Awkward Family Gathering (4)
“Hahaha! Bro, I knew you’d been through hell, but seeing you now, you look way better these days!”
My second uncle, thoroughly sloshed on soju, laughed heartily as he filled Dad’s empty glass to the brim. Dad downed it without hesitation, his face flushed with that telltale buzz, wearing a faint smile just like the other adults.
“Of course… whose son is she?”
“Bro, it’s a daughter now! Some of us have to raise two beastly sons no matter how hard we try. Your house must be so much brighter these days!”
The gaze of my third uncle—who was joining in on the drinking and had the weakest tolerance of the three—turned toward me. Sure enough, his tongue was slurring, his eyes glassy, barely holding his seat.
Now that I’d joined my sister as the family’s only girls, and I was still the youngest, the adults’ looks and attitudes toward me hadn’t changed much. The only difference was the added layer of blatant consideration and caution, now that I was a girl.
“Uuuugh…”
“Ahahaha! You always come running calling me ‘Uncle!’ just fine, but today you’re shy?”
Feeling their stares, I quietly lowered the spoon I was holding under the table. Just as my third uncle reached out laughing to pat my head, his wife—my third aunt, who’d been eating quietly beside him—slapped the back of his hand hard with her spoon.
“Ow?!”
A sharp crack like bone on bone, and a pained yelp escaped his lips.
“You! She’s already self-conscious about turning into a girl—show some consideration! Sua, your auntie apologizes instead. Living as a girl must still be tough, right?”
“This nagging wife… I just complimented how pretty the kid is, why make such a fuss…”
“That’s why I tell you to drink in moderation!”
My third aunt scolded him loudly for his habit of blurting out whatever was on his mind when drunk. He made a reluctant face but downed another shot of soju with a sigh.
“Ahh… Anyway, she goes to the same school as you guys? Even if it’s special treatment because of that weird illness, is that even allowed these days?”
“I didn’t know either… didn’t even know such a disease existed…”
“That’s what’s frustrating about you, bro! You think a kid locks herself in her room for no reason?! You can’t even yell at them—you just wait for them to talk first. You need to fix that habit; it’s bad for the kids too!”
My second uncle vented his frustration at Dad. It doubled as advice, and since it wasn’t wrong, none of the adults chimed in to argue.
“Sua’s like that, Ji Hoon’s like that—father and daughter have the exact same personality! Kids are mirrors of their parents, right? Think about it, bro.”
At the harsh words, Dad emptied his glass and fell silent, seemingly reflecting without excuses.
“Ah, ah… p-ppa…”
Somehow ending up at the center of the conversation, I felt bad for him and quietly moved to sit beside Dad.
“Whoa… sorry. I didn’t mean it like that…”
My second uncle, whose voice had been rising, softened his expression and lowered his tone upon seeing me. Even drunk, they all seemed careful around me as a girl now. The atmosphere was thick with deliberate consideration.
It felt different from my brothers, who tried forcing the usual casual vibe with lewd jokes to pretend nothing had changed.
“Uuuugh… i-it’s… f-fine…”
I forced my lips into a smile, trying to meet the adults’ eyes as best I could. Holding eye contact while smiling was way harder than it sounded.
“Really? Hmm… so, how’s life as a girl? Getting used to it a bit?”
The moment I tried to brush it off, a barrage of pent-up curious questions came flying my way, like they’d been waiting.
Life as a girl… used to it? Honestly, I still didn’t know. Even if I tried not to think about it, people’s changed attitudes and the world around me felt alien.
‘You’re a delicate little girl now.’
That one phrase explained it all. Liking violent games or playing soccer with the boys wasn’t normal anymore. Most people saw me as the quiet, cute, pretty girl my appearance suggested.
I mulled over my honest feelings inside.
Still uncomfortable. Feels like I’m a burden wherever I fit in. Not sure if I’m making friends or just forcing it.
The classmates at school were basically nice to me. But blending in completely wasn’t easy. The boys stared with slack-jawed awe, eyes roaming from my face down my body, making my shoulders twitch with chills every time.
Outwardly a girl, inwardly still a guy—I knew exactly what their reactions meant.
On the flip side, hanging with the girls brought its own discomfort. Realizing I was acting just like the boys I’d found repulsive before. That duality sometimes made me hate myself.
“Yeah… gotta be careful about a lot more stuff to hang with the boys like before, huh?”
My second uncle nodded in understanding as he sipped his drink. The other adults seemed to get the gist of my school life and didn’t pry further.
**
The adults’ drinking session showed no signs of ending.
We kids, stuffed from dinner and unable to join, slipped away after a bit. Except for my college brothers, who got dragged into it by force, Seo Yeon unnie and the cousin brothers gathered in my small room, doing their own things.
‘This… is my room, right?’
Unnie had claimed the bed, fiddling with her handheld game. The computer and console were occupied by the cousins. I ended up crouching in the bed corner.
“Why squat there? Just lie down next to me.”
Unnie, sprawled casually on my bed playing her game, patted the spot beside her.
She was small enough that there’d be space, but lying next to her with the brothers watching felt embarrassing, so I shook my head vigorously.
“Shy? Heh… not shy calling me ‘bro’ in front of everyone earlier? You saw Ji Hoon oppa’s face? Couldn’t even swallow his food.”
Her teasing grin narrowed eyes brought back the memory I’d tried to forget. How could she be so infuriating? Heat rushed to my face recalling it.
“Keep it up and I’ll hug you by force?”
“Uuuugh…”
Her words were basically a threat, so I reluctantly perched on the edge of the bed.
“It’s not weird or anything. You’re a girl now anyway.”
Chang Kyu hyung chimed in from the computer.
“Honestly, what’s it feel like going from guy to girl?”
Jin Yu hyung, who’d been sneaking glances at me while gaming, blurted it out. Chang Kyu paused his game to stare too.
Warning: No pervy questions allowed.
“Sigh… I was curious…”
“Dude… when guys talk about this, those questions are normal, right…?”
They didn’t hide their disappointment reading my preemptive line on the whiteboard.
“Perverted bastards…”
Unnie narrowed her eyes, shooting them a meaningful glare and cutting them off cold.
They flinched but couldn’t tear their eyes away. I got it—I’d been in their shoes once. For a guy, experiencing life as a woman was an unknowable realm. Especially for hormonal teens, the questions were obvious.
But I couldn’t just answer freely. Sure, I’d handled it alone sometimes since the change, but who’d casually spill private stuff like that?
Remembering those times made my face heat up; I ducked my head without thinking.
‘Gotta dodge this somehow…’
Collecting my thoughts, I wrote on the whiteboard only what I could stomach sharing. Even as I wrote, their sticky stares lingered, but since I’d been there, I pretended not to notice.