Drunk on a Cold
“Looks like you’ve caught a nasty cold…. You’ll have to take your medicine and stay in bed today, all right?”
The elementary school teacher pulled her hand away from my forehead and gave me that advice. Even without the diagnosis, my body was burning with fever and I had no strength left to move, so I had already planned to spend the entire day doing absolutely nothing.
I nodded weakly and wrapped the blanket she’d given me tightly around my shoulders, clutching the edges so it wouldn’t slip off. Without a child-sized mask, the adult disposable one I wore didn’t seem very useful for preventing infection, but at least it kept the cold air from going straight into my lungs.
Feels like this is worse than usual…. Aren’t kids’ bodies supposed to be tougher?
It might have just been my imagination, but compared to when I was an adult, the body aches that came with a cold felt far more intense. Maybe, just like my slow growth, my body was weaker than other children’s too.
That thought suddenly made the older kids who had punched me seem even more despicable. A younger sibling—and a sick one at that—getting beaten like that? Besides, as usual, the bullies’ violence had no real reason behind it. Once, while getting hit, I’d asked why they were doing it, and they’d answered with:
“You just look annoying.”
“Little shit.”
“It’s fun, isn’t it?”
“Because you’re a pain in the ass?”
They spouted the most creative nonsense while smacking my back. The fact that their viciousness never showed in front of the teachers felt like witnessing the law of the jungle in real time—nature’s own little miracle.
Anyway, I uploaded the video, but not being able to check the reactions feels kind of empty.
Lying quietly in bed, I thought about the video I’d edited yesterday. Watching the view count, likes, and comments for about thirty minutes after uploading had become both a pleasure and a routine. I was grateful to the viewers who watched as if they’d been waiting for my video, and most of them left pleasant comments that naturally boosted my self-esteem. That was why it had become a habit.
Of course, with only one video uploaded to a completely empty account, there probably weren’t any people waiting, and the algorithm wouldn’t push it either. Still, just having the routine broken left me feeling strangely hollow.
With a small sigh, I pulled the notebook from my arms and flipped to the page with my plans written on it.
…I’ve started, but will this really work?
Even to me, the plan sounded ridiculous. It was something that would only succeed if I got incredibly lucky—nine times out of ten, it would fail. The odds were absurdly low, but the truth was that I had no other choice. Unless I got adopted, the only ways out of this orphanage were running away with some gang or aging out as an adult. I refused to do either of those. So I had to keep trying….
Ugh… my head hurts so much I can’t think straight….
A brutal headache gnawed away at my thoughts. This wasn’t going to work. I needed to get over the cold first and think later. Letting out another small sigh, I pulled the blanket up to my chin. The warmth trapped inside welcomed my drowsiness. Well, thinking a little slower won’t hurt.
Just as I was about to drift off, the door burst open and someone shouted.
“Kids! Someone from the broadcasting station is coming later!”
“……”
Sleep can wait until I’m dead.
***
People from the broadcasting industry visited the orphanage fairly often. Sometimes for coverage. Sometimes they brought cameras to film the “heartwarming” sight of cast members shedding tears over parentless children and playing with them. Ratings were everything. Hardly anyone filmed children without parents for no reason at all. If someone did, they were either a saint, a creep with a thing for kids, or some weirdo who got their self-esteem from other people’s misfortune.
Following Sunja’s words, the first type didn’t exist. But people who claimed to be broadcasters yet didn’t carry cameras were a different story. I called those people weirdos.
“Hello. My name is Lee Seongbeom. I work as a PD at tvM.”
At his greeting, the orphanage teachers’ eyes widened as they covered their mouths. Even the teacher who had been holding back the charging children from afar kept glancing his way. Was there anyone in this era who didn’t know his name? He was a PD, yet more famous than most celebrities. I’d been too young and hadn’t watched much TV at the orphanage, so I only learned about his achievements after becoming an adult, but the teachers were the generation that had grown up watching his shows in real time.
The man who had once been responsible for the entire nation’s Sunday evenings had shown up at their workplace as a volunteer. It was no wonder their mouths wouldn’t close.
“H-how did you come here?”
“Actually, I’ve been doing volunteer work at various orphanages. This one was relatively close, but I didn’t know about it until now. I found out after watching a video that was uploaded recently.”
Lee Seongbeom laughed heartily, wearing a friendly smile. Even while nervous in front of a celebrity, the teacher couldn’t hide her puzzled expression. A moment later, she murmured “Ah” and naturally guided him inside. She was probably thinking:
The dance video the kids filmed the other day. The director must have uploaded it already.
Neither of them was correct, but miraculously, the conversation flowed. The two of them headed to the reception room to fill out some simple paperwork. Watching from behind the crowd of children, I let out a sigh of relief.
Success.
It had been a messy plan left to chance, but I’d somehow managed to draw him here. Maybe I’d been holding on to some kind of expectation deep down. And just as I’d hoped, he had come. Just like before. He had found me again this time too.
Relieved by that fact, I dragged my fever-heavy body back to my room. All that was left now was to meet him and desperately sell myself. How should I do it? My dizzy mind spun frantically.
“Ah, right….”
An idea flashed through my head. But as people often say, you shouldn’t make decisions when you’re sick. Someone pushed to their limit can’t think straight and tends to reach closed-off, extreme conclusions. Yet, just like most people, I forgot that in the moment and acted anyway.
The headache, the dizziness, the excitement of the plan succeeding, and the strong effects of the cold medicine all piled on top of each other, creating a sensation like being drunk. My overheated brain smiled for no reason. The decision I made while my cold had eaten away at my ability to think straight would later return as immense shame and irreversible regret. But—
“Hehe….”
The me of right now had no way of knowing that.
***
Unable to hold back any longer, Lee Seongbeom dumped all the remaining editing work on his junior PD and headed straight to the orphanage. Once the video was up on YouTube, he figured someone else might have the same idea he did. Of course, with fewer than five hundred views, the chances were low, and editors weren’t usually the most proactive types, so there hadn’t been any real rush. Still, Lee Seongbeom—the weirdo that he was—had a very impatient personality.
When he arrived at the orphanage and chatted briefly with the teacher who greeted him, something felt off.
Strange. They don’t seem to know anything about that video.
It would have been rude to ask about the video’s creator right after meeting them as a volunteer. So he kept the conversation light and casually brought up the video, but it quickly became clear that they weren’t on the same page. Even when he spoke with the director, the man didn’t seem to know the video he was talking about.
Maybe it wasn’t made by someone connected to the orphanage? But an outsider couldn’t have edited it without permission….
It was a video that clearly showed the children’s faces. Editing it without authorization could be considered a crime.
Maybe this is a dead end.
Just in case, he asked about the channel owner’s nickname, but the answer he got—“Dancing Raccoon…? A raccoon that dances? Oh, is that it? I sometimes watch funny animal videos, and I think I saw a raccoon dancing in one of them!”—made it obvious they really didn’t know.
Still, it was true that he volunteered at various orphanages, so he signed the volunteer paperwork and was led to where the children were. Since he had nothing urgent to do, they asked if he could keep the kids company for a bit. He didn’t dislike children, and they tended to like his cheerful personality, so he nodded happily.
He was thinking he might as well just play with the kids and head home when—
Hm?
Among the children who were still wary of the unfamiliar visitor, one particularly small girl started walking toward him. She had a blanket draped over her shoulders, and the mask on her face was so large it covered half of it. Her small forehead looked slightly flushed—she was clearly sick with a cold.
He knelt down to match the eye level of the girl who looked about ten years old and greeted her. Her unsteady, toddling steps slowly brought her closer until her hazy eyes met his face. Then she smiled brightly and reached out her arms.
“Hehe…. Mister, will you hug me…?”
At the innocent request, Lee Seongbeom smiled.
“Of course. I’m tall, so it’ll be fun when I pick you up.”
He lifted her into his arms. She was lighter than he’d expected, so it was easy. The sudden change in height didn’t scare her—she just grinned. Pleased by her expression, he looked around at the other children. Thanks to this girl, their wariness seemed to have eased quite a bit.
Still, this kid’s burning up. Shouldn’t she go to the hospital?
The body heat coming from the child in his arms wasn’t normal. The orphanage staff had probably given her cold medicine, but staying outside in the cold wind couldn’t be good for her. Just as he was patting her back and scanning for a teacher, the girl resting her chin on his shoulder whispered into his ear.
“……Actually, Dancing Raccoon, the video…. I made it.”
“What?”
The words were spoken so softly, like a secret. Something enormous collided inside his mind—like Captain America telling the Strike Team, “Hail Hydra.” Startled, he turned to look at her, but no further answer came.
“Haa, haa….”
“Kid?”
The girl let out rough breaths, went limp in his arms, and closed her eyes. In that instant, the color drained from his face.
Wait, what?
“T-teacher!!”
Later, he would say that day was the most terrifying moment of his life.