Standing Out (4)
“…So? Why did you call all of us here, anyway?”
The lounge in the women’s dormitory at Lutra.
There, Eli was finally looking at the familiar faces of her “sisters” after what felt like an age.
“So... after we decided to give that sword to brother, was this the first time the four of us had all been gathered together like this?”
At Letitia’s words, Sepia replied with her arms folded.
“Well, I suppose so. To be more precise, I did leave right after handing that damn sword to you that day, Letitia.”
Then Sepia tilted her head and stared at Eli with a long, measured look.
“But I’m curious too. Since that day, you acted like you’d never want to see our faces again, yet here you are, dragging us over in such a hurry it’s like your feet were on fire. I wonder why.”
“I... have something to say to you all. And there’s something I want us to discuss together, too.”
“Oh? A discussion together. How heartwarming. How wonderfully full of sisterly affection. If we ignore the small matter that we’re really no better than strangers, that is.”
Sepia’s tone was almost openly provocative as she spoke to Eli.
“No matter how I look at it, we’re not close enough to sit around chatting all fondly and sweetly, are we? You’re not planning to spout some nonsense about gathering us to strengthen the bonds of sisterhood, are you?”
As Sepia’s mocking voice rang out, the other two nodded as if in agreement.
And, truthfully, that was how it was.
Eli, Lobelia, Letitia, and Sepia were all Sian’s younger sisters, and yet at the same time, they were a group that could hardly be called close—even by a lie.
Back when they were younger, they had at least spent some time together because they shared the same roots as street orphans. But once they grew older, the four of them never once truly considered one another “family.”
They only ever acted like they were close when they were in front of their older brother, Sian, and even that had never been anything more than an act.
“…Sorry, but I’m not asking because I suddenly wanted to see your faces again either. I just have one thing I need to make clear. And something I want to ask.”
If Eli had been her usual self, she would have snapped back at Sepia or even blown up the whole meeting. But today, she was keeping herself unnervingly quiet.
Sepia watched her in silence for a moment, then loosened her arms and rested one hand on the table, wearing an openly bored expression.
“…Fine. It’s one of a priest’s duties to listen to the worries of a lost lamb, after all, so I’ll volunteer my services for free this once.”
“Yes, thank you so much. And you two?”
“I’m here because I’m interested in what you have to say, not because I want to get in your way.”
“Same here. So go on, then. Start babbling.”
Letitia and Lobelia only shrugged. Unlike Sepia, they didn’t seem inclined to pick a fight with Eli for the sake of it.
Seeing that, Eli finally felt she might be able to get to the point.
“First... I do have a lot I want to ask you, but I’ll start with this. Have any of you heard any rumors about brother lately?”
It went without saying that among these four, there was only one person who could be called “brother.”
“Hmm... brother’s been such a hot topic lately that I’m not sure which rumor you mean.”
“I’ve been busy with my own problems recently, so I haven’t heard much either.”
While Letitia and Lobelia looked genuinely puzzled, Sepia seemed to catch on to something and gave a sly grin.
“Rumors about my dear brother? Ah, you must mean the one about how you tried to act smug during practical training and got beaten like a dog by him, Eli?”
“…Who got beaten like a dog? All that happened was that brother’s record surpassed mine.”
At Eli’s offended retort, Sepia only chuckled as if she found the whole thing amusing.
“How funny. I know exactly what kind of person you are, Eli. You’re the sort who can’t stand anyone being above you. So it’s obvious enough what happened. You provoked brother first, and then got trampled into the dirt during practical training, didn’t you?”
At Sepia’s words, Eli bit down hard on her lip, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything else.
No matter how the details had unfolded, Sian and Cartesia had surpassed the record Eli had set by a wide margin.
Sure, she could make the excuse that her condition hadn’t been great lately—but that was nothing more than a shabby excuse.
And yet, at the same time, Eli wasn’t entirely without something to say.
“…Fine, I’ll admit it. Back then, I was definitely behind brother. But don’t you think there’s something strange about this?”
“What is?”
“The fact that brother actually had that kind of incredible ability in the first place.”
That was exactly what had always struck Eli as inexplicable.
The Sian she knew was only kind-hearted. He was never someone with overwhelming talent or any sort of exceptional skill compared to others.
Because she had always known there was nothing special about him, Eli had ultimately given up on him and decided to leave him behind in favor of becoming Duke Orphega’s true successor.
“…What?”
But at Eli’s words, the other three stared at her as if she’d just said something absurd.
“That’s a very funny thing to say, Eli. Don’t you remember who it was that taught you the fundamentals of swordsmanship when you were little?”
At Letitia’s words, Eli immediately shot back.
“That was only the basics. Pathetic basics anyone who picked up a sword could’ve taught me!”
“And yet those basics are what brought you here now. You’re not seriously trying to claim brother’s training had no value to you, are you?”
“…Tch.”
Letitia was right. Even Duke Orphega had praised her in the same way before.
He had told her that she was able to absorb his teachings so well precisely because her fundamentals had been so solid, no matter where she’d learned them.
“The reason brother could teach you those basics so well was because his own skill was that extraordinary. You can’t possibly say you’ve never once thought about that, can you? Hmm?”
“.....”
In truth, she hadn’t.
Until now, Eli had never once thought Sian’s abilities were remarkable or extraordinary.
...No, perhaps she had been desperately pretending not to know.
Because for Eli, Sian and everything else surrounding her had been nothing more than a miserable, suffocating existence she needed to escape as quickly as possible.
“And I’m still not sure I understand this... even if brother really had incredible ability, what exactly does that have to do with anything?”
At Lobelia’s follow-up, Eli’s body jerked slightly.
“…What do you mean by that?”
“I mean I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Objectively speaking, we’re all just bitches. No matter what excuses or reasons we tack on, we’re the shitty daughters who threw away the brother who raised us and took care of us.”
There was a self-mocking bitterness buried in Lobelia’s words.
“But didn’t we all abandon him because there was something we wanted badly enough to go through with it anyway? More exactly, we were desperate enough to sacrifice our one and only family if it meant achieving that wish.”
“…That’s—”
“Don’t start acting like you were kind and knew nothing now. So what, if brother had been incredibly capable, you would have tried to remain a good little sister until the end? Personally, I think that’s even more disgusting. It would only prove you never saw brother as family in the first place, but as some convenient thing you could cling to.”
Lobelia was right. At the very least, Eli had no right to contradict her.
Eli knew it too. She had only made a choice.
Whether she would keep playing family with Sian and remain by his side, or throw away her pitiful past and rise toward the heights she had long admired.
And in the middle of all that, Sian—who had loved his little sisters so dearly—was never going to just stand by with his arms folded and watch. He was obviously going to become an obstacle.
So she abandoned him. And tried to drive Sian out of Lutra.
She told herself that if she became Duke Orphega’s heir and stood at the very summit of the nobles who had always looked down on her, then she could repay her brother for everything later.
“So if we’re going to be trash, then let’s be trash all the way. At the very least, I’m not going to cling to some miserable regret like you are. I don’t regret choosing Ricardo over brother. No, I could never regret it.”
If she ever came to regret abandoning brother now, then all the years she had spent with him would become something meaningless.
“So don’t drag people all the way out here with your sentimental crap about regretting what you did before. If you were going to spew nonsense like that, you shouldn’t have started it in the first place. Right?”
Listening to Lobelia’s cold, cutting words, Eli admitted it to herself.
Sian was no longer family to her, and the same was true for him.
So in the end, all Eli could do was keep believing in the choice she had made back then and see it through to the end.
After all, there was no other path left for her to choose now.