The Sparrow's Song
-step step
"You're seriously the first person I've ever seen come into the classroom just to sleep! Most people with swords head straight for the training grounds, so I was really happy when you walked into my class. But when I glanced over, you were trembling like you were having a nightmare."
"……."
-step step
"Ah, if it's just because you're sleepy after lunch, I understand. I get drowsy after eating too…. Even when I open a book, all I see is white paper and black letters, and it's so hard to focus…."
"……."
-step step
"Come to think of it, we'll be able to see the Rose Festival the empire is so proud of soon! I've been looking forward to it ever since I left my hometown. I don't like summer because it's hot, but still, if I go out on the streets and enjoy the festival…."
"Hey…."
-step step
"It's already evening! Anyway, Ain, have you eaten? If not, where were you planning to—"
"Are we… friends?"
I stopped walking because of Mace chattering away beside me like she was losing her mind. We were crossing in front of the main building as the sun set and darkness fell. At my question, Mace tilted her head slightly.
"Huh? We introduced ourselves! Doesn't that make us friends?"
"Usually not. Not really…."
After hearing my answer, Mace puffed out her cheeks. Maybe it was the hair color, but she looked a bit like a sparrow.
"Ehh… I sang you a lullaby while you slept, let you touch my face, and talked this much, and we're not friends? Then what are we?"
"I really want to shut your mouth…."
Sparrow, my ass. The way she kept babbling without pause made her a full-blown chickadee. A headache was creeping in, so I reached into my pocket for a cigarette.
"…?"
The cigarettes were gone. Along with the matches and my wallet. Did I drop them in the classroom while I was sleeping? Damn it. Even if it wasn't much, that was all I had.
As I turned to head back to the classroom, Mace stood in front of me grinning, proudly holding out my cigarette case, matches, and wallet in both hands.
"Have you lost your mind?"
"Smoking is bad for you. It stunts your growth and makes your breath smell!"
"Perfect. It'll be great for chasing away annoying nuns. Hand it over."
I snatched my things from her hands, stuffed them back into my pocket, and put a cigarette in my mouth. I lit it with a match and, just in case, checked inside the wallet with my fingers.
"I'm short on money…?"
"Ahem. This should be enough to cover the lullaby, right?"
Mace had a gold coin pinched between her fingers.
"You're not a nun, you're a damn thief…."
"How rude! I was raised in a monastery since childhood. I'm the real deal!"
"This is the real deal sword. It'll really hurt if it hits you. Want to test it?"
Fortunately, it seemed to be just a joke. Still smiling, Mace flicked the coin into my lap.
"Aah…. That cigarette smell. Don't you wear perfume, Ain? I heard there are tons of perfumes made from fragrant roses at the Rose Festival!"
"Sister, don't you have anything else to do? Instead of bothering me, maybe try something a little more constructive."
"Nope! I'm free! I'm going to the riverside for my hobby right now!"
"My eyes might be bad, but my ears work fine, so you don't have to shout…."
"Ehh…. Ain, you say that but you're walking faster to get away from me. If I don't talk this loud, you probably won't hear me properly, right?"
Is she a ninja instead of a thief or a nun? The way she picked my pocket so skillfully, maybe she used some kind of wind-style mouth jutsu. How can one person talk this much? Her voice that sounded so gentle and pleasant in the classroom now felt like an air-raid siren giving me a migraine. With that small frame and kind, healer-type face, how could she chatter nonstop like that? It felt like I'd been scammed by the cover art.
What the hell is this "secret hobby" of hers that she's dragging me all the way to the riverside for? That's probably just an excuse. She just wants to be loud and annoying, and I happened to be a convenient target. I wanted to cover my ears, but I only had one hand. This was starting to feel like that nightmare I had earlier. Maybe I still hadn't woken up.
While walking as fast as I could to get away from Mace, my mind blank, I ran into another problem. Max and his gang were camped out up ahead.
"Ha, fuck…."
When I stopped, Mace, who had been following behind, bumped into my back and her words cut off. She peeked around me to see what was ahead. A thick river of cigarette smoke hung over the group.
"Wow, the smoke looks like clouds. Are they your friends? Oh, right, you said you don't have any."
"Shut your mouth. And go stand over there if you can."
I crushed my cigarette underfoot and approached Max's group. Mace, apparently deaf to my warning, scurried after me.
Max waved at me with his usual fake friendliness. One of his arms was in a bandage—probably because I'd "fixed" it earlier so our brotherly bond would match.
"Hey, thanks a lot. Thanks to you, I got to experience being a cripple too."
Max spoke in a mocking tone. I didn't need his thanks. The guys who had been standing around earlier now formed a circle around me to fill the gap. Mace, still behind me, hadn't managed to slip away. She was completely useless.
"What, after Giselle, now a teacher?"
"Say hello. Sister, this is my son Max. Max, this is a very important guest at our academy, as you well know."
"Huh? Ain, are you married? But he looks about the same age as your son…."
Her counterattack didn't land at all. I would've preferred if she'd just stuck to me. I thought this level of aggro would make her leave me alone and go after Max instead, but he just let out an annoying chuckle.
"Ain, you think that joke's gonna work? Even with that crippled hand, it's obvious you can't satisfy a nun properly. Even if they're not that devout, guys who can't perform at night aren't popular."
"Actually, disabled guys are better in bed. I satisfied your mom with all five limbs missing."
"You fucking son of a bitch!!!"
Everything's hard the first time. After that, it gets easier. Guess the same goes for mom jokes. The vulgar words came out more naturally than before. But Max only shouted—he still had enough self-control not to charge at me. His hand that had come out of his pocket seemed to be trembling with rage, but he put it back and let out an even more irritating laugh.
"Heh heh…. Ain, your girlfriend seems pretty scared?"
I looked to the side, wondering what the hell he was talking about, and saw Mace with her head down, her body shaking.
'Shit… I fucked up….'
It wasn't just because of Max and his gang. I hadn't thought about the people around us and had spoken too harshly. Even though it was annoying, I'd thought I finally had someone I could talk to without worrying. Now there was no reason to hold back from fighting, and no reason to keep playing the clown.
I walked up to Max, who was busy laughing with his guard down, and kicked him hard in the stomach.
-Thud
"Ugh…!"
Maybe the alcohol had worn off after half a day of rest, because there was some real force behind it. Max crashed into the guys behind him and went sprawling. I walked over and pressed my shoe down on his face. I kept my hand on my sword hilt so the guys behind me could see it. I had no intention of drawing it, but at least it was a threat. They weren't the type to value loyalty anyway, so they hesitated and didn't rush me.
"Max, we were getting along fine. Trading dumb jokes and all. But if you keep clinging to me just because I talked to you a few times, what am I supposed to do? You know better than anyone that nothing's more disgusting than a guy who can't take a hint."
I pressed down a little harder with my foot, and I could hear teeth breaking in Max's mouth. One broken arm wasn't enough to get through to him. Since Iris would probably protect him anyway, I might as well go for permanent disability while I was at it….
'Tch, forget it. I'll just fight every time I see him. Nothing left to protect anyway.'
I kicked Max's face lightly, and two broken teeth scattered across the ground.
"Let's call it here. Looking forward to seeing you again."
Max's friends hauled him away. Even while spitting out the usual curses, they left in a hurry, which was oddly consistent and put me at ease. If I'd beaten him more, it probably would've just left a bad taste in my mouth. With that many of them, I wouldn't have walked away unscathed either.
I waved at Max as he was carried off, then looked back at Mace. She was still standing in the same spot, trembling. Great job. Couldn't keep her mouth shut and scared someone. I walked over to Mace, thinking I'd apologize and send her off.
"……Pfft."
Her bowed head suddenly jerked up, and Mace burst into loud laughter, tears welling in her eyes.
"Puhahaha!! Aha… ahaha!! Pfft… puhi… puhahaha!!"
'Did she hit one of those guys in the back of the head when they walked by?'
Feeling a bit uneasy, I carefully reached out toward her. Mace slapped my palm with a loud smack and kept laughing for a long time.
She thought I was going for a high-five.
"Hey… Sister…."
"Puh… pfft… ugh… Ah, aah… Ah, my stomach… it hurts… Ah… pfft…!"
"I'm actually scared, so could you explain before you laugh?"
Wiping her tears and suppressing her trembling body, Mace finally spoke.
"Ah, Ain… when you said that… where did you… pfft… Ah, just thinking about it makes me laugh again…"
"That was actually funny to you?"
I'd known something was loose in her head since the classroom, but I didn't expect her to be this crazy. Was a holy woman even allowed to laugh at mom jokes?
"Aha… Ah… Ah, I feel alive again… That was the funniest thing I've heard in my life…"
"You do understand what I was saying, right?"
"At first I really thought he was your son. I just stood there dazed for a while. You and your friend really get along well."
I wasn't sure about getting along, but Max had gotten the beating of his life.
"…Then what about the fight?"
"Huh? You fought, Ain? I was looking at the ground trying not to laugh…."
So she hadn't been trembling in fear. Not that I could say I was relieved. What did it mean for a holy woman to roll on the ground laughing at mom jokes? Was it a sign of the end times?
"You shouldn't fight with your friends! Ah, but I did hear that boys grow up fighting."
"Right……."
Starting to walk again, I marveled at the bizarre structure of Mace's brain, which was spouting logic I'd heard somewhere before.
…Honestly, I'd only said it self-deprecatingly. I didn't think it was the kind of humor that deserved praise, but it didn't feel bad. As we passed through the academy gates with the lights on, I looked at Mace, whose lips were still twitching like she was remembering the "joke."
When our eyes met, Mace started laughing quietly again. She seemed like a more fun person than I'd thought. Listening to her cheerful laughter, I walked home with a slightly lighter heart.
At least until I saw the silver glint under the flickering lamplight.
A pair of eyes, made even redder by the blinking light, stared at me. Giselle, dressed in a black dress like the night instead of her school uniform, was watching me intently. If it had been anyone else, they might not have noticed, but I never could. Standing quietly at the edge of the path like a shadow, with an expression that seemed to hold no emotion, Giselle slowly melted into the darkness and disappeared.