Do You Understand?
“ … Because it’s scary.”
What was scary, exactly?
I looked at Ione without showing any curiosity, though I was curious. Her face was hidden behind her hood, with only her lips visible. Those pale lips were tightly closed, then slightly parted.
“Since I can’t tell the truth anyway, it would be distorted.”
“Are you saying the reason you can’t send me out is because it would be distorted if told?”
I nodded.
But the reason I couldn’t send her out wasn’t simple. It was just that the outside was dangerous. I’d been told that through the Holy Knights for a long time.
But was there a deeper meaning?
-Other descendants said they could even roam freely inside the Holy City!
Then, the words Ian had shouted in a panic came to mind. The child who wasn’t even allowed to leave the tower.
“ … Why can’t you send me out?”
“Freedom.”
Imprisoning freedom for the sake of freedom? That was contradictory.
But surely the Tianzi...
Her gender was...
“ …”
Aah. My eyes widened.
An accidental revelation of a secret. Thoughts colliding with it.
I had learned the deep intentions of this person. I had sensed that love.
“You don’t need to know the inner thoughts. I just hope you’re safe.”
Whether she knew or not, Ione just murmured softly.
It was similar to what some boy had thought. Ryly, listening from the side, lowered his head deeply.
“So…”
Keep your mouth shut. Even if you’ve figured something out, it won’t help.
The ambiguous-age Saintess, neither child nor adult, gently tapped her lively lips on my mouth, like zipping it shut.
I didn’t cast any spell. It was just a recommendation and command through words.
I made a face.
“I understand… But at least, please deliver the gift yourself.”
“What does that mean–”
“It does.”
I know the ending of their story. I know how far that emotional chasm will open.
My younger sister is causing a fuss, claiming her legitimacy as another Saintess and demanding independence. She even stole all the holy relics stored in the Holy City—
“If I don’t say it, you won’t know. The misunderstanding won’t be cleared.”
“ …”
“It keeps… going astray.”
Even as I said it myself, I realized, ah, that I had done something similar.
Not saying my true feelings. Arbitrarily deciding that my childhood friend was a good person.
Honestly, it was scary.
If you leave, it’ll be lonely.
Saying that would burden them. This kind child would carry that burden.
Or, if the other person truly felt that way, thinking I was a burden, they wouldn’t want to know such things.
Even though I could go out. It should be fine. As Sugar, I couldn’t stop them.
Still, I didn’t want to make things painful unnecessarily.
So, pretending not to care, I acted tough.
That’s why you said it’s scary…
Approaching the other’s inner thoughts was scary. Revealing it was scary. Even the leader of this sacred city had such worries.
But then nothing would be resolved. Just delaying facing it, nothing changes.
I had been facing the boy all along. I hadn’t stopped talking.
Today, because it was scary, I hesitated a little… But if this matter is resolved, I’ll face him again. That’s what I decided.
I slightly turned my head to look at Ryly. His face looked as always, cheeky, yet lacking energy.
Sugar smiled faintly at the child, then turned her gaze back to Ione.
“Saintess… Everyone is scared of facing people. It’s not just you, Saintess. It’s not strange.”
“ …”
“If you’re really scared, I’ll be by your side. So, please deliver the gift yourself. The reason for stopping is that I’ll tell you properly someday… I just want you to understand my loving heart. Say it while giving it.”
So, I handed the gift bag back to Ione, and the Saintess slightly accepted it.
“You have to say it to know. You understand, right? So, before it’s too late…”
Ione stood quietly for a long time.
This time, without leaning her body, she just stood quietly. As if pondering my words, she remained still, still.
Then, she slightly nodded her head.
As if responding, I smiled brightly.
***
On the roof of the Grand Cathedral.
With many pointed decorations and pillars, it was a good place to hide. Light footsteps were heard.
Whadda- The footsteps of someone unable to control their excitement.
“Hey! Sugar! Are you there?”
A very excited voice. The noble bloodline with platinum hair and purple eyes wanted only freedom or family love. An extremely simple child ran quickly to Sugar.
“Ian-nim.”
“Ta-da! Look at this? I got a gift?”
I held back the laughter that was about to burst out.
“What kind of gift? Who gave it?”
“Hoo… Curious?”
She laughed like a mischievous child. I just replied with ‘Wow, curious?’ to match her.
“It’s a real secret… This is all from my older sister! The Saintess!”
“What did she say when giving it?”
“Wha…?”
Ian’s body stiffened. Her eyes rolled, and her cheeks gradually turned red, adorable.
“No matter what my older sister said, what’s important is that it’s cool, right? If you touch this, the sea spreads out in front of you! I’ll let you see it specially too.”
“Thank you.”
I accepted the sea model. Then, the underwater world spread out in front of my eyes. I’d seen it before, but it was a wonderful sight. When would I get to see such an underwater world? While admiring it, I handed the model back to Ian.
“How is it? Amazing, right?”
“ … It’s fortunate.”
“Huh? What?”
“You look happy.”
Can I leave you here?
-Nod.
Really, really okay alone?
-Nod.
It came to mind: the conversation that wasn’t like a conversation in front of the tower. I had sent Ione away, who expressed that talking to her younger sister was enough for her alone.
Honestly, I was a bit worried. Seeing her younger sister’s reaction now, it seemed the matter was going well, which was fortunate.
“That’s right! The best mood! Besides the gift, there was another good thing. They said I can go outside the tower once every two or three days! Of course, the temple maids stick to me a lot… But still, where’s the problem?”
Somehow, the veiled priestesses in the back were bustling.
“It’s good, Ian-nim.”
“Thank you, thank you! Wh-what? You too, get along well with your friend.”
“Huh?”
“Talk. Well… talk. If you don’t talk, you won’t know what’s in people’s hearts… Really… I didn’t know. So, maybe your friend doesn’t know either.”
Ian seemed to recall the memory from earlier, or think about how she had been estranged from her older sister all along, and smiled bitterly.
As for me, I didn’t know what they talked about. I didn’t know what emotions the stiff, strange woman showed to her younger brother.
Still, it must have been conveyed well.
While I was thinking that, Ian smiled bitterly, then changed her expression dramatically.
“ … In the name of the great progenitor! May blessings be upon your future!”
And then she jumped around and jumped down from the roof. She was overjoyed with the freedom she had never had before. The sight of the temple maids following her down was magnificent.
“Thank you.”
I muttered to her back, then looked up at the sky.
It was dusk now.
The white outer wall buildings were tinged with reddish light from the sunset in the Holy City.
It was tranquil. Not bad at all.
An vast city that couldn’t be embraced no matter how far you reached. A place I would stay for a while. I didn’t want to leave them alone, but if I changed my mind a little, it would be fine to live in such a beautiful place.
-Thud.
I felt presence.
Without turning back, I knew who it was.
The girl had been waiting for this moment, and the boy had been waiting for this moment too.
I slightly tapped the seat next to me. Then Ryly came and sat down with a thud.
“ …”
“ …”
A moment of silence.
“Ryly.”
It was me who broke the silence first.
“I’ll tell you honestly.”
“ …”
“I don’t like you leaving my side.”
“ …”
“I want to stay with you. I know I don’t have the right to stop you, and your life is your life. Still… Just, thinking that you’re leaving makes me lonely. I’ll be really sad. But if I say this, you might feel burdened. I didn’t say it on purpose. If my freedom is hindered because of me… I don’t want that either.”
“I… don’t think that way.”
“ … Really?”
Ryly sighed.
“I didn’t say it on purpose either. What do you think the reason I’m leaving is?”
“Just… It’s a good opportunity. I can’t let go of the chance to learn under the Guardian. You also going out and seeing various things—”
“Shh.”
Ryly stopped talking and shut his mouth too. Because it was hard to continue the next words.
Then, turning his eyes away from me, he spilled what he’d been hiding.
“ … For you.”
“What?”
“If I become strong, stick to you every day by your side, protecting you… Then you can roam freely. That’s why I was going to leave here.”
What kind of words are these. My brain couldn’t process it, but somehow I understood the words, and I quickly leaned my face close to his.
“Ryly! That’s not it! That’s nonsense!”
“What.”
“Why are you using your life for me? Anyway… You don’t need to do that. Hide the book and live freely! Don’t worry about me, go do what you want! You have so many things you want to learn and see…”
“ …”
“Huh? Why are you restraining yourself for me… I’m fine. I said I’d be lonely, but since your happiness is more important, you don’t need to worry. That’s the truth!”
Even though I poured out words, Ryly kept his mouth shut without answering. His expression was full of meaning not to.
“Aah…”
At this, my heart burned. Nothing was happy. The guilt I had been holding towards Ryly just burst.
“I ruined it…”
Your freedom, your future.
Regret. Guilt towards the boy who had strange thoughts because he was tied to me.
The only one who had warmly treated me was myself. That’s why I made him have such thoughts.
While I was at a loss for what to do with these emotions, Ryly pinched my cheeks.
“Kyaah?”
“Hey, you idiot. Don’t be in a bad mood. Why are you filming a tragedy alone.”
“Gihiha, ahehe—”
“What are you saying… Anyway, listen well.”
Releasing the pinched cheek, instead I placed my hands on both of Ryly’s shoulders.
So, we faced each other’s faces.
Clearly, I had properly faced those eyes.
“What I said now. It’s purely because I want to do it? It’s the path I chose, not anyone else. Me too, I want to go to Stille with you! Because I want to learn with you and see many things with you. But what? Restraining? It’s not funny. Did you think I was being controlled by you or something?”
Honestly, my heart was shaken.
But then what. It was just the result of pouring warmth, and Ryly was already deeply in love with me.
“You really looked down on me! Do you understand?”
“ …”
“In times like this… In times like this, instead of saying such nonsense, just quietly say thank you. No, since I’m doing it because I want to, I don’t need thanks. Just… That’s it.”
The one who aimed for the pinnacle of the world for me, only for you.
“ … This is the path to my happiness.”
I decided for the sake of being with only you. If I say that, it’s sad. After shouting with that sadness, it becomes quiet.
Only the sound of moist murmuring comes out.
“Why like that… Such…”
Ryly recalled what I had given him. Impossibly warm and huge, indescribable in words.
This is unbelievable. Ryly wanted to ask. What were you thinking to do that to me. Just like taking one person out and putting another in.
Is it okay for you but not for me?
Ryly’s face was sullen as he leaned in. There was a girl unable to handle her emotions. Tears welled up, about to fall. Like a crystal tinged with sunset light.
I lowered my gaze. I didn’t want to show such a face to a child, just… I didn’t know what to do.
How to repay. How to return the favor.
Guilt. A slight joy of raising my head because this child chose me. Guilt again because of that. My heart was in chaos.
For such a Sugar, Ryly made a big decision.
His mouth tightly shut. With trembling hands, he cupped my cheeks.
“ …?”
When I stared blankly, Ryly frowned and somehow held back his emotions. His face was red. Whether from the sunset or anger, or something else making it red.
And then, using his right hand, he slightly brushed up my bangs. The soft, flowing sensation touching his hand made me tremble again.
At this, I just rolled my eyes at Ryly, meaning ‘What are you trying to do…?’
Ryly’s lips twitched. Even though he always acts coquettish, when this happens, the innocent looking at me is cute.
You like that. Really… Really…!
Directly placing his lips on my forehead.
While all kinds of screams were inside, the soft action. With love. With the heart wanting to stop the tears, like what this girl had done for him someday.
Soon, with a wet sound, his body fell.
“ … ”
“ … ”
Then there are two red faces.
The boy who realized what he had done and the girl who realized what the boy had done.
One squinted her eyes. The other opened her eyes wide. ‘Aah—’ hiding the cry, they faced each other.
“Wh-what, what… Anyway… Und-understand?”
To overcome embarrassment, Ryly’s body trembled as he said the line, and I could only make ‘Ah, ah… ugh…’ with no response, just trembling lips.