1. Destiny
1. Destiny
1. 'Fate'
Except for the wall in front of me, everything around was in a state of darkness.
It was my first time seeing such a strange sight in my life, but it felt somewhat familiar.
Because in most cases like this, it was a dream.
I slowly read the text written on the wall in front of me.
'I want to make people [ ].'
I feel like I learned a lot of similar things during psychology or mental health science classes back in my student days...
In an instant, dozens of words pop into my head...
I want to make people suffer.
I want to make people obey.
I want to make people go crazy.
I want to make people want to die.
I want to make people unable to move.
I want to make people sad.
I want to make people strip naked.
I want to make people...
The words that immediately came to mind bewildered me.
Once again, I find myself objectifying my own humanity.
As expected, if I don't keep my wits about me, I seem to have the personality of trash.
No one was criticizing me, but with the thought of not becoming a person I'd be ashamed of, I try to think of something a bit more positive.
I want to make people enjoy themselves.
I want to make people happy.
I want to make people excited.
I want to make people...
The words I forced myself to think of were far more contrived than when I was being negative, they weren't sincere, and I couldn't even think of many.
As expected, my true nature seems to be that of a pretty bad person.
However, I still want to live righteously.
If hypocrisy keeps piling up, it becomes virtue, and if pretense keeps piling up, it becomes virtue.
I chose the most hypocritical, pretentious, least fitting for me, and slightly cringey word.
I want to make people happy.
I realized it was a dream, and I also thought it was like the answer to an elementary school "Righteous Living" test question, but as soon as I decided in my heart, the word [Happily] appeared in the blank on the wall.
-Selection complete. Your choice will lead you to a shining future-
A strange voice is heard from somewhere. It sounded like my elementary school teacher from childhood, and also like a lecture in the military.
Right. I made the right choice. Even if my nature is like a beast, I can make the right choice like a human. When I felt a little proud of myself, those words, though they were nothing, felt like a small reward to my heart.
And the wall in front of me instantly shrinks to the size of a credit card.
Floating in the air, the brightly shining card makes me think I've seen it a lot in cartoons when I was young.
Unconsciously, as if it were only natural, I reach out and grab the card.
[No 1. Fate - SSS]
[Even those with any talent, ability, or luck cannot help but live an ordinary life with only an ordinary fate.
This card is the highest-ranking card among the 48 cards and will lead you to an extraordinary life.]
What is this? This is...
After elementary school "Righteous Living" class, it seems it's now card game time.
Did my recent mental fatigue lead to regression to infancy in my dream?
It seems my recent night delivery part-time job is indeed exhausting.
-Card acquired. To see the description again, recall your Status-
In an instant, the card in my hand disappeared.
It doesn't seem to be the type of card you hold in your hand and battle with.
I wondered if the 48 cards, including the Fate card, were something like Tarot cards.
-Status-
When I don't know what to do, I do as I'm told.
[Owned Cards: 1]
[Current Emotion: 0/100]
[Cumulative Emotion: 0]
A very short description appears before my eyes.
This is different from what I thought?
And what is "Emotion" anyway?
As various questions swirl in my head, I hear a phone ringing.
A phone ring?
In an instant, the stimuli of the dream and reality mix, and I was finally able to wake up from the bizarre dream.
When I open my eyes, my eyes feel heavy.
It seems I also broke out in a cold sweat.
The bell is still ringing.
The person displayed on the phone screen is someone truly unexpected, so the remaining sleepiness vanishes instantly.
Mother.
How many times does Mother call these days? Maybe once or twice a year?
Today isn't my birthday, and we didn't make any plans in advance.
For now, I hurriedly answer the phone.
-Why are you answering the phone so late?-
Mother's blunt first words. There isn't even a common "Hello."
-Ah... I was sleeping a bit. What's the matter?-
If it were a normal mother, I would hear, "Can't a mother call if there's nothing wrong? You rascal!", but naturally, my mom delivers the business immediately without any of that.
-Clear your schedule tomorrow. I'm going to see a lawyer.-
-Yes? A lawyer?-
Why is a profession I've never seen in my life, a profession that makes me scared just by hearing it, coming to find me?
-Your father died.-
Mother says it calmly. And I accept it surprisingly calmly.
-What about the funeral?-
-They said they held it among acquaintances.-
-Got it. What time are they coming tomorrow?-
After the call with Mother ended, I took barley tea out of the refrigerator and drank it while organizing my thoughts.
My parents divorced when I was 8, right after I entered elementary school.
Even at a young age, rather than being shocked, I just thought, "I see."
I have no memory of ever seeing my parents getting along in my entire life.
In fact, it was strange that they hadn't divorced until I was 8.
I followed Father between the two.
They gave me the choice, and like an elementary school student, it wasn't a very wise decision.
I lived alone with Father for 2 years.
At first, it seems Father also tried to take care of me, who was separated from Mother.
But the one who actually needed care was Father himself, who was separated from Mother.
It seems it was always like that.
Even though they were a married couple with a child, my parents clearly looked like a master and a servant.
Among them, Father was the servant.
He always clung to Mother to win her heart, but Mother only thought of Father as pathetic when she saw him.
Now that I'm older, I realize Father was never an ordinary man either, but Mother was truly a very strange person, like a monster from an old fairy tale.
Now I'm 28, and Mother is 49.
She was a young mother who gave birth to me as soon as she became an adult, and she still retained that youth.
To an excessive degree.
I guarantee it's absolutely impossible for someone seeing Mother for the first time to guess her age.
When we met at a department store for her to buy me a gift on my birthday last year, all the staff thought we were an older sister and younger brother, not mother and son, or even worse, because of my face which had aged prematurely and didn't match my age, they thought she was my girlfriend, and the painful humiliation comes to mind.
I knew I didn't have a face that resembled Mother, but the baby-face gene wasn't passed down to me either.
Of course, there are many people on TV who are prettier than Mother, but I don't think I've seen anyone over 49 who is prettier than Mother.
Even taking into account the longing for Mother that formed while living apart from her when I was young.
A strangely youthful appearance and the looks that make it shine.
Business management skills that seem perfect.
The coldness that shows even the minimum amount of affection to her family.
Charisma that makes it impossible to believe in her small and frail physique.
I have no memory of ever seeing Mother look disheveled in my entire life.
Mother was a person who had everything, and Father was not.
A man who was reasonably handsome and reasonably wealthy.
Sometimes I wondered how Father got permission from Mother for marriage and pregnancy.
After the divorce, for some reason, I thought I had to follow Father.
It seemed like Mother would live even better alone, or rather, especially when she was alone, and Father seemed like he would fall apart quickly.
And that prediction was correct.