Chapter 102
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 102
Three more days passed.
As long as Eun-ah was present, Dokyun’s life moved within a set pattern. She would write her manuscript, and he would read it. They would spend every moment together, sharing affection, and when their eyes met, their bodies would follow.
Their life could be summarized as just that.
He was happy. It was a time of truly endless happiness.
But it was not a happiness that could last forever.
Dokyun mentally recounted the days that had passed and realized it was about time for her to visit the hospital again.
Her last visit had been just before Eun-seol had receded. In a few days, her next appointment would be due.
Dokyun looked down at Eun-ah, who was nestled in his arms, playing with his fingers.
He had to say something. The gap between her world and reality had already grown irreversibly wide. He had agonized over whether he should bring it up, but no matter how he thought about it, telling her was the right thing to do.
He couldn't put it off any longer. He had to open his mouth.
Having made up his mind, Dokyun took a deep breath before finally speaking in a gentle tone.
“Eun-ah.”
“Y-Yes...”
Eun-ah, who had been fiddling with his fingers, looked up at his voice. Seeing her tilt her head at him, Dokyun offered a small smile and spoke.
“Isn’t your hospital appointment the day after tomorrow?”
A flinch.
Eun-ah’s body trembled. Feeling the movement, Dokyun stroked her cheek and continued.
“It’s been almost two weeks now. You should probably go get a check-up.”
“N-No, that’s not right...”
Her head drooped. As soon as he spoke, Eun-ah lowered her gaze and muttered her words as if to herself.
It was a reaction Dokyun had grown somewhat used to. Ever since she had returned, she had always tried to avoid things this way whenever she had to go outside.
As a wave of pity washed over him, Eun-ah’s expression changed in a flash, and she quickly tried to change the subject.
“O-Oh, right...! H-Honeybee, what... what do you want to eat today...?”
This, too, was a familiar reaction.
She knew, instinctively, that she was living in a time separate from the rest of the world. But she couldn’t admit it—she mustn’t admit it—so she would simply shut down her awareness.
Until now, he had never had the heart to fight her on it and had always played along, but he couldn’t anymore.
Putting every other reason aside, her medication was running out. Her antidepressants.
With her more prominent conditions like dissociative identity disorder and delusional disorder, it was a fact he himself sometimes forgot, but she was a patient with severe depression.
If she didn’t take her medicine, her psychological state would immediately plummet, and she would become consumed by anxiety.
It had happened just once. There had been one day when she had missed a single dose.
Dokyun remembered with perfect clarity the anxiety and depressive symptoms she had shown that day.
Her activity level had dropped to almost nothing, and she had spent the entire day with the face of a sick little chick.
She would burst into tears at a moment’s notice, and when it got worse, she wouldn’t even recognize him, burrowing deep under the covers.
That had all happened without Go Eun-chae emerging. If it had gotten any worse, Eun-chae might have appeared, but thankfully, he had figured out the cause and managed to calm her down with her medication.
He wanted to stock up on a large supply of the medicine since she hated going out so much, but his research told him that the drug’s effects were too potent, making it impossible to possess in large quantities.
In other words, for the sake of her stability, she had to go to the hospital regularly, one way or another.
Watching Eun-ah try to change the subject with a weak smile, Dokyun pulled her into a tight hug and spoke.
“We have to go. Hmm? You’ll get sick if you don’t take your medicine, Eun-ah.”
As he held her, Dokyun heard her grit her teeth with a sharp kkwadeuk.
“N-No...! I said I don’t have to go...!”
Thump. Thump. She balled her fists and beat against his back. There was no real force behind the blows, but Dokyun could feel her resentment in the movements.
“I-I’m not going... I-I’m staying right here...!”
A sob crept into her voice. Just as Dokyun felt his own chest tighten and was about to speak, she spoke again.
“H-Honeybee, why do you keep saying such m-mean things...? Y-You’re not supposed to do that...!”
The resentment was directed at him. He had expected this reaction, but it still hurt his heart.
“Y-You can’t say mean things...!”
“I’m sorry. But you’ll get sick if you don’t go.”
“I-I’m not sick...!”
Flash. Eun-ah’s head shot up. Her eyes were wide as she stared at him, and she quickly added more words.
“I-I’m not sick, so... s-so I don’t have to go...! Uh, umm... and also...”
Her eyes darted back and forth. The reaction of someone trying to think up an excuse.
After a long moment of her lips twitching, Eun-ah seemed unable to find a good excuse and blurted out with a frown.
“A-Anyway, no...!”
Her head dropped down again. As Dokyun let out a short breath, Eun-ah hugged his waist tightly and mumbled.
“As long as I have y-you, Honeybee... I-I’m okay...!”
Watching Eun-ah nuzzle her face into his chest, Dokyun let out a long sigh and stroked her back.
“...Okay, I understand.”
It seemed it wouldn’t work right now.
Dokyun tried to recall how much of her medication was left. About three days’ worth, plus one dose. He still had that much time.
He would have to take it slower, to coax her over time.
*
Over the next few days, Dokyun tried to bring up the topic of going outside in various ways.
During meals, while they showered, while they were in bed, and at other times.
He tried to persuade her with the gentlest words possible, but the result was a miserable failure.
The more Dokyun mentioned the outside world, the more vehemently Eun-ah reacted, making her refusal clear.
Her reactions were escalating to a worrying level, and just as she was beginning to show signs of anxiety, Dokyun was filled with belated regret.
Had he become impatient without realizing it as he watched her medicine dwindle? Dokyun looked at her, clinging to him tightly and panting for breath.
She had been on the verge of tears just a moment ago but seemed to have finally calmed down a little.
“I-I don’t have to go... H-Honeybee just keeps saying m-mean things...!”
Even as she sniffled, her words were laced with resentment.
His heart weakened again, but her medicine would be completely gone by tomorrow. He had to get a definite answer today, no matter what.
“...I’m sorry. But still...”
“I’m not going!!”
The sudden shriek made Dokyun’s eyes fly open.
In all the time he had lived with Eun-ah, he had never once seen her raise her voice like that.
Startled, Dokyun flinched, and feeling the tremor, Eun-ah belatedly realized she had shouted and shrank back.
“...I-I don’t have to go...”
Did she know how much it hurt him to see her glancing at him nervously even as she spoke? The way she kept peeking at him made Dokyun’s stomach clench.
Then, after stealing glances at him for a long while, Eun-ah suddenly lowered her gaze and her lips began to move.
Her voice was so small he couldn’t make out the words.
When Dokyun leaned down to listen, her words finally became clear.
“I-I’ve been doing lots of good things... Y-You’re not supposed to be mean to me...”
Her voice was a choked sob, thick with unshed tears that muffled her words.
The whimpering continued for a moment. Her fingertips twitched, and then she buried her face deeper into his chest and spoke again, a little louder this time.
“I-I’ll be a good girl... so p-please don’t be mean to me...”
Watching Eun-ah clutch at the collar of his shirt, Dokyun felt as if his insides were burning.
“I’m not being mean to you. Why would I ever be mean to you?”
“B-But still...”
“I won’t be mean to you. Even if you’re not a good girl, I will never, ever be mean to you. So please stop crying. Okay?”
“Hic...”
Another sob escaped. Dokyun felt his chest tighten so much it felt hard to breathe.
He didn’t want her to cry, yet the situation that forced him to keep saying things that made her sad felt so cruel.
“I’ll never dislike you, no matter how bad a girl you are. Okay? Even if you oversleep, or don't brush your teeth. Even if you scream and curse at me, I’ll still like you.”
Squeeze.
As he spoke, he felt her grip on his shirt tighten. He patted her back and continued.
“I just hate it when you’re sick. When you’re sad, I get sad, too. That’s why.”
As he patted her back, her crying finally began to subside, but his own heart felt no lighter.
A moment later, Dokyun released her from his tight embrace and wiped the tears from her cheeks.
“You get sad when I’m in pain, too, right?”
“Sniffle... yeah...”
Eun-ah answered his question with a sniffle. Dokyun pulled a tissue and helped her blow her nose.
“It’s the same thing. When you’re in pain, I get so sad and worried. That’s why I did it.”
It’s for her own good. He tried to steel himself with that thought, but the moment he saw her tears, his resolve would crumble, and he would give in.
There was really no time left. The medicine would be gone by tomorrow. And yet, Dokyun no longer had the confidence to push her any further.
So, for the last time, with the resolve to truly give up if she refused again, he spoke once more.
“...I’m sorry. If you really don’t want to, I won’t say any more. So could you please just think about it one more time?”
He hadn’t looked in a mirror, but Dokyun imagined his expression must look utterly strange.
It would be filled with desperation. It would be filled with anguish. And yet, because he hated that it was making her sad, he would be forcing the corners of his mouth into a smile.
That strangely distorted face was turned toward Eun-ah. After staring at him for a long moment, her lips parted.
“I-I’ll go...”
“What?”
“B-Because you can’t be sad, Honeybee... I-I’ll go...”
Hearing her words, Dokyun’s face brightened, but then he noticed her fingertips were trembling violently. He let out a soft, “Ah,” and took her hand in his.
“Thank you. I know you really didn’t want to...”
“Nn-nn...”
Eun-ah shook her head.
“I-I hate it more when you’re sad, Honeybee...”
Her answer came with her head bowed low. Seeing her bend her stubborn will for his sake, even though she hated it so much, made Dokyun’s heart ache.
“Still, thank you. You made a big decision.”
“Mhm...”
She buried her face in his chest, and the sound of her sniffling tickled his ear.
Dokyun let out a long breath and hugged her back, patting her gently.
He had succeeded in getting her to go out, somehow, but the real problem was just beginning.
Outside, it was now spring.
The spring she had so desperately tried to ignore.
She would now have to face the time she had desperately ignored.
Thinking this, Dokyun squeezed his eyes shut.
*
The next morning, Dokyun slowly opened his eyes to a hand stroking his cheek.
A soft touch tickled his skin. It was followed by the sound of a quiet chuckle.
“...Eun-ah?”
Dokyun focused his blurry vision and identified the figure stroking his cheek.
And then—
Jolt!
Seeing the figure’s face, Dokyun’s body lurched. He shot upright, pressing himself against the wall.
“Wh-Who...?”
Dokyun stared at the woman sitting at the edge of the bed, legs crossed, smiling at him.
It was unmistakably Eun-ah’s face, but something was different. The difference in her appearance was so stark he felt it instantly.
Her hair was styled in glamorous waves. Her half-lidded eyes curved into a smile. The corner of her mouth was tilted up in a smirk.
Furthermore, she was wearing a white blouse and a pair of tight-fitting jeans.
It was an outfit Dokyun had never seen before.
“Good morning?”
She opened her palm and wiggled her fingers in greeting.
Even in his drowsy state, he knew in an instant.
This woman was the final personality.