Chapter 39: A Little Venting
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 39: A Little Venting
I stared blankly at the ceiling.
Kicked out of Doah's house, I lay on my bed, trying to decipher the meaning behind her words.
Actually, I didn't even have to try.
After all, her saying she didn't have a boyfriend was as good as admitting she'd prepared that thing for me.
A moment ago, I was so flustered that I’d asked her directly, but putting everything together, the conclusion was clear.
“Hmm...”
I turned to face the wall and reached my hand out into the empty air.
Doah, right here...
If I had really tried to hold her that day, would she have been here, right next to me on my bed?
My imagination grew more and more suggestive.
I quickly slapped my cheek to snap myself out of it.
I wasn't some middle schooler ruled by his hormones.
I wouldn't be able to reach a proper conclusion by thinking with my dick.
My feelings for Doah.
That was what mattered most.
Even after being rejected once, Doah was sending me signals so strong it almost made me feel sorry for her.
I... Doah...
It would be a lie to say I wasn't interested in her.
But the reason for those feelings was the problem.
Do I like Doah for who she is?
Or do I feel this way because Doah is Luka?
The gap between them was so vast that it was hard to tell which side held more weight, making it difficult to simply equate Luka with Doah.
If I became her boyfriend without sorting out these feelings, I might end up hurting her terribly down the line.
A wound far, far deeper than just saying, "I can't accept your confession because you're not my type."
I didn't want that.
I had learned the hard way that approaching someone with half-hearted feelings was incredibly selfish.
Certainty.
I needed unwavering certainty.
It felt like it had been a long time since I'd had such a sleepless night.
Vicious.
Taemin Oppa was a total jerk.
Does being handsome give you a free pass for everything? Huh? Does it?
I threw the condom he'd returned to me and, overwhelmed with a mix of embarrassment and irritation, pulled the covers over my head.
"So how did that end up at my place?"
Oppa's voice replayed in my head.
What kind of answer did he want?
Did he want me to smile and say, "I brought it just in case we did it!"?
Just how much did he need to humiliate someone to feel satisfied?
It was hard to imagine someone like Taemin Oppa not knowing what it meant.
He was obviously more experienced than a forever-single person like me, and he was older, too...
The longer I lay still, the more I felt like I was reliving the moment he walked into my room, so I shot up from the bed.
Right.
I'll just chalk it up to a bad run-in with a vicious Pink Army fan and practice my singing.
This was no time to be moping around.
We'd received the guide track for our CLOSER debut song yesterday.
We got the chance to talk with the composer over Voicecord.
[Hello, members of CLOSER! I'm Biya, a composer with YM!]
[First of all, congratulations on making it. This is a song the company commissioned me to work on even before you were all selected.]
[Since this is your debut, I prepared a song with a fresh, lively, rookie idol feel.]
[I've distributed the parts based on all of your vocal tones and ranges, but just in case adjustments are needed or a part change might be better, please sing the guide track from start to finish and send it to the email address written here by the end of the week.]
[I'll be looking forward to it!]
I played the guide track again and hummed along to the music.
A pro was a pro for a reason.
As soon as they heard the song, the Closer members all started freaking out about how much they loved it.
Leah, who was usually quiet, must have really loved her assigned part, because she spammed the chat with hymns of praise for the composer, Biya.
“Ah. Ah.”
After warming up my throat, I slowly sang the lyrics on my phone, matching them to the melody.
A faintly warm memory
A recollection spreading like watercolor
On the street we walked together
I wait for you again today.
The part the composer had marked as mine was the bridge, right before the chorus.
The key seemed a little high, but I thought I could manage.
Of course, I wondered if singing like this would be good enough for an actual recording, but I practiced the song to the best of my ability.
Before I knew it, it was 8 PM.
It was time to get back to my main job.
After finishing my setup for the stream, I cleared my throat once and hit the "Start Streaming" button.
The moment I went live, the chat flooded with greetings.
The Pink Army really was the best.
[Hello, everyone~ Luhai luhai~]
Part one, as always, was a "just chatting" stream, so it started off casually, but I hadn't planned anything for part two.
I was thinking I'd just take game recommendations or do whatever other content came to mind, when a pretty interesting chat message popped up.
[Luka-nim! Do you ever do those bracket fights?]
A bracket fight... I think I did one back when I was a small-time streamer, but not since.
[Ah. Should we do a bracket fight, then? What kind should we do?]
In response to my question, the Pink Army listed all the brackets they wanted to see.
[A Snack Bracket Fight sounds pretty good, and an Anime Bracket Fight? I think that would be fun to do with Murin later, right?]
Since Fumurin, CLOSER's youngest member, was also a huge otaku, doing content with her later seemed like a good idea.
As I scrolled through the bracket fight website, I clicked on one that looked particularly interesting.
[Let's do this one.]
-The Annoying, Off-Putting Type of Lover Bracket Fight
[You guys are always asking what you should do if you want to date me, right? How to become Luka-tan's boyfriend. Let's find out what you should avoid.]
I'd clicked on it impulsively, but the choices were all completely awful.
A partner who doesn't wash before meeting me VS A partner who secretly goes clubbing
[Ah... this is tough right from the start. But I'm going with the second one.]
[If they don't wash, I can just tell them to go wash. But if they're secretly going to clubs, there's nothing I can do to stop them, right?]
A partner who gets caught talking to someone else VS A partner who absolutely refuses to show you their phone
[Isn't the first one obviously worse? I think someone might have reasons for not wanting to show their phone.]
My comment sparked another heated debate among the viewers.
[Nah. Isn't the reason for not showing it fucking obvious?]
[A phone is private. Why would you even try to look?]
[They're hiding it because they have something to hide. agree]
[LMAO I'll show you mine, so please, someone just date me~~~]
I scanned the reactions, smiled, and nodded.
[But I think you might not want to show it if you have old photos or embarrassing pictures on there. Like, I wouldn't want to show someone my no-makeup pics.]
Seeing no need to fuel the fire any further, I quickly moved on.
A partner who airs your dirty laundry on their messenger profile after a fight VS A partner who's obsessed with female or male streamers and donates huge amounts of money to them
[Wow... this one is...]
In my heart, it was definitely the second one, but I wasn't sure if I, of all people, should be the one to say it.
[Gasp. Don't tell me Luka-tan is choosing the second one?]
When the chat started freaking out over my reaction, I quickly tried to smooth things over.
[I mean, I get it. You guys donate out of support all the time.]
[But donations should be kept at a healthy level. I hope you guys aren't donating when you don't have money for living expenses or going into debt for it.]
[Of course, I trust none of you would do that, but please, Pink Army, don't. It would make me feel too burdened and sorry.]
I clicked the first option and frowned as soon as I saw the next matchup.
A partner who says incredibly ignorant things VS A partner who knows everything but pretends not to
Taemin Oppa's face flashed in my mind.
Suddenly feeling emotional, I clicked the second option without a moment's hesitation.
[Ah. Honestly, I really hate this one. If someone's ignorant, they can learn. You can just teach them. But someone who knows and just pretends they don't? That's just super annoying, you know?]
More awful choices came up after that, but today's winner was already decided.
Taemin Oppa, who would never see this stream.
Today, I'm calling you out.
[Alright, everyone! If you want to be my partner, never, ever pretend you don't know things~ Got it~?]
After finishing my own little vent session, the knot of frustration in my chest seemed to loosen and melt away a little.
[I'm going to grab some water and snacks before part two!]
After telling the Pink Army I was taking a short break, I sighed and picked up my phone.
I did tell him yesterday that we should keep talking...
I wonder if he messaged me.
I swiped my thumb to unlock the screen and gulped when I saw the notification.
Why am I so nervous now that it's actually here?
Seeing Taemin Oppa's name, I tapped the screen to open the message.
[Doah.]
He said my name.
[Would it be okay if we took things a little more slowly...?]
I was so happy to read those words, but at the same time, my face felt like it was on fire as I wondered what he was thinking when he sent that message.