Yearning Heart
Ethan Gloucester. The strange power to manipulate space itself was a privilege unique to that bastard alone. He must have sensed the flame mage was about to reveal his identity and shut his mouth for good.
I let out a long sigh and turned my head. The sight of a human corpse flattened against the floor like a crushed pancake was anything but pleasant.
“Hyun! Are you hurt anywhere?” As if to make up for it, Alissa locked eyes with me and came sprinting over like an eager puppy waiting for its owner, frantically checking me for injuries. Her usual sharp-tongued attitude had vanished so completely it felt bizarre. Maybe it was the intense kiss from earlier, but she actually looked cute right now.
I must be losing my mind. The same woman who used daily sparring as an excuse to beat the hell out of me, showered me with every insult imaginable, and constantly plotted my death… and I was calling her cute? That’s how terrifyingly powerful the influence of looks could be. Fully experiencing the weight of lookism with my entire being, I gently pushed Alissa away.
“From now on, don’t jump in where you’re not needed.”
“Huh?”
“As you saw, fire magic can’t harm me. There was no reason for you to block it. Do you understand?”
“Ah… yes…. I’m sorry.”
My brutally blunt advice made Alissa’s face fall. Regret for her earlier actions, disappointment in herself, and a hint of resentment and injustice all flickered across her expression. Her eyes trembled nonstop—if I pushed her even a little more, she looked like she might burst into tears.
In the end, I couldn’t help adding one more thing.
“…Still, thanks for covering for me.”
“…Eh?”
“I know why you did it. But it’s dangerous, so don’t do it again.”
“……”
Alissa stared at me blankly for a moment, clearly not expecting those words. Well, I couldn’t blame her. One moment I was coldly snapping at her, the next I’d completely flipped my attitude. But from my perspective, I had no choice. I didn’t exactly harbor warm feelings toward her, but after she’d taken an attack meant for me under the guise of protecting me, I couldn’t repay kindness with cruelty.
Seeming to sense some of my inner thoughts, Alissa soon broke into a playful smile.
“Are you worried about me?”
“It’s not like that. I just didn’t want any pointless damage.”
“Liar. You’re actually worried I might get hurt again, aren’t you?”
Alissa gazed up at me with eyes full of affection. It was so different from how she usually treated me that it sent chills down my spine. This sort of thing was honestly my worst nightmare.
“I said no, didn’t I? Anyway, I’m leaving. Clean up the mess yourself.”
“Ah! Wait! Hyun!”
I boldly ignored the voice calling after me, spread my wings, and left the clock tower. Once I’d put enough distance between us to escape Ethan’s line of sight, I released my Hwasin-hwa and headed for the church branch.
The journey there was pure agony.
I feel like I’m going to die.
The backlash from using every authority at my disposal brought crushing fatigue. I was barely fighting off the drowsiness threatening to overwhelm me when—
“Luan!”
Deborah, who had apparently been waiting in front of the church, rushed over. She quickly supported me.
“Are you okay? Are you badly hurt?”
“…You know already. Everything regenerates. I’m just tired.”
“Still… please be more careful from now on. If you keep pushing yourself like this, something terrible will happen!”
“I know.”
“If you know, then why do you keep doing this?”
Why was she so angry? Even as I wondered, the deep emotion woven into her words made me smile. I whispered into her ear.
“Because I have you right now. So it’s okay.”
“……Idiot.”
My lip service must have worked. Deborah’s face flushed bright red before she shook her head vigorously. The way her brows furrowed was adorable.
“Then I’m going to sleep for a bit.”
“…Yes. I’ll see you later.”
With that promise, I leaned into Deborah’s embrace and completely lost consciousness.
*
Inside the quiet recovery room, Deborah was watching the sleeping Luan when a knock sounded at the door.
Knock, knock.
—May I come in?
The owner of the voice was Alissa. Deborah was surprised by the visit from the girl who hated Luan to the point of loathing, but she answered quickly.
“Come in.”
With permission granted, the door opened and Alissa stepped inside. She seemed strangely excited. Her face was filled with anticipation and nervousness.
What’s going on?
Unable to make sense of the situation, Deborah tilted her head and rose from her chair.
“What brings you here?”
“Ah, I just wanted to say something quickly.”
“Say something?”
“Yeah. It’s not that important, but I wanted to tell you.”
With that meaningful remark, Alissa pulled a chair from the corner and sat beside her. She frowned at Luan for a moment before turning to face Deborah. It was a perfectly consistent reaction.
Deborah cautiously sat back down and looked at Alissa.
“So what did you want to say?”
“That… thing you asked me about before.”
“Before?”
“Yeah. During the lunch search.”
That would have been when they discussed the Eye of Prognostication. But if it was something Deborah herself had asked about, the only possible topic was…
Surely not?
With one particular suspicion rising, Deborah asked carefully.
“D-do you mean when I asked if you loved the Silver Wolf?”
“That’s right. When you asked if I loved Hyun.”
“…What about it?”
“I think it’s true. I… I love Hyun.”
Alissa’s shy confession came with a fresh, vibrant smile so charming it could make any man’s heart race. Even as another woman, it was a face that made it hard to look away. Yet ironically, what Deborah felt was a sense of crisis.
“……Are you serious?”
“Yes. I love Hyun. You probably didn’t see it since you rushed straight to the recovery room, but during the fight I actually fell from the clock tower. Hyun flew over instantly and caught me.”
“And that made you fall for him?”
“No. If it had just been that, I probably wouldn’t have realized.”
Alissa still seemed uncertain. After being raped by Luan, her aversion to men had grown so extreme that she shuddered at the slightest touch. For someone like her to fall in love with another person—it was a reality that was hard to believe. Yet the pounding of her heart kept forcing the truth upon her.
“I was in terrible shape back then. If he’d left me like that, I would have died. So when Hyun tried to give me a potion, my body wouldn’t move. I was about to give up when he kissed me. That’s when I understood. These feelings weren’t just gratitude toward my savior.”
“…You call that love?”
“Yes. If it had been anyone other than Hyun, even if they saved my life, I would have felt disgusted. But with Hyun… it wasn’t unpleasant at all. And even now, just thinking about him makes my heart race. If this isn’t love, what is? I want to tell him these feelings right away. But that would probably burden him, wouldn’t it?”
Alissa poured out her words in a jumbled rush that barely qualified as a question. It revealed just how complicated her emotions were. Deborah bit her lip hard, then shot a sharp glare at the sleeping Luan.
What the hell are you doing?
Kissing another woman while leaving his master behind? She should have known from the moment he won the three-legged race and asked for a kiss. What a womanizer. Even if the situation had been dangerous, she wondered if a kiss had really been necessary.
Then another worry surfaced.
What if Alissa learns the truth?
The Hyun she loved was actually Luan. There was no telling how Alissa would react once she found out. The one thing Deborah could be certain of was that it wouldn’t be positive in the slightest.
While Deborah suffered alone with her thoughts, Alissa stood up with a refreshed expression.
“Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. In the end I just ended up venting. I’ll be going now. Take good care of him.”
Alissa waved and turned to leave. Deborah hurriedly grabbed her.
“W-wait a moment!”
“Hm? Why?”
“Well… w-what if the Silver Wolf already has a lover?”
“A lover?”
“Yes! If he has a lover, you’d get rejected! Would you still be okay with that?”
Deborah hoped Alissa would give up. That was why she’d thrown out the possibility, but Alissa didn’t shrink back at all.
“Why do you think I’d get rejected?”
“Huh?”
“I can just steal him. I’m confident. If the Silver Wolf has a lover, I’ll simply take him. I’ll make him mine. That’s my resolve. Does that answer your question?”
“…Yes. Thank you.”
“Yeah. Then I’ll really be going now.”
Alissa waved again and left the room. Left alone, Deborah continued wrestling with her thoughts before finally lifting her head to stare at Luan’s face.
“You damn womanizer. Seriously!”
She raised her hand to flick his forehead, but then realized she couldn’t hit a patient. With a sigh, she settled for poking his cheek.
“…Does your heart race when you see him?”
Was that what love felt like? Deborah wore a gloomy expression as she quietly placed one hand over her heart.
Thump! Thump!
So did that mean the way her heart went wild without restraint every time she looked at Luan was also because of love?
“There’s no way.”
When had it started? From their first meeting? Or when she was raped during practice? Or maybe when he protected her from the chimera? She couldn’t say for sure, but at some point she had begun to enjoy laughing and chatting with Luan. She had started looking forward to the time they spent together.
Because I have you right now. So it’s okay.
The memory from just a few hours ago was still vivid. That gentle voice whispering in her ear, that broad chest, the warm heat that had spread through her—none of it would leave her mind.
Only now did Deborah become aware of her own yearning heart.
“I… I’m in love with Luan.”
The beginning had been so twisted that she hadn’t realized it, but their relationship had been steadily moving forward. They were each other’s only true understanding, and at the same time, each other’s partners. In this situation, telling them to remain merely friends would have been the more impossible request.
However, this was a feeling that could never be permitted. For both her master’s sake and Luan’s, she had to cut away this useless emotion without hesitation. That would be the wisest choice, but… Deborah was not cold-hearted enough to do it in a single stroke.
She resented her Eye of Prognostication.
“Why didn’t you show me something like this?”
If she had known in advance through her foresight, she could have tried not to fall for Luan. At least she could have given up beforehand! To finally realize her love only to be forced to abandon it immediately—it was too cruel….
Deborah lowered her gaze to the floor.
“I’m jealous of Alissa.”
I can just steal him. I’m confident.
The way Alissa had answered so casually when asked what she would do if he had a lover. It had even energized the person listening. But unfortunately, Deborah could not muster that same courage. It wasn’t just because of her gentle personality. More than that, the idea of competing with her master in terms of feminine charm terrified her. If she failed, it could lead to the worst outcome—being abandoned by both Luan and her master.
Therefore, it was easier not to start at all.
Her heart twisted at the painfully bitter reality. After a moment of compromise, Deborah rose from her chair and leaned her face close to Luan.
Master. I’m sorry.
Just this once. This would be the very last time. Please allow me this much.
“I love you, Luan.”
She pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss along with her confession.
With this, I’ll let go cleanly.
Deborah’s first love had ended at the same moment it began.