Chapter 42: Lost in Confusion, Wandering Aimlessly
I was lost in a daze, wandering aimlessly, when I sensed someone right in front of me and twisted away just in time. I pulled back at the last possible second, inches from collision.
"Ah, sorry."
Get it together.
I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them and looked up. My shock hit me all over again.
"......You?"
Shaking silver-gray hair. A fiercely beautiful face etched with unyielding resolve. The rosewood scent brushing my nose, and those wide golden eyes.
Rainer Ainheart!
What the hell? It was like stepping on landmines everywhere.
As I struggled to school my crumbling expression, Rainer stared right through me with confused eyes and muttered,
"How are you......"
"S-Sorry! I'll be going now!"
I bolted past the stunned Rainer. My heart hammered like a mad drum.
Damn it! At this rate, I'll run into my ex-boyfriend too!
Not that I had an ex-boyfriend or anything, but the bombshells kept exploding wherever I turned.
Just stay put. Curl up quietly.
I squeezed myself into an empty corner. Aria would handle promoting the harness and body chain just fine—no need for me to butt in. Irresponsible? Maybe, but whatever.
As I hid behind the gap in the shadowed curtains,
"Hello, Mir. Aren't you lonely all by yourself?"
Another uninvited guest appeared.
White priestly robes covering his entire body. A mask hiding everything but his mouth and eyes. The hood of his robe pulled low over his face. A faint lily scent pricking my nose, and sharp silver eyes peering at me from beneath the hood.
"El?"
Why the hell are you here?!
I gaped at him, feeling like I might faint.
He wore that same gentle smile as always. His innocent face looked angelic, but the eerie glint in his silver eyes felt off.
"Long time no see, Mir."
Or should I call you Lady Kashmir Crisis now?
His voice dripped with honey-like sweetness, freezing me in place. El was the same as ever—sweet smile, angelic face. But the strange aura radiating from him had shifted into something new.
He knows. He sees me.
I'd always worn a mask around El. And yet, he'd recognized me.
......How much does he know?
I'd never delved too deeply into El before. He was just so kind and pure. But here he was, utterly calm in this situation, like he'd planned this encounter.
If he spreads rumors that I'm Mir...
My expression hardened coldly. El met my gaze, his lips curling into an unreadable smile.
"Don't worry. I keep secrets well. I have no intention of telling anyone you're Mir."
"How can I believe you?"
I sharpened my tone. Hurt flashed across his face, pricking my conscience, but this was too sensitive to back down.
"We're friends, aren't we?"
His low voice rumbled softly, a faint growl beneath it. That pitiful expression clashed with his tone, sending a chill down my spine, but facing him like an injured kitten made it hard to stay firm.
"......That's got nothing to do with being friends."
"Friends are supposed to trust each other."
I averted my eyes from his pleading gaze and muttered an excuse. Then I spotted tears welling in those silver eyes, and words failed me.
I'm gonna lose it.
Feeling like the world's biggest villain, I squeezed my eyes shut. I did consider El a friend, and I trusted him. But this was too delicate for me.
As I raked my hair roughly, El wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
"What would it take for you to believe me? I'll do anything to earn your trust, Mir."
His pitiful eyes locked onto mine. He seemed so innocently earnest, willing to do whatever it took. After a moment's hesitation, I hardened my expression and faced him.
"Then would you swear the Sun's Oath?"
The Sun's Oath. An eternal vow sworn before the Sun God as witness. A priest channels divine power to enact it, and breaking it means instant death on the spot. A pledge backed by one's life.
"If that's what Mir wants, I'd gladly do even that."
I figured the weight of it would give even El pause, but he didn't hesitate. I flinched slightly.
"You do know what the Sun's Oath entails, right?"
"......Think I wouldn't?"
I'd asked without thinking, worried innocent El might accept blindly, but he blinked and tilted his head. Of course the high priest El would know.
He knows... and accepts this easily?
No matter how pure El was, no one would lightly swear a life-binding oath. And what he held was explosive: the Crisis lady was a former mercenary. Information that could blackmail the ducal house. No normal person would let that go easily.
"What do you want from me?"
Even as he begged for trust, I suspected him again. Self-loathing twisted in me, but I sharpened my glare, radiating cold killing intent.
"......You really don't trust me at all, do you, Mir."
El murmured in resignation. His teary eyes stared into space, eyelids twitching like he was fighting back tears. His reddened eyes looked oddly seductive in the mismatch.
After wrestling with his tears, El finally squeezed his eyes shut, as if he hated showing me this side. That pitiful display felt like temptation itself—I averted my gaze slightly.
"There is something I want from Mir."
No matter how saintly El was, holding such valuable info would stir greed. Knowing that, even asking for it, a bitter taste crept in. So even his kindness had strings attached.
"Tell me. I'll grant anything within reason. But in exchange, swear the Sun's Oath right now that you won't reveal I'm Mir."
I spoke calmly, rolling up my sleeve to bare my wrist. The Sun's Oath needed a priest witness, and El was a high priest. With his agreement, we could do it now.
"......As Mir wishes."
His drooping eyes looked heartbreakingly mournful. My heart twisted like it was being stabbed as I extended my wrist to him.
"You know how to perform the Sun's Oath, right? I don't need to explain?"
"Yes. I know."
Even after I pushed so hard, El's voice stayed gentle as he lightly grasped my wrist. Warmth from his skin spread through me. He glanced at my wrist, took a deep breath, and parted his lips. Divine power began radiating outward.
"I, a follower of the Sun, swear before blood and flesh as a human and the Sun: as long as the morning sun rises, this oath shall be eternal."
His low voice recited the vow. Silver light burst from his hand, enveloping our joined wrists. It formed a band circling them, carrying a familiar coziness that tickled faintly. Feeling the divine power link us, I recalled the oath words I'd learned before and slowly spoke.
"You, follower of the Sun: do you swear that Kashmir Crisis being the mercenary Mir...... shall never be revealed to another without my permission?"
I can't let it harm the ducal house. If it's known, it'll derail my plans.
If word got out that the Crisis lady was the mercenary queen Mir, it would shake the entire continent. The ducal house would become collateral in the scandal. I didn't want to hurt the precious new things in my life. I'd reveal it someday—but not now.
El blinked slowly and smiled sadly.
"I swear."
Light flared, wrapping my wrist. My artery throbbed as the Sun Temple's mandala sun symbol etched above it, then faded. I rubbed my now-blank wrist and asked coolly,
"Now, what do you want?"
My voice had softened a bit. I was a little worried about his demand, but the oath was done, and knowing his character, it wouldn't be excessive.
El's lips curved bitterly.
"Mir has so many loved ones now."
The sudden preamble left me tilting my head in confusion, and he let out a sigh-like laugh.
"Any one of them would do."
His long, pale fingers gently brushed the hair from beside my face. Those silver eyes gazing down held an obsessive fixation just for me. This tiny affection made my heart skip.
"Please love me too."
El remained utterly incomprehensible. Despite his angelic smile, he looked so desolate.
......He resembles her.
The lily scent brushing my nose felt familiar. An insistent déjà vu hammered my mind. He looked like that child.
"El, are you...... a little out of your mind?"
I nearly voiced the impulsive question.
"The blessing ceremony is about to begin!"
The debutantes' highlight was starting.
"......We'll talk later. I have to go."
I couldn't be late for the blessing. I swallowed the question on my tongue and hurried off. Turning so abruptly, I didn't catch El's expression.
"Sis! Where were you? That was way too close. It's right before our turn."
Aria's anxious face, clutching her dress, lit up. The excited girl grabbed my hand tight.
In the debutante ball, the highest-ranking young nobles of the year represented everyone to receive the Pope's blessing. With no imperial family debutantes this time, it was me and Aria.
The Pope can't attend due to circumstances, so the high priest is standing in.
Recalling the prior notice, I thought about this generation's Pope. Master of the Sun Temple, the Pope. The selection process was always simple: right after the previous Pope's death, the priest whose hair turned sky blue—the color of the sky holding the Sun, thus the Pope's symbol—became the Sun God's chosen successor.
Imperial history's criteria for Popes were wildly inconsistent. Frail old high priests on death's door, or infants newly dedicated to the temple.
This generation's Pope is quite young. Enthroned at eighteen, twenty this year.
The current master of the Sun Temple: Elrior Ra.
He was heavily dismissed at his young enthronement.
I remembered the street gossip back then. Most doubted a boy could rule. Plus, the previous Pope had been near-tyrannical, tanking the temple's reputation.
But against expectations, Elrior Ra was a cruel yet competent ruler. Soon after ascending, he uprooted the temple's corruption and set things right. El ruled with iron-fisted terror despite his youth, bending the temple's leaders to his will—an extraordinary figure.
And one of the male leads in Fairy's Night.
The reverse harem novel Fairy's Night had five male leads. Solatine's crown prince Diego. Crisis scion Kal. Ainheart viscount Rainer. Atara's king Alessandro. And the Sun Temple's Pope, Elrior.
Even now, the author nailed their distinct positions. Diego: the gentle one. Kal: the sadistic psycho. Rainer: pure love. Alessandro: sword-wielding brute. And Elrior: the smiling bastard.