Homecoming (5)
“I think it would be best if you and I became lovers for now.”
“...What?”
“In simpler terms, it’d be best if you and I were in love. Preferably in front of other people.”
“.....”
At Cartesia’s words, I blinked before I could stop myself.
No, I hadn’t asked because I didn’t understand what she meant.
My brain had simply short-circuited because I couldn’t even begin to figure out how I was supposed to process that statement.
So... who exactly was supposed to be becoming lovers with whom?
“What, do you maybe not like the idea of becoming my lover? Don’t tell me... you already have another woman in your heart? Hmm?”
“If you don’t like your older sister, then how about me? I’d be a much better choice than that old hag of a sister of ours, since I’m nice and fresh and young—”
“Who are you calling an old hag? I’m not even twenty yet!”
“Then what else am I supposed to call you when you’re two years older than me? And your sly little intentions are so obvious I can see right through them. How am I supposed to sit still and let that slide!”
Watching the two sisters start bickering again, I let out yet another silent sigh.
I didn’t know why, exactly, but a dreadful feeling had just brushed through my mind—the sense that, from this point on, I was going to witness these two women pointing fingers at each other and raising their voices far too many times in my life.
“...Are you done fighting now? Then can I speak?”
Once Cartesia saw that Arieta had finally calmed down a little, I was able to get to the real point.
“First of all, setting everything else aside, you’re imperial royalty, Cartesia. So how on earth are you and I supposed to become lovers?”
Even if I’d been an illiterate mercenary, that didn’t mean I was ignorant of how the world worked.
Nobles were extremely reluctant to let commoner blood stain their line unless it was absolutely unavoidable.
I didn’t have to look far for proof of that. Just the fact that most children born between nobles and commoners were treated as bastards and never given proper noble standing was enough to make the point.
And yet here we were, talking about a street orphan like me becoming lovers with Cartesia, the imperial princess?
That was less a joke than a complete farce, an absurdity beyond belief.
“...You really don’t seem to understand your own worth at all. Honestly, if you set your mind to it, I think you could do far more than merely marry some noble—”
Cartesia stared at me for a moment with a look of exasperation, then let out a small laugh.
“...No, forget it. You don’t need to understand all the political details. I’ll just tell you one thing: His Majesty has already approved this.”
“His Majesty gave his permission for you and me to date?”
No, come to think of it, Cartesia and I hadn’t just been dating—we’d never even properly held hands before, so what kind of ridiculous—
Wait... if I think about it, we did kiss.
To be exact, I had been kissed, but either way, the fact remained that we had made contact mouth to mouth, so there was no excuse to be found anywhere.
I didn’t have any real experience with romance, but was kissing before even holding hands actually normal?
“We can postpone discussing what counts as a normal relationship for later... The reason you need to become my lover is entirely for your sake. That’s what His Majesty agreed to as well.”
Cartesia muttered the last part in a low voice, as if grumbling about some irritating kindness that was utterly useless to anyone.
“...For my sake?”
“Yes. More precisely, to make the imperial assault charge hanging over your head disappear as if it had never happened. You saved Arieta’s life, which makes you a benefactor of the imperial family. But for your sake, and for Arieta’s too, what happened that day can never be made public.”
“But if rumors spread that you and I were actually lovers... then people will assume you used your authority as royalty to cover up my crime.”
Now that I finally understood what she was getting at, I nodded. Cartesia then leaned close to my ear and whispered in a sly voice.
“And if we pretend to be lovers... there’s one more advantage.”
“An advantage? What is it?”
“Those bitches... your sisters, I mean. We can screw them over for good.”
Apparently amused by the idea, Cartesia kept snickering as she spoke.
“I’m telling you for sure—if we put on a show of being madly in love in front of those bitches, their eyes will practically roll back in their heads. At the very least, they’ll be trembling all over when they’re in front of you. I’ll even take a bet on it.”
Cartesia sounded very confident, but honestly, I couldn’t help doubting her.
“Hmm... I’m under the impression my sisters hate me quite a lot. In fact, they said this to me themselves: that my existence only gets in the way of them climbing higher.”
“...Well, yeah. That does sound exactly like something those greedy little bitches would say.”
“Then shouldn’t they be celebrating with both hands raised if I disappeared from their lives and went to another woman? From their point of view, it’d be as good as me getting out of their way on my own.”
Cartesia shook her head at my words.
“In theory, you’re right. But when it actually happens, those bitches won’t be able to think that rationally.”
“...Why not?”
“Human psychology works that way. Even an object you’ve never paid attention to suddenly becomes precious the moment someone else wants it. A man they’ve always taken for granted, snatched away by another woman—that’s the kind of situation that makes people foam at the mouth.”
As she said that, Cartesia let out a soft chuckle.
“If it were just an object, they’d get mad and move on. But if what’s taken is a person, that’s a different story. Why is he leaving me for that woman? What did she do for him that I couldn’t? What on earth did she show him that made him cling to her so fiercely? They won’t be able to help thinking those things.”
Nothing wore a person down quite like vague hatred and possessiveness.
Pain became resentment, and resentment so easily twisted into obsession.
And obsession, in the end, was one of the greatest forces for grinding a person’s heart down until it shattered.
Even if they didn’t realize it, losing someone who had filled their heart for so long was enough to drive a person mad.
Because the human heart had a cruel habit of trying to fill that emptiness not with love, but with hatred and pain.
“So in other words, if we act like lovers in front of my sisters and provoke them, that’s your idea of revenge?”
“That’s a little too weak to call revenge. If anything, it’d be the beginning of revenge.”
Cartesia looked at me with a strangely meaningful glint in her eyes.
“Don’t you think it’s unfair? Your desire to get revenge on those bitches wasn’t because they directly harmed you, was it? It was because their betrayal hurt your heart. If that’s the case, then those bitches should hurt too. They should feel, deep in their bones, exactly how much of their lives you occupied.”
“.....”
So what she meant was that, depending on how much I had mattered in my sisters’ lives, they would feel pain when I left.
“Those bitches know nothing. They don’t know how precious family is to a person. How overwhelming it is to have someone dear by your side...”
Cartesia’s hand gently brushed over me.
It wasn’t the kind of touch she’d given me when she kissed me earlier, full of raw desire. This was different—more like the trembling hand of someone trying to grasp a mirage, almost pitiful in its fragility.
“I know exactly what kind of person you are. You’ll shout about revenge with your own mouth, and in the end you’ll probably carry it through perfectly, but at the same time... you’ll end up feeling sorry for those bitches. You’re too kind. Ridiculously, needlessly kind.”
“So leave the villain role to me. You can stay exactly as you are now. I’ll be your sword and cut down anything that threatens you, because that’s the only reason I was willing to endure every sacrifice and come back to this place...”
For a moment, as I listened to Cartesia, I felt something strange and unsettling.
I couldn’t explain why, but sometimes it felt like her words weren’t meant for me at all.
No, more precisely, they were meant for me—but she seemed to be overlapping me with something else, something fundamentally different—
“If it means making you happy, I’ll follow you anywhere. No matter how many times it takes, I’ll find you again... so you’ll never be lonely. So your life will never be ruined again, and... so you’ll never again hate your own life...”
Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember.
How exactly had Cartesia and I become friends?
At some point, she had simply been there beside me, and before I knew it, she’d become my friend with such natural ease it felt inevitable.
But when I looked back, the time she and I had known each other was barely half a year.
“So don’t worry. This time, I’ll be your family. So this time, I’ll definitely...”
I didn’t know about anything else, but on this one thing, I felt certain.
Cartesia already knew who I was.
At the very least, she had known long before I knew her—and from some impossibly distant time so far back it made my mind go hazy—
She had clearly been waiting for me all along.
Yes, all along.