Chapter 173
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 173
The investigation of the storage room continued.
Dokyun upended old bookbags and flipped through the pages of discolored textbooks, searching for traces of the other personalities one by one. Then, in the darkest corner of the room where no light reached, he spotted a stack of notebooks and shone his light on them.
The label written on the topmost notebook read:
‘A school planner?’
It was a daily school planner.
Dokyun picked up the one on top and examined it.
Like everything else in the room, it was old and worn.
The kind an elementary schooler would use… no, it was definitely used during elementary school. Looking at it, Dokyun remembered that it was Eun-seol who had attended school in Eun-ah’s place, and he opened the planner.
He wasn’t trying to find out anything specific. It was an unconscious movement. The moment he realized it was a trace left behind by the elementary-school-aged Eun-seol, his hands had moved on their own.
Dokyun stepped back under the light and flipped through the pages, skimming the contents.
‘There’s nothing special here…’
He froze. Dokyun, who had been reading through the entries, came to a sudden stop.
=
May 8th / Thursday.
1. Tell Mom and Dad I love them for Parents’ Day.
2. Wash hands well.
3. Bring a recorder to school tomorrow.
=
Parents’ Day.
The words alone were enough to stop him in his tracks.
Dokyun stared at the page with a blank expression for a moment before closing the planner and looking at the cover again.
Beneath the words “School Planner,” the name [Go Eun-ah] was written in small, very faint letters.
It wasn’t written there because Eun-ah had used it.
It was written there because Eun-seol had attended school under Eun-ah’s name, in Eun-ah’s stead.
Suddenly, Dokyun found himself wondering what it must have felt like for Eun-seol, at such a young age, to have to live as Go Eun-ah.
It was a thought that had never once crossed his mind.
In those early days, what was going through the mind of the still-immature Eun-seol as she wrote in this planner? What kind of burden did she feel, living with that name?
Try as he might, Dokyun couldn’t even begin to guess.
It was a question to which he, who had lived a normal life, could never dare to find an answer.
A tightness began to creep into his chest. For some reason, his lungs felt constricted.
Dokyun felt his expression begin to crumble and squeezed his eyes shut.
Right. Every time he uncovered a piece of their buried past like this, he realized just how much he didn't know about Eun-seol.
Even after they had grown so close, Eun-seol was still a person with more secrets than not.
It couldn’t be that she didn’t trust him enough to tell him. At least, the Eun-seol he knew wasn’t that kind of person.
If it was the Eun-seol he knew…
‘…It’s because she didn’t want to make me worry again.’
That had to be the reason.
Wasn’t she the personality who worried about everything? The one who took care of things so trivial you’d wonder if they even needed attention?
Kkwadeuk—.
His fist clenched tightly, crumpling the edge of the planner he was holding.
“M-Mr. Honeybee…?”
A voice came from behind him. Dokyun took a short breath, smoothed over his expression, and turned his head toward Eun-ah.
“Yes?”
He wore a faint smile.
Seeing his face, Eun-ah tilted her head.
“Uhm… N-no, it’s nothing…”
Had she seen wrong? She had called out because she thought she’d seen his shoulders trembling just a moment ago, but when he turned around, he looked the same as always.
‘Was it just… because it’s so dark in here…?’
She must have been mistaken.
Eun-ah shook her head at the thought, then spoke to Dokyun.
“Sh-should we get going…? It’s almost time for dinner…”
“Ah, yes. Now that you mention it, I’m getting hungry.”
At Eun-ah’s words, Dokyun returned the planner to its original spot and walked out of the storage room.
This wasn’t something to think about right now.
‘…Not now.’
This was a time to focus on Eun-ah.
*
A few days later, at dinnertime.
As Dokyun sat across from Eun-seol, he felt his gaze continually drifting toward her.
Ever since he’d found the planner in the storage room, the thoughts from that day had remained lodged in a corner of his mind.
Clink. Clink.
The sound of silverware hitting the plates filled the silence.
His heart just wouldn’t settle down.
His eyes darted about restlessly.
“What are you staring at?”
Eun-seol’s words cut through the air.
Dokyun flinched, startled, then forced an awkward smile and replied.
“Uh… is the food to your liking?”
It was an uncharacteristic thing to say.
It certainly wasn’t something that should have come from the mouth of Dokyun, who always cooked his own meals because he hated the food Eun-seol made.
Too late, Dokyun realized how awkward his words sounded and mentally kicked himself.
“What kind of bullshit are you thinking now that you have to make excuses?”
Naturally, Eun-seol, who was an expert on Dokyun’s behavior, saw right through him and continued.
“Cut the crap and just eat. And why do you only ever stuff your face with meat? Can’t you plan a balanced meal for once?”
She seemed to get worked up mid-sentence, continuing her tirade instead of lowering her head to eat.
Dokyun flinched under her glare, but then let out a sigh of relief at the change of topic and replied.
“It became a habit from eating with Eun-chae…”
“Tsk. That’s why she has no manners, because you spoil her rotten.”
It was a classic old-fashioned lecture.
Dokyun let out an awkward laugh and gave a small nod.
He knew when to pick his battles.
*
After dinner, in the living room.
Eun-seol brought out a bottle of whiskey and was uncapping it when she turned her head, feeling a persistent stare boring into her.
At the end of her gaze was Dokyun, who had been sneaking glances at her before startling and quickly looking down.
Eun-seol, who had been dealing with his furtive looks all day, let out a deep sigh and spoke.
“If you have something to say, just say it. Stop sneaking glances, it’s annoying.”
“Ah, no, it’s not that I have something specific to say…”
He scratched the back of his head as he spoke.
Dokyun mumbled, stealing glances at Eun-seol’s expression. Finally, feeling too frustrated to hold back any longer, he squeezed his eyes shut and asked his question.
“Can I ask you just one thing?”
“Spit it out.”
“Well, I went to the storage room behind the garage a few days ago.”
“I know. Eun-ah told me.”
“Yes… and I found the school planner you used to write in.”
Eun-seol’s head turned toward Dokyun.
With the same impassive expression as always, she tilted her head and replied to his words.
“So what?”
“Well…”
Dokyun felt the words catch in his throat. Steeling himself again, he looked at Eun-seol and continued.
“What were you like in elementary school?”
Yes, saying it like this was better.
Eun-seol wasn’t the type to talk about herself unless asked first, and she would evade the topic if questioned indirectly, so a direct approach was the right move.
Dokyun waited for Eun-seol’s answer, his expression slightly tense.
Eun-seol seemed to ponder his words for a moment before finally replying.
“It was what it was.”
“Pardon?”
“Nothing special. I was just a kid.”
She answered with a casual air.
Watching Eun-seol pour whiskey into her glass after giving her reply, Dokyun pressed his lips together and continued his thoughts.
‘A lie.’
He could tell that much. He had grown that close to Eun-seol.
Whenever she had to give a difficult answer or one she didn’t want to give, she would always reply vaguely like that and avoid eye contact.
Dokyun watched Eun-seol down the full glass in one go and wrestled with a small dilemma.
Was it right to keep prying like this?
Was nagging her about something she clearly didn’t want to talk about really for Eun-seol’s sake?
His expression grew serious with his burgeoning conflict.
Eun-seol emptied her glass, glanced at Dokyun, and upon seeing his face, let out a deep sigh and continued.
“First Eun-byeol, now me?”
“Pardon?”
“You spent all that time digging into Eun-byeol’s past. What’s gotten into you that you’re picking at me now?”
“…You know that’s not what this is.”
“Do I?” A smirk played on Eun-seol’s lips.
“I’ll tell you this now: I’m last. I’m going to leave after I see all the others go. So focus more on the kids.”
She was telling him to focus on the task at hand.
It might have sounded like she would tell him later… but Dokyun knew better.
He knew that Eun-seol would say that and then never speak of it again until the very end.
That she would try to disappear, clutching her scars all by herself.
The Eun-seol he knew was more than capable of doing just that.
“…Who said anything about that?”
Dokyun said, lowering his head. His body was leaning against the sofa, completely relaxed.
Eun-seol wasn’t entirely wrong.
The immediate priority was Eun-byeol and the last of the four personalities that Eun-chae had “eaten.”
Finding out everything related to that and helping Eun-byeol let go of her lingering attachments had to come first.
‘I know that, but…’
How could he use that as an excuse to turn a blind eye to Eun-seol?
If he finished dealing with everyone else one by one and it finally became Eun-seol’s turn, what if he still knew nothing by then?
Wouldn’t Eun-seol really disappear without telling him anything?
Of course, Eun-ah might absorb those memories, and he might learn the circumstances later.
But what meaning would there be in knowing then?
Dokyun still thought of the other personalities as separate from Eun-ah.
Even if comfort was given at that point, it wouldn’t be Eun-seol who was being comforted.
The life that Eun-seol had shouldered had to be rewarded as Eun-seol.
Once again, Dokyun’s gaze turned to Eun-seol.
She looked utterly languid, gulping down her drink.
At the sight, his fist clenched tightly.
‘…Never.’
He would never let her disappear, embracing it all alone like that.