It Seems Like Only My Genes Are Broken
It seemed like only my genes were the broken ones.
Choi Na-ri, my childhood friend who had been by my side from the very moment I was born. Every holiday without fail, our parents and her parents would team up to throw these ridiculously extravagant family gatherings. Yet the so-called relatives who showed up at our house all looked impossibly young and glamorous, as if they’d never aged a day. When everyone crowded into the living room, it didn’t feel like a normal holiday scene between parents and kids. It looked more like some secret society of breathtakingly beautiful men and women.
But visuals aside, it was obvious none of them were right in the head. Whenever they gathered in one place, the air always turned strangely thick and lewd. Just look at what happened last month. All those polished, perfect-looking people were openly cackling in front of me and Na-ri about how many times they’d fucked their spouses lately and which positions they liked best, no filter whatsoever.
Growing up under parents that insane, it wasn’t exactly shocking that Na-ri had turned into a vulgar monster who talked about sex every time she opened her damn mouth. …I like to think I turned out normal. Probably.
I hated holidays. Every single time we got together I became the family punching bag. The latest reality check had come courtesy of my grandfather. I still don’t know what the hell he ate or how he maintained it, but the man looked like a damn model. That day he’d been chugging soju like it was water, completely hammered. He staggered over, grabbed my shoulder with a deadly serious expression, and whispered right in my ear.
Oh my god. Who the hell would be fine after getting hit by a car?
With a surprisingly crisp smack, my mother’s palm came flying out of nowhere and slammed into the back of Grandfather’s head with perfect aim. He didn’t even get to finish his sentence. His eyes rolled back and he collapsed straight into my arms, out cold.
I clutched my throbbing head and stared at my mother, who was calmly brushing off her hands like nothing had happened.
“Mom! He’s your father-in-law! How could you knock him out with a full-power slap to the back of the head like that?!”
“Don’t worry about it, Si-yul. Your grandfather won’t die from that. Now hurry up and carry him to the bedroom.”
“…Yes, ma’am.”
The bright smile on her face told me everything. She was pissed. I quickly hauled Grandfather off to bed. Sigh… I had no idea what she was angry about. And what the hell did these ridiculously attractive, selfish family members think about on a daily basis? My head was starting to hurt from seriously wondering if they’d all contracted some kind of collective fantasy delusion.
But whether God was fair or cruel, the specs I’d been born with in this glamorous family were pathetic. My plain face that didn’t match my parents at all, my mediocre athletic ability, and most depressing of all, the fact that my dick was unusually small. Dad and all the male relatives I’d seen in the bathhouse were all huge. Maybe that’s why, when I was little and asked Mom “Mom, was I adopted?” I saw her get that angry for the first time. She spanked me so hard I genuinely thought my ass was going to split open. After it was over I had to change my underwear and pants. Na-ri, who had apparently been spying, teased me mercilessly about it afterward.
My parents had raised me with obsessive care, like a delicate flower in a greenhouse. Though they traveled often, the relatives would take turns coming over and watching me and Na-ri with what felt like overprotection. I simply assumed our family was unusually affectionate, had way too much stamina for their ages, and had all caught the same fantasy-fueled madness.
I genuinely believed that right up until a month ago. I had no idea those people with their insane visuals were hiding a secret that went far beyond anything I could imagine. And I certainly didn’t know that the massive protective fence that had always surrounded me was actually a ticking time bomb.
There was no way I could have known back then.
Bzzzzzt.
That was how my peaceful daily life got completely shattered by a single text from my childhood friend Choi Na-ri.
It was the moment my pathetic, vulgar life truly began.