Professor Lim Sol and Magic! (5)
It had been a while.
Such a feeling.
It was the first time I had enjoyed a magic exhibition like this.
I wondered how it was possible to feel this happy.
Of course, I knew the reason.
The only thing that had changed from the magic exhibition I had been to before was the presence of my disciple, Lee Ho-yeon.
That was why, as the promised time approached, Lim Sol felt a twinge of fear.
Because the promise with her disciple was to [spend the morning looking around the exhibition hall].
'It seems my disciple is enjoying it too. Maybe I can extend the time a bit more?'
It had truly been a long time since Lim Sol decided to lower her head slightly.
Lowering one's head to one's disciple wasn't truly lowering it.
It was just one of the courteous attitudes one should show as an educator.
Thinking the same thing.
"Um, then..."
"Yes?"
Looking at Lee Ho-yeon blinking in confusion as he looked back at her, Lim Sol felt a strange sensation.
Feeling a bit embarrassed, Lim Sol avoided his eyes and continued.
Ignoring the slightly flushed cheeks, she tried to act spoiled for the first time since becoming an adult.
"Anyway, today... since it's set as an experiential learning, it's not like I'm forcing you. If you're okay with it. Yeah. If there's nothing to do... then in the afternoon too..."
It was an endeavor that required quite a bit of resolve.
She had to postpone her magic research for the afternoon, so there was something she was willing to give up for Lim Sol.
But before Lim Sol could finish speaking,
BOOM! KWA-KWANG! THUD-!
A sound of something exploding filled the exhibition hall.
People's screams and the smoke from the explosion.
"Run! It's a demon!"
"Attack! It's a terror! Where are the defense teams!"
Lee Ho-yeon, who had been focused on her words, had his mind wandering to the surroundings.
"T-Terror. Professor!"
The exhibition hall was in complete chaos in an instant.
The atmosphere that had been good just moments ago felt like a dream.
Looking at that scene, something inside Lim Sol snapped.
She gathered her mana.
Everything suddenly felt irritating.
Being interrupted while spending time with her disciple, and having these trash people set up in front of her eyes, it didn't sit well.
"... Annoying."
Lim Sol regained her composure after everything was over.
After removing all the causes that had ruined her mood, she was going to tell her disciple again.
To stay with him in the afternoon too.
But that was Lim Sol's own thought.
Only Lim Sol remembered what she had been saying just moments ago, even after experiencing such an incident.
Looking up at Lim Sol from the ground, people's eyes were filled with fear.
Her disciple, Lee Ho-yeon, was the same.
Lim Sol closed her eyes slightly and stepped on the ground.
And she spoke to her disciple.
"Did you see everything?"
"... Yes."
"... Did you hear everything?"
The things she said while losing her composure.
The incident just now was a bit hazy, so she didn't remember exactly, but she probably had quite a few low-level curses mixed in.
"Um... yes."
Lim Sol felt a slight distance from Lee Ho-yeon's words.
People who saw her full power usually reacted like that.
"Professor. Um, it was cool. Really."
Lim Sol smiled slightly at Lee Ho-yeon's words. But she felt.
Her disciple, Lee Ho-yeon.
He had an incredibly good acting skill.
You could feel it when talking to him.
Even though Lee Ho-yeon had many things he was hiding from her, he didn't show it at all. It was acting skill far beyond his age.
He had been conversing with her comfortably until now, without any sense of rejection compared to others.
She didn't want to say that all of this was acting.
Because that would make her too pathetic.
But there must have been some.
There must have been times when he adjusted to her even if he didn't like it.
Just now too.
Lim Sol had clearly confirmed the expression on Lee Ho-yeon's face after she used magic.
The expression of looking at a creature that shouldn't exist in this world.
People instinctively feel rejection when they see something they can't understand with their experience and wisdom.
And Lim Sol had always received that rejection.
'In the end, the reason I get involved with him is because of his body, or his kind personality that can't refuse.'
Our acting-good disciple must have been too kind.
"Maybe I'm a burden to you?"
"No, no. I was just surprised."
Lim Sol felt a bit... depressed.
She thought she had already vented all these emotions.
But, no, she definitely had.
Why did she feel upset that Lee Ho-yeon showed such a reaction?
Since she couldn't figure out the reason, she ended up throwing a tantrum for nothing.
"It's fine. You can call me a monster. Since you're used to it."
"Professor. Don't say things like that. How can the professor be a monster."
Haa.
Still, her disciple treated her kindly till the end.
She really wanted to lean on him because she was grateful, but she held back that feeling.
Her true self was something that all the people she had met so far hated.
But, especially.
The only one who thought she matched her heart was her disciple, who was now liking even her true self?
Thinking that way was too self-serving.
"Still, I didn't want to show it to you."
"... Professor?"
Lim Sol let out a deep sigh and gave a self-deprecating smile.
"I'm holding up a wall. A wall to protect my pride and ignore what others say. If that wall disappears, this happens. The thing you saw just now is my true appearance."
Would it still not leave?
"I know that too. It's evidence that I'm ugly and can't adapt to society. I can't even lower my head properly. The only thing I know how to do is magic. A monster who has nothing else. The evaluation is correct."
Would you still like me?
"... "
"So I didn't want to show it to you."
Her trauma that she hadn't told anyone about in 28 years.
She confessed it to Lee Ho-yeon today.
Why this result happened, Lim Sol herself didn't know.
Because she was swept up in the atmosphere. Or because there was no other chance to speak.
Or.
Was it really okay?
Wouldn't there be at least one person who wouldn't understand her?
With a bit of expectation.
"... Haa, Professor."
Lim Sol closed her mouth and waited for Lee Ho-yeon's next words.
She had decided not to expect anything.
She had clearly decided not to expect anything from others.
She resented herself for feeling this emotion.
"Professor. Don't think anything weird. At least I, I will never think that way."
"... Then what do you think?"
"Yes?"
"What do you think of me. As a social maladjusted, and a monster magician, Lim Sol... what do you think of me?"
After spitting out the words, Lim Sol immediately regretted it.
It was a stupid thing to do.
She was too desperate.
How embarrassing it would be from the disciple's perspective.
She had been enjoying the magic exhibition happily with her disciple when a terror broke out, and some crazy woman blocked it alone, then she had a fit.
If she could, she wanted to rewind time.
She shouldn't have done this from the beginning.
Just quietly passing by would have been best.
Lim Sol looked at Lee Ho-yeon. Lee Ho-yeon, who had been hesitating, cautiously spoke.
"Professor is a professor."
"... Yeah. Thank you."
Lim Sol smiled faintly and turned her head.
Now it's over.
A familiar answer came from Lee Ho-yeon.
After hearing the answer, Lim Sol could only give a bitter smile.
Saying "you are kind" to someone who wants praise is rather insulting.
It would be frustrating. Being someone whose words don't connect.
That's because there's no place to praise.
Who would keep following a professor like this pathetic person?
'In the end, even the disciple was the same.'
No, to be precise, the disciple was 'normal'.
'Because he is different from the 'abnormal' me, he is 'normal'.
Lim Sol rather wished Lee Ho-yeon would leave quickly.
It was a bit annoying and grateful that her last-remaining considerate disciple.
"... In the end, to me, you are the person called Lim Sol."
Lim Sol slightly turned her head.
Lee Ho-yeon's eyes were without tension or caution, as if he had let everything go.
With almost gone expectations, Lim Sol began to listen to her disciple's words.
"A person who pretends to be an adult while the age difference isn't much."
"...?"
Lim Sol frowned.
Because suddenly her disciple was saying strange things that she couldn't understand.
"And likes things like a child. Believing he's the most special in the world, ignoring all other magicians, and even leaving important matters to his disciples. Strange professor."
"What are you saying right now..."
Disgust came to Lim Sol.
The disciple who had been pretending to be close while thinking of her like that became too hateful.
Was it all acting?
Was it really a relationship where she was the only one favored?
Lim Sol, who was about to get angry, had to close her mouth at the continuing words.
"But that appearance is cute."
"... W-What?"
And her eyes widened.
The face without disgust was filled with surprise.
"The sight of smiling brightly after eating chocolate, the happy face after finishing magic research, the sincere face in magic class more than anyone else even though others don't understand. All of them are cute."
"What are you saying. You, you really..."
Lim Sol couldn't hide her surprise.
It was unfamiliar for her disciple to suddenly say such strange things.
"A person who has pride in being the most capable magician in the world but also feels burdened by it. A weak person who self-deprecates as a monster but wishes someone would comfort him. I like that Professor Lim Sol."
"S-Stop. Please..."
What if someone hears?
She tried to cover her disciple's mouth with her hand, but her hand wouldn't move as she wished.
"Kk, kuh... kkuh."
Lee Ho-yeon laughing alone after doing that was too resentful, so Lim Sol tried to calm down.
"You, you. Really, you'll get scolded? There has to be a limit to pranks. This isn't a prank, it's just unpleasant, and that... ugh..."
But strangely, she didn't feel angry.
What she felt at this moment was embarrassment, a flushed face, and a beating heart.
Even Lee Ho-yeon grabbed Lim Sol's fidgeting hand.
"Professor, what I want to say is..."
Spinning.
The world seemed to be spinning.
Lee Ho-yeon's hand was too hot, it seemed like it would burn.
"Don't push yourself too much. I don't care if the professor does weird things. Especially since it's Lim Sol."
"I, I..."
Thump. Thump.
The words spinning in her mouth didn't connect properly.
It felt like she couldn't breathe, her chest was twitching.
She definitely wanted to say something, but she couldn't open her mouth.
She felt like she might cry from frustration.
I want to speak, but my heart won't let me speak.
Looking at Lim Sol's lips moving restlessly, Lee Ho-yeon smiled slightly.
"You don't have to be the best all the time. You don't need to grind your teeth and research magic to show what a monster is just because people call you a monster. Sometimes you should play around and take a break too. What if you're a social maladjusted? If it's a group with no one worse than you, I would even abandon you."
After hearing Lee Ho-yeon's words with a bit of embarrassment, Lim Sol thought.
Her disciple knew nothing.
The things she had gone through.
The things she had thought.
Human Lee Ho-yeon knew nothing.
Someone who has lived a hard life can't understand the life of someone who has lived comfortably.
That's why they can cheer, and say "you'll be fine someday, keep going."
This was selfish behavior that didn't consider even a bit of the emotions of the person who had been broken until now, only thinking of themselves.
Lim Sol hated such people.
But... she didn't want to blame Lee Ho-yeon.
Lim Sol just opened her mouth as she thought.
"I, I only know magic... I only knew that my whole life."
Lee Ho-yeon, upon hearing Lim Sol's answer, let out an inner sigh of relief.
But it flowed as expected.
It was difficult to persuade a woman who had only known magic her whole life, but since we had shared so many emotions, it was okay.
In a short time, there was only herself who understood Lim Sol.
That proved the accumulated favorability.
This was enough to persuade.
"I am here."
"..."
"I'll help you. I'll make it so you can do everything you want."
After hearing Lee Ho-yeon's words, Lim Sol closed her mouth.
She looked at the empty space as if pondering, then looked back at Lee Ho-yeon, then looked at the empty space again.
Lee Ho-yeon tilted his head at the sight, but Lim Sol was trying hard to suppress the trembling of her body.
Thump. Thump.
'W-What. Why am I like this.'
She couldn't hold back the throbbing in her chest.
She had to answer that, but no words came to mind.
Lim Sol recalled the conversation she had with Baek A-young before.
'A-young. Every time you are with someone, your heart beats, and when you have negative thoughts about that person, your chest hurts, it's love.'
It was the words she answered while teasing Baek A-young, who said that every time she thought of that person, her heart beat and her chest hurt when she had negative thoughts.
It was exactly that situation now.
When looking at Lee Ho-yeon, her heart beat, and when thinking about answering Lee Ho-yeon's words, she felt too tense.
Her brain seemed to be tightly holding her from saying any negative answer.
'Just a moment, this isn't it. This isn't it. Really.'
Lim Sol wanted to hold the final line.
She was a professor, and Lee Ho-yeon was a student.
She could say Baek A-young was a nurse, but Lim Sol was really a professor.
She had been in the teaching profession for several years, and her in-school evaluations were always perfect, so she was a professor with pride.
Lim Sol was also aware that she was getting closer to Lee Ho-yeon.
That's why she started calling him 'disciple' on purpose to keep some distance.
Because calling by name felt like getting too mentally close.
It was the line Lim Sol had set.
If she got any closer, it would become more than master and disciple.
In the end, the words Lim Sol had been fighting with herself in her head came out as a very stupid answer.
"I, I am a professor. You are a student."
'It's over.'
Lim Sol closed her eyes tightly.
She gave an answer completely unrelated to the flow of conversation.
How stupid she must look to her.
On the other hand, Lee Ho-yeon, looking at such Lim Sol, laughed as if it was unbelievable.
This person is doing this again.
What about the professor.
There is no law that says you can't be difficult because you're a professor, and no law that says students are all below the professor.
'The age difference isn't that big with me.'
Who would think she's really an old person.
Lee Ho-yeon answered with a laugh at Lim Sol's strange words.
"Anyway, don't say things like that again. Got it? Professor? No, Sol-noona."
Just like always.
She used the playful nickname "Sol-noona" when teasing each other or when there was something to be grateful for.
And after hearing that, Lim Sol's eyes widened.
FWISH-
Something inside her burst.