Chapter 70: Acting with Acting (3)
Chapter 70: Acting with Acting (3)
S# 114.
The highlight of The Chaser.
Having tracked down Han Ye-hwa, who is hiding in a convenience store, Cha Seo-ah approaches her while clutching a blood-stained hammer and a knife.
Her eyes fixate on the trembling, terror-stricken Han Ye-hwa.
‘What kind of look should I have in my eyes?’
Seo-yeon had hesitated over how to portray this scene while reading the script.
Cha Seo-ah was a human being who had already crossed the point of no return.
To excuse it as a symptom of her illness... she had already killed too many people and was prepared to kill more.
‘And before she even meets Han Ye-hwa...’
Cha Seo-ah kills one more person.
The convenience store clerk.
To the audience, the clerk was merely an innocent bystander who said the wrong thing, but to Cha Seo-ah, it was different.
Cha Seo-ah is not a psychopath or a sociopath.
She isn't a being incapable of feeling or empathizing with human emotions.
She is simply a person who cannot feel those emotions correctly.
A person who cannot express them.
In a way, that makes her even more terrifying to other humans.
If someone laughs when they should cry...
If someone sheds tears when they should laugh, how would a normal person perceive that?
Seo-yeon could still vividly recall that sensation from her past memories.
‘Being unable to forget isn’t always a good thing.’
She didn't know why, but whenever Seo-yeon tried to recall memories from her previous life, everything came back with startling clarity. It had been that way since she was a child.
She mostly used this ability as a reference for knowledge regarding movies or dramas.
However, those weren't the only things that refused to fade.
While the rest of her past life gradually grew hazy, leaving only the memories of cinema and television, those specific faces remained etched in her mind.
It was different from when she recalled memories related to the entertainment industry.
She hadn't known the reason until now, but while reading the script for The Chaser, she finally realized it.
Ah, I was deeply scarred back then.
That’s why I can’t forget.
Alexithymia.
It isn't that one doesn't feel emotions.
It's just that they feel them in an entirely different way.
In the West, this condition is called alexithymia.
It comes from the Greek words lexi, meaning "word," and thym, meaning "soul" or "emotion," combined with the privative prefix a. It literally means "having no words for the soul."
‘There were times I wondered if I truly had no soul.’
Ironically, that thought was disproven by her reincarnation.
She did have a soul, and now she felt emotions like anyone else.
It was a simple physical malfunction.
Simple, yet a shackle a human could never escape in a single lifetime.
‘Therefore...’
Cha Seo-ah isn't feeling nothing in this moment.
When she kills the convenience store clerk who treated her with kindness...
And when she kills Han Ye-hwa and the others...
She certainly feels something.
She just doesn't know what that emotion is.
「……」
Cha Seo-ah brings the hammer down, killing the convenience store clerk.
The script contained the direction: “With an expressionless and cold demeanor.”
No.
Seo-yeon shook her head.
It was true that those with alexithymia rarely showed expression.
But that was only because they didn't know what expression they were supposed to make.
So, in this moment, Cha Seo-ah definitely had to show an expression.
However, it couldn't be an expression of sadness or pain.
Because that would be a "correct" emotional expression.
Blood splattered.
Or rather, it felt as if it did.
An illusion of spraying blood.
With the motion of swinging the hammer, the convenience store clerk, who had been begging for her life, collapsed.
Cha Seo-ah looked down at the clerk.
She placed a finger under the woman's nose to check for breath.
Then, she brought the hammer down twice more.
Of course, the hammer never actually touched the actor.
Yet, the momentum was so fierce that the filming staff flinched instinctively.
‘That’s acting, right?’
They had felt it before, but the sensation was stronger now than ever.
Above all else...
‘That expression.’
Kim Dae-heon, the actor playing Detective Im Seung-cheol, who was waiting for the next scene, swallowed hard.
For a moment, he forgot they were even filming.
‘Is she laughing? Or is she crying?’
She was smiling, yet she looked as if she were weeping.
Kim Dae-heon had seen an actor give a performance like that once before.
It was the smile Park Sun-woong—one of South Korea’s representative actors—wore at the end of a movie after taking revenge on the murderer who killed his son.
But this felt different even from that.
It was more complex.
It was a face that contained a multitude of emotions.
Park Sun-woong’s acting had been clearer. It was a performance that displayed the thrill of revenge alongside the sorrow of knowing his dead son would never return.
Because of that clarity, one could simply watch in admiration.
‘But...’
Seo-yeon was fundamentally different.
She was crying while smiling.
It was the lost expression of someone who didn't know what emotion they were supposed to be showing.
Like a non-human entity trying to mimic a human.
「……」
Her parted lips moved soundlessly.
Dropping the tool in her hand, Seo-yeon—no, Cha Seo-ah—began to stroke her own face with both hands.
As if trying to figure out what kind of face she was making.
The sight was so grotesque and filled with such an indescribable sense of the uncanny valley that those watching involuntarily grimaced.
‘That wasn’t in the script.’
Anyone who had read the script would have thought the same.
Was this a specific direction from Director Bae Jin-hwan?
But seeing the director's eyes widen slightly, it seemed that wasn't the case.
Thump!
Slowly.
Cha Seo-ah pulled her hands away from her face, then raised her right hand and began to strike her chest with her fist.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
As if trying to force her own heart to beat.
Or as if trying to clear a blockage in her chest.
Until now, Cha Seo-ah’s actions had been difficult to decipher.
Her emotions and actions simply didn't align.
But this time, the emotion was clear.
The action and the emotion were in sync.
Frustration.
And pain.
Cha Seo-ah was feeling them.
She slowly picked up the fallen tool.
There was no hesitation, but the moment she gripped it, her hand trembled violently.
Cha Seo-ah stared at her own hand for a moment, then tightened her grip on the blood-soaked hammer once more.
Huff, huff, huff.
She took deep, heavy breaths.
Then, she headed toward the convenience store storage room where Han Ye-hwa was hiding.
Ironically...
Cha Seo-ah’s emotions were easier to read from her back, where her face was hidden.
They could feel her agony.
And with that, S# 114 came to an end.
*
“Seo-yeon, here’s some green tea.”
“Ah, thank you.”
Seo-yeon took the paper cup offered by Kim Dae-heon.
He always brought green tea to drink on set.
“You worked hard today.”
Filming finally wrapped up as the red glow of the sunset began to fade.
S# 114 had been approved in a single take, but S# 115 had resulted in several NGs.
It was the final desperate struggle against Detective Im Seung-cheol, the scene she had practiced with Professor Kim Hong-baek.
It was a scene where Cha Seo-ah’s emotions exploded, and Detective Im Seung-cheol fought with life-or-death determination.
“...Are you feeling okay?”
“Haha, of course I am. Perfectly fine.”
Kim Dae-heon laughed heartily.
But in truth, he wasn't fine.
Was it because Seo-yeon couldn't keep up with the action choreography?
No, far from it.
Seo-yeon’s movements had been incredibly clean.
To be honest, he had been worried about her doing action scenes without a stunt double, but the problem had actually been him.
“I struggled because of you. I didn't want to lose to a younger actor.”
“...I don't think there's winning or losing in acting.”
“Haha, it’s just a figure of speech.”
Seo-yeon gave a faint smile at his playful remark.
Kim Dae-heon, momentarily dazed by her rare smile, cleared his throat.
“Anyway, your acting today was truly amazing. It was as if...”
Kim Dae-heon swallowed the rest of his sentence.
He couldn't bring himself to say she looked exactly like the real Cha Seo-ah.
But every single staff member who saw her performance today would have agreed with him.
To be honest, some were even whispering that she might need to be taken to a hospital.
Not because they doubted her sanity, but because they were worried that such intense method acting might cause her psychological harm.
‘Method... is it?’
He was an actor.
He could distinguish whether Seo-yeon’s acting was method or not.
The actress Ju Seo-yeon was known for specializing in method acting.
Because of that reputation, everyone seemed to assume this performance was method as well.
But today, Kim Dae-heon became certain.
Her portrayal of Cha Seo-ah wasn't just simple method acting.
It was a performance that revealed the inner self of the actress Ju Seo-yeon.
‘She couldn’t possibly be suffering from a similar illness... right?’
Kim Dae-heon chuckled at his own wild imagination.
He had researched alexithymia for this shoot.
Naturally, it was impossible for someone with such a condition to be an actor.
Let alone a method actor.
Method acting required one to understand the character and empathize with their emotions more than anyone else.
It was the polar opposite of alexithymia.
‘But the fact that she understood Cha Seo-ah more intensely than anyone...’
He thought it was a truly difficult role.
Seo-yeon was incredible for portraying it so brilliantly.
The reason Kim Dae-heon had requested retakes for several scenes today was also because of her.
He didn't want the scenes to fall flat because his own performance couldn't match hers.
And the final S# 115 they had captured was truly satisfying.
‘I’m sure Seo-yeon feels the same way.’
He looked at her with that thought, but Seo-yeon was simply sipping the green tea he had given her.
Of course, Seo-yeon was thinking something quite different from Kim Dae-heon and the rest of the staff.
‘I hope they’re paying for the convenience store repairs.’
The fierce battle between Im Seung-cheol and Cha Seo-ah had lasted hours.
The convenience store, which had been completely trashed during their rampage, caught her eye.
To Seo-yeon, who visited various convenience stores every day, seeing one reduced to splinters was a truly heartbreaking sight.
“Seo-yeon.”
Just then, Director Bae Jin-hwan, having finished reviewing all the footage, approached her.
“Good work today.”
“Thank you.”
“I think parts of today’s scene will definitely make it into the PV. It turned out exceptionally well.”
She hadn't liked the idea of filming the highlight in advance, but if it was going into a promotional PV, it didn't seem so bad.
“And by any chance, do you have plans to do another movie after this one?”
“A movie? Well...”
She did.
The one she had in mind was an audition scheduled for the end of the year.
It was a movie intended to improve her public image so she could secure the 400 million won she needed.
“Ah, it’s not for right away, so don’t worry. It’ll be next year—sometime next year, probably.”
“Probably?”
“Yes. From what I’ve heard... GH Group is ambitiously preparing another film. But...”
Director Bae Jin-hwan hesitated for a moment.
He had realized it after seeing her act today.
Seo-yeon was a rising star.
Once this movie was released, her value would likely double.
That was why he hesitated.
It was a great opportunity, but the director of that film gave him pause.
“Seo-yeon, do you happen to know... Director Jo Bang-woo?”
Director Jo Bang-woo.
The father of Jo Min-tae, the director who had helped Seo-yeon so much when she was young.
At that name, Seo-yeon’s eyes narrowed.
‘Right. It’s about that time.’
A man who was once called the "Invincible Director."
But now, he was someone driven into a corner after a string of box-office failures.
His final masterpiece was set to be released at the end of next year.
That time was drawing near.