Voice (2): My First Battlefield
The battlefield I stepped onto for the first time. The war against the demons, which I had joined under the covenant, was on an entirely different level from what I'd read about in books.
Mages were crucial on the battlefield. The soldiers dying to protect me made me realize that fact once again—a truth I'd only known intellectually before.
To shield the mage from waves of magical beasts and demon raids, they threw themselves forward without hesitation. How could they sacrifice themselves like that for a mage?
The knight who saved me when I was nearly surrounded and killed by high-ranking demons said this:
"Suppose ten soldiers die so a mage can unleash her spell. That one spell from the mage saves nearly a hundred soldiers. It's a matter of efficiency."
"People throwing away their lives for efficiency..."
"But that's just the higher-ups' perspective. For those of us on the front lines, it's different."
"Different how?"
"...To protect the people we cherish. If I trade my life to kill more beasts and demons, the chances rise that families cowering in flight will survive."
The knight patted my shoulder as he passed by.
"I'm not saying you have to engrave each death into your soul. Fight to repay those lives. That's all you—we—can do."
For the first time, I admitted my own ignorance. Even though I'd awakened my talent for magic as a child and become the Tower Lord's disciple, the world was still full of things I didn't know.
"Can I... call you oppa?"
"For the next Tower Lord to call me that—it's an honor."
After that, whenever we headed to the battlefield, I'd go to the front lines with that knight. Of course, everyone around me tried desperately to stop me.
A mage should just cast spells from the rear. Don't get too immersed in the soldiers' deaths.
"...What should I do? Why ask me?"
The knight himself just tossed out, "Figure it out yourself." As if he had to spell out every little thing.
So I moved as my heart guided me.
"You're insane. A mage flying solo this deep in?"
"Right? Who'd she get that from?"
The knight often moved alone—or at most, with one other knight. That's why I stuck even closer to him. Better than hearing news of his death secondhand; this eased my mind more.
"Isn't this thigh a bit too firm?"
"Whenever you want it as a pillow, though." The longer I spent with him, the more I learned about him.
"You went to the Academy?"
"Yeah, same year as you."
"Then how didn't I know you, oppa..."
I felt a pang of regret, wondering if I'd already brushed past him countless times without noticing. If I'd been with him, maybe I wouldn't have dropped out of the boring Academy life.
Zzz...
But the best times were gazing up at him asleep, my head pillowed on his thigh. It was a rock-hard pillow, but warm—and his sleeping face never got old.
I reached out toward that face, thinking, Ah, I like this person.
Erin lay asleep with a pure smile, not the twisted one she'd shown before.
I was still sitting on the floor, carefully laying her down without waking her. I hadn't even made it to the bed myself, so I'd had no choice but to use my thigh as her pillow.
And with my own body feeling heavy, I'd dozed off briefly too.
"What kind of dream is it?"
Erin reached out, touching my face.
"Hehe..."
"What's so funny..."
Still half-asleep, Erin was in a dreamy haze, fiddling with my face endlessly. I couldn't just let that go on, so I gently stroked her forehead.
She frowned at the cold touch and opened her eyes.
"Huh...?"
"Sleep well, Erin?"
"It was... a dream."
Now fully awake, Erin glanced between me and my thigh, then suddenly rubbed her face against it.
"E-Erin?"
"This isn't right... too soft..."
Then, dissatisfied with something, she puffed out her cheeks. Her every action was unpredictable, but I didn't hate it.
Thump- Thump-
Then the scar—the Mana Heart—began pulsing faster with Erin's heartbeat. Wondering what was wrong, I looked at her. Her gaze was fixed on the alleyway.
The once pitch-dark alley now caught the first rays of sunlight.
Gazing at it, Erin asked in a trembling voice,
"You didn't... leave? Why?"
"Couldn't leave you behind."
"Even though I tried to trap you, oppa?"
"You knew it was wrong, didn't you?"
Her body flinched at my words. But she still stared at the alley, avoiding my eyes.
Now it was my turn to ask.
"Why'd you do it earlier?"
"..."
"About your voice. Won't you tell me now?"
Having seen her like that, I couldn't just let it slide. It wasn't mere curiosity—it was for Erin's sake. She'd been in so much pain then, and there was no guarantee it wouldn't happen again.
Erin didn't answer. But she wasn't ignoring me. She was quietly lost in thought.
I stopped pressing, letting her think while stroking her hair as she lay there.
"You think stroking my hair like this will make me let you go?"
"No way."
"Then why didn't you leave?"
"I told you—how could I leave someone collapsed like that?"
Erin shot up and reached toward the passage to the alley. It vanished in an instant, cutting off the breeze.
Clink-
The chains from before wrapped around my limbs again.
"If you wanted to escape, you should've gone right then. Without looking back."
"Probably."
"...No regrets?"
Even if it was something I'd regret, I wouldn't. If it was the result of my choice, I'd own it.
"No regrets."
Hearing that, Erin stared blankly at me. Her eyes held a whirlwind of emotions—each flickering in and out.
"Oppa... you really make people feel like idiots."
"Guess I'm an idiot too."
"Haha, spot on."
Erin walked toward the wall lined with books. It parted like when she'd entered, revealing a path.
"Follow me."
The chains binding me vanished, freeing my limbs. After keeping me restrained this whole time, Erin suddenly released everything.
"...You okay?"
"I'm okay now."
Her aura had shifted. She'd shed that chilling demeanor; now she felt like a true mage. Like the grand mage unleashing countless spells on the battlefield, flashing through my mind.
The place we arrived at was none other than Erin's room.
"This... your room?"
Books stacked to the ceiling. More books. And books. Nothing but a bed and books—that was Erin's room.
Erin deftly kicked the books at her feet aside without damaging them, clearing a path. Then she flopped onto the one spot without books: the bed.
Tap tap-
She patted the bed, gesturing for me to sit. Tougher than it looks. The fluffy-looking mattress was surprisingly firm. Then I felt her back press against mine.
It was light, like a doll leaning in.
"Oppa, know what's most important to a mage?"
"Hm... mana?"
"That's important too, of course. But there's something else."
From behind, Erin reached around and poked my throat.
"Your voice."
"Voice why?"
"To use magic, you need an activation chant. No voice, no magic."
Even I hadn't known that. In the game, you just learned it once and used it. Who'd have thought voice mattered so much to magic?
"And in my past life... I lost my voice. An enemy's attack hit my throat directly."
Her tone was flat as she spoke of essentially dying as a mage.
"That moment felt like losing the world. Magic was my everything. Losing it was like losing the world."
"...So?"
"You gave my world back to me, oppa."
Her words had gaps. She'd lost her voice but didn't say she'd lost magic. Maybe she was hiding it on purpose.
Erin hesitated, then spoke.
"Will you... hold me?"
"What?"
"I'm scared it'll drag me back into those memories again. So... hold me. If I start struggling, calm me with your voice. That's my condition."
With no real choice, I nodded. I lifted her from behind and sat her in front of me, then carefully hugged her from behind.
"Like this?"
"Yeah... I could listen to your voice forever."
"Cut the nonsense and hurry up."
"Haha, always so impatient."
Erin tapped my thigh with her finger, lost in thought for a moment.
"Right... it happened at the Ormus Plains."
The story I was about to hear was one I didn't know.