Knight's Qualifications (3)
"...Feeling a bit calmer now?"
"Yeah..."
Camilla and I were sitting facing each other under a suitable tree.
Camilla's still avoiding my gaze, but...
I was satisfied for now that I'd managed to create an opportunity for us to talk.
Camilla harbored guilt toward me. It was a different form from the emotions Erin had carried. Erin couldn't forgive herself, and those feelings had evolved into obsession and confinement toward me. In contrast, Camilla avoided meeting me because of her guilt over what she'd done to me. She kept saying she had no right to even look at me.
What had Camilla seen? What could have broken her like that?
She loved the sword, and the sword loved her. For someone like that to abandon her love, it must have been something enormous—at least on the scale of when Erin lost her voice.
"Like I said... I don't know what happened in the previous loop."
"...So?"
"Can you tell me why you gave up the sword?"
Camilla's mouth opened and closed several times. Her throat bobbed, and her eyes wandered, unable to settle. Just like how Erin had a meltdown when she couldn't speak, Camilla was struggling merely from trying to recall those times.
"I... no, we were knights."
"Knights to Princess Lucia, right?"
"You knew that much. Yeah. And I was the knight of His Highness Prince Fernan, the Second Prince."
I knew a fair bit about the Second Prince. He was the biggest obstacle on the path to the ending in the Lucia route.
The next emperor. Officially, the First Prince had been named crown prince, but that was just a smokescreen. The real one the emperor backed was the Second Prince.
"It wasn't my choice. My family supported the Second Prince, so I had no option but to follow him."
"Must've clashed with me a lot."
"Pretty much every day, we'd duel. Reasons varied—sometimes serious decisions on major issues, other times ridiculously petty stuff that'd make you laugh."
As she spoke, Camilla's lips curved into a faint smile. Was she reminiscing about memories from the previous loop? It was a different reaction from when I'd asked why she'd given up the sword.
"And then the Demon King was resurrected."
"..."
"Not surprised. Guess someone already told you."
"Erin mentioned it."
"That makes sense for her. She'd spent as much time on the battlefield as we had."
Camilla's words implied she'd fought alongside me and Erin on the battlefield. So, the Demon King's resurrection must have happened before the next emperor was decided.
I'll have to ask Erin about it.
I gathered a lot of information from our continued conversation.
"You remember when I lost my voice?"
"Of course. How could I forget? Rumors spread that afterward, Erin was waiting on you hand and foot like a servant."
At the same time, I started piecing together clues about why Camilla had given up her sword. Her reactions changed noticeably depending on the topic. If it was something before the big event that affected her, she spoke calmly, like just now.
"Then can you tell me about the battle with the upper demons?"
"Ah... that..."
But for things I suspected came after that event, she got visibly uneasy. It felt like she was reluctant for me to learn something specific—like a child hiding a mistake from their parents, avoiding eye contact, staying silent, or changing the subject.
Erin would probably answer if I asked her. But I didn't want to. This was an issue between Camilla and me, a knot we had to untie ourselves.
"O... How about we stop here for today? The sun's setting, and if it gets too late..."
Maybe I'd unwittingly gotten too close to whatever she was hiding. She couldn't hold out any longer and wanted to end the talk.
I needed time to sort the info too, and I didn't want to push her too hard. She wasn't trying to lock me up like Erin or suddenly push me away like Lucia.
"Can I ask one last thing?"
"...What?"
"Camilla. Why did you give up the sword?"
I didn't really expect an answer. I just threw it out there since it was the end.
But Camilla bit her lower lip and spoke.
"Because... I don't have the qualifications to hold a sword anymore."
With that one sentence, Camilla left.
Her final words echoed in my mind even as her figure vanished between the trees.
"Qualifications..."
What did she mean by qualifications? Maybe only someone who'd been a knight could understand.
Panting as she crashed through trees and bushes, Camilla glanced back. Was Rion following? Would he press her relentlessly for the truth?
"Ha... haha!"
She felt utterly pathetic. She'd committed a grave sin against him, yet instead of apologizing, she was desperate to hide it.
And yet, she didn't want to stay away from Rion. She didn't want his resentment. If he looked at her with cold eyes, she wouldn't be able to bear it.
If they hadn't met at all, maybe. But now that they had, she couldn't contain the exploding emotions.
As a knight, as a comrade-in-arms, if she couldn't stand by his side... what if she became his wife? Then she could stay close.
That thought alone had gotten her through bride training. She'd lived like the other noble ladies. Hands once gripping swords now held forks; swordsmanship gave way to etiquette. Hands toughened by calluses became so delicate a needle drew blood.
She'd imagined herself standing by Rion's side as his future wife.
All while fearing he might remember the previous loop.
When she mistakenly thought he did remember, Camilla despaired. She believed she could never stand by his side in this life.
And when she realized it was a misunderstanding, she thrilled. She buried her head to hide her ragged breath and flushed face.
She was relieved he didn't remember. If he never learned the truth, maybe she could stay by his side.
If someone tried to tell him her sin...
The sword... I thought of the sword again.
She recalled the sword she'd vowed never to touch. If needed, she'd force their mouths shut. For her desires, she'd make others bleed with the sword she'd abandoned for that very reason.
"Me like this... a knight?"
Once, she'd dreamed of being the strongest knight. She wanted to inherit her uncle's title of Sword Saint. He'd told her she could do it.
I'm sorry, Uncle.
A knight protects pride and honor. Guards people's lives and hopes.
Camilla thought nothing remained for her anymore.
"One thing... left."
What floated in her mind was the man she'd just been with.
She'd lost her sword. Her dreams. Her convictions. Her pride.
All that remained was love.
The fewer things one has, the more one clings to what's left. Even realizing her thoughts were twisted somewhere, Camilla didn't reject them. She had no reason to.
After that day, I didn't seek out Camilla. No reason to rush someone showing resistance.
Plus, I needed time to compile and sort info from Erin.
Consoling her while she sulked about "another girl" was exhausting.
But after a few days, strange rumors started circulating.
"What happened with the Croizen family lady?"
"Camilla?"
"Oh ho, casually calling a duke's daughter by name now? That close, huh?"
I ignored Instructor Fran's words. Reacting would just make me the guy spouting nonsense.
"Boring. Word is the Croizen lady's been out of touch for days?"
"What?"
"She shows up occasionally to send letters, but skips classes and holes up in the dorm otherwise."
Was it depression? I worried she might be having dark thoughts.
Should I check on her?
Her sudden odd behavior was concerning, especially so soon after our talk.
After finishing training with Fran, on the way back, a crowd gathered in the middle of the path.
"...?"
Wondering what was up, I pushed through to the center.
"Cami... lla."
Camilla stood at the heart, staring silently at the ground.
Seeing her after so long, she looked gaunt somehow.
Then her head slowly lifted. Her eyes met mine.
Those eyes felt familiar. I knew them—from Erin.
"Rion."
In the few days apart, her aura had changed. No longer anxious about hiding something; she ignored those around her, fixated solely on her goal.
"Will you marry me?"
Her words rang like a death sentence.