Echoes of the Dead Nebula - What It Means to Be "Me"
"Then, if Bani's refusing to wake up... we just have to wait?"
I murmured softly, staring at Bani's firmly shut door.
From inside, intermittent sobs still leaked out.
[If that time is short, it's one thing, but the longer it drags on, the worse it gets.]
Nahibi replied firmly.
"If it's about nutrition or some physiological issue, we can handle that technically. IV fluids, nutrient packs—whatever."
[That's not the problem, lowly creature. I'm talking about the mind.]
Nahibi clicked her tongue in disdain.
[The nightmare that thing's trapped in right now is just an illusion conjured by its brain, stimulated by external frequencies. In other words, it's getting swept away by powerful waves from outside, flailing helplessly.]
Her jelly-like body jiggled on my shoulder.
[What do you think happens if this keeps up? The mind's like a rubber band—it holds for a while, but snap past the limit, and it breaks. In the end, it collapses and loses everything.]
"Loses...?"
[Itself. Simply put, the ego vanishes, and it goes mad. Just an empty shell left behind, no soul.]
I imagined Bani going insane, howling like a beast—or worse, turning into a vegetable, never waking up.
That was a fate more horrific than death.
"Then we have to wake him up by force, right?"
As I reached for the door handle, Nahibi smacked the back of my hand with a tentacle.
Smack!
[You idiot! Forcing him awake just dumps all that shock straight onto the poor lowly creature! You trying to burden its mind even more?!]
"Then what do we do? Waiting means he goes mad, forcing him awake doesn't work—what's the solution?"
[There is one.]
Nahibi's eyes glowed red.
[We go in and drag him out ourselves.]
"Ourselves?"
[There's a way to enter the mind. Dive into his unconscious, yank out the ego trapped in that illusion.]
"......Enter his mind?"
Even after humanity ventured into space and built the vast Federation, the mind remained a field we couldn't fully define.
But considering the being in front of me—one who sneered at us as lowly creatures—it probably wasn't impossible.
I let out a sigh of relief.
"So you go in and bring him out, and we're good? Why didn't you say that first? No need for all the drama. You're the most reliable one on this ship after all."
I praised her sincerely.
[Hmph. Don't think sweet-talking me now will work. Flattery won't get you anywhere.]
Nahibi acted aloof, but the way her tentacles swayed suggested she wasn't displeased.
"I'm serious. You stopped me from losing it earlier too. Sorry, and thanks. Help us out one more time."
[No can do. This is something even I can't help with.]
Even as I clasped my hands in plea, Nahibi was resolute.
[It's because of me that it's a problem.]
"Because of you?"
[Mind interference, simply put, is 'me' meeting 'you.' A direct confrontation in the deepest unconscious. But... what am I?]
"What you are...?"
I pondered for a moment, then grinned.
"Hmm... Outwardly prickly but caring inside—a tsundere slime? Or maybe an Eve fanboy?"
[......I'm gonna kill you for real.]
Nahibi emanated a menacing vibe.
[This isn't the time for jokes. I'm Lady Nariant's guard and a high xenoform.]
"Yeah, sure."
[Didn't you see a glimpse of my true form back on Garcia Planet?]
"Ah...."
Only then did it click. Right now, Nahibi was just Eve's squishy companion, but originally, she was
that colossal, grotesque amorphous mass filling the cavern. Hundreds of eyes, writhing tentacles.
"Why bring that up now... Wait, no way?"
[Bingo. I'm a fully sovereign being, established in my own right. If I entered Bani's mind in my true essence, what do you think would happen?
That lowly creature's already confused by our language alone—think his mind could stay intact facing me?]
I pictured it: that massive, eldritch eye-monster appearing in Bani's dream, saying, "Come with me."
Just imagining it sent chills of soul-eroding terror through me.
That wouldn't be salvation—it'd be cosmic horror. Bani would drop dead from shock or go permanently insane on the spot.
"I get why you can't help... but then there's no way to save Bani?"
Nahibi stared straight into my eyes.
[The answer's right there. Remember what I said before? That I'd rewire your brain if I had to, train your mind.]
Her tentacle poked my chest.
[You go in yourself. Kal.]
We decided not to tell Lydia about Bani's condition for now—just keep watch and update her later.
It was partly to prevent any sudden outbursts from her, but also to keep her from seeing me train my mind with Nahibi.
I pulled a chair up beside the bed where Bani lay and sat down. Nahibi hovered in the air before me.
"Nahibi, so how do we enter the mind? Like Eve imitating those magical girls—chant a spell or something?"
[No time for chit-chat; we slam it in raw. First, prepare to accept it.]
"Accept what?"
At that moment, a thin beam of white light extended from Nahibi's body toward my forehead.
[You've tapped into your constellation power a bit, so you'll sense it. Don't resist—just accept.]
The moment the light touched my brow, my head buzzed. My mind grew hazy, and the world spun like I was drunk.
'Ugh...'
[Don't resist. Accept it, lowly creature.]
Nahibi's voice echoed directly in my brain, not my ears.
'Nahibi? Is this the "acceptance" you meant—this woozy haze?'
[Yes. Don't fight the feeling now. That daze is your brain scrambling to adapt to the new stimulus. Let it flow like surrendering to a wave.]
'I didn't even... say that out loud [did I? Whoa, what?]
[Basic mental link. The haze should be fading now—sit comfortably and close your eyes.]
As Nahibi instructed, the dizziness subsided, replaced by a sharper connection to her.
I could faintly sense her mood. Were my own thoughts and feelings leaking to her too? It felt uncomfortably exposed, like being stripped bare.
Thwack! I felt Nahibi's tentacle smack my forehead.
[Ack!]
[Can't focus?! You gonna space out and let that Bani creature die?!]
[Sorry.]
This time, I straightened up, closed my eyes, and took deep breaths to calm my mind.
[As I said, mind interference is 'me' meeting 'me.' Got it?]
[Got it. Contacting the other's unconscious, right?]
[No, Kal. You don't get it.]
Nahibi's tone turned icy.
[Go in like this, and the moment you enter Bani's mind, you'll get devoured.]
[Devoured? What do you mean?]
[Your ego right now is like a newborn babe. Jump into someone else's vast unconscious sea in that state? You'll lose your 'me,' get absorbed into his nightmare, and never come back.]
A chilling warning. Having suffered through my own nightmare last night, I had no rebuttal.
[But... can you really divide the mind so cleanly? The line for 'me' is blurry, isn't it?]
[The line. Good question.]
Nahibi's vibe sharpened.
[Kal. What are you?]
[Me...? Never really defined it....]
[In the world of the mind, no clear self means you scatter like a sandcastle in the tide. I'll ask again. What is 'I'?]
[Hmm... If I had to pin it down—human? Retired soldier? Eve's knight? Never thought this deep before. Does defining and expressing what I am matter that much? I'm just... me.]
[Wrong.]
Nahibi cut me off sharply.
[Without a solid 'I,' everything blurs. The knowledge I've given you, the questions—they'll just slip by without truly touching you.]
Poke.
I felt Nahibi's vibe prod my chest.
[Is this flesh your 'I'?]
[It's my body, so yeah.]
[Then if an arm gets severed, are you no longer you? Or a 'lesser you'?]
[No... Even without the arm, I'm still me.]
[So not the body. Then are your memories you?]
[They're my life's trace, what makes me up—so yes.]
[Then if you lose your memories, that 'you' is fake? Even without them, something that feels joy, rages—it's still there.]
I was speechless. Name, body, memories, emotions... Stripped apart, what is 'me'?
What was the true essence of this being I called 'Kal'?
It was frustrating.
[So... by your logic, there is no 'I'?]
[No. The opposite.]
Nahibi's voice burrowed deep into my mind.
[Body changes, memories fade, emotions rage—but isn't there something that remains unchanged, watching it all?]
[A watching... existence?]
[Yes. The one that recognizes 'I'm sad' when sad. The one that observes 'I'm angry' when furious. That observer]
[is you.]
Nahibi's vibe gently enveloped my head.
[Just as a burning screen on video doesn't burn the you beyond it, don't get swept by emotions—watch the 'you' experiencing them.
That's how to stand firm. The beginning of 'immovable mind,' unshaken by any wave, as a sovereign self.]
I closed my eyes again and peered inward.
Fear, impatience, worry for Eve, the duty to save Bani. Waves of emotions churned.
Instead of diving in, I stood on the shore, practicing watching those waves.
'I...'
Amid the surging emotions, I felt a tiny but solid light take root inside me.