Why the Hell Is a Golem Here?
I thought it was an adult game, but it turned out to be a romance fantasy. Most ero-manga artists have excellent powers of observation. It’s not anything special—just a kind of occupational hazard. From the delicate line of a slender neck revealed when hair is swept up, to the soft, plump curve of a thigh that pops out when stockings are rolled down under a skirt, pressed taut by the fabric’s tension. Or even the curled arc of toes that boldly shows itself the moment shoes come off. When you spend all day staring at every little detail like a pervert, your ability to observe objects naturally hits max level. That’s why, for an ero-manga artist, observation is basically an occupational disease.
And right now, thanks to that wonderful occupational disease, something had caught my eye.
‘……Footprints.’
Clear tracks stamped into the muddy floor of the damp dungeon. The size was roughly 235 millimeters. The stride was steady and upright, and the pattern on the sole was obviously from an expensive, custom-made walking shoe that only noble young ladies would wear. A woman who had entered this gloomy dungeon. And that arrogant, unhesitating stride.
The answer was obvious.
It was the proud young lady from one of the empire’s three great ducal houses. The traces of Judith La Roche, the duke’s daughter.
“This way.”
Tracking the footprints wasn’t difficult. The moment I sped up deeper into the dark dungeon—
“Kyaaak!”
“W-what the?!”
The entire cave shook violently with a tremendous vibration. Dust poured from the ceiling, and the floor bucked like it was about to collapse.
‘……What the hell is this?’
My brow furrowed on its own. It felt like some massive thing was rampaging around, sending out shockwaves. I kicked off the muddy ground, rounded the corner, and—
“……Shit.”
A cluster of enormous boulders completely blocked the path ahead. At a glance, they looked at least three people tall. It was definitely on the other side. The vibrations were coming from beyond that rock wall.
The ones who had gone ahead were Judith and her team. Which meant the one causing a ruckus in there—and the one in mortal danger—was Judith.
“…….”
My mind began spinning rapidly.
Judith La Roche. In the original story, she was the next main villain and the heir to the La Roche ducal family, one of the empire’s three great houses. If I let her die here? The main scenario would go off the rails, the butterfly effect would kick in, and my life would end in an instant death sentence.
‘……Absolutely not.’
I looked upward. Between the collapsed boulders, there was a fairly wide gap near the ceiling. That should be enough to get over.
I quickly turned to the hulking demon senior behind me.
“Du-sik sunbae! Climb up the rocks!”
That reliable physique that looked like a frontline assault leader. He was supposed to be a horned demon, so climbing a rock wall like this with his bare hands should be normal, right?
But sunbae recoiled in horror.
“Are you crazy?! How am I supposed to climb that?!”
“Wait, aren’t you a demon? You can’t even do that? Why are you even a demon then?”
“I’m not a demon, I’m from the demon race, you idiot! That was a serious racist remark! And I’m not a warrior, I’m a mage!”
A demon-race mage who still had the presence of mind to whine about political correctness in a situation like this. Unbelievable.
“At least live up to that big body of yours.”
He was seriously useless. As for Rena, the childhood friend who had collapsed in shock from the earlier vibration had a zero percent chance of making it over.
In the end, there was only one answer.
“Then throw me! Up there!”
“What? You crazy bastard! I can throw you, but how are you going to land?!”
“Rena will shoot water for me. I’m counting on you, Rena!”
“Huh? Ian, wait! I haven’t even answered y—kyaaaaak!”
One of the demon race’s strengths: if it’s not their own pain, they act immediately. Senior Du-sik grabbed my collar and waistband and hurled me straight into the air. He said he wasn’t a warrior, but damn, that strength was no joke!
“Don’t throw me with so much emotion, you son of a—aaaaaaaagh!”
As I flew through the air, I saw Rena reaching out with both hands in a panic below me.
“W-water sphere!”
A clear stream of water shot from Rena’s fingertips toward the top of the boulder where I was supposed to land. While still airborne, I immediately drew up the black mana sleeping within my mind.
Shrrrrk—.
The pitch-black mana that poured from my fingertips collided in midair with Rena’s water-attribute mana and the dust. Splat. It was a disgustingly dirty sound for magic. The sticky mud swelled instantly, creating a thick, cushion-like path on top of the boulder.
The synergy with the water-attribute mana seemed perfect. Thud!
I landed perfectly—and stickily—on the mud cushion. In other words, my entire body was now covered in gooey mud. Why did even my magic have to be third-rate?!
“Everyone, hurry up and climb!”
After shouting down at them, I immediately turned my head to check the situation beyond the rocks.
“……Holy shit.”
A curse slipped out involuntarily.
A vast underground lake. In the middle of it stood a gigantic rock golem. And its massive fist was descending straight toward the head of Judith, who had collapsed after running out of mana.
A rock golem the size of a building is rampaging in the underground lake. Its core is located at the center of its chest, connecting the head and torso.
“What kind of training is this, you crazy Magic Tower Master bastard!”
If that hit her, it would be instant death. Noble lady or not, she’d be flattened like a meat pancake. I immediately kicked the dirt at my feet with the toe of my shoe. It was the compressed mud projectile—Earth Bullet—that I had used to suppress the Art Department seniors before.
“Duck!”
I roared at Judith and fired the mud cannon with all my strength.
— Fwoooooosh!
The heavy lump of mud flew like a cannonball and slammed into the golem’s massive forearm. It wasn’t enough to deal damage, but the overwhelming mass and stickiness twisted the golem’s trajectory for a split second.
— KWAaaaaaaaang!
The fist that should have crushed Judith’s skull instead smashed into the ground right beside her. Huge fragments flew up, but she avoided a fatal blow.
“Haa… haa……”
The collapsed Judith looked up at me with disbelief in her eyes. I quickly shouted at her.
“Snap out of it, Judith!”
Why are you looking at me when the golem is right in front of you?! Your life is on the line, but that golem bastard is glaring at me now too!
— Uwoooooooooo!
That thing was definitely pissed off. I’d been properly marked.
At that moment, I heard panting behind me as Senior Du-sik and Rena climbed up the mud and arrived.
“Ian! Are you okay?!”
“W-w-what is that thing?!”
“Perfect timing. Shut up and listen to me!”
I quickly gathered mana and hurled it straight at the golem’s chest.
“Rena! Shoot water at that golem! As hard as you can!”
“Huh?”
It was urgent, but I couldn’t pass up this joke.
I pointed at the golem with my index finger and yelled.
“Go, Squirtle! Water Gun!”
“What? What the hell is a Squirtle, you idiot!”
Even while grumbling, Rena fired a water cannon with tremendous pressure.
— Kwaaaaaaaaa!
The moment the waterfall-like torrent hit the black mana stuck to the golem’s chest—
— Squelch!
The black, sticky mud exploded in growth, slowing the golem down as if it had fallen into a swamp.
“Yes! It worked!”
As expected, this combination was completely broken. I immediately turned to Senior Du-sik.
“Sunbae, you shoot too! The strongest and hottest thing you can do!”
“Are you sure this is okay?”
“Just trust me and shoot!”
“O-okay!”
Senior Du-sik raised both hands and began gathering red mana. I stretched out my arm once more.
“Go, Charmander!”
“What the hell is a Charmander, you insane lunatic—!!”
The furious demon-race mage unleashed a massive flame storm.
— Fwoooooooosh!
The temperature inside the cave shot up instantly. The moment the flames covered the mud—
— Crack! Crunch!
The chemical reaction I had been aiming for hit perfectly. The viscous mud created from Rena’s water and my dark mana met Du-sik’s powerful flames and baked solid like pottery.
— Grrrrrrk! Grrrrrrk!
The golem’s joints let out grotesque sounds. It couldn’t move an inch, trapped inside the hard mud armor that covered its entire body.
“Now!”
The moment I shouted, a figure who had been collapsed in the corner sprang forward.
“Uwaaaaaaaaaaah!”
It was Vinicius Adam. Why were his eyes so red? Anyway. His sword brutally sliced through the golem’s now-solidified knee joint.
The precise weak point that could neutralize the golem.
— Crack!
The giant body of the golem, having lost its balance, staggered violently. And the noble Lady Judith was not one to miss that opening.
“Haaat!”
Having regained her composure, Judith nimbly leaped onto the falling golem’s arm. She stepped on its shoulder, launched herself upward, and her red rapier plunged straight into the central core connecting the golem’s head and chest.
— Paaaaaaaaang!
A blinding flash filled the entire cave.
— Kugugugugugugung……!
And finally, the rock golem shattered into pieces and collapsed to the floor.
“…….”
“…….”
In the cave where the acrid dust was slowly settling, the massive disaster had turned to dust and vanished. The tension that had been holding everyone together finally broke, and one by one, their bodies collapsed to the ground.
“We’re alive……”
Senior Du-sik sprawled out like a starfish, breathing heavily. Rena’s legs had given out too; she flopped onto the muddy floor with a dazed expression. Far away, even Lady Judith was panting harshly, barely managing to stay on her feet atop the pile of broken stones.
Everyone was completely exhausted. I, too, felt like every last drop of energy had been drained from my body. I leaned my back against the rock wall and slowly slid down.
“Ugh.”
Was this really the difficulty level of a romance fantasy? I thought this would be a breather episode, but what the hell was that sudden disaster?
Still, at least everyone had survived. My eyes landed on the mana orb fluttering above the golem’s head.