I'm Not Buying
"What am I supposed to eat today."
There wasn't a thing left in the house. The spicy army stew Jiyoon had made a few days ago was long gone, and all that remained were ingredients I had no idea how to use, plus packs of instant rice.
With my pathetic excuse for cooking, I couldn't turn any of that into a meal. The most I could manage was something brainless, like rice with soy sauce and an egg.
"Delivery's a no, so do I actually have to go outside?"
Going out was its own disaster. What I'd been through last time was still too raw, and if I stepped outside looking like this again, the odds of being hauled off to a hospital by force were basically a hundred percent.
"Call it stocking up, and just write while I wait for Jiyoon."
The chapters were already finished and queued to publish, so getting ahead now would make tomorrow easier. I wasn't desperately hungry anyway. I decided to write one more while I waited for Jiyoon, sat down in front of the laptop, and started in.
"Ugh... no matter how I look at it, two chapters a day is too much. I think I finally get why authors won't do back-to-back updates. I really do."
The story itself had no problems. The moment I started writing the protagonist's crimes, though, a mind that had already hit its limit describing the last chapter's crimes began to scream.
There was no way I could keep writing like that. I was heading for the water purifier, hoping cold water might scour my wrecked head clean, when the doorbell rang.
Ding-dong.
"Who is it?"
"It's your neighbor, from next door!"
A woman this time, not a man. Next door, though... what would she want? I turned it over for a moment, got nowhere, and spoke into the intercom.
"What brings you by?"
"Oh, I moved in around here recently, so I brought some rice cake as a little hello! Do you have a moment?"
Rice cake. Hungry as I was, that sounded like a gift—but after what had happened two days ago, opening the door filled me with a deep, immediate refusal.
"I'm sorry, I'm a little shy with strangers... could you just leave the rice cake and go?"
"Come on, we're neighbors. We ought to at least know each other's faces, don't you think? I only meant to hand over the rice cake, chat for a minute, and be on my way!"
Fine. Take the rice cake, see the face, say hello, and shut the door. It would look incredibly rude, but if I explained later, she'd understand. And if she didn't, that was that.
I set my jaw and eased the door open. The first thing I saw was the rosary in her hand.
That felt bad.
Certain it was a cult pitch, I tried to slam the door, but the woman who had introduced herself as a neighbor shot a foot into the gap and stopped it cold. Through the crack she looked at me with ominous green eyes and began to speak, soft and coaxing.
"Oh my. Not taking the rice cake, not even looking at my face, going straight for the door? Person to person, that's quite rude, you know?"
"I was closing it because I had a pretty good idea why you came. You think I did it for fun? If you're not here to proselytize, then I'm sorry."
"Haha. What kind of person do you take me for, to say a thing like that?"
So she wasn't from a cult after all? Then I really did owe her an apology. I was just easing off the door when she smiled, gentle as anything, and spoke.
"I've come to share some good words. Do you have a moment?"
Of course.
"I'm not buying. And get your foot out of my door, before I report you for unlawful entry."
"If I leave this foot where it is, you and I can have a nice cozy little talk. Why would I move it?"
I'd picked the wrong one. Of every cult fanatic I had met in my life, this woman looked fit to take the crown. I was threatening to call the police, and she wanted to chat with a smile. I couldn't help wondering what was going on inside her head.
"God will watch over you. Take refuge in the merciful Lord, and your illness will vanish."
"I don't have an illness, and I'm not in pain, so I don't see why I'd need to believe in anything."
"Haha. What a joke."
Talking to a fanatic through a single door, I kept calling on God in my head.
God? I know you're busy, but could you come out for a second?
"Why. I'm buried in paperwork and dying over here—what did you call me for?"
Any chance you can send down a revelation? In novels, the gods all do that.
"What is that supposed to— what the fuck. Why is she there."
God cut himself off mid-sentence and vanished. I had questions about that reaction, but a god who had already disappeared wasn't giving answers, so I was back to facing the fanatic one on one.
"What remarkable will. To endure all that pain to the very end, sick as that body is. Ah... magnificent! How about offering that will up to God?"
"Don't make me laugh. I am never joining your religion. I do, however, have the will to donate your life to a prison cell."
"Hmm... how strange. Why are you angry? I only came to share some good words."
She looked genuinely, purely puzzled, then smiled a smile I couldn't read, and all at once pulled her foot free. With nothing left in the way, the door slammed shut under what remained of my strength.
BANG!
"Well, I have plenty of time, so let's talk again. When would be good next?"
"I am begging you. Let's never see each other again."
"You can say that, but we're meant to meet again, you know? Hehehe."
She left the house trailing a delighted laugh. I had spent every scrap of strength on the struggle, and with nothing left I simply folded and sat down where I was.
"Fuck. If I open this door for her again, I'm not even human. I mean it."
My stomach growled.
"I'm hungry. Should've at least taken the rice cake."
Once it was over, the emptiness came rushing in, and I regretted not keeping the rice cake far more than I wanted to admit. Then something white, wrapped in plastic, caught my eye in front of the door.
"Huh? Did she leave this behind?"
Was it safe to eat? On a normal day I might have hesitated for at least a second, but I was too hungry to spare the thought. I peeled off the plastic and took a huge bite.
"It's good..."
The plain white rice cake the fanatic had left was, unexpectedly, far too sweet. Sweet enough that I could almost forgive her for everything she had done.
"Fine. I'll let it slide this once. And it is absolutely not because of the rice cake."
I ate the rest down to the last bite, and I enjoyed every one of them.
"Hehe. What a cute person."
The green-eyed woman with brilliantly shining gold hair smiled, pleased, recalling the one she had visited only a moment ago.
Frail, and still considerate enough not to show the pain. Patient enough to endure it. And last, brave enough to stand against her. In this day alone, she had already displayed three splendid virtues.
"What a talent to look forward to, once she comes to Heaven. Only... why is there so much damned demonic magic drifting around this place?"
Set against the radiance she had shown, the ground around the house seethed with filthy, revolting magic. The woman turned her gaze aside, searching for the cause.
"So that's where you were."
She studied the cat sitting on the wall and watching her, then picked up a stone lying carelessly nearby and threw it. The cat slipped aside with ridiculous ease.
"A fluffy puppy really is the best—so much better than a prickly little furball. Don't you think so, Mephi?"
"Bastards who shorten my name when they aren't even close to me don't walk away in one piece. I don't remember a single one who did, and that goes double for a hypocrisy-soaked birdbrain. Anyway. Why has Heaven's greatest fanatic come down to the mortal world?"
"Fanatic? That's rather harsh. I'm simply more devout than anyone, that's all. And if you're asking why I came down... the Archangels entrusted this important work to me, so of course I came. It's a nuisance, but the one I met here is a Great Demon, so this time I don't particularly mind!"
"Lauriel—sending this crazy bitch down to the mortal world... What the hell was that bastard Faust thinking, pulling a stunt like this?"
"Speak ill, and God will not look kindly upon you, you know?"
Mephistopheles was still cursing the Faust who had sent Lauriel here when she saw her closing in fast. She startled and bolted.
"Do I look like I'll let you leave gently? Go back to Hell of your own accord."
"I've still got a hundred years of vacation left! If I go back now, I have to forfeit the whole thing and work!"
"How wonderful. Why not report back early, while you're at it?"
"You are more of a demon than an actual demon, you bitch. If it were you, would you give it up?"
The chase that followed went on for a full hour. In the end Mephistopheles found a gap at the foot of a fence, the kind a dog squeezes through, and turned back to Lauriel with a triumphant smile.
"If you chase me in through here, I'll go back to Hell nice and quiet. How about it?"
"Who would trust the word of a Great Demon who cheats even on sworn covenants? Not even a fight—just running away through a dog-hole. Aren't you ashamed, calling yourself a Great Demon?"
Mephistopheles only stuck her tongue out at Lauriel from the gap, mocking her, and vanished into the hole. Lauriel watched with a hollow smile, and then she burst out laughing.
"A contest in a world where demonic magic and holy power are both sealed... this really will be fun. Well. No matter what nonsense a mere demon tries, our side will be the one that wins. That aside—I wonder if she enjoyed the rice cake. She did look hungry."
Picturing the one who had so fiercely denied both her and God finally turning to God at last, the pure-white angel smiled a mad smile.