Don't Feel Guilty

So Won Ji-an had noticed, too.

Well, of course he had. He had a system of his own, and he'd seen my system window before. He would have known the misfortune narrative was being passed around like a game of hot potato.

"Yeah. It came back to me."

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

"I figured..."

Won Ji-an's expression darkened.

"It's a problem I have to overcome myself."

I said it lightly, telling him not to worry, but the truth was I felt lost. I knew what had happened to Lee Hae-won, then Han I-jae, then Hyeon Si-woo as each of them took the misfortune narrative onto their own shoulders.

In the original novel, Do Won-woo was a character who was supposed to disappear early. But I changed fate, and that's how I made it this far.

As time went on, the misfortune each person had to bear wasn't getting smaller. It was twisting into something more extreme. The people who were originally supposed to be unhappy had become happy. Someone had to suffer in Do Won-woo's place — but everyone kept overcoming whatever misfortune came for them.

So eventually it came back to me. Because there was no one left to take it in my stead.

Everything I did to help other people is what created this situation.

Maybe I'd known from the beginning. That it might come to this. I'd told myself over and over that what happened to other people wasn't my concern — but every time I came to my senses, I found myself helping someone.

I wasn't originally this kind of person.

In this insane world, I had lived caring about nothing but grades and rankings, never lifting a finger for anyone. Why had I changed like this? Honestly, I didn't know.

"That's why you should have only thought about yourself."

I looked up to find Won Ji-an staring at me with reproachful eyes.

"You should have only thought about yourself, and not cared whether anyone else became unhappy. It might not matter to them, but for you, everything is on the line. If you don't debut this time, you'll disappear even from this place."

I listened in silence. He wasn't wrong. If I wanted to live, I should have thought only of myself from the very beginning. I should have calculated my gains and losses the way I always had, and done everything I could solely for my own happiness.

"But..."

I looked at Won Ji-an standing in front of me.

"Isn't it a contradiction for you to say that? You're not doing it yourself."

Won Ji-an was worrying about me. It wasn't even his problem, but he treated it like it was.

"That's..."

"Yeah. If I'd only cared about myself no matter what happened to anyone else, we wouldn't be in this situation. But I didn't want to do that."

"......"

"I didn't want to throw away the people who'd become unhappy just so I could live."

That choice had created the current situation, but there was nothing I could do about it now.

"So this is my problem. Like you said, it's time for you to start thinking only about yourself. This survival show is almost over anyway."

Won Ji-an bit his lip.

"No."

"What?"

"I said no."

In that moment, Won Ji-an called my name.

To be precise, my name from my previous life. But it was also my real name. Looking at it this way, it hit me with sudden force. In this world, Won Ji-an was the only person who knew my real name and could call me by it.

"You're my friend. So I can't just let you become unhappy like this."

Won Ji-an opened his system. Then he opened his inventory window.

"What are you doing?"

"I have something to give you."

Soon a system window appeared.

A gift? There was a system for that? I was thrown by the unfamiliar item I'd never seen before, but I decided to read the description first.

So it was an item that dumped my misfortune onto some random person.

"You're giving this to me because you want me to use it, right?"

Won Ji-an flinched slightly at my words.

"Originally I was going to use it myself. If the misfortune narrative ever came to me, I was going to transfer it to someone else without a second thought."

He went on.

"If anyone overheard me saying this, they'd definitely think I was a bad person. How could I even ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠think of using something that makes someone else unhappy just to make myself comfortable?"

A bitter smile formed on Won Ji-an's face as he spoke.

"But I can't help it. That's just the kind of person I am. I might look kind on the outside, but the truth is I'm a selfish human being who only cares about himself."

Listening to him, a laugh slipped out of me.

"That's bullshit."

I was angry before I even realized it.

"You're saying that while gifting me this thing? If you really were someone who only cared about himself, you wouldn't have given this to me. You'd have kept it to the end."

I didn't know why I was angry. Thinking about it, I had always hated the version of myself who'd been doomed to unhappiness since childhood. I had hated the deficiencies I'd been born with. So if there was an item that could dump my misfortune onto someone else, I would have used it without hesitation. Just like a game. That simple.

But why don't I want to do that?

I didn't know. Maybe getting hit by that car in my previous life had messed something up in my head.

"Anyway, you tell me to live selfishly, but you're the one sitting here giving me this. What do you even get out of giving it to me?"

Won Ji-an raised his voice.

"Yeah. I'm doing this for myself."

I couldn't say anything. I had never seen Won Ji-an this angry.

"Haven't you been helping other people this whole time for your own sake too? And what have you gotten out of it? Your misfortune came back, and you got stabbed like a fucking idiot."

Won Ji-an's clenched fists trembled as he shouted in front of me.

"So you want me to use this?"

"Yes."

When I made a face like I couldn't care less, Won Ji-an's expression twisted.

"You've been stupidly helping other people this ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠whole time and ended up like this. What's so wrong about being selfish for once?"

"......"

"Even if you don't use this, the moment you overcome the misfortune, someone else is going to have to take it instead. That's how it works."

He wasn't wrong. Which made it sound even more cruel. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Because in the end, for me to be happy, someone else had to be unhappy.

"...Alright."

Won Ji-an's eyes widened at my words.

"You're going to use it?"

"Yeah. I'll use it."

I had no choice. The cheap selfishness of being fine with anyone else being unhappy as long as I was comfortable. People might click their tongues and point fingers, saying I'd given in to that selfishness —

I looked Won Ji-an straight in the eye as I said it.

Even as I said it, I didn't know how it had come to this. Maybe I'd gone crazy. The fact that I could say something like this so casually was proof enough.

"You're right. I have no choice but to be selfish. Otherwise I'll disappear."

This damn survival show was almost over. If I dragged this out without overcoming the misfortune narrative, I might actually die. I didn't want that.

So I pressed the button. Survival instinct taking precedence over moral obligation — that was just how it was.

Seeing me do it, Won Ji-an let out a breath of relief, as if a weight had been lifted from his chest.

Who would end up receiving this goddamn misfortune narrative in my place? The guilt of having dumped it onto someone with my own hands would come crashing in — but in the end, it was a result I would have to accept.

Please...

What was I even hoping for? I was making a ridiculous prayer in my heart when —

Ding.

A cheerful notification chime, and then the result of the item use appeared.

"...Ah."

I felt like I was going to lose my mind.

Fuck.

Unlike Won Ji-an, who remained unfazed, I was on the verge of going insane.

"Why you?"

I wanted to grab anyone and demand answers. Why did it have to be Won Ji-an? In the end, he had made a stupid choice. Because he'd hoped I wouldn't become unhappy, he had ended up taking the misfortune in my place.

"Say something. Aren't you even angry that it turned out like this?"

Won Ji-an still wore that same unfazed expression.

"Why would I be angry? It was my choice."

He was so composed — as if he'd expected this from the start — that it even felt strange. When I looked at him with suspicion, Won Ji-an quietly stood up.

"I was prepared for this from the beginning. When you used that transfer ticket, I already knew I might be the one it landed on."

"......"

"In this insane world, there's no way I would have thought misfortune would just skip over me."

Won Ji-an smiled. Even in a situation like this.

"So what now? If you fail to overcome the misfortune narrative and can't debut, you'll die too."

Leaving my accusing question behind, Won Ji-an walked toward the front door.

"If I die, I die."

"What?"

"It was my choice. Wanting you not to be unhappy, and giving you the transfer ticket."

Won Ji-an didn't look at me even once as he said it.

With those words, Won Ji-an opened the door and went outside.

I wanted to stop him, but I couldn't follow. Won Ji-an had made the choice — but in the end, I was the one who'd accepted it.

Don't feel guilty?

Like that was even possible. Right now, in this moment, I felt like I was going to go insane.

The misfortune narrative that had come to me stayed only a short while before leaving. Because I'd used the transfer ticket I'd received from Won Ji-an, and by some twist of fate, the misfortune narrative had been transferred to Won Ji-an — the original owner of the item.

For some reason, even though the misfortune narrative was over, I was still nothing but unhappy.

Goddamn it.

Why is this kid sitting there saying he's okay? There's no way he's okay.

We both knew something had gone wrong, and we were both pretending it hadn't. We still wanted to maintain a good relationship. Still wanted to debut together. Still held onto some vague hope that things would work out from here. Even knowing a crack had already formed.

It was a ridiculous dream from the start.

Maybe the greed had been wrong from the moment I used the transfer ticket. I wanted to live. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to dump my misfortune on someone else. But I hoped it wouldn't be someone I was close to.

A world where only I and the people I'm close to can do well and be happy? There's no way something like that exists.

If the world had been that kind to me, I wouldn't be here in the first place.

I gulped down cold water, leaned against the wall, and closed my eyes. Suddenly my stomach churned.

What do I do now...

Soon the break would be over, and the second ranking announcement was approaching.