was him.
Suddenly, a puff of air escaped his lips. “Pfft.”
“…I guess I really am an idiot.”
“A fucking idiot.”
“That’s a bit much.”
Pfft. A laugh escaped Dokyun’s lips.
“It’ll be okay, right?”
“Why are you asking me? Go ask Eun-ah.”
With that, Eun-seol scowled at her now-empty glass and ordered another bottle of strong liquor.
Then she shot a look at Dokyun and spat.
“But fuck, why the hell did you suggest we drink if you’re not going to?”
A stream of curses erupted from her.
At that, Dokyun burst out laughing. “Pffft!”