Chapter 8
It took about an hour by carriage to reach the city center, which was bustling with people. Worried that we might get separated, I gripped Aria's hand tightly.
"Are the people coming our way magic beasts?"
I was vigilantly guarding Aria's surroundings, afraid she'd even bump into someone, when Aria grinned mischievously and teased me. I grinned back and struck a playful imperial guard pose.
"Step back, Your Majesty. I'll handle this."
Aria burst into giggles, calling me childish. Even as we laughed together, a pang tugged at my heart. Her cheeks were faintly flushed with excitement from our rare outing together, and her smile wouldn't fade.
If I'd known she'd be this happy, I would've taken her out more often.
Regret always comes too late. I bit my lip lightly and squeezed her hand tighter.
Raising a child isn't just about financial support. I told her I was earning money for her sake, but I knew how lonely she must feel, left alone at home waiting for me after I left. That guilt always tormented me like a sin.
I should be there with her. I should keep her from feeling lonely. But I kept looking away, always too busy.
I still wasn't a good sister.
"Huh? What's wrong?"
As we walked, I stopped and hugged her neck. Aria tilted her head curiously. I sorted through the thickening emotion in my chest and whispered softly.
"Sis will make you happy, no matter what."
Our goal wasn't far off. Once Aria's meeting with the Freyja Count went well, she'd be happy. Just like in the novel.
I want you to... become the adopted daughter of the empire's top wealthy count. To have the good environment and meals I couldn't provide, to be loved by everyone. I want you to forget me—the sister who only ever hurts you—and be happy.
"Yeah, but I'm happy right now."
I closed my eyes as Aria smiled brightly and hugged me back. No, she couldn't be. Her life of staying cooped up at home, waiting for her secretive, gloomy sister—it couldn't be happy. I couldn't accept that.
The perfect happiness I dreamed of for her didn't include me. I'm not perfect like you. Even if sending you away plunges me into the deepest despair,
at least you should be happy.
That was my final prayer to the gods as I let go of her hand.
"I could walk more..."
"I know. Sis is tired, so let's head in."
I gave Aria a bright smile as she glanced between me and the window outside, unsure what to do. Aria's frail body couldn't handle long activities. We'd only been out a short while, but her breathing was already labored, so we'd just entered a teahouse in the middle of the city.
I led her to a sunlit seat by the window. Being late afternoon, the place was quiet inside.
"What do you want? I'll order."
Aria smoothed her dress skirts roughly and started reading the menu. Even in her outdated frilly dress, she looked like a spring fairy.
I want to buy her something better.
A sudden wave of guilt made me bite my lip hard. The sky-blue frilly dress she wore now—my gift for her twelfth birthday—was cheap junk.
Three years ago, the day I finished a twenty-day magic beast subjugation journey. I'd pushed myself with an extra job that day just to buy her a good present. And it happened to be her birthday.
I wanted to give it to her before midnight. At normal speed, we'd finish past midnight for sure. I wrapped up early evening, then covered a ten-hour distance in five hours to make it.
Wind-tossed hair. Legs shaking so bad I could barely walk. Hands trembling. Even running desperately, I was late.
To buy Aria's birthday dress, I pounded on the closed clothing store door, begging them to open. Beyond the door, pajama-clad Paulo Uncle stared at me—looking like I'd killed several people—and I pleaded for the dress.
Paulo Uncle, with his near-fainting expression, handed it over without many questions after my desperate begging.
Luckily, I knew the clothing store owner, Paulo Uncle.
I remember carefully carrying the dress home, bought with money earned from being trampled by magic beasts for twenty days. My scarred body felt like raw meat, ashamed. Earning my keep rolling in blood, yet the only gift I could give was one dress—it was pathetic. And I felt sorry for not spending her whole birthday with her.
"...Shushu Sis?"
I remember that moment. Aria sitting alone at the cold dinner table. Her upset face forcing a smile at the sound of the door. The moment she saw me, her expression crumbled like she'd lost the world.
Before those lightless sky-blue eyes, I couldn't make excuses. I carefully set down the gift box I couldn't even hold with my bloody hands and opened my parched mouth.
"...Thank you for being born my sister, when all I can give is something like this."
I don't remember what face I made then. Did I force up trembling lips naturally? Or cry silently? Maybe I was expressionless. Aria, stiff and dazed, silently moved her trembling hand to the box without a word.
Before the open box, Aria collapsed in tears.
"...Who asked for this? I don't need it. I don't need it! I don't need gifts or a healthy body or anything! Why do you make me into such a bad person? Why do you make me so miserable? Yeah, sometimes I dreamed of wearing a pretty dress and dancing. Of running freely like others with a healthy body! But I didn't want those dreams at your expense! I didn't wish for this! Why are you suffering because of me...!"
Aria threw everything she could grab at me. The objects hitting my skin didn't hurt. It just tore my heart apart.
I silently took the flying objects until Aria, overcome with rage, sank down. I scooped her up.
"It's because I want it, Aria. It's the path I chose."
So use me as you please. I'll use myself up to the last handful of bones for you. My answer to that question has always been the same, unchanging to this day.
That day, Aria cried until she was on the verge of exhaustion. Mature Aria didn't ask why I'd come back like this or how we'd afforded the dress despite our poverty. She just hung it preciously in the closet and occasionally stared at it with complicated eyes.
Before Aria goes to the Freyja Count's house... should I buy her something better?
I thought, gazing at the faded dress. Of course, she'd wear better clothes there, but I still wanted to give her one. As a final gift.
It wasn't impossible now that my finances had eased.
Originally, 90% of my earnings went to fairy forest elixirs.
Now that I knew how to fully cure her, I didn't need to waste money on those anymore. I could give her better things.
This time, the most expensive dress.
I smiled faintly at Aria, reading the menu like a painting in the sunlight.
"Picked something?"
Aria hesitated at my question. After fumbling a bit, she smiled faintly and closed the menu.
"Yeah. Coffee for me."
...You've grown up too fast.
I knew Aria well.
"...I'll order quick."
I smiled bitterly, stood, and went to the counter.
"One coffee and one strawberry parfait, please."
I don't enjoy drinks besides coffee, and Aria loves strawberries. I stared at the menu. The cheapest coffee and the strawberry parfait costing twice as much.
It's because of me.
Kids are allowed to be spoiled. Kids shouldn't have to worry. But our impoverished life had made even Aria fret over money.
To calm my tangled heart, I looked out the window. Bustling streets. People hurrying by. A peaceful city scene.
Except for that mad bastard in the alley across the street trying to drag off a noblewoman.
What?
I widened my eyes at the bizarre sight. One thought flashed through my mind.
Is putting people in danger in front of me the empire's new trend?
I could say it with certainty. I wasn't a good person. All I dreamed of was Aria's happiness. That's all I was—a thoroughly selfish person who only cared about peace around me.
The mercenary Mir was called a hero, but no matter how I thought about it, hero didn't suit me.
But.
"Aria."
"Huh? Already?"
I pressed down on Aria's head as she looked puzzled. I whispered in her ear as she squirmed.
"Sis'll be right back, so eat first when it comes. I'll be quick."
I flashed a bright smile at confused Aria and turned.
"Shushu Sis!"
A small hand grabbed my arm. A hand I could snap in an instant if I wanted, but like a dog salivating at a bell, I instinctively turned to her.
"Yeah. Listening."
I leaned down close, and Aria bit her lip. She seemed to hesitate. I waited patiently for her answer, glancing out the window, until finally she spoke.
"You'll... come right back? You won't get hurt?"
Her voice was full of worry. She clearly wanted to ask what I was doing, but seeing her only ask things that wouldn't trouble me tore at my heart.
Someday, I'll tell you everything.
Imagining a day that might never come, I stroked her head.
"...Yeah. Before the coffee gets cold. I won't get hurt."
I smiled brightly at Aria, who nodded hesitantly, then left the shop with quick steps.
I walked normally until out of Aria's sight, then sped up with mana the moment I entered the alley where the noblewoman and man had gone. My black cloak whipped wildly.
This leads to a dead end.
Just before the dead end, I stopped, rummaged in the pouch at my waist, and pulled out my usual disguise tools.
Never know what might happen.
I flipped up the hood on my cloak and donned the black mask. I didn't forget the ring to modulate my voice.
If asked why I kept saving people in peril, my answer was always the same. Selfish me didn't want to be wracked with guilt over abandoning someone in danger.
That was it.
"I said let go! How dare you! How dare a filthy commoner like you! Do you know who I am?!"
"Kuhak! You bitch, hik! Who cares who you are? You're dying here anyway!"
Mad laughter filled my ears.
...There's one more watching me besides them, but it'll be fine.
I frowned instinctively at the expert's presence beyond the alley wall but assessed the situation. The woman in her lavish dress was pale, her wrist gripped by the man whose crazed eyes reeked of booze.
No need to look more.
Drunken idiots losing their minds exist everywhere, huh.
Disgust turning to contempt, I grimaced. Should I just slice his throat with my sword? But sensing he was a civilian who'd never held one, I took a deep breath.
Don't... kill him.
I stopped my hand inching toward my sword and rummaged for something good to beat him senseless without killing. I yanked out what I grabbed.
Light enough, sturdy enough, long enough.
...This again.
It was a steel pipe.