Yips Syndrome and Noblesse Oblige
My illiteracy was strikingly similar to the yips syndrome that baseball players suffer, that mysterious psychological block that keeps them from performing even the simplest actions they’ve done a thousand times before. The library I had only glimpsed yesterday under Rebecca’s guidance revealed its true scale the moment I stepped inside. Looking closer, the two-story-high ceiling seemed to have been deliberately designed that way when the grand duchy was built; the library section, like the central hall, had been constructed as one integrated space with the second floor to preserve that soaring sense of openness.
Only… The higher it is, the more books there are, so none of that grandeur actually registers! And right in the middle of this library that could only be described as vast, I sat hunched over a tiny, thin children’s picture book, frowning so hard my face was practically wrinkled.
“All right, Sir Bale. Would you read the sentence you just looked at out loud for me once more?”
Lady Rebecca sat elegantly beside me, offering a gentle smile and soft encouragement. Her slender finger pointed to a short sentence of only three lines printed beneath a large illustration.
“Ah, yes. So this character is… living in the magic forest… and then the next one is…”
“Take your time. There’s no need to rush.”
I stared so hard at the book it was as if I were trying to bury my nose in it. Even though I was focusing with every ounce of strength in my eyes, the black letters on the white paper refused to register properly. After barely decoding one word, the next one made my breath catch in my throat.
Haa, this is seriously driving me insane. Back at the wall they just gave me the passwords verbally, so it was fine…
I had vaguely noticed it during my time stationed at the Northern Wall, but trying to read in such a structured way made the symptoms feel far more severe. At the most basic level, my brain still carried the Korean language and Hangul writing system I had used for decades back in South Korea, rooted deep and solid.
Thanks to some mysterious perk I had gained when I possessed this romance-fantasy world, the words that left my mouth or entered my ears let me communicate with the people here without any sense of alienation. The problem was text. Speech flowed smoothly, but the characters before my eyes were combinations of letters I had never seen once in my entire life. My brain could conjure the word “apple,” and my mouth could say “apple,” but when it saw the unique script for “apple” in this world, it blue-screened on the spot.
It feels like language and writing are running on completely separate tracks, twisting all my neural pathways.
That sense of disconnect refused to fade. It was exactly like the yips syndrome baseball players experience—an unknown psychological factor that stops them from performing even the easiest routine motions. The collision between what I knew and what I saw. I could speak like a rushing stream, yet in front of written words I became a babbling infant. This bizarre psychological pressure tightened around my throat.
On top of that, for the past year I had done nothing but focus on stabbing foreign tribesmen in the gut along the edge of the Northern Wall. I never had the luxury of staring at letters long enough to get familiar with them. After living an entire year with such a complete wall between me and writing, bridging that neglected gap overnight was nearly impossible.
It doesn’t feel like I’m learning or memorizing at all. It feels more like tearing out every brain cell I have and forcibly updating them.
If I had to compare it to something, that was exactly it. Like booting up a collection mobile game you hadn’t touched for a year because you were too busy. The feeling of sluggishly downloading months of backlog events and a massive update file on an old smartphone. The progress bar stuck at ten percent with no sign of moving, the phone overheating like it was about to explode from the strain—that exact frustration. Right now my brain was that old smartphone.
“Umm… the, the fairies living in the forest…”
Sweat beaded on my forehead and trickled down my chin. My lips had gone bone-dry and my tongue felt stiff as a board.
That was when it happened.
“……Pfft.”
A tiny but crystal-clear snort broke the library’s silence. My eyes snapped toward the sound. At the far end of the table where Rebecca and I sat, about two chairs away, Veronica was holding a thick, difficult-looking history book that covered half her face. She was the culprit.
Veronica shot me a crooked glare, her expression one of extreme displeasure.
“You can’t even read that? And you’re supposed to be an adult.”
Guh!
It stabbed straight into my chest. My adult pride burned.
Veronica grumbled and loudly flipped a page as if to show off.
She’s not wrong, so I can’t even argue.
I clutched my stinging heart internally and was about to clear my throat when—
“Veronica.”
The voice that had been gently smiling at me only moments ago froze over in an instant. The short, decisive tsst was the universal strict warning sound every mother on the planet makes when correcting a misbehaving child.
I’ve heard on Dr. Oh Eun-young’s programs that “tsst” is bad for kids, though.
Since the good doctor wasn’t here, I kept my mouth shut. Rebecca had wiped away every trace of her usual gentle expression. She stared at her daughter with a strict, unsmiling face.
“M-Mother…?”
Veronica’s shoulders flinched. The girl who had been smugly snorting earlier now looked thoroughly intimidated. She quietly set the heavy history book on the table, tension written all over her small frame.
“Do you understand how rude and arrogant those words are—not only to Sir Bale, but to the countless commoners living in this world?”
“M-Mother……”
“Far more commoners in this empire live their entire lives without learning even a single letter before they die. It isn’t because they lack wisdom or are lazier than you, Veronica.”
“B-But……”
“Most of them cannot even wear the warm, soft clothes you have on right now. They must shiver through the winter cold. They have never once seen a space without drafts like this library where you sit. They work from dawn until late at night simply to earn one day’s food, to survive. They have no time to even open a book.”
Rebecca gently but firmly took her daughter’s fidgeting little hands in her own.
“If one day you grow up, inherit your father’s duties, and rule the North, the first thing you must realize is what an enormous blessing and miracle this life you enjoy truly is. That is why you must humble yourself even more and never carelessly belittle the pain of those who have nothing.”
Noblesse oblige, the lesson given to the heir of a grand ducal house that would one day govern a vast domain. The true dignity and sense of responsibility a noble must possess.
“Hng……”
Rebecca wanted Veronica to grow into a fine child.
In the original story, this kind mother and that somewhat pushover father left the world far too early…
The knowledge that Veronica had grown into such a twisted monster because she no longer heard these words made my chest ache all over again.
“………”
At her mother’s sincere scolding, Veronica’s lips pressed tightly shut. Her small mouth pouted dramatically, and large, transparent tears welled up in her purple eyes, threatening to spill at any moment. For a child who had only just turned ten, her mother’s stern discipline must have come as a heavy shock.
“Huu……”
When Veronica hung her head, desperately holding back her tears, a flicker of regret crossed even Lady Rebecca’s previously resolute eyes. But once discipline had been delivered, it could not be taken back, so the lady kept her firm expression with visible effort.
The atmosphere inside the library grew so tense it was hard to breathe. The thought that I had caused discord between this peaceful mother and daughter made me feel as if I were sitting on a bed of thorns.
Ah, what do I do about this mood? I need to step in and fix it somehow.
My brain cells, now spinning at full speed, searched for a lifeline. I quickly reviewed Veronica’s behavior from yesterday until today.
The father who returned after a year had cared for and embraced me more than his own daughter. He had even peeled shrimp only for me.
That’s a bit much, you pushover brother…!
And this morning the father had abruptly left for the capital, leaving the only remaining parent—mother—completely focused on helping me with my reading lessons.
It’s jealousy. After losing her father’s attention, she’s throwing a tantrum because her mother’s interest has been taken too.
The reason Veronica had abandoned her own room, lugged a heavy book to this awkward library, and followed us was obvious. It was the cute territoriality of a little child whose space had been invaded, and a pout craving her parents’ attention.
But exposing that jealousy outright would only scratch the child’s pride even more. In times like these, a little embellishment—an appropriate justification—was needed. In Lady Rebecca’s terms, some ga-ggoom.
“My lady.”
I opened my mouth with a solemn expression.
“It seems you have misunderstood something.”
“Pardon? A misunderstanding, Sir Bale?”
Lady Rebecca looked at me in surprise. Veronica, who had been hanging her head, also peeked up at me with tears still clinging to her lashes.
“I believe I understand why the young lady came all the way to this library and has been carefully watching the scene of you teaching me.”
I began to lay it on thick.
“Doesn’t the young lady already know? The fact that you, my lady, have recently been teaching the children at the grand duchy’s orphanage yourself.”
There was no way Veronica wouldn’t know something I knew.
“Upon hearing that, the young lady decided to observe and learn from a third party’s perspective how her mother teaches and cares for others—so that someday she too can share wisdom with the poor children of the territory, following in her mother’s footsteps. Isn’t that right, young lady?”
At my wild leap and plausible embellishment, Rebecca’s eyes widened. Her gaze turned to Veronica as if she could scarcely believe it.
“Oh my… Is that true, Veronica?”
“Th-That’s not… I mean… Uuung……”
Veronica, flustered by my brazen lie, couldn’t even think to wipe her tears. She fidgeted with both hands and stammered. She had only followed because she didn’t want to lose her mother’s attention. Suddenly being elevated to the position of an angelic little teacher who cared for the territory’s children was enough to throw anyone off balance.
However.
Oho.
It was true that ninety percent of it had been jealousy, but the fact that she couldn’t completely deny it and was blushing instead…
So it wasn’t entirely groundless.
The odds were high that she actually harbored secret admiration and respect for her mother’s warm volunteer work.
On the foundation I had laid, Veronica agonized for a long moment, then took a small deep breath and bravely moved her lips.
“I… I……”
Her voice came out barely above a whisper.
“Veronica… can’t approach other people as easily as Mother… I always hide my face, I’m timid, a coward……”
The child hugged her knees tightly and confessed.
“Yesterday I got scared of the knight uncle and ran away… But Mother smiles kindly at anyone no matter how scary they are, speaks to them first, and even teaches them… Mother looks so cool doing that… So I wanted to see how she does it……”
She had bravely voiced her pure and delicate inner feelings. She hated herself for always watching others’ moods and being extremely shy, yet—
Kids always want to be like their moms.
The sincerity of a little girl who wanted to resemble her mother, who was always bright and kind like sunshine. The moment Rebecca heard that confession, her stern disciplinary expression melted away like snow.
“Aah, Veronica……”
Lady Rebecca stood up abruptly and walked over to her daughter. She pulled the girl into her arms and showered the top of her head with kisses.
“How can our daughter be so kind and wonderful? Mother didn’t realize and only scolded you. I’m sorry, truly sorry.”
“Mommy……”
The tears Veronica had been holding back finally burst free. Mother and daughter held each other tightly, sharing a beautiful and heartwarming moment of reconciliation.
Watching the scene, I felt a quiet sense of pride inside.
Whew. Crisis averted.
After a long while of hugging and sniffling, Lady Rebecca carefully wiped her daughter’s tears and asked,
“Veronica. Would you like to come sit beside Mother? Instead of watching from far away, watch closely how Mother teaches. Shall we move one seat closer?”
At her mother’s suggestion, Veronica sniffled and answered,
“……I’ll move two seats closer……”
Creak—.
Veronica dragged the heavy chair with effort, closing the distance until she was pressed right against Lady Rebecca’s side. The little princess clinging to her mother’s arm like a magnet looked exactly like an affectionate young kitten.
“Hehe, yes. Watch carefully from right beside Mother.”
Lady Rebecca stroked the child’s hair, her expression now completely softened, and turned back toward me. She seemed to want to convey her quiet thanks; she leaned her upper body ever so slightly across the table.
“Thank you, Sir Bale.”
She delivered the small, affectionate whisper too softly for Veronica to hear.
“You noticed my daughter’s feelings that I had missed and told me. You are a kinder and more delicate person than anyone else.”
“Haha, not at all. I simply said what I saw……”
I was humbly waving my hands and about to meet her eyes when—
Oh come on, not again!
The problem was Lady Rebecca’s posture as she leaned forward over the table. The dress she wore was the comfortable style noblewomen usually favored, with a neckline cut somewhat loosely at the chest. Moreover, because she had just hugged Veronica, her clothing was slightly disheveled. As she leaned forward, gravity pulled the soft collar downward, and the deep, breathtakingly voluptuous line of her cleavage poured straight into my defenseless field of vision.
I’m trash! I’m the trash here!
The shock from the wet see-through incident in the bathroom last night hadn’t even faded yet. My heart began to pound wildly at the stimulating sight unfolding once again.
“I-I just said whatever came into my head! Hahahaha!”
I suddenly raised my voice and burst into loud, exaggerated laughter. At the same time I squeezed my eyes shut so tightly it was almost a convulsion. While keeping them firmly closed, I forced the corners of my mouth up to my ears, creating an unnatural crescent-shaped smile.
“………”
My sudden explosion of laughter and over-the-top eye smile left Lady Rebecca momentarily speechless.
Please, just fix your clothes already.
I prayed desperately while cold sweat poured down behind my tightly shut eyelids. But Rebecca seemed to study my smile for quite a while.
What? Did I look ugly when I smiled?
“My… When Sir Bale smiles, the shape of your eyes is as clear and warm as a child’s.”
Huh? What is this? Is she turning the tables on me?
She teaches children and they pick it up immediately, yet this is the romance-fantasy version of turning the tables on the idiot who can’t even read what she’s teaching—someone dumber than the kids?
“I hadn’t noticed because of the scars, but that eye smile alone makes you look as caring as any wonderful father.”
Ah, so that’s not it.
Well, the lady isn’t the type to turn tables on people. She’s even teaching me to read, after all.
It was clear that I was the trash. I had misrepresented someone’s sincere feelings.
“Ha, haha! Th-thank you! Now, let’s quickly move on to the next sentence! I, I still haven’t read the part after the magic forest!”
Feeling slightly ashamed of myself, I kept my eyes closed and flailed my hand through the air, groping for the next page of the book.
“Hehe, yes. Shall we concentrate again, then? Veronica is watching closely too.”
With Lady Rebecca’s gentle laughter, the reading lesson in the library resumed once more.