Chapter 176
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 176
The autumn night air already held a chill.
It was a cold that made one’s body instinctively shrink.
Though the change was simply due to the season turning colder, Dokyun looked out at the city in the distance, thinking that being up so high was surely another reason for the chill.
The night view of Seoul from Namsan Tower, seen from beyond the fence, was a cluster of tiny lights that looked like a meticulously painted oil painting.
Staring at it blankly, he felt his mind drift into a daze.
A light that draws people in.
That’s what the Seoul nightscape was, Dokyun thought, letting out a long breath.
Huuu-. A faint white puff of air followed his exhale.
Dokyun stared at it absently before shifting his gaze to the left, where Eun-byeol was standing beside him, endlessly snapping pictures of the view with a series of clicks.
“So, did you just come here to take pictures?”
“Hm? Hey, of course not.”
Hee hee. Eun-byeol giggled, turning her head toward Dokyun.
“When you think of a date course, Namsan Tower is the first thing that comes to mind, right? It’s the classic of classics, so I felt we had to come at least once.”
She had a radiant smile on her face.
Eun-byeol looked at Dokyun with that smile before turning her eyes back to the night view, taking it all in.
“It really is beautiful.”
“It is. It wouldn’t be a famous tourist spot for no reason.”
“Aren’t you a little lacking in sentimentality? You should be oohing and aahing. That’s what makes bringing you here worthwhile.”
“I am oohing and aahing. I’m just not showing it.”
A small smirk escaped Dokyun’s lips.
A date. Whenever they went out, Eun-byeol always used that word as she dragged him along.
“Eun-byeol, did you want to be in a relationship?”
“Hm?”
“It’s just a thought. The other four personalities all had a daily life they longed for, so I figured it was the same for you.”
Eun-byeol blinked at Dokyun, then slipped the smartphone she’d been holding into her pocket with a thoughtful hum.
“Mmm…”
How should she put it?
Dokyun’s answer was correct, yet slightly different from the truth, and Eun-byeol pondered for a moment.
“It’s similar, but a little different.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s not that I want to be in a relationship. It’s that I want to know what I’m like in a relationship.”
Eun-byeol’s gaze met Dokyun’s. Seeing his tilted head and confused expression, she giggled and added, “I’m the version of herself that the Eun-ah from back then imagined—the one who is in love with someone.”
The image of an Eun-ah who grew up like everyone else, like any ordinary person you could see anywhere, falling in love with someone.
She was the personification of that fantasy.
“Honestly, that’s why I have no lingering attachments. Eun-ah is already in love with you, isn’t she? I don’t have to imagine what it’s like to love someone anymore. The moment you met Eun-ah, my purpose was fulfilled.”
Hearing her words, Dokyun felt strangely embarrassed and looked away from Eun-byeol.
“…Are you okay with that?”
“Yeah, I’m satisfied. To be honest, the only reason I’m still around is that I just wanted to have a little more fun before I left.”
Eun-byeol’s expression soured slightly as a sudden gust of wind blew past. She shook her head lightly and continued.
“I was originally planning to leave right after Eun-sam did. I was worried about what kind of stupid things she’d do if I wasn’t around, so I was just going to keep her in check and then go… but something felt unfinished.”
Was that the problem?
“So I told myself, ‘I’ll just stay a little longer. I’ll go after the next thing, just the next thing,’ and I kept putting it off until, well, here I am.”
Was that why this felt so bittersweet?
“This is why they say you should leave while the audience is still clapping. I’ve stayed for too long.”
Eun-byeol let out a soft sigh, then lifted her head toward the sky.
“I really have to go now. What if I develop some new attachment I never had before? That would be a real disaster, wouldn’t it?”
Grin. Eun-byeol finished speaking with a smile.
When she turned her head back, she saw Dokyun looking at her with an uncharacteristically serious face.
Is this pathetic guy going to cry again? The thought crossed her mind, and she added in a cheerful tone, “So wipe that look off your face. Your smile is your most charming feature, you know.”
“Who says?”
“I do.”
A soft laugh escaped Dokyun’s lips.
“How very kind of you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Eun-byeol said, closing her eyes and exhaling.
*
Looking back, that’s how it was.
I wasn’t born for a grand reason like the other personalities; I was an alter born from a fleeting fantasy.
That was me, so I’d never given myself any serious thought or introspection.
I had no lingering attachments forcing my hand, no painful memories tormenting me. You could say I was the freest of all the personalities.
Even my sole constraint—the image of myself loving someone—was ultimately just a piece of what made me, so I never suffered like the others. I’m sorry to say, I was the only one who had fun.
Maybe that’s why. I had a desire to tease Eun-sam, who was suffering more than anyone, and because of that, when she started acting strangely, I felt guilty and paid more attention to her.
The one lingering attachment I, who was not in pain, had placed upon myself—that was Eun-sam.
I had hoped she would end her time here with a smile. Thankfully, that attachment was resolved because of you, and that ridiculous girl went out in a way that was true to herself until the very end.
I had no regrets.
…Or so I thought.
“Thank you.”
Why does this feel so sad?
“For what?”
“For everything. All the things you helped with, Eun-byeol. For comforting me when I was digging myself into a hole, for caring about Eun-ah. Things like that.”
“If you’re thankful, then treat Eun-ah well.”
“I’ll take that to heart.”
Why do I hate the thought of leaving so much?
I turned my head and looked at the person who was making me feel so conflicted.
I thought it over and over, trying to find the source of this emotion.
And when I did, the answer was so simple it was almost laughable.
Ah…
I had been mistaken in thinking I was free.
I had deluded myself into believing I had no lingering attachments that defined me.
The self that is loved by someone. To truly achieve that, I needed someone to love me. I had to receive love to become Eun-byeol, the one who is loved.
Yes, I wanted to feel what it was like to be loved by someone.
That is who I am.
Even if the love you showed wasn’t directed at me, a part of it still reached me. That fragment of love was so sweet that leaving feels this bittersweet.
Heh. A laugh escaped.
…This is bad.
This shouldn’t be happening. Why is my heart wavering like this?
I took a deep breath, stretched my arms out wide, and turned my body toward Dokyun.
“Hey.”
“Yes.”
“What did you think of me? Was I annoying or did you dislike me?”
It would be better if you’d just say I was irritating.
If you’d just say you were stressed out of your mind because of me, then maybe my pride would be hurt enough that I could disappear just like this.
“Well, it was fun. You’re not exactly an ordinary person, Eun-byeol.”
But he said it with a smile, and my heart stirred.
I held my breath for a moment, calming the fluttering in my chest, and then painted a wide smile across my face.
“That’s a relief.”
He was a bad man.
Being so kind until the very end. An egotistical girl like me can’t help but want to lean on that again.
Should I stay just a little longer?
The words almost came out.
And if I said that, a soft-hearted person like you would probably say yes.
I would use that as an escape, living as a parasite in this body for who knows how long.
No.
That can’t happen.
For the sake of this kind man, and for Eun-ah, who still has her own pain left to deal with, I had to make my exit.
I’ve had more than my share of fun. It was time to return this joy to its rightful owner.
My hand reached out.
My hand came to rest on top of his.
“What’s this?”
“A handshake.”
I interlaced our fingers and smiled.
“The Go Eun-byeol style of handshake.”
As I said it, I saw that he was about to cry again.
“Really… some tough guy you are. You’re a total softie.”
“…That’s offensive to softies.”
“Who cares? There’s no one else here to hear it.”
“You should be grateful. I’ll keep it a special secret for you.”
“I’m so very grateful.”
Our clasped hands were so warm.
So warm it felt like my insides were on fire, like I’d jumped into a pit of flames.
It was that warm.
“Hey.”
“Yes.”
“I have a favor to ask.”
“Name it.”
Feeling the heat that filled my chest, I spoke in a slightly playful tone.
“Tell me you love me.”
I said it as jokingly as possible, so that if he refused, I could just say it was a prank.
How will he react?
I stared at him for a long moment, and he flinched as if startled.
I guess it’s a no.
A pang of disappointment hit me, and I bit my lip lightly.
“…I love you.”
Until the very end, you were so kind.
Thump. I felt my heart drop.
“…After Eun-ah.”
Trying to be conscientious even now…
For some reason, I felt my chest swell with emotion. For some reason, I couldn’t stop smiling as I squeezed his hand tighter.
“You’re such a player.”
“You complain even when I do what you ask?”
“Thank you.”
His eyes, caught in my gaze, were brimming with tears. He was about to cry again.
I didn’t want to see that face. I wanted his smiling face to be the last thing I saw.
I leaned my head forward.
Peck.
A short kiss followed.
I watched you flinch in surprise, and then, with a radiant smile, I offered my farewell.
“Goodbye.”
This was the end.
I’d done this much. This was enough.