Chapter 110
Bang! A thunderous boom shook the ground. Dirt and dust scattered in every direction.
My sword, dyed black with aura and radiating an energy like it was possessed by a demon. Its tip was embedded right next to Zigmund's throat.
"Hah." A ragged breath escaped my lips. It wasn't even that exhausting, but my breath rose to the back of my throat. It felt like I'd plunged into the deep sea. I couldn't breathe.
Plip.
A transparent droplet fell onto Zigmund's pale skin. His purple eyes rippled like waves at the sight.
I decided that drop was just the deep sea surrounding me overflowing—definitely not a tear. My tears were far too precious to waste on a bastard like him.
Plip. Plip. The deep sea choking my breath kept overflowing. Zigmund's snow-white skin, now soaked, resembled a lily drenched in rain. My vision blurred; I couldn't make out his expression. Even so, I didn't wipe my eyes. If I did, I wouldn't be able to deny that I was crying. It would mean admitting I still thought of Zigmund as a friend.
'Why can't I kill him?'
A wave of self-loathing surged up—trembling at the mere act of taking a life. Zigmund was right. I was still weak. It would be better to just kill this trash. A worthless scum wasting oxygen just by breathing. Ungrateful, shameless, worse than a magic beast. All I had to do was sever his breath like I would a beast's. Just plunge my sword tip into that white nape.
But knowing that and failing to do something so simple...
"Shushu. Get along with Zigmund."
"No thanks. I don't get why you took in that damn bastard, Master. I can't read him, and he's always picking fights with me! Why keep that sleazy, obnoxious prick...!"
"Kashmir!"
"...Sorry."
"Yeah... Zigmund's a sharp one. Hard to get close to. I know you don't like him. But... still, I wish you'd befriend him."
"You have a reason to live, right? A reason to swing your sword. But Zigmund doesn't even have that. He lives because he's alive, swings his sword because he hasn't died yet. Shushu. Even if you live as a mercenary, I hope you keep a human heart. Please, pity him."
"...Isn't that just pity? He'd hate it if I pitied him."
"Shushu. Pity isn't always ugly. Pity that looks down on others is wrong, but pity itself starts with empathizing with them. I want you to understand his situation."
"I'm not forcing you... but I hope that even after I'm gone, you two become pillars for each other—holding one another up so you don't crumble."
Because my master loved Zigmund.
I recalled the snow-white expanse, as pale as Zigmund's skin. The moment that white snowfield was stained red with blood.
Drip. The endless transparent droplets looked, for some reason, like the blood soaking that snowfield.
"When you take a person's life... never look away from their eyes. You have to bear the weight of the life you're stealing... That's the way to take the wound without becoming a monster."
I still wasn't ready to bear that weight.
"From now on, you're dead to me."
My cracked voice resembled a snapped string on a string instrument.
Even with my tear-blurred vision hiding Zigmund, I kept staring at what I guessed were his eyes. Even if I couldn't make him bleed to death, this was to kill him inside me.
"To me, you died here. Stabbed by the sword I just swung. I killed you."
I lacked the resolve to kill, and the strength to keep remembering. Yeah. I was still weak.
So I decided Zigmund was dead.
"Don't ever show up in front of me again. We're not faces you want to see anyway. I'll pretend today was just a coincidence because you had business here. Next time we cross paths by chance, don't act like you know me. If you want me dead, send an assassin. Don't show your filthy face."
I spoke firmly, ignoring my cracked voice. I roughly wiped my eyes, scrubbing like they itched. My swollen eyelids stung, but I ignored it. I pretended not to notice the moisture on my hand.
"So... you..."
I froze. My cleared vision revealed a sight that twisted my guts. My eyes widened involuntarily. It felt like the deep sea I'd barely calmed was boiling over again.
The massive body pinned under me, unable to move. The face battered by my blows. Black hair dirtied with dust. Wounded purple eyes looking up at me.
I lost my reason again and slammed my fist into Zigmund's cheek with all my strength.
Thwack! His face whipped to the side. He let out a small groan and closed his eyes. Good. No more of those wounded eyes. If I'd kept seeing them, I might've really killed him.
'How dare you.'
I bit my lip to hold back my rage. Zigmund didn't deserve to look hurt. He was the one who'd abandoned me, severed all our past ties with words worse than trash could muster. He had no right to those eyes.
"From now on, you never existed to me."
I swallowed my rising fury and finished. I told myself my shaking voice was just from exhaustion.
I took a deep breath, stood from atop Zigmund's body, and yanked my sword from the ground.
'Why is he acting like this?'
I didn't like it. Not him meekly taking the hits, not that look in his eyes moments ago. If he was going to spew trash talk, he should've stayed shameless to the end. Showing weakness pissed me off.
'...Doesn't matter anymore.'
We'd never cross paths again. Whatever emotions Zigmund harbored meant nothing to me.
I turned my back to him. Ignoring my throbbing mana circuits from maxing out my mana, I dismantled the barrier covering the area. My heart, pounding from mana overuse, finally calmed a bit.
The sword was caked in filth. I'd clean it properly at home. For now, I swung it roughly to shake off the worst and sheathed it.
Breathing the same air as him here was unbearable, so I headed for Elrior's building instead.
"Still got that nasty habit of saying your piece and leaving without hearing my reply."
Then, a low, seductive voice from behind.
My steps faltered briefly, but I kept going, pretending not to hear.
"No."
"...What?"
Absurdity made me turn despite myself. Zigmund stood swaying in his battered state, his eyes crinkling playfully. A strange competitive fire burned in those deep purple depths.
"I won't stay a dead man to you."
His voice was soft and smooth. I clenched the hand reaching for my sword. I held back the urge to punch that smiling face again.
'Not worth responding.'
I hadn't asked for Zigmund's opinion. What I'd said was a declaration of war. A vow to fully cast out the fool I'd tenuously kept on the edge of my people. A resolution to never consider him one of mine again. His opinion wasn't needed.
I turned my back without a word and walked away.
"Mir."
I ignored the call and kept walking steadily.
"Kashmir."
I bit my lip hard. Already bleeding from earlier bites, it suffered more. I wanted to rip out my pounding heart.
"...Shushu."
I stopped. That low voice, laced with tangled emotions, halted me. My nickname flowing from it felt like magic beast blood in my ears.
I turned around after all.
"Don't ever call me that again, you disgusting bastard."
I growled savagely, glaring at Zigmund with icy eyes.
Zigmund smiled.
"We're still friends, right?"
Zigmund and I had been fellow disciples under the same master for quite a while. Time spent together doesn't always equal deep knowledge of someone, but you can't deny the longer you're with them, the more you learn.
Zigmund knew exactly how to enrage me.
Shwick! In a gust of mana, I was in front of him in an instant. I grabbed his collar like I meant to rip it off and yanked.
His upper body bent, helplessly pulled toward me.
"Must've taken a sword to that slick head in the last six years, spouting brainless crap like that. Why don't you just drop dead? Why show up again? To show how broken you are? Hoped I'd see how tiny and stupid your brain is? Wanted to show off how well that mutt head of yours barks? My dear Zigmund."
I snarled in a chilling voice. Even the brief touch and release of our foreheads from the pull felt repulsive.
'...Annoying.'
His transparent purple eyes remained calm, as if he'd expected the torrent of insults. It twisted my insides more, so I gripped his collar tighter. His fine white shirt tore slightly.
I curled my lips in a sinister smile.
"You were never my friend, and you never will be, you dog I'll hang by your severed head at the gates."
Half of my clear, cheerful voice didn't fit the moment—a lie. But half was truth. He'd been my friend. All along. But not anymore.
I released his collar and shoved his shoulder roughly. A button popped off his dress shirt with a snap as I let go, but that wasn't my problem.
Zigmund staggered back without resistance.
"...Right. I see."
He muttered, blankly smoothing his rumpled shirt. His deep purple eyes, sunk in thought, looked down at me.
Our eyes met again. In that instant, Zigmund's hand seized my collar and pulled.
I could've dodged, but caught off guard, I let him draw me in. The height difference lifted me onto my toes. It felt less like a grab and more like a dance step, light and graceful.
Our gazes locked. My head tilted back. His upper body curved slightly, bringing our foreheads together.
His face so close wrinkled my own in disgust. I wanted to spit in it.
"Didn't plan this, but I've changed my mind. I can't even stay a living person to you."
Zigmund's eyes curved prettily.
"Then I'll become the biggest bastard in your life. I'll barge in and leave an indelible mark on you. If I can't leave memories, I'll leave scars. You'll think of me every time you see them."
His thumb brushed my cheek with inappropriately gentle tenderness. It grazed the spot scarred from the dagger he'd thrown, making my eye twitch involuntarily. It stung.
Blood trickled onto his long, white fingertip. He smiled like a beast eyeing prey.
"You know scars linger even after wounds heal. Shushu. You'll never forget me."
I couldn't understand. He'd dismissed all our bonds and memories as delusions, yet here he was, desperate to be remembered.
Why push me this far? I couldn't comprehend it at all.
'Yeah... no need to understand.'
I sucked in a pointless breath. Trying to understand a madman might be the mistake itself.
Ptooey. My spit ran down Zigmund's nose bridge. He reflexively closed his eyes and furrowed his brow.
Having spat in his face, I looked straight at him and smiled brightly.
"Congrats on achieving your wish, you bastard."
Zigmund was already the biggest bastard in my life.