PROLOGUE: Unbearable Loneliness
I'm unhappy. Lonely, and in my darkest moments, I even wish I could just die. It was the first time in my life I'd ever confronted such negative emotions.
A second-year high school student. At an age when I should still be called young and fresh-faced, I was harboring a secret I couldn't share with anyone. Not even my family—in fact, especially not my family, precisely because they were family.
To be honest, I had no idea why this was happening to me. No cause, no trigger, no explanation. But one thing was certain: even in this very moment, my body was changing—ever so slowly, yet unmistakably—into that of a woman. My male body was gradually taking on a female form.
At first, the changes were so subtle they were hard to notice. My hair growing unusually fast, or my height seeming to shrink just a bit. That was it. But as time passed, I could no longer pretend not to know.
My hair was growing at an unrealistically rapid pace, my line of sight was noticeably lower, and even the physiological reactions that should have been second nature for any guy... they just stopped happening.
That must have been when it hit me. The moment I truly realized I was changing.
The first emotion I felt was terror. I couldn't tell my friends about this unscientific phenomenon, nor could I confess it to a teacher. Telling my parents? The thought of all the fallout that might follow was too terrifying.
In the end, unable to find any answers, I ran away. From reality. From people.
"Ahh... I'm hungry..."
In the pitch-dark room, the only source of light was the computer monitor. A petite girl rubbed her stomach and muttered to herself.
Her height was barely 154 cm, even being generous. Glossy hair cascading down to her waist, bangs completely shrouding her eyes. An eerie aura, as if she'd cut herself off from the world...
Embarrassing as it is, that girl was me.
The new semester of my second year of high school had just begun, but instead of going to class, I was holed up in my room, living the life of a shut-in.
The fear building up from my changing body had driven me to this state. I'd become so obsessed with hiding the changes that I'd developed a severe case of social phobia. I was even afraid of my family approaching me. My condition was at its worst.
I'd distanced myself from people, and as a result, I'd become nothing at all. Neither man nor woman—just a loner whose body kept changing.
"It's about time the house is empty, right...?"
The clock read 1 p.m. Mom would be out grocery shopping, Dad at work, my sister and brother at school. One of the rare times I could be alone.
"Aigoo, my back... Ah... my chest again..."
As I stood up from my seat, a throbbing pain surged through me. My chest had definitely grown more than it had five days ago. Enough to notice.
Wincing, I touched it.
"Eek...!"
A short groan escaped my lips. It wasn't pleasure. Pure pain.
I'd read about it online: growing breasts on girls are extremely sensitive. That was true. Even the slightest touch brought unbearable agony.
Maybe that's why. I was starting to move more cautiously, like a girl.
"I don't even feel like a guy anymore..."
I sneered, curling my lip as I gingerly stroked my aching chest. My mind was already this broken.
Before I knew it, my chest had grown enough to show through a thin T-shirt. To the point where calling it an A-cup wouldn't be strange...
For a normal girl, it might be a joyful change. But for me, it was nothing but a curse that slowly eroded my courage to step outside.
With a sigh, I pulled out the compression bandage with familiar motions. I bound my chest as flat as possible. It hurt, but this much was necessary for peace of mind.
I cautiously opened the door.
"Mom..."
In front of the door sat a letter and a meal tray.
If it's even a little okay, how about trying to go to school, even just a bit at a time? From Mom, to her beloved son.
The moment I read the letter, my vision blurred with tears. I was nothing but an unfilial son, worrying Mom without solving a single problem. I really was the worst.
That's when it happened.
"Son? Are you out?"
"...Y-Yeah, Mom...?"
Mom stood there, holding a shopping basket.
"...Sua-ya."
The instant I heard that name, my heart plummeted.
"S-Sorry...!"
I fled. Back into the dark room, under the covers...
"Even just a little... let's talk, okay, Mom...?"
Mom's voice came from outside the door. I curled up tighter under the blanket.
I wanted to run to her. To be honest. But I was terrified out of my mind. If she saw me like this, everything would crumble...
Do I even deserve to be alive?
That thought looped endlessly in my head.
"Sorry. Sorry..."
In this life with no visible future, I repeated my apologies.