The Last Day Before the Finale
The day before the final, the last day of vacation. The training camp was noisier than usual.
There was a reason for that. A sudden notice had come from the production team.
“What is this?”
“Calling us one by one to rooms?”
“You don’t even tell us what for?”
The trainees, clueless, followed the staff’s guidance to somewhere.
They were each called to mysterious rooms, and since they didn’t explain what it was, their reactions were bewildered.
But I know what I’m going to do.
At this point before the final, in the story, it’s time for the fan letter event.
Reading the responses written by each trainee’s fans. A plan by the production team to create an emotional scene before the final, with little time left.
Without knowing this fact, the trainees would have read the letters defenselessly and had no choice but to shed tears.
Everyone might have been tired and struggling to reach the final, even if they didn’t show it.
So, even trainees who don’t usually cry would have tears when reading the fans’ sincere letters. The production team must have aimed for that.
As expected, Won Ji-an, who was called first, returned with puffy eyes. Anyone could see he had been crying.
“What? Why is your face like that?”
“Did you cry?”
In response to the trainees’ reactions, Won Ji-an shook his head and smiled.
“No, I ate something spicy…”
“What?”
“You ate spicy things?”
Some trainees still didn’t get it, but a few who were sharp noticed what was happening.
Han I-jae seemed to have figured it out too, watching calmly.
“Hyung, did you have a good time?”
“Yeah.”
With that, it was Han I-jae’s turn.
Hmm, Han I-jae… did he cry?
Watching Han I-jae’s back as he left the room, I wondered if he would cry or not. Because the setting book mentioned he doesn’t cry.
And soon after, Han I-jae returned to the room. Contrary to expectations, Han I-jae looked fine.
So, he didn’t cry.
The trainees, disappointed, let out a collective “Uuuu” sound.
“What? Hyung, you didn’t cry?”
“What?”
Won Ji-an said in a complaining tone.
“You have to shed tears at least once, right? I heard you couldn’t hold back.”
Han I-jae shrugged as if to say ‘what did you expect?’ and went in.
“Yeah, I cried.”
“Really?”
“I’m crying inside right now.”
Amid the skeptical glances, Hyeon Si-woo returned with red eyes. He must have cried too.
He must have been through a lot. Survived the whole time, had many incidents.
With the situation like this, the trainees’ murmuring grew louder.
“What exactly made all of you come back crying? I’m curious.”
“Is it really the game where you make them eat spicy things quickly? Maybe they prepared it to make them cry before the final…”
“No, that doesn’t make sense.”
As the clueless trainees continued their speculations, I waited calmly for my turn.
One by one, the trainees returned, and finally my name was called.
“Do Won-woo trainee, please come up to the upper floor now.”
At the moment my name was called, the trainees said goodbye, wishing me a good time.
“Have a good time.”
“Eat spicy things well?”
“…No.”
After finishing casual conversations with the trainees, as I walked out into the hallway, I suddenly met Lee Hyo-seop.
“Won-woo.”
“Yeah?”
“Have a good time. But you won’t come back crying, right?”
At that, a smile came to my face for a moment.
“Why? Do I look like I’d cry?”
“No, because all the kids are crying.”
“Well, maybe…”
Well, I didn’t really think I’d cry. Since I already knew what I was going to do, and I’m not as tearful as Han I-jae.
“I won’t cry.”
“Really? Yeah, you seemed like you might. Have a good time.”
After waving at Lee Hyo-seop, I headed to the room the production team told me about.
***
Throughout the stairs, many thoughts floated in my head.
Fan letters…
Now that I think about it, this was the first time I was reading fan letters directly.
Other trainees could receive fan letters at the company because they had affiliations, but I didn’t have that.
Honestly, it was difficult. What kind of response should I show to the fans’ cheers.
Because I had never experienced receiving such passionate support from someone in my life.
Thinking about it, it’s crazy.
It was an unrealistic thing even to me. I, who knew nothing about idols, fell into the survival show, learned dance and song for the first time, and became 1st place.
Since in my previous life I always maintained the 1st place ranking, the 1st place ranking might seem familiar…
The more I thought about it, the crazier it was.
How did I become 1st place.
I was running in a daze, so it didn’t feel real, but when I faced the word “fan”, it was a moment when my thoughts multiplied.
I could roughly know the number of people cheering for me with numbers, but seeing their hearts directly was the first time.
Actually, for a while, it was hard to see the fans’ reactions.
Because during the survival show, I stopped monitoring at some point.
The reason wasn’t because I was indifferent, but because there were too many crazy people in the world.
Searching for the name Do Won-woo brings up many good things, but also many strange and bizarre stories or rumors.
An internet space spewing out unrefined words anonymously. There, unimaginable words were pouring out every day.
After seeing all that, I thought my mental state would break, so I stopped searching in the middle and focused solely on the survival show…
I wonder what kind of hearts the fans have when cheering.
Honestly, I didn’t know well.
If I hear this, fans might say I’m disappointing, but I don’t know why fans like me, the human. I can’t even say I like myself.
If I have to guess, maybe they like the shell called Do Won-woo. I had unconsciously thought that.
Actually, there are many reasons to like idols, but from my perspective, it’s not about liking my skills, and if I have to say, it might be external factors…
…I know that too.
The reason they like me might not be solely from me as an individual.
It might be a fact I was trying to ignore.
Can I accept the hearts of so many people like this.
On the way up the stairs, the anxiety I had been trying to ignore began to push through.
***
When I arrived at the room, as expected, a bundle of letters was placed on the table.
“…What is this.”
It was always inconvenient when this happened. My appearance of pretending not to know something I know was very awkward.
Still, I sat in front of the table with as bewildered a face as possible. The production team’s explanation came from across.
“These are letters sent by fans who support Do Won-woo trainee.”
On the white letter paper, the fans’ cheering phrases were densely written.
I slowly picked up the letter paper as if I didn’t know this fact.
There, the fans’ hearts were full.
“……”
“……”
I thought it wouldn’t be anything special. Since I already knew everything, I thought there would be no crying like the other trainees.
But why…
Why does it feel like I’ll cry.
At this point before the final, in this uncertain and difficult situation where I don’t know what will happen next, a single word of support from someone is enough to move a person.
I had roughly expected the content, but there are times when even if you know, you get moved.
…Ah.
A tear fell on the letter.
In the end, I cried.
***
When I returned to the room, the trainees greeting me were full of anticipation.
“You cried?”
With some inexplicable rebellious feeling, I nonchalantly shrugged my shoulders as if I hadn’t cried. As if I hadn’t cried at all.
Actually, it would be hard to distinguish if I cried or not. Since I didn’t sob at the top of my lungs, the fact that I cried didn’t stand out externally.
But if you watch the broadcast, you’ll know whether I cried or not.
“Haa…”
If I cry, it will appear on the broadcast. Honestly, it wasn’t something I liked, having my weak side of crying or such exposed to everyone.
Still, it was good to hear that.
I recalled the contents of the letter I read earlier one by one.
I know it’s not light. Receiving support from someone.
So, even if their reasons for liking me are different, even if it’s not solely because they like me…
Anyway, since I received support, I have the obligation to return it.
Looking back, I didn’t originally have the goal of becoming an idol because I wanted it, it was all because of the system.
Now, I have my own goal.
My people and those who cheer for me walking the same path without harm.
To do that, I have to do better and make more effort. From now on, I decided not to be swayed by the goals set by the system.
***
By now, time had passed, and the clock was pointing to 10 PM.
With some inexplicable frustration, I left the training camp and walked outside the building. Looking up at the sky, I saw thick dark clouds. It felt like it would rain soon.
After walking for a while, when I looked up, I saw a familiar back view.
“Won Ji-an?”
Won Ji-an standing in place, staring blankly into the distance.
“What are you doing.”
When I approached and spoke, Won Ji-an blinked silently and opened his mouth.
“Sorry.”
Won Ji-an said in a quiet voice.
“It seems like I did something I couldn’t do for you, and for my fans too.”
Tears were gathering in Won Ji-an’s eyes. But they didn’t fall.
Perhaps he had made a vow not to shed tears anymore. It seemed he had steeled his heart.
“I shouldn’t have given up in advance.”
“……”
“It won’t work. This life was ruined too. In the end, I have no choice but to have an unfortunate fate. So, the people who cheered for me all abandoned me and left me alone.”
Won Ji-an continued.
“Sorry, really.”
After reading the letters sent by the fans today, Won Ji-an seemed to have changed his heart too.
“Even though it’s too late now, still, until the very end, I’ll do my best to the best of my ability, to the extent I can reach.”
Won Ji-an said while looking at me.
“Won-woo. If I end up falling, even if I can’t debut, I hope you don’t get upset.”
“…Don’t say things like that.”
However, Won Ji-an shook his head. As if he understood me completely.
“In a way, we were each other’s fans. Even if I disappear, I was someone who was your fan at some point. So, even if I don’t do well, remember the feeling I had that I wanted you to do well.”
I didn’t answer. Or rather, I couldn’t.
So, we stood side by side, only looking at the approaching end.