I'll Buy You, Ian Ash!
"I'll buy you, Ian Ash!"
With a voice overflowing with pure hype, the infirmary door flew open with a violent bang. At that rate, the school nurse would probably have a heart attack and send a repair bill. But instead of the mysteriously absent nurse, the one who freaked out was Lena Youngstern.
"Who the hell is it this time?!" Lena shouted, bolting upright from the bed like a spring-loaded jack-in-the-box.
...Revival? I stared at her in surprise without thinking, and—
"E-eaaagh! I-I didn't hear anything! I didn't hear a single thing! I'm leaving first!"
Her face suddenly flushed bright red as she sprinted out of the room.
"Huh? Hey! You can't just move like that! Lena Youngstern!"
Lena ignored my shout completely. She shouldered past the uninvited guest and clattered down the hallway like a panicked animal making its escape. For someone who'd collapsed from mana exhaustion, her movements were unbelievably agile.
"......Wait. I was asking if you were actually sick."
It couldn't be that deathbed awakening thing, right? The phenomenon where people suddenly gain power right before they die.
"I don't think you need to worry. She looked incredibly lively. Her magic power, I mean. More importantly—"
A wave of brilliant golden hair filled my entire field of vision. A beat later, a soft yet unmistakably noble fragrance washed over me. I'd only blinked once, but Princess Eiphrid's sparkling eyes were now directly in front of me.
"I-Ian Ash."
"Your Highness, you're way too close."
"There's no one else here."
The princess quickly scanned the room, her cheeks turning pink as she continued.
"Wh-what sort of training were you doing with Lady Lena, exactly?"
"Training?"
I frowned. What kind of random question was that?
"This is the infirmary. Lena and I were both injured, so we were resting."
When I showed her the bandages wrapped around my stomach, her eyes filled with something like pity for a moment. Then, as if she'd reached some grand realization, they suddenly overflowed with pure delight.
No. Why does she look so happy? It's honestly terrifying.
"Ah, so it was the painful kind of training? Of course! The ancient Magic Tower's secret arts that push the body to its absolute limits to break through boundaries! In that case, this princess Eiphrid... will gladly suffer!"
Rustle, rustle. With a face full of determination, the princess began lifting the hem of her shirt, which was embroidered with golden thread.
"What exactly are you trying to—"
Swish. A pure white, bare abdomen appeared right before my eyes. In other words, I had suddenly become the guy who saw the princess's naked stomach.
She squeezed her eyes shut.
"Go on, kick me however much you want! The solar plexus, anywhere is fine! Please grant me the noble pain of that magnificent training!"
"What the hell are you even saying? Are you actually insane?!"
I recoiled backward in genuine panic.
"Yes! I might very well be crazy! Your training was simply perfect, Ian! To think I would show such results in the practical exam...!"
"That was just because Your Highness has exceptional talent—!"
"Oh my, how humble. There's no need for such modesty, Ian Ash. I already trust your abilities completely!"
Please stop trusting me! Wait, didn't Princess Eiphrid have some kind of ability to see through lies?
...Come to think of it, I didn't actually lie.
"Come on! Hurry!"
I let out a small sigh while looking at the princess, who was still holding her shirt up and practically begging to be kicked.
"Your Highness, please get a grip. If a third-rate nobody like me lays even a fingertip on your sacred body, it'll be lèse-majesté. They'll have my head on a pike by sundown!"
"I won't tell anyone!"
"Even so, who the hell kicks a noble princess in the stomach?! What about your future children?!"
"Tsk. So naggy. Anyone would think you were the court magician."
The princess frowned and clicked her tongue.
Your Highness. Please have some dignity!
"If anyone sees this, it'll be a huge disaster! If you don't want to watch me get arrested, please put your clothes back on properly."
"...What a shame."
The princess smacked her lips with genuine regret. It seemed my impression of her had been slightly off. She was even more obsessed with magic than I'd realized.
"In any case, Ian Ash, I wanted to thank you. I also wanted to check on your condition."
"...Yes. As you can see, I'm perfectly healthy. There's no need to thank me."
So please leave already!
I kept glancing pointedly at the open door, but the princess only kept smacking her lips and watching my reaction. What now? Her expression reminded me so much of a puppy staring at a treat that I ended up asking despite myself.
"...Haah. Just say it."
"It's not exactly a trade, but... could you let me use the printing press?"
"Huh?"
"Thanks to that magnificent device, my mana grew tremendously during the practical exam! Just once—no, please let me do that training every single night!"
That... I knew I'd hooked her, but I didn't expect her to bite this hard.
The empire's future looks dark.
To think the princess was being toyed with by a third-rate extra. I'd made up my mind. I'd say something plausible and make a run for it.
"Rest is also part of training, Your Highness. Let's continue once your mana has fully recovered."
"J-just a little more and I can squeeze out—!"
"Anyway, I'll be going now! Please rest well, Your Highness!"
Before she could spout any more nonsense, I quickly gathered my things and fled the infirmary.
By academy rules, servants were not allowed inside the grounds. However, Judith La Roche's personal maid was carefully pouring tea for her mistress. This was possible thanks to a small loophole. A maid inside the carriage wasn't an issue, and no one could complain about the carriage itself entering the academy grounds. High nobility had always used such elegant little tricks.
"Is your body alright, my lady?"
Judith, leaning back against the plush carriage seat that had essentially been converted into a private reception room, slowly lifted her gaze. Even her slightly disheveled black hair looked like a work of art.
"I'm fine. If a body like mine fell apart from a mere practical exam, I could hardly call myself a daughter of La Roche."
Despite her words, she looked quite exhausted. After all, no matter that the opponents had been students, it was still an event where swords and magic collided head-on.
She brought the teacup the maid had offered to her lips and continued.
"More than that, it was a very interesting event."
Seeing the countess's eyes sparkle, the maid swallowed nervously. Judith was quick-witted and always calculated gains and losses perfectly. Whenever her eyes lit up like that, something was about to happen.
"The one who shone brightest was, of course, His Highness Leonhardt. He proved once again to the entire empire the brilliance of his skill and the overwhelming power of his bloodline. And Saintess Arina Saint. Honestly, their battle was a picture-perfect scene that anyone would call beautiful."
A mysterious smile spread across Judith's lips.
"On top of that, Her Highness Princess Eiphrid showed an unexpected performance that shook the entire board, and we even gained an unexpected harvest in Lena Youngstern. Every one of them is someone worth reaching out to at least once."
The maid asked carefully.
"My lady. Still, shouldn't we focus first on recruiting His Highness the Crown Prince Leonhardt? His martial power and symbolic value are overwhelmingly dominant."
Judith shook her head firmly. The maid quietly held her breath. Whenever her lady made that expression, she always reached a conclusion no one expected. So the maid was curious—who exactly was she planning to seduce if not the crown prince?
Clink. Judith set down her teacup and rose from her seat.
"Where are you going?"
"I have business to attend to."
As Judith opened the carriage door and stepped outside, she wore a cool, provocative smile.
"You know, Mayril. During today's practical exam, that arrogant and difficult Magic Tower Master only stepped forward personally once."
And that was definitely no coincidence.
"I'm going to buy that person."
In the countess's white hand was the report on Ian Ash that the maid Mayril had given her earlier.
"...Is the infirmary haunted by yin energy or something?"
An infirmary where female students—moreover, heroine-level ones—kept respawning. It sounded like prime erotic manga material... yeah, right. When you actually considered each of their personalities, it was pure horror.
"Maybe I should hire an exorcist?"
I quickly put as much distance as possible between myself and that dungeon-like infirmary. As if I'd get sick again. From now on, I'd avoid it at all costs.
Anyway. After finally catching my breath, I started worrying about Lena. That was the first time I'd ever seen her like that. Her usual confident attitude had completely vanished, her face flushed so red it looked like it might explode. She was even sweating buckets...
"Her condition really was strange."
If she was sick, she was seriously sick. And if Lena got sick at this particular moment, it would be a huge problem. After all, the best way to survive the rampage event was to stay in peak physical condition.
With that in mind, I headed toward Lena's dormitory. Then—
"Ian Ash."
...Damn it.
I let out a sigh and stopped walking. Of all the voices in the Top 3 Voices I Least Want to Hear, one had just stabbed directly into my ear. The voice itself was annoyingly pleasant, too.
Creak, creak. When I reluctantly turned my head, sure enough.
Why is this woman here again?
Standing there was Judith La Roche.
Before I could even open my mouth to speak—
"Take this."
Thud. She tossed something at my chest, and I caught it reflexively.
"...?"
It was a rather heavy leather pouch. Clink. A pleasant metallic sound came from inside.
"They're all gold coins."
...Gold coins? Without thinking, I opened the pouch and immediately frowned. The coins inside were shining brilliantly. Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle. So this was how beautiful gathered gold coins could be.
Watching me stare in blank admiration, the corner of Judith's mouth curled upward. Having apparently gained confidence from my reaction, she declared with absolute assurance.