The Last Campfire
“Do Won-woo trainee.”
My name was called, and I looked down at the letter in my hand.
I slowly unfolded the paper. The past me, who had written this letter without imagining the events that would unfold here, couldn’t help but smile.
“Hello. Do Won-woo.”
The letter’s content was overall dry and unemotional. That was how I had been back then. It wasn’t much different now, either.
“I’m currently spending my first night here. Honestly, it’s all unfamiliar and difficult. It’s scary too. What about you? Have you adapted? Are you okay?”
On the day I stepped into the first training camp, the past me sitting on the bed writing this letter briefly flashed through my mind.
As I read the letter, I saw the trainees listening intently to my voice.
“Have you become comfortable now?”
While reading the letter, a sentence that had been stuck in my eye made me close my mouth.
“Comfortable…”
Perhaps at that time, I had written this sentence from a place of truly wanting myself to become comfortable.
I gathered my voice and continued reading the next sentence.
“Of course, the journey so far hasn’t been smooth sailing. There must have been times when it was hard and tiring. But I believe you’ve been doing well.”
For some reason, it felt odd.
I don’t remember how I felt when I wrote this letter back then.
Actually, it was half out of reluctance. What was I supposed to write this for? Some sentences were just stuffed in to fill lines. But now, rereading them…
“No matter what future lies ahead, I think you’ve suffered a lot. After all, you’re the one who works hard at everything. So, I know better than anyone how much you’ve suffered. Thank you for your hard work.”
I said the last sentence.
“No matter what result comes, I hope the day comes when we can all say it’s all okay in the end.”
After reading the letter, I looked up. For some reason, the trainees’ eyes were red.
I, the one who actually wrote the letter, wasn’t crying, but the trainees were making expressions as if they were about to cry any moment.
It wasn’t incomprehensible. We had spent a lot of time in the same space, and even though our positions were different, we were sharing similar emotions in the end.
“Don’t cry.”
After saying that, I sat down casually in my place.
Honestly, I wanted to cry. But I bit my lip. I didn’t want to cry pathetically.
“Won Ji-an trainee.”
The next turn came, and Won Ji-an from my side stood up.
I glanced at Won Ji-an. His face was smiling. His expression was unnaturally calm.
“Hello. Won Ji-an. I’m writing you a letter while spending my first night here. Reading this letter means that everything is about to end, right?”
Won Ji-an read the letter with a calm expression and voice.
“What do you look like now? I’m curious. Of course, I can’t know, but I hope you’re happy.”
Indeed. It was a letter in Won Ji-an’s style.
“Happy…”
It was a sentence that made me think a lot.
A letter wishing for the past me and future me to be happy.
Won Ji-an must have written this letter without knowing what would happen to him.
“But it won’t be as easy as you think, will it? The world is like that. It’s not like in movies or dramas where everything turns out well.”
A bitter smile appeared on Won Ji-an’s lips as he read the letter.
“There are many things that can’t be done with just effort in this world, and there will be moments when you feel your limits, and surely there will be days when you hit and roll. But I believe you’ve endured all that and become who you are now. That you, even if not completely perfect…”
Won Ji-an’s voice started to tremble a little.
“I want to live well in this life. So, I’ll work hard.”
I suddenly thought a lot.
On the first day, Won Ji-an had written this letter to himself with that in mind.
Was it the same for all? Even Won Ji-an who wanted to give up on himself at the beginning started with the desire to live well, and people’s hearts can change, can’t they?
“I don’t want to end these times as the last page. I want to go to the next page. I don’t know if there will be a next chapter for me.”
Won Ji-an’s voice, which had started calmly, by the time he finished reading the letter, had become a trembling voice.
“But this time, I hope it’s different. I hope you can smile happily with all your heart.”
With the last sentence, Won Ji-an hugged the letter and lowered his head.
He was crying. Quietly, silently.
“Ji-an-ah.”
Lee Hae-won patted his back without a word. Other trainees also sent cheers.
But I knew that nothing could comfort Won Ji-an right now. After all, I couldn’t know if there would be a next chapter for Won Ji-an or not.
“Scary.”
The end is coming, and we don’t know what to do.
“Are you feeling the same as me?”
Is it a scary feeling that makes me want to run away? No, Won Ji-an must be feeling it more than me.
Won Ji-an, who read the last sentence with a trembling voice, wiped his tears and said.
“I just want to say thank you to everyone by borrowing this place.”
Won Ji-an looked at the surrounding trainees carefully and continued.
“Actually, there are a lot of things I’ve experienced for the first time here. Looking back, it seems like I’ve accumulated many unforgettable memories. I rarely felt the emotions of joy and happiness in life, but with all of you, it feels like I’ve felt a lot and am leaving.”
Won Ji-an seemed like he was giving a final farewell. Like someone who had sensed that this might really be the end.
“I was always used to being alone and comfortable, but thank you for coming to me first, for making me laugh, and for making me laugh.”
It was the moment when Won Ji-an, who had been smiling brightly as if nothing was wrong, showed tears for the first time.
“I really appreciate it.”
Throughout the rest of the words, he couldn’t lift his head. If I could, I would have told him to stop talking. Don’t talk like someone who’s about to leave. I wanted to say that.
Before long, in the atmosphere filled with tear-filled eyes, Na Jae-hyun, the next one, stood up.
“Ah, of all times, it’s me again.”
With an awkward smile, Na Jae-hyun looked around and said.
“How do I read this atmosphere? I wrote it to be really funny.”
I saw Won Ji-an quietly wiping his tears alone, and other trainees crying along with him.
Once one person starts crying, tears spread like an epidemic.
In the settled atmosphere, Na Jae-hyun looked at the eyes and read the first sentence of the letter. But he stopped after a while.
***
After the campfire ended, we went out of the building to play the last game prepared by the production team.
There was nothing special. It was just a treasure hunt game. It was a simple game where you find the treasure hidden by the production team.
“Uwaa, it’s cold.”
On the chilly day, Lee Hae-won ran over with his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah. It’s getting cold now.”
I looked around. The treasure hidden by the production team wasn’t visible. I had heard it was in paper form…
“Did you cry?”
“Huh?”
“Your eyes are a bit red.”
I shook my hand towards Lee Hae-won who was looking at my face.
“I didn’t cry.”
I didn’t cry. I was scared that if I did, it would become like the real last.
Even now, I still have that belief. That everything will be okay. That I will debut, Won Ji-an will debut, and there will be more days when we become the same group and laugh together.
“I don’t believe that ‘it’s the end’.”
Listening to Lee Hae-won’s muttering, I let out a small laugh.
“That phrase is heard about ten times a day lately. Everyone doesn’t believe it’s the end.”
Actually, I feel the same.
The feeling not to believe is stronger, but…
“Then, we were really weird. Our first meeting. How could such a coincidence happen? Isn’t it fate?”
I avoided Lee Hae-won’s eyes.
Everything isn’t coincidence, but maybe the truth can’t be said till the end.
“Where did they hide the treasure?”
“It doesn’t show up…”
At that moment, while we were circling around the building.
“Eh?”
At that moment, the lights of the tree came on one by one, illuminating the dark street.
“What is this? Is it an event?”
“Wow, it’s pretty?”
Amid the trainees’ murmuring, Lee Hae-won discovered something and ran towards the tree.
“What’s here.”
Something was hanging on the sparkling tree branch.
“Is this the treasure the production team is talking about?”
Lee Hae-won, who had been making a bewildered expression at first, soon understood what he had found and his thoughts became complicated.
It was a group photo of the trainees. On the back of the photo, a message of encouragement left by the trainees who were eliminated was written.
[Complete it till the end without any regrets.]
The treasure was the last encouragement from the eliminated trainees to us.
[Fight till the very end.]
[I’m going first. You must debut.]
[Have fun. It was a good memory!]
So, we found the treasures one by one and checked the messages on the back of the photos.
The encouragement from those who left first. Reading it made me feel strange.
“It really feels like it’s the end.”
The names and faces of people I met and parted with flashed in my mind.
How many people I had sent off. The people who started together are leaving first, sending encouragement to the rest of us left behind.
“It really feels like it’s the end…”
Muttering that, I looked down at the photo in my hand.
The smiling trainees. The photo where I don’t remember when it was taken. Still, the trainees in the photo looked happy.
“They made it so obvious to make me cry.”
I held the photo tightly and looked up at the sky. It was a night with unusually many stars.
“Hae-won-ah.”
“Huh?”
“After it’s over, can we smile as if nothing happened?”
Lee Hae-won, who heard my words, tilted his head as if he didn’t understand, and said while looking at the sky with me.
“I don’t know. Maybe… I won’t.”
Lee Hae-won shrugged his shoulders.
“There’s nothing eternal in the world. The hardships now will eventually become nothing when looked back later. Um, then we can smile as if nothing happened.”
Will it really be like that?
Will there be a day when everything becomes okay?
“I hope so.”
While spending the last night here, I prayed for everything to become okay.
After all this ends, I hope we can smile as if nothing happened.
So, the last night ends.