The Three Idiots
Some might say, if they saw my situation, "Hey, you should be making money with hypnosis first. How much does a civil servant's salary even pay that you're wasting such a precious hypnosis app only on women?"
Well, it's not a bad idea at first glance. There are endless ways to make money with it. I could head straight to local bigwigs or solid factories and squeeze them dry. Or hypnotize landowners who come in with complaints and turn their property into mine. Change the zoning on hypnotized land and pocket the difference in value. Take over buildings outright. Hell, walk into any store and have them hand the place over for free. With just those two words—hypnosis—I could rake in more money than I’d know what to do with.
So why don’t I? It’s a hassle. I’m not short on cash, and I’ve got no real taste for luxury. If I wanted that kind of life, I wouldn’t have left Seoul for this backwater town in the first place. It’s not like my family was rich either. I remember exactly how broke I was through college. No, the real reasons are simple: complacency, inertia, dodging responsibility. All of it boils down to one thing—laziness. I just want a quiet life. If I ever got truly desperate for money, I’d move. But until then…
Ah. That’s why I brought it up.
“Aah~ You don’t know shit. You should go straight to an entertainment agency! Why bother with girl groups?”
“Kya~ Clap for him! The first human in history with his brain replaced by a dick! Just take over land in Gangnam! Then the celebrities will come crawling to you.”
All because of these idiots. I’d come up to Seoul for the first time in ages to meet up with my college friends, and somehow my casual remark turned into the main topic at the gopchang restaurant.
“What would you do if you got a hypnosis app?”
That single line became the night’s conversation starter.
“You crazy bastards. Cut it out.”
How the hell did I end up friends with these guys at the supposed sanctuary of intellectuals—university? I’ve racked my brain and still can’t figure it out.
“Hey, dumbass. Then what would you do?”
“Kyaah~ Listen to that cop mouth.”
“The researcher over there said he’d go to an agency first.”
The real problem is that these idiots look like perfectly normal, even upstanding citizens when they’re out in the real world.
“So what would you do?”
The researcher and the cop both turned to stare at me.
“Me? World domination. If I had that power, everything would be mine anyway.”
My answer was downright reasonable compared to theirs.
Clap-clap! The researcher applauded, looking genuinely impressed.
“As expected of a civil servant! I heard that loud and clear—aiming for a Grade 1 position.”
The cop chimed in right after.
“He’s saying he’ll serve the nation and the people through public office.”
I just shrugged.
“Is it normal for the researcher to only think about getting laid and the cop to talk about stealing land?”
Still, their nonsense left a small ripple in my mind. The power to rewrite one person’s memories and common sense. Even if it only worked on a single target at a time, it clearly held enormous value. I could see it clearly with Lee Yoo-na and Han So-jeong. A coworker became a childhood friend. A married woman developed twisted sexual preferences. For the sake of my quiet retirement, I needed to think this through more carefully.
“Hey. Cheers.”
“Club?”
They both looked at me again.
“As a civil servant living off the people’s taxes, I cannot help but lament the moral decay of today’s youth.”
“What, dumbass? You broke? Want me to cover you?”
“Hyung.”
“Pfft! Dumbass! I’m broke too~”
The conversation was so childish it was hard to believe we were adults. This time the cop and I both stared at the researcher.
“Hey, you bastards. I’ve only been a researcher for five days. Did you leave your conscience at home?”
“I’m a civil servant.”
“You idiot, he’s a cop civil servant too.”
Our worries were all pointless anyway.
“Let’s just go in.”
“Whoa, it’s packed. Why are they letting people in?”
“Forget Awesome, let’s hit the sinkhole instead.”
We ended up going in, but nothing miraculous happened. Three guys who don’t even know how to party properly just stood around nodding like pigeons among the hipsters before leaving.
“The world’s going to hell.”
“Probably collapsing soon.”
In just a couple of hours we’d gained the eyes to see straight through life.
“Uwaaah… I want a girlfriend too… You know what I’ve been thinking lately?”
“……?”
“Every time I see a Y-shaped tube in the lab, I go, ‘It looks just like her.’”
“Whoa… That’s actually pretty bad.”
I tossed a single line at the guy who looked like he was about to cry.
“As expected of a master’s degree holder. Your thought process is on another level.”
“Uhehehe!”
The cop beside me collapsed laughing at my remark. Three guys hanging out didn’t produce anything special. We just drank, messed around, then spent the rest of the day at a jjimjilbang. The weekend melted away like ice on a summer day.
“……”
Sitting on the train heading back down, I quietly thought about hypnosis. I’d moved here with the intention of settling down in this small city. Seoul was too heavy a city for me. Rent, food costs… and above all, the competition. You had to run while staring only at the peak above you. I’d lived that way since I was young. And I’d seen what happens when you dive into that current and get left behind. I’d only dipped my feet in for a while before pulling out, feeling how crowded the water was with people.
Thanks to all that intense studying, the civil service exam for the new city had been ridiculously easy. The competition rate had been fierce too.
- You went to a famous university and you’re only becoming a civil servant?
- You should at least try grad school.
- You need a PhD before you can do anything~
After hearing all that, I’d made up my mind. Those people weren’t responsible for my life. The successful seniors occasionally came by to give long speeches, but the unsuccessful ones disappeared without a trace. Plenty of my own university classmates had already fallen off the map.
Yeah. I’d decided. I was going to hold on tight to this civil servant position. At the very least, it guaranteed employment until retirement age. Even if I didn’t get a pension, I could live comfortably until then. Corruption. Greedy officials. That was the path I needed to walk. That’s why I was still running around so diligently even now. Just with a little hypnosis mixed in.
Hmm. When I imagined it, it didn’t sound half bad. If all else failed, I could just take a building. My heart felt a little lighter. Heh heh heh. I’ll work like a dog for the local big shots. As long as they throw me some scraps.
And that dream actually came true.
What the hell?
“Me?”
“You’re the only one available, Chief Maeng~”
I really wanted to punch the deputy township head in the face as he smiled slyly.
[Web Notification]
Due to road icing from the cold wave, each Administrative Welfare Center is requested to designate personnel and have them report to 58-11 Hanakot-gil by 2 PM today.
[● Female employees below Grade 7 excluded]
In this freezing weather, I had to work like a dog.
“At this rate, I’m not even joking—we’re gonna die working…”
I agreed. The cold wave that had eased up came roaring back. Nearby areas had apparently been ordered to send people too.
“But it’s all guys…”
I’d said it several times already, but I had no complaints about only men showing up. The problem was that I was here. Damn it. We also had to go around fixing burst pipes caused by the cold wave. Why the hell did civil servants have to do this kind of work? I wanted to ask the same question. Why?
“Vehicle incoming~ Everyone be careful~”
Someone’s voice rang out. But before he even finished speaking, everyone had already scrambled into the corners. If you got hurt, you were the only one who suffered. In a place full of former sergeants, hiding and taking cover was basically a passive skill.
“Chief Maeng, take it easy. You’ll get hurt again at this rate.”
“……Someone has to do it.”
If I half-assed it and something broke, we’d just have to come back. The road and pipes over there might not be our problem, but this area was our jurisdiction. I’d already slacked off on the other side.
“Nngh…”
Even with thick layers on, I was drenched in sweat from the effort.
“You’re Chief Maeng Do-yun, right?”
When the work was done, staff from other districts slowly approached.
“Yes, that’s me. What’s the matter…?”
“Ah~ It’s nothing much, but thank you so much!”
Me?
“You sent over those neatly organized photos earlier, right? Thanks to you we finished quickly.”
“Aah~”
They said there weren’t any managers among them. Sometimes our jurisdictions overlapped while working, so we ended up collaborating often. They were all much younger than me. I was already on the young side, but these guys were barely in their early twenties.
“It’s fine. Good work today.”
“Yes, good work!”
Why were they looking at me like that? Somehow I’d become the big brother figure to the kids from the neighboring town.
“Chief Maeng works way too hard.”
“……When the boss says jump, you jump.”
Just wait. Once I get promoted, I’ll be the one ordering the young guys around. I’ll become a sweet forty-something.
I hadn’t used hypnosis since Han So-jeong. The cold wave and heavy snow had kept me busy, and after draining nearly all my energy for a month, I needed time to rest.
That day too, after finishing an outside assignment, I spotted Lee Yoo-na crouched in a corner of the parking lot. Her face looked strangely gloomy. In her memories I was just a regular administrative staff member, so I was planning to just walk past.
“……Nngh.”
But in my memories, all sorts of things were still vivid. Especially that soft, springy, huge ass… No, the bright, cheerful smile she always wore.
“Is something wrong?”
I bought a warm canned coffee from the vending machine and approached her.
“Ah… No, it’s nothing.”
Her eyes looked a little moist, like she’d been crying. She wiped the tear tracks with the back of her hand and forced an awkward smile.
“Ah, coffee… Thank you……”
“Drink it now. If you take it inside, people will notice and you won’t be able to drink it.”
“Okay……”
I crouched down beside her and opened my own can.
“It’s tough, isn’t it?”
“No, no…… I like this job……”
“The adults are being pretty harsh, huh?”
“……”
She just sipped her coffee in silence. People sometimes looked down on her because she always smiled and looked so kind. There were those who treated civil servants like they were beneath them.
“……”
“……”
We sipped our coffee quietly. Just as I was about to stand up, Lee Yoo-na opened her heavy mouth.
“Why do they act like that……? We’re just trying to be nice to them……”
“……”
I lowered my butt back down.
“We try to take care of everything for them……”
I didn’t bother answering. Tears rolled down Lee Yoo-na’s clear eyes.
“Haa… I think I’m getting tired……”
“……”
“I started because I liked it……”
Early signs of burnout. People who made it to the welfare department had kind hearts, so they took even small wounds deeply to heart.
“Huuu…… Still, I feel a bit better now. Thank you.”
She smiled at me with puffy eyes. Hmm.
“Usually when people say that, they’re not actually okay.”
“……”
I scratched my head and spoke.
“Do you like rhythm games?”
“……?”
She looked at me, shoulders slightly trembling.
“I like them, but I’m not very good.”
“Ah……”
Lee Yoo-na looked like she had something to say, but nothing came out.
“That’s just how life is, isn’t it? You start because you like something, then it gets tiring and hard.”
“……”
As a rhythm game otaku, this was the best comfort I could offer.
“All I can really say is ‘hang in there.’”
“Heh… It’s okay.”
“Well then……”
As I stood up to leave, she spoke.
“Rhythm games…… Do you like them a lot?”
Huh. Was she flirting? Or just being a hardcore fan?
“What do you play on……?”
Ah. Otaku. I smiled.
“K-Rock.”
The logo of the machine that had been in the arcade popped into my head, so I answered with that.
“Oh……!”
Hiss. Somehow this felt dangerous. There was a sparkle in her puffy, tear-filled eyes. I knew that look well. It was the gaze of a veteran spotting a newbie.
“Ahem, well then, I’ll be heading in.”
“Ah…! Yes…. Ah…. Yes……”
She was fidgeting like she really wanted to talk about rhythm games. But as everyone knew, I was the ultimate newbie among newbies. I quickly escaped. After that, she never spoke to me privately again. But every now and then I still caught that look in her eyes—the intense, eager stare of a hardcore fan dying to debate. At least she seemed a little better. That was a relief.
“……”
And that had been a huge misconception. Everyone in the Customized Welfare Team stared in stunned silence. Since the entire team consisted of social welfare workers, they went on outside assignments frequently. Naturally—checking on elderly people living alone or delivering relief supplies took up a lot of their time. But some of them had come back completely soaked. A few were even crying. Another damn event had triggered in a quiet place. This server really had a lot of content. From what I overheard, they’d gone to deliver supplies when an old man suddenly threw water on them. The reason?
-You gave more to that side! It was so unfair I couldn’t even laugh. Was this really happening in 2025? The fact that it was real made it even more absurd.
“Haa.”
I immediately picked up the phone.
“Yes, Township Head. Yes. Ah~ Yes yes.”
There’s nothing you can do? One of my subordinates got water thrown on them and that’s all you have to say? I know. If this blows up it’ll be a pain. “Yes, of course. I’ll handle it quietly. Yes.”
The moment I hung up, I grabbed my coat.
“Chief Lee, Chief Baek, Chief Min. The three of you, come with me.”
“……Yes?”
Exactly the three who had gotten soaked. With a serious expression, I grabbed the porter key.
“Follow me.”
“……”
They trailed behind me like criminals even though they’d done nothing wrong. A wave of irritation surged through me.
“Haa, did the chiefs commit some crime?”
Even so, throwing cold water on someone in winter was crossing the line.