Chapter 51: Fear
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 51: Fear
I looked at the text I got yesterday again.
[Ah, Oppa. Something came up so I have to go to school a bit early tomorrow. I’ll head out first. ㅠ]
Monday morning.
I came out after washing my hair and toweled off the remaining water.
My body, which had felt like a block of stone until yesterday, now seemed to be completely recovered.
After drying my hair with a hairdryer, I stood in front of the mirror.
“Sigh… I should have confessed that day…”
Somehow, thanks to Doah visiting my house, I was able to give her the gift, but I was in no condition to confess.
And even if I could have, the optics would have been terrible…
Even with my lack of dating experience, I figured no one would want to be confessed to by a guy in a stretched-out t-shirt.
So how am I supposed to confess now…
Thinking back, there was no better opportunity or timing than my birthday.
Can I do this?
The price for letting a special day pass was that I now had to artificially create a special atmosphere myself.
Deciding I should worry on the way and get going, I hurriedly put on my coat and left through the front door.
As November approached, the colorful autumn leaves began to fall on the streets.
If I were with Doah, I would have chattered on about how pretty they were.
Seeing how much I missed these little things, I could tell my feelings for Doah had become certain.
Normally, this was a path I walked with my hood up and earphones in, watching Luka's clips.
I missed Doah.
Should I ask her to have lunch together?
Arriving at the lecture hall, I scanned the room, trying my best to find Doah.
Where on earth is she sitting?
She’d said she had something to do at school, so I thought she would have arrived earlier than me, but I couldn't see her anywhere.
“Hey! Han Taemin!”
As I kept looking around, Yoonje gestured for me to come and sit.
“Hey.”
“Why are you just standing there? Sit down.”
I put my bag down and asked Yoonje straight up.
“Have you seen Doah?”
“Kim Doah? I don’t think she’s here yet.”
“…Really?”
Class was about to start, so why wasn't she here?
As I stared at the door like a statue, Yoonje nudged my elbow.
“Hello? Mister.”
“What?”
“Are you really dating Kim Doah?”
Yoonje’s question was full of mischief.
“No.”
“Just from your reaction, you two already look like a couple.”
I didn't really deny it.
If only my body had been fine over the weekend, we might have actually been a couple by now.
When I didn't answer, Yoonje provoked me even more strongly.
“Hey, Taemin. Was a girl like Doah your type? Seeing all the girls you’ve rejected until now, I was wondering just how high your standards were.”
Ah, seriously.
Who will save this soul obsessed with women?
Conscious of the other students from our major sitting in front of and behind us, I said just one thing.
“None of your business.”
“Wow. Listen to this guy’s attitude.”
That’s what I want to say to you.
I kept my eyes on the front door until the professor walked in, but I couldn't find Doah.
I was just thinking I should send her a text.
“Kim Doah.”
The professor started calling attendance.
I thought he would just pass over her name, but…
“Here.”
Hearing Doah’s unmistakable voice, I whipped my head around to look at the back.
Doah, wearing a gray hoodie and a baseball cap, was sitting at the very end of the last row.
I don't think she was there when I first came in. Did she come in through the back door?
When I turned my head back to the front, Yoonje, feeling mischievous again, let out a smirk.
“There she is. Doah.”
“I saw her.”
I decided to go say hi to Doah after class and focused on the lecture.
Since it was right after midterms, the professor didn't seem to plan on a long lecture. Class was over in about an hour, and I quickly packed my things.
“Want to get lunch together?”
“No.”
I rejected Yoonje’s offer flatly, slung my bag over my shoulder, and turned around, but…
Where did she go?
I had packed my bag the second he said, “Let’s end class here for today,” but it seemed Doah had left even faster than me.
Wondering if that was even possible, I walked over to her seat and asked the girl who had been sitting next to her.
“Excuse me…”
The female student jumped in surprise as I spoke to her.
I thought I’d seen her around, but I didn't know her name.
“Yes?”
“Do you know when the girl sitting next to you left?”
“She slipped out about five minutes before class ended.”
Why? It’s not like she was ditching after attendance, so why leave with only five minutes left?
“Thank you.”
I gave a slight bow and left the classroom.
It might just be me, but something seemed off about Doah today.
This is who I've always been.
Timid. And I hate getting hurt.
I just couldn't bring myself to face Oppa, so I made up a flimsy excuse and avoided meeting him.
I was even scared of running into him in the lecture hall, so I slipped out of class five minutes early, pretending to go to the bathroom.
I went straight home, turned on my computer, and logged into Voicecord.
Today, too, the only one online was Hanbit unnie, who was unemployed.
The other unnies were probably at school or work.
[Unnie.]
[Yeah.]
An instant reply.
[Can you talk right now?]
[Why? Is it about that guy you’re seeing again?]
[Yeah. But I think I messed up.]
[What? Why? Weren’t things going well?]
[They were, but…]
Ugh, it would take forever to explain this over chat. I just decided to call her.
[Hello?]
[Unnie…]
[Luka-tan, why the long face again?]
Hearing her cheerful laugh somehow made me feel even more like crying.
[He knew everything.]
[…Huh? Knew what?]
[That Oppa! He knew I was Luka!]
[What? How does he know?]
I told her the whole story, from going to his house the other day to checking his computer, and she summed it up neatly.
[So. You think he approached you because he knew you were Luka, is that it?]
[…Probably?]
Because I couldn't think of any other reason why he'd be interested in me.
[Hmm…]
Hanbit unnie was silent for a while, deep in thought.
[But Luka.]
[…Yeah.]
[Is it really so bad if he likes you because you're Luka?]
So, if I think about it as him liking me because he's in the Pink Army…
[…I don’t know.]
There was definitely a gap between Kim Doah and the character of the virtual idol, Luka.
It wasn't that Luka wasn't me, but I thought it was a stretch to equate his liking Luka with liking me.
[Honestly, from what I’ve heard so far, it doesn’t really feel like he’s just playing with you, you know?]
[…Yeah.]
My gaze drifted to the lamp Oppa had bought me.
Ah, seeing that it’s pink is kind of pissing me off.
[If he’s really your fan, I think there could be some good things about it, too.]
[You were whining last week about what you’d do if you two got together and he didn’t like VTubers.]
I did remember having that kind of conversation with her last week.
[If he’s your fan, you don’t have to explain any of that. Isn’t that a huge win?]
[No, Unnie. But realistically, would a guy like Oppa have any reason to watch a VTuber? Especially one tailored for hardcore otakus?]
I just couldn't imagine it.
I mean, he's that handsome. Does it make sense for him to spend all day staring at something like that?
[I don’t know. That’s something for you to go and find out.]
[…What?]
I have to go find out?
[Luka-tan, listen carefully.]
At Hanbit unnie’s slightly more serious tone, I swallowed hard.
[What do you think is the most common reason couples fight?]
Well, that’s…
[Cheating? Or… not keeping promises, stuff like that?]
[No, no. There are big things like that, but there’s usually a problem that’s both more serious and more common.]
[What is it?]
I was curious to know.
[It’s when the two of them don’t communicate properly.]
[I’ve dated a few times and I hear a lot from my friends.]
[Most problems happen because the two people don’t talk things out properly.]
[You know those situations. ‘I did this for such-and-such reason, so why are you taking it that way?’]
[And you know what the most common response is?]
[‘Why are you only telling me this now?’]
[They end up fighting like crazy over a simple misunderstanding that’s about nothing.]
[A situation that could have ended without anger if they had just talked it through blows up into a huge fire because they didn’t say a few simple words.]
Hanbit unnie, having poured out her passionate speech, let out a deep sigh.
[So, Luka-tan.]
[Yeah.]
[Go and ask him honestly.]
[…But I’m scared.]
Even after hearing everything, my fear didn't subside.
[Sitting around moping by yourself for a hundred days won’t solve a single thing.]
[And if you really want things to work out with him, this was a problem you’d have to address eventually anyway.]
Stop it.
Stop hitting me with facts, Unnie.
[Ah. And this is just to keep you from freaking out too much…]
I figured it would be more sugar-coated words of comfort, but I was wrong.
[You know, if he really had bad intentions, it would've been over for you already, right?]
I couldn't say anything in response to her words.