Her State of Mind
The moment Taehyun's message came through, I headed straight for his place.
It would be my first time setting foot in my boyfriend's apartment — the kind of visit where most couples expect a certain kind of private, breathless evening together. What I was hoping for was similar, and yet it was nothing like that at all. The evening would be private, yes, and breathless. But it would not be the evening of two lovers.
"The training's all ready, baby."
"Y-you mean it...? Really?"
"Yeah. I'm set on my end. Come over whenever your heart's ready."
"Mm..."
This would be training in the truest sense — Master and slave, Master and bitch, nothing else. What I was waiting for was to be toyed with by Taehyun's hands, turned over and used until I had fallen into something vulgar, something less than a girlfriend. A filthy little bitch, and nothing more.
What's going to happen to me now...?
I knew I wasn't supposed to feel this way. Not from the side of the one about to be trained. Even so, I couldn't keep the smile from tugging at the corners of my mouth.
I hadn't always been like this. Not even close. Growing up, I had watched my uncle work as a bodyguard, and from that I had naturally come to admire people who took care of their bodies — but that was as far as it went. I had never once wanted to become such a person's slave. I had never wanted to be conquered by anyone.
Not until I watched a certain video.
Sophomore year of high school. The June mock exams — the ones everyone treated like they were the real thing — and I bombed them completely.
I can't even do this much.... I'm garbage.
I was coming apart under the weight of my own self-loathing, drowning in how pathetic I felt, when a thought surfaced and would not leave. I wanted someone to scold me. Sharply. I wanted someone to take a firm hold of me whenever my mind started wandering off into useless places, and put me back where I belonged.
I drifted through my days like that, hollow and tired — and then my eyes landed on the porn my older brother was always watching.
He's been putting this on every time exams are over, for as long as I can remember. Maybe I should try watching one too...?
At first it was barely even rebellion. A little stress relief, a little curiosity. I told myself I would just look around and that would be the end of it.
What I found in there was something else entirely.
"Hah...! Haaahn! Nngh..."
"Huh? Why are you moving? You filthy slut, you trying to die...?"
"I-I'm sorry, Master.... Hngh...!"
I had been scrolling through thumbnails so explicit they made my face burn just to look at them, and I clicked one almost by accident. A hardcore SM video: a heavily muscled man had a slender, delicate-looking woman tied down, and he was handling her without a shred of gentleness.
The first time, the visuals hit me so hard I shut it off without thinking. But a little while later, the images would not leave my head. Being used like a tool — thoroughly, completely — by the exact kind of man I had always admired.... I was supposed to be disgusted. Any normal person would have hated it.
My fingers found the video again anyway, and pressed play.
"Hahk!! Master, I think I'm going to come...! I'm coming!!"
"Good. Come for me. You perverted little slut."
"I'm coming, Master! I'm coming...!"
"Nnh...♡ Hah...♡"
Before I knew it I had put myself in that woman's place, and I found my own hand working between my legs as I watched.
My tastes changed in a single night. My everyday life did not. I told myself it was only a fantasy — something that could never, would never, touch the real world.
Then senior year arrived, and my friend Jisu introduced me to a friend of her boyfriend Haru's.
That was how I finally met the person who could make my filthy little fantasy real.
"Ah — hey. You're Jisu's friend, right...?"
Seo Taehyun. He was everything I had ever pictured and never quite believed I would find. A body that looked solid even at a glance. A man who held himself to a rigorous standard. Considerate, attentive, careful with people. The best boyfriend I could have asked for — and the perfect Master.
"Let's get along, Taehyun~."
"Ah, yeah. Likewise, Jihye."
I had been terrified he wouldn't look at me twice. He did. We became friends, and then something more, and then we were together.
"So, baby. Where do you want to go today?"
"Hmm? Anywhere you want to go is fine with me, Hyun~."
"Yeah? Then.... I heard there's a new cafe that just opened. Want to check it out? And after that we could take pictures at one of those four-cut photo booths...."
He was always thinking of me, always steering us toward the things I liked, and being his girlfriend was — honestly — wonderful. Even so, something filthy lived under all of that, and it would not stay quiet. I wanted to be his slave. I wanted to become a thing that belonged only to him, something he could use however he pleased.
I tried more than once to tempt him into it, to make him my Master. He was always so careful with me that it never went anywhere.
Maybe Hyun just isn't like that....
I could have simply told him the truth and asked. I couldn't bring myself to do it. The thing I wanted was too filthy to say out loud, and a part of me was afraid that if he heard it he would decide I was some kind of freak and end it.
I spent a long time fretting and doing nothing. And then, one day—
"Want me to help?"
"Help? With what...?"
"You want to take things further with Taehyun, don't you? You little brat."
Jisu — the same friend who had brought the two of us together in the first place — stepped in and offered to do something about it. She and Haru had been playing this way for a long time already, and she had clocked my tastes ages ago. Now she was holding out a hand and promising she could get Taehyun and me there too.
"We'll set the whole thing up. All you have to do is follow our lead. Got it?"
"Yeah. I got it. Thanks, Jisu."
"Don't mention it, you dummy. Just buy me coffee if it works out."
With Jisu and Haru's help, I finally got to see what Taehyun really was. The perfect Master. The perfect boyfriend. He will never know how happy I was, hearing him say he wanted to own me.
Once I had heard his desire, I decided it was time to put mine on the table too.
"Hyun. Train me."
"...You want to do some kind of roleplay?"
"What...?"
He was startled at first. Then he said he would do it. He would give me exactly what I had asked for.
Before the training began he put me through what he called a preliminary survey, prying into every private corner of me. He mapped my body under the pretext of finding my erogenous zones, his hands everywhere, tormenting every place I was sensitive until he forced me over the edge. He handled me as if I already belonged to him — harsh, magnetic, completely in control. And then—
"I'll let you know when it's time to start the training. Until then, you wait."
"Okay~! I'll be good. I'll wait patiently, I promise...!"
He left me with that, and with a wait that stretched on and on. At first I was disappointed — I wanted to be trained now, and he was telling me to sit still. But he said he needed the time to prepare it properly, and the disappointment curdled into anticipation.
A week went by. Then two. I waited, wound tight with wanting.
And then Taehyun told me everything was ready, and the day finally arrived.
"Oh my god. I can't believe this.... You prepared all of this...?!"
The first thing I felt, walking into Taehyun's place and seeing what he had done, was astonishment. It was a small villa apartment — two rooms, a modest living area, a single bathroom. One of those rooms had been soundproofed and converted entirely into a training chamber.
I stepped inside. Waiting for me in the center of the floor was a triangular wooden horse. Behind it, mounted on the wall, stood an X-shaped frame. One shelf along the side held restraints laid out with almost ceremonial care — rope, a gag, a collar and leash — and beside them the implements of punishment, whips and paddles in a neat row. The shelf on the other wall was given over to toys: vibrators, dildos, everything in between.
I had known Taehyun. I had known a man that attentive would never have thrown something together halfway. Even so. I had not expected him to be this thorough.
"I'm going to be locked in a place like this and trained...!"
Fear and rapture tangled together as I turned in a slow circle, taking it all in — and then it hit me that I could not simply stand there. He had prepared all of this properly. The one about to be trained had no business standing around fully dressed, doing nothing.
I needed a way to show him I was ready. After a moment's thought, I started with my clothes. I folded everything neatly, shoes included, and set the pile out for him — a small, deliberate gesture. I would not run. I was here to be trained.
"Good.... But this still isn't quite enough...."
I looked around for something with more impact, and my eyes caught on the things sitting at the very top of the shelf. A puppy-ear headband. A tail plug. Anyone could see they had been put there for me. That was it. That was the thing.
"That's it...! Now I just have to wait for Hyun — no. For Master...."
I still could not quite bring myself to put the tail in, so I settled for the headband and started taking the rest down, fastening each piece to my body one by one. Pink egg vibrators went over my nipples and against my clit. Around my throat I buckled a dog collar, the leash already clipped to its ring.
Then I sat the way a dog sits, and I waited for my Master to come.
I kept my eyes on the closed door and wished for it to open. I wished for him to walk through it. Half an hour must have gone by like that.
"What? I thought I left the lights on in here.... Wait—?!"
The door opened. Master was here.
"Nnh...♡ M-Master, you're here...?"
"Baby...?"
"I've been waiting quietly this whole time, just like I was supposed to...♡"