The Cringeworthy Couple '..What a Fucking Eyesore.'
Having lived for a thousand years, I prided myself on being unfazed by almost any spectacle. Yet for some reason, watching the pair in front of me call each other “honey” and “darling” while cuddling like idiots fills me with pure rage.
Honey, huh… hehe… honeyyy…
Damn it, let’s focus. Someone here has their life on the line and I’m losing my mind from the sheer gravity of it all, but the guy sitting across from me can’t even wait five minutes before completely bewitching a woman. The way he’s acting, I’m starting to wonder if he’s the nine-tailed fox instead of me.
To think one measly word is enough to make a woman go completely stupid.
I’ll admit he has a decent face and decent skills. He entered A-class by beating the crown prince without so much as a scratch, after all. Even without that, the sheer quality of his information network—knowing exactly who I am—is impressive enough.
But I still don’t like him.
Why does someone like him have to be hovering around Heidi…
The real reason was the way he kept trying to pry the girl named Heidi away from me. That had piqued my curiosity, and before I knew it I found myself wondering about the two of them.
So this is what they call love at first sight.
Her petite, delicate aura, that adorable face, and her surprisingly carefree personality—she checked every box. Once I started paying attention to her, the sight of Jack constantly glued to her side began to grate on me. And it was obvious he was actively driving away any other men who tried to approach her.
To be precise, I have a vague idea why he’s doing it.
What a piece of trash.
He’s probably trying to monopolize her by making sure no other men can get close. There’s a woman who looks at him like she’d die without him, yet he still acts like this? I did wonder why… but then again, the term “playboy” didn’t come from nowhere.
If he really saves my life, I suppose I’ll have to repay the favor, but…
That rotten mindset of his that can make multiple women cry—I feel like I need to correct it somehow. Just look at that blonde woman called Lucia, clinging to him like the world is a wonderful place. And above all, how the hell did he manage to win over a girl when he looks like a tanned delinquent?
The way she giggles and latches onto him the moment he says “honey”… It’s like honey is literally dripping from his eyes.
No matter how I look at it, leaving Heidi next to him feels dangerous. Imagining that pure-hearted girl calling him “honey” and acting all lovey-dovey beside Jack… No. I’m already irritated. Let’s not think about something so horrifying.
“Lucia… let’s talk about the plan now.”
“Uuuu… no… just a little longer…”
They’ve completely lost it. She’s climbed onto his lap and they’re hugging like idiots. I may have lived a thousand years, but these twenty-year-olds don’t act their age at all. It feels weird lecturing people whose age gap with me is fifty times over, yet—
Seeing this, I genuinely want to beat them to death. I’m serious.
Once I’m healthy again, I’ll have to jab his solar plexus with my fox bead. Envious… no, what a detestable bastard.
It took quite a while to stop Lucia after she suddenly charged at me in a frenzy. I’d thought she hated the pet names because she’d gone so rigid, but it seems she actually likes them. That’s a relief.
If Lucia doesn’t mind, I’ll have to call her that more often from now on.
“Hehe… Is this heaven…?”
Watching her melt with happiness as I stroked her head made me feel strangely happy too. The only problem was that she had claimed my lap and refused to leave, so every eye in the café was now glued to us.
She didn’t seem to care in the slightest, and I’ve never been bothered by stares, but the poor part-timer clutching his head like he was about to lose his mind was another story.
From his perspective, Lucia and I must look like the ultimate cringeworthy couple.
We were literally sitting in a café with her on my lap, calling each other “honey” and “darling” and saying all sorts of embarrassing things. It would be weirder if people didn’t stare. Thanks to that, we still hadn’t properly explained the Magic-Engineering Floating Core or the plan we needed to carry out.
“Lucia, we really need to talk now.”
Any more delays would be a nuisance to both the other customers and to Raul. I lifted her by the waist, set her down on the chair beside me, and said,
“This is something the two of us have to do together, so listen carefully.”
“Hehe… just the two of us together…”
I could’ve sworn Raul was looking at me like I was garbage, but it was probably just my imagination. I gently stroked Lucia’s hair while deciding where to begin.
“Exactly how much longer do you have?”
I quietly asked him about the time he had left.
“…Huh?”
Lucia let out a dazed sound, but this was a rather important question. I didn’t know for sure, but his remaining time probably wasn’t long.
Three days before the third episode began in earnest—roughly a week from now, since time hadn’t advanced much yet—Raul, Heidi, and their companions would attempt to steal the Magic-Engineering Floating Core. The fact that they were rushing the plan meant Raul’s time was running dangerously short.
If he had plenty of time, there would’ve been no need to move so hastily.
But if his remaining lifespan is longer than the start of the third episode…
There was a chance that using the third episode to steal the core would become much easier. The worst-case scenario would be if he had less than the ten days remaining until the episode began.
I didn’t think we’d fail, but if it came to that, the lack of manpower would make the plan far more complicated.
“…”
After listening, he pressed a hand to his forehead, let out a deep sigh as if the words were hard to say, reminded himself that I was his collaborator, and finally spoke in a trembling voice.
“At the shortest… about two weeks.”
“That’s a relief.”
“…What?”
Two weeks was well within a safe margin. That left five days even after the third episode started. The chance that the three of us would have to struggle desperately to steal the Magic-Engineering Floating Core had decreased slightly.
“To be honest, breaking through with just our numbers was going to be tough. You know that, right? The academy’s central sector is where the core is located.”
This was the part Raul had been questioning all along. He had originally planned to risk everything and go after the core alone, but if he had tried that, he would have failed without question. We were already worried about whether three people were enough—how could one person possibly succeed?
The most heavily guarded place inside the academy is none other than the central sector. It’s simply impossible.
Since it maintains the academy’s core facilities, they’ve even hired a private security firm to protect it. To break through, we’d have to neutralize that security company first.
In the original story, monsters like Heidi and Nihil with their broken specs just bulldozed through everything, but…
Obviously we don’t have the firepower to do the same. Therefore, the best option available to us right now is to force the security company to withdraw.
When I explained this to Lucia and Raul, they both nodded in understanding. After thinking for a moment, Lucia tilted her head and asked,
“So basically, this guy’s life is in danger and he needs the core or whatever to extend it. The security is super tight, so breaking through with just us is difficult… Is that the situation?”
“Excellent summary, Lucia.”
She had heard all of this for the first time today yet summarized it perfectly. Satisfied, I stroked her hair a few more times. She grinned, accepted the touch, then pulled back and added another question.
“But how exactly are you going to make the security company withdraw? Their employer is the academy, not you, right?”
A fair point. They weren’t going to step aside just because we asked nicely. They were being paid, and for a security firm, client trust directly impacted their reputation and profits. They were extremely sensitive about such matters.
“Since nice words won’t solve this, we’ll have to create a situation where they have no choice but to leave.”
Fortunately, we had two very reliable methods to force a security company to withdraw—methods powerful enough to potentially shake the academy itself if mishandled.
“Hehehe…”
As I smiled while picturing the plan unfolding successfully, Lucia glared at me with clear displeasure and grumbled,
“Jack, when you smile like that you look exactly like a mastermind.”
I had smiled a bit wickedly earlier. Did it really look that evil to others? I let out an awkward chuckle. Lucia snorted and muttered in a voice so soft I could barely hear it.
“It’s cuter when you smile brightly like an angel…”
I didn’t quite catch it, but it felt like something I was better off not knowing. Ignorance was definitely bliss here.
“No, even when you smile like that, you’re still just cute, Jack.”
Good thing I pretended not to hear. Gritting my teeth, I kept my expression neutral and began explaining the next part of the plan while quietly enduring the way Lucia kept staring at me with those intense eyes.
…Why do you keep looking at me like that? It’s scary.