Chapter 7. No, it's not that different? (3)
Squish, squish.
"......."
Squish, squish, squish.
"......Um, Soi?"
I called out to Soi quietly.
But Soi didn't let go of my hand.
Class time.
Soi had been touching my hand throughout the entire break, but there was nothing she could do once the teacher walked in. Soi was too much of a model student to be sitting sideways during class.
Even so, it didn't seem like she had any intention of giving up.
While writing this and that in her textbook with one hand, she kept folding and unfolding my hand behind her back with the other.
She kept doing it for a while, so I thought maybe she wanted me to hold it, and when I did, I got caught.
Soi squeezed my hand tight and absolutely refused to let go.
"......."
I couldn't just keep calling Soi's name in the quiet classroom.
And it didn't seem like she'd let go even if I did.
My face felt hot for no reason.
The teacher must be able to see everything from their desk. Students usually think their shenanigans are invisible from the front, but don't they say that when you actually stand at the front, you can see everything?
In fact, their gaze landed on us a few times.
They seemed a bit hesitant, too. Wondering whether or not to say something to us.
The kids tended to show their attitude toward me in many ways, but the teachers were much less obvious. It was probably due to their professional sense, being adults, and the fact that they have to deal directly with parents.
But aside from that, their attitude was quite cautious.
As if they didn't know how to treat me. Then again, they aren't even my homeroom teacher, so I wondered if there was any point in bothering with it.
......If I were an adult, that's what I would have thought.
"......Ahem."
Well, anyway.
In the end, the teacher seemed to have decided to give us a warning.
"Save the fooling around for after class."
Soi's hand, which had been fidgeting with mine, flinched and then slightly lost its grip.
She didn't let go completely, as if reluctant, but my hand, which had become slightly damp from Soi's body heat, was finally able to escape.
I let out a sigh of relief and looked around, and the kids were glancing over at us.
Hmm.
My face was burning.
It shouldn't be weird for girls to hold hands. I'd often seen other kids walking around holding hands or linking arms.
But unfortunately, inside me lives an outcast who couldn't even talk to girls properly during school days.
So, in this way, a little, what should I say. Hmm, anyway, I'm not used to holding hands for a long time.
.......
Still, thanks to that.
Because I was busy feeling embarrassed, it seemed like there was no room left for me to have any other negative thoughts.
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*
Although she had let go of Lua's hand, that soft sensation seemed to still linger on her own.
Just like how you feel a strange sense of buoyancy after being in the water for a long time, as if your body is still submerged, a similar strange buoyancy lingered in Soi's heart.
She couldn't tell exactly what it was.
But she didn't dislike the feeling.
She had let go because she was reprimanded, but it wasn't easy to focus on class even after letting go.
Part of it was that her mind was still on holding Lua's hand, but also because the atmosphere among the kids around them was unusual.
She had thought that might happen.
In fact, she had already heard about it from her mom. She hadn't gone so far as to say Lua would be openly bullied, but she had asked her to take good care of Lua.
The kids, at least, don't bully Lua in front of Soi.
And, even if it wasn't in front of Soi, they wouldn't bully her openly. Because they know whose daughter Lua is.
And for now, it doesn't seem like the teachers have any intention of blaming Lua, either.
"......Hmm."
When Soi, lost in thought, made that sound, the kid in front of her flinched slightly.
The kid who had called Soi nice earlier.
Staring intently at that kid's back, Soi sank deeper into thought.
Isn't just holding hands no different from what normal friends do?
Of course, even just having that level of friendship would make people pay some attention.
But that lacks the 'bond of sisters.'
In Soi's mind, sisters were always friends who loved each other as family, protected each other even at the risk of their lives if necessary, and lived seeing each other every day—friends beyond the closest friends in the world (those who actually have sisters might disagree).
The problem is that Lua is very vulnerable to hugs. Because of childhood trauma.
Because of that woman, she also became sensitive to having hands touch her head.
In such a situation, is there any other way besides holding hands?
Something that isn't a hug but is similar to a hug, something that isn't petting but is similar to petting. And yet, an action that can clearly show others that we are close.
A way to show that no matter what they do, they can't separate us, and that bullying her is the same as bullying me.
"Hmm."
It's something worth thinking about, Soi thought.
*
When class ends, I go to meet Chaeyi as usual.
Soi didn't dislike Chaeyi. If she had to be specific, she was probably closer to the side of liking her.
For one thing, Chaeyi had cherished Lua immensely ever since that incident, so that alone was already a pass.
But even so, it's a bit hard to fully accept her.
Because, for some reason, it feels like Soi's position is shaken when Chaeyi is around.
Of course, considering the amount of time they've built up together, that would never happen, but still, it's a bit like that, isn't it?
However, even with someone like that, there are moments when you have to ask for help.
"Let's take turns protecting Lua?"
"No, that's not what I meant."
Because Chaeyi was so delighted at Soi's words, Soi cut off that expectation once.
"Not taking turns, but when I have no choice but to leave Lua's side."
"......."
Lua had gone in to shower.
Soi had tried to shower with Lua many times when they were younger.
But Lua never allowed it once. Lua usually accepted most of the things Soi did without complaint, but she rejected that so genuinely that Soi couldn't bring herself to force it.
Thanks to that, she did get time to talk to Chaeyi without Lua around.
"So, you want me to come and protect her when you go to the bathroom?"
"Do you hate it?"
"Hate it or not, I usually go to Lua's side during breaks."
"Are you sure? Even today, there was a time when Lua was alone in the classroom."
"......."
Chaeyi avoided her gaze.
Soi also thought it was unavoidable. Chaeyi was in a different class, after all.
To continue school life, it's more important to be close to kids in the same class than kids in other classes.
But even though she acted as if she couldn't help it because she liked Lua so much, what's the point if she leaves her side at such necessary moments?
......Isn't that too selfish? Chaeyi has her own life, too. Soi's conscience asked cautiously, but since affection, anger, and annoyance opposed that motion, she could ignore it for now.
"Well, fine."
Chaeyi answered.
"We don't know if it will get worse or weaker in the future. Maybe we'll become targets, too."
"We'll think about that when the time comes. It's not yet, right?"
"That's true."
Mom said she could consider transferring schools if necessary.
She didn't know if Chaeyi could follow her then or not.
When they had talked about that much, the sound of the shower in the shower room stopped.
When Soi stood up, Chaeyi stood up too.
"Why are you?"
"Can't I stand up?"
"No, you don't need to shower since you're going back anyway."
"I have to dry Lua's hair."
Soi was dumbfounded by that.
That's something Soi, the older sister, should do!
"I've already washed up too, you know? I'll dry it."
"Fine. Then let's play rock-paper-scissors."
"This is my house, you know!?"
"......Soi?"
Lua, who was coming out of the shower room, opened her eyes wide at the exact moment Soi was shouting.
"Yeah...... that's true, but......"
Chaeyi replied immediately with a slightly dejected expression.
Of course, Soi didn't lose to such behavior. Without losing her momentum at all, she glared at Chaeyi.
It was an angle where Lua couldn't see Soi's expression anyway.
"You're going to dry your hair, right? Let's go."
Soi immediately approached Lua and took her hand.
And led her to the room.
Lua followed Soi with her eyes still wide open, then stared intently at Chaeyi.
Chaeyi followed behind the two, chuckling.
Thinking that next time, she would definitely seize the opportunity.
*
I sat Lua in front of me and dried her hair.
Unfortunately, since Lua would flinch whenever I touched her, I just dried it gently with the hair dryer on a low setting for now.
Lua's body, as she entrusted her hair to me while hugging the rabbit doll she had slept with since childhood from behind, looked a little smaller than usual.
Well, it was a posture where she was leaning forward slightly, so she might look a little shorter.
That back view of Lua looked like a small animal hiding in a burrow, so it was incredibly lov—
"......Ah!?"
Soi, who was drying Lua's hair, was startled all by herself.
"H-huh!?"
Thanks to that, Lua, who was in front of her, was also startled and jumped.
Naturally, Chaeyi, who was watching nearby, also opened her eyes wide.
"Why, why are you like that?"
"Huh? Huh? Ah, it's nothing."
Soi quickly smoothed it over, and without realizing it, she glanced at Chaeyi.
Did Chaeyi notice too?
But Chaeyi just narrowed her eyes as if she found Soi's wariness of her very suspicious, and didn't seem to have fully realized it.
Soi forcibly held back the corners of her mouth from rising.
Something much more intense than holding hands.
But something that couldn't be called a hug.
Because she had found it.
How did she not know when she saw this posture every day?
If hugging isn't possible, she just needs to be hugged, that's all.
She calmed her heart again and started drying Lua's hair, but Chaeyi still looked at Soi with eyes that hadn't lost their suspicion.
Of course, Soi didn't say anything.
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