A World Without Erotic Novels
My mother in this world had taught me to stay away from mercenaries. She said they were born vulgar, corrupting not just children but even well-raised adults with their lowborn taint. Of course, five years after her passing, no one would bat an eye if I ignored that advice. Still, it lingered in my memory—
"No way, Hans. And that was really the end of it?"
"Of course I fucked her three more times after that. You don't believe me?"
But it had become common knowledge that if you wanted something vulgar, you had to hang out with mercenaries.
"...Seriously, that was it?"
"What more do you want? Stories about banging demon bitches from the demon realm?"
"No, not that. I mean, really just 'kissed her mouth, groped her tits, pounded her pussy, done'? No ass play or anything?"
"What the hell else do you want me to add? That I shoved it up her dirty asshole?"
"......Never mind. I said too much."
Truth be told, it'd be a lie to say I wasn't disappointed by Mother's warning. Unlike the kind of curses you'd expect from nobles, the mercenaries were downright tame. These naturally vulgar types, spitting out all sorts of filthy talk without a hint of shame, like they had rags stuffed in their mouths. I'd hoped for sex-talk wizards unleashing highly refined sekdeulrip.
"Guess I'll head out first."
I shook my head with a sigh. Even these mercenaries were only this level? It was so boring I wanted to die.
What was the biggest difference between the people of this world and me? Probably my unusual origin story. Not my status, though that's special too. Youngest heir to the Vallancien family—a proper barony, even if rural. The guy who shattered the Imperial Academy's youngest squire record. And the one who turned down a spot in the Imperial Knights to come home and play at being a sub-baron. But bring in any other noble from this world, and none of that seems unique.
In that sense, I had something no other noble possessed.
"Roughly a year until the original story kicks off..."
Only I knew how this world ended. Hell, I couldn't even remember the title anymore. I'd just clicked on some romance fantasy promo on a platform and read it without much thought. All I recalled were the characters' statuses and ages, hammered home in the story. Thanks to that, I knew I'd possessed this body well before the main plot started—and when it would begin.
...But that was it.
"No reason I'd get tangled up in it anyway."
Thanks to the endless scale creep typical of romance fantasies, this world was overflowing with nobles. Tons of families existed purely as background set dressing, and I just happened to be born the eldest son of one. A noble with zero plot impact, living life as pure wallpaper. Perfect setup for sucking honey.
"Sis is handling baroness duties until next year anyway..."
Plus, tragic circumstances—both parents gone—meant my only sibling, my eldest sister, was pulling double duty as acting baroness. She'd even given me a grace period: Go learn something besides swinging a sword at the academy before taking over. So yeah, I could laze around sucking honey...
"But what the hell am I supposed to do now?"
Sigh. It slipped out naturally. Even in a position to suck honey, this world had no honey worth sucking.
At first, I swung a sword to make use of my body. Quit when no one could match me anymore. Tried gambling next. Sis caught on, and every casino in the territory dried up. Then I found novels. But regular ones didn't give me my dopamine fix, so I hunted shady books—that's me now.
But.
Is this world seriously lacking in libido altogether? The thought hit me hard. People treated sex so lightly, like they'd never researched it. Too damn pure. The church's rigid dogma and society's disdain for lust explained it, sure. Even sekdeulrip you could hear anywhere in 21st-century Korea? Nonexistent here. Sex in their heads was probably just missionary. Even the so-called obscene books—the raunchiest stuff amounted to:
...That kind of bland crap. Coming from a world overflowing with sexual content, this logic baffled me. That's why I ignored Mother's warnings and stuck with mercenaries.
If they've got rags in their mouths, maybe their sekdeulrip would be on another level from these prudes?
Every mercenary band I befriended, and all I got was:
'Kiss mouth. Grope tits. Pound pussy. Thrust thrust, ahh, squish squish.'
...Primitive experiences from one-track minds. This can't be the average, I thought, chasing leads for half a year now. Daily disappointment in this world's libido.
"...Should I just write it myself?"
The idea jolted me upright in bed, then I flopped back down. Just kill time anyway. Libido? Wedding my fiancée soon—nightly duties would handle it. All the positions and play this world lacked, with her...
Adrian? Isn't this too vulgar? I don't like such lowly stuff. Keep it up, and we'll have separate rooms from now on—
Imagining it pissed me off. I shot up.
"Now I'm mad."
No sekdeulrip. No yaseol. How do people here even learn sex? From oral tradition, obviously. But from folks who think sex is just for babies? How bland.
"Frustrated enough to write it myself."
They needed a textbook showing proper lust expression. That missionary baby-making isn't all there is to desire. Dragged my bedtime body to the desk and slumped in the chair.
Suddenly, a block hit me.
"...What to write?"
Not lacking ideas—too many. 21st-century kinks were too advanced for these pure souls. Something... milder, easier to swallow.
"......Fuck it. Just cram it all in."
Lust is universal. Something would stick.
A strange book was circulating in high society—or so the rumor reached the ears of the acting baroness of Vallancien. Not unusual.
"What now..."
Yuli de Vallancien. Stepping up young after her parents' untimely deaths meant no suitors even now. Busy prepping to hand off to her grown brother, she had zero time for romance. Such gossip was just trivial entertainment.
But this time was different.
"Um...miss. They say this book first published in our territory."
"So? It's just some knight's novel anyway."
"It's not just a novel. There's...a problem."
"...?"
She wasn't so stuffy she'd never read a book. During hectic times, she'd devoured trendy society novels to escape her plight.
"Er...we've kept it from spreading in society, but, um..."
The butler's drawn-out words were a red flag. Five years as baroness, she knew this hesitation meant bad news. And with her obsession to know everything about the territory, it grated most.
"Spit it out. Hand it over."
Irritated, she snatched the book. Her eyes narrowed on the title.
"White Knight's 49 Shadows…?"
Tons of novels hooked with titles. Nothing odd, so she flipped it open right there.
Page after page... Wrinkles creased her brow.
More pages, and her gaze slowed, tracing the words.
......She finally noticed the handcuffs in his hand. Even in that deathly terrifying moment, Nina began recalling the dark rumors about the knight. At first, as a mere servant, they'd been horrifying to her. But now—knowing the shadowy side of this man in purest white—she understood what the handcuffs meant.
"Nina."
The knight's icy gaze crushed her.
"Tonight, I won't let you sleep."
Her heart pounded wildly—fear of pain, or anticipation of the pleasure he promised? She couldn't tell....
BAM!!
Yuli hurled the book, face beet red. The butler, who'd anticipated it, glimpsed a rare rainbow of expressions on his mistress after so long.
"Hah... hah..."
The shocking content was secondary. No, calling it secondary felt wrong. A book like this from Vallancien? Absurd. It tarnished the ruling family's name. Her steel-hardened reason, forged in rigid society, swiftly narrowed suspects.
Mercenaries? Vulgar, but illiterate.
Writers? Could write, but knew no torture tools.
Knight? No time to write or distribute.
Eliminating them all left one candidate—
"Bring him."
"Who..."
"Get Adrian here!!!!"
Her one and only little brother.