Childhood (1)
"This is insane...!"
I was twelve years old, and right now, I was running for my life. My black hair whipped in the wind as thick clouds of dust kicked up beneath my soles.
"Adele...! Stop right there!"
A girl was hot on my heels, but I didn't care. I kept sprinting.
Under a clear, azure sky, low-slung buildings and vendor stalls lined the street, teeming with people bustling back and forth. Most were merchants hawking their wares, though the occasional guard or adventurer dotted the crowd. This was the commoners' residential district.
I ducked past a speeding carriage and tore across the cobblestones, weaving through the narrow gaps between stalls and vaulting over stone fences as I raced down the familiar back alleys. Sneaking a glance over my shoulder, I saw that unlike me—not even winded—the silver-haired girl was gasping for air as she chased after me.
One look was enough to tell she had terrible form; it was glaringly obvious she rarely ran. Her frail frame wobbled with every corner she turned, her slender shoulders heaving with every ragged breath.
Seeing her in such a pitiful state, I would have gladly stopped for her anytime—had it not been for the terrifying object clutched tightly in her right hand.
Namely, a kitchen knife.
Summers here were blistering hot. Under the blazing sun, the steel in her grip flashed with blinding brilliance, sending cold sweat pouring down my spine. It wasn't the scorching weather making me sweat—it was the lethal kitchen blade she brandished.
A few passersby noticed the bizarre spectacle and glanced our way. But the moment they caught sight of my face, they turned away with utter indifference. A guard standing nearby even clicked his tongue and sighed, treating it as nothing more than our usual routine.
Her stamina completely spent, the silver-haired girl finally ground to a halt. Sucking in ragged breaths, she cried out in sheer frustration.
"Why do you keep running away, Adele?!"
"Then why do you keep chasing me?!"
She glared at me, dumbfounded.
"Because you stole food from the orphanage, that's why!"
"Eina, you're going to stab me with a kitchen knife over that?"
Her name was Eina. She was an orphan, and my childhood friend.
"Huh? What are you talking about? A church nun would never harm another person."
"..."
Eina tilted her head, looking utterly baffled.
"And what kitchen knife are you talking about?"
"Then what's that in your hand?"
I pressed a palm to my forehead in exasperation and pointed an index finger toward her right hand. Her gaze followed my fingertip. There, plain as day, was a cooking knife—held in a white-knuckled grip by Eina herself.
"...Huh? Why is this here?"
Staring blankly at the blade in her grasp, she fell into deep thought amidst the absurdity of it all.
"I was definitely cooking for the kids at the orphanage, and then I saw Adele steal a potato, so I ran after you..."
"Just what kind of cooking requires you to lose your mind and run outside clutching a knife?"
"Uhm... just a normal vegetable soup." Eina continued, "I was chopping onions for the soup, but then I ran out to scold you... because you ate the potato meant for the soup..." A bead of sweat trickled down her temple as she mumbled, "...Come to think of it, I don't remember putting the knife down."
It seemed she was finally realizing what she had done. Where on earth did she leave her head every day?
"...Good grief."
As I let out a heavy sigh, Eina asked timidly,
"Did I... really chase you all the way from the orphanage holding a knife?"
"Yeah. Pretty sure the whole neighborhood saw it, too. How Eina, dressed in her black nun's habit, tried to murder her childhood friend."
With her petite build, silver hair, and transparent grey eyes, Eina finally grasped the full scope of the embarrassment. A wave of mortification rushed through her, dyeing her pale cheeks the vivid pink of a ripe peach. She hastily buried her face in her hands to hide it, but it was already far too late. Both I and every townsfolk on the street had witnessed the entire spectacle.
Trembling with shame, she tugged on the hem of my sleeve.
"I'm going to die of embarrassment..." Her voice was barely a squeak.
"It happens all the time. You always run out holding whatever you had while cooking. Today just happened to be a knife. Or did you actually plan on skewering me once you caught up?" I teased, clutching my chest as if I had taken a blade to the heart.
Unable to lift her face from the shame, Eina pouted and protested.
"I had no intention of skewering you! What do you take me for...? There's no way I'd ever hurt you, Adele."
"Glad to hear it."
I gave a dry nod. In truth, Eina was the kind of girl who couldn't bring herself to harm a single insect. So why had I run away? Simple: even knowing she meant no harm, a kitchen knife was still terrifying. And if she tripped and stabbed me by accident, it would hurt like hell.
"Do you think... I'm really that clumsy?" Eina asked hesitantly, her expression clouded with worry.
"If there were a contest for the clumsiest nun in Erzen, I'd vote for you in a heartbeat."
Erzen was the kingdom's capital, and our home was a modest village on its outskirts. Countless people lived in this region, but I was certain none could match her level of sheer clumsiness. When I answered without an ounce of hesitation, Eina puffed out her cheeks in stubborn denial.
"I'm not that clumsy! It's not that bad!"
"Keep telling yourself that."
Flustered by her embarrassment, she seemed to have completely forgotten why she'd chased me in the first place. Sensing my chance, I casually turned around to slip away.
At that exact moment, Eina snatched my sleeve.
"Where are you going, Adele?"
I brushed off the question vaguely. "Who knows? Somewhere. I've got plenty of things to do. If I slack off, the orphanage takes the hit."
"Still... let's head back together. It'll be dark soon."
Concern softened her eyes. She truly had forgotten about the stolen potato.
"I'll be back soon."
Gently peeling her fingers from my sleeve, I smoothed out my clothes with a hurried, purposeful air—even though I had nowhere in particular to go—and slipped away from her.
Though I was only twelve, I was the second oldest among the children at the orphanage. Mature for my age and having hit an early growth spurt, I took on odd jobs here and there to bring money home. I helped out at the smithy, ran errands, and took on whatever menial labor came my way. When work was sparse, I ventured outside the village to hunt small beasts. Physical labor had always come naturally to me.
Every copper I earned went toward running the orphanage, and whatever game I caught was shared among everyone at the table. Even so, carrying the weight of the entire orphanage on my shoulders alone was exhausting. That was why I was constantly scouring the area for work.
"...It's dark already."
Looking up at the sky, I watched the violet twilight bleed into the encroaching night. It was an awkward hour—too late to take on new labor and too late to hunt.
"Better head back. Any later and Eina will never stop nagging."
Having killed time aimlessly outside, I turned my steps toward the orphanage. For some reason, my feet felt unusually heavy.
Creeeak.
Pulling open the rotting wooden door, I was met by Eina holding a single candle. In spite of everything, she had been waiting up for me out of worry. A faint warmth touched my chest at the sight, but the rigid look on her face quickly made mine harden in turn.
"Sigh... Where on earth have you been wandering all this time?"
It seemed she was determined to lecture me after all. She glared at me with an awkward, furrowed scowl.
"It's cold out there. Come inside first."
I followed her inside, and we sat across from each other at the worn wooden dining table. She clearly had something she wanted to say, but hesitated, fidgeting in place. She wanted to bring up the stolen potato, yet couldn't quite bring herself to spit it out.
I could easily guess why. She felt guilty. The orphanage barely stayed afloat on the coin I brought home, so scolding me over a single potato must have weighed on her conscience.
"...Hah."
"If you have something to say, say it, Eina."
I prompted her to speak. If she didn't address it now, the Director Nun would step in later anyway. Getting an earful from Eina was far preferable to being chewed out by that cantankerous old crone.
Eina took a deep breath before finally opening her mouth.
"Adele, you shouldn't steal food from the kitchen. If you do, the other kids won't have enough to eat. So... let's eat our meals together at the table, okay?"
It sounded far more like a plea than a reprimand.
I answered bluntly.
"If I'm hungry, can't I have a bite first? Most of the money I make goes straight into feeding this place anyway."
"That's true, but... still..." Despite my abrasive attitude, Eina forced a small smile and kept pleading. "I'm always so grateful that you keep the kids and me from starving. But our situation is just so tight..."
"..."
"If one person eats more, someone else has to go without. So please, don't do it next time."
Normally, I would have apologized here and let it slide, but my mood was foul today. Because I toiled all day long to earn a living, hunger hit me harder than anyone else. Perhaps I had entered a growth spurt—my body constantly craved calories. Yet the food at the orphanage was strictly rationed.
After sharing it with all the little ones, my own portion was negligible, and the resentment gnawed at me every time. To make matters worse, being told I could only eat at designated hours was suffocating for someone who spent all day on the run.
I couldn't even grab a single potato?
If that was how it was going to be, then fine.
"I'll leave the orphanage. It's about time I struck out on my own anyway. One less mouth to feed will make things easier for everyone here."
Even to my own ears, my voice sounded terribly cold.
It was a thought I had harbored for a long time—words I had buried deep down, only for Eina's sake.