The First Spear Lesson with Camilla
The first time I asked Camilla to check my spear techniques.
Honestly, I didn't think she'd teach me well. After all, she got tense and anxious the closer we got to certain events from her past.
"Straighten your back! Your wrist is twisting again!"
I'd been a fool not to learn from how Erin changed whenever she started talking about magic. Maybe it was a common trait among people who dove deep into just one thing.
Camilla had been hesitant at the start of training, but before I knew it, she was barking orders.
"Your stance is collapsing! Spread your legs wider!"
Her advice—not quite advice, more like commands—was spot on. If my body wobbled, she'd immediately point out my posture. If pain shot through my wrist, she'd call out that I was snapping it too hard.
Unlike when I practiced alone, relying only on feel, I could immediately sense my movements and techniques becoming smoother and more fluid.
Of course, Camilla only pointed things out verbally. She didn't pick up a spear to demonstrate or adjust my form step by step.
Even so, it was more than enough—overflowing, even—to draw out her reactions.
Imagine putting a perfectly grilled steak in front of a vegetarian who's avoided meat for over ten years for health reasons. Some might swallow hard just at the sight. But most would steer clear—they'd been away from it too long.
But what if someone right in front of them devoured that meat with obvious relish? The situation changes. Past memories would stir: the taste, texture, aroma of meat.
At that point, saliva pools in the mouth, and before they know it, they're imagining themselves taking a bite.
'Just like Camilla swallowing right now.'
Camilla truly loved the sword. Even if it wasn't her sword, watching someone wield a weapon might give her vicarious satisfaction, like a mukbang video.
But human greed knows no bounds. Eventually, vicarious thrills aren't enough. It's like finally giving in and tasting the food from that mukbang yourself.
"Okay, that's enough for today!"
"Hoo... Thanks, Camilla."
Watching her hurriedly leave, a pang of discomfort tugged at my heart. What I was doing couldn't exactly be called using her, but it wasn't entirely right either.
So this was a test of sorts. Had she abandoned the sword because she hated it? Or did she still love it?
After observing her these past few days, I had my answer.
"People... don't change that easily, do they."
Camilla still loved the sword. The reason she'd set it aside seemed more external than a matter of her own will.
Now that I'd confirmed her feelings, all that was left was to push forward. Help her face the past and emotions she'd been avoiding.
My heart was pounding. How many times in this life had it raced this hard? In Camilla's memories, I could count them on one hand.
Her new life had been so flat it sometimes felt boring. The time since regaining it had been plenty for her to adjust to that tedium, even think it wasn't so bad.
But these past few days were devouring all that endured time.
"Hoo... Calm down. I need to calm down."
Rion's spear-wielding figure still lingered before my eyes, like black spots left after staring at the sun.
These illusions kept my heart from slowing. Against my will, it wanted to race even faster.
"I don't deserve it..."
Camilla clasped her hands together. She couldn't leave them twitching, craving something.
She wanted to erase this hollow sensation somehow. Rion's image blurred into something that no longer existed: her own self, swinging a sword before him.
When Rion thrust his spear, Camilla deflected it with the flat of her blade, mindful of the axe blade attached since it was a halberd. One slip, and she'd lose her grip.
Her sword slid down the shaft toward his wrist. Rion leaped back instantly, creating distance, then snapped his wrist to swing the axe blade at her from behind.
Camilla ducked fluidly, as if it were routine. Rion smiled watching her, and she beamed back brightly.
Camilla resented that smile from her past—a mere memory now.
"No more... Please..."
Damn it, she couldn't stop imagining. No way to block the memories rising naturally.
"I don't deserve it..."
Camilla finally collapsed, waiting for the moment to pass. Fixated on her lack of "qualification," all she could do was turn away.
"Rion."
"Camilla..."
"I'll check your spear techniques today too."
Her listless voice made her look like a patient. The dark circles and limp hair showed how rough her nights had been.
It was a change since she started teaching me.
Looking at her face felt suffocating. Hard to meet her eyes straight on. My fists clenched unconsciously, lips dry.
This was probably temporary. Once training started, she'd snap back to vibrant energy, like always. That feeble smile now... just for this moment.
'...Is this really right?'
Erin insisted on pushing Camilla to her limit. Only then would she speak her truth, when there was no escape.
Like someone with a cliff at their back giving up retreat.
But I couldn't shake the doubt. We were doing this to hear her honest feelings, past the self-deception. If it only tormented her more, was this method right?
What if she didn't stop at the cliff's edge but plummeted over?
"Rion..?"
She looked at me worriedly as I stood silent.
Erin's voice urged me through my earpiece. Her words were logical, reasonable. All this was to make Camilla face herself.
Still, it felt backwards somehow. I couldn't pinpoint the wrongness, but I was convinced the approach was flawed.
I couldn't guarantee a better plan if asked. Someone might call me emotional, irresponsible.
But wrong was wrong. Just because it's the only way doesn't make it right.
I moved my hand to my ear and removed the magic tool.
Apologizing inwardly to Erin as her voice faded. I'd catch hell later, but whatever.
'Is there really another idiot like me in the world?'
Ruining days of planning over one reason: she looked suffering. What kind of fool does that?
"Camilla."
"..?"
"Let's go on a date today."
Her eyes widened at my words. She looked like a cute squirrel, making me smile involuntarily.
"R-right now?"
"Yeah, now. When else?"
"...Why so sudden?"
"I realized I accepted your proposal but haven't done anything proper for it. So... something boyfriend-like?"
Her ears flushed red. Her cheeks bloomed with color, the sickly pallor fading.
Watching her, nothing else mattered anymore. Her hidden past, why she quit the sword—whatever.
'This is enough... Guess I'm not normal either.'
Camilla's eyes darted side to side, vitality sparking in them. Seeing her fidget and squirm embarrassed me too.
"Camilla, any place you wanna go? Cafe? Park? Anywhere. Even far away is fine."
"...Even if it's far?"
"I'll skip class tomorrow if needed. Who'm I going with? Can't skip this?"
She covered her mouth, giggling. I offered my hand.
"So, where to, my fiancée?"
"...Anywhere's fine."
She gently placed her hand in mine.