Then Who Do I Trust?
“Alright. Let’s start by hugging you.”
Right away, he reached out his hand, but she pushed it away with a nervous jerk. Her eyes were sharp and piercing.
“... Don’t joke. I asked that seriously.”
“I gave it serious thought before I came to that conclusion.”
“Liar! You always do that—change your expression and start teasing...!”
“This time it’s different. I’m being completely serious.”
“Then answer me! Why are you trying to hug me?!”
Suddenly, Ryly’s mind flashed back to a conversation he had once had.
“Why do you hug people out of the blue?!”
“Because... you look like you’re about to break.”
Right after, when he looked at Sugar, his face was so serious it was almost frightening.
“I wanted to comfort your heart before answering your question.”
With that, he took her hand.
It was the same warm, gentle hand from that old café and that old factory. Once she was caught in it, she couldn’t pull away.
“And I’m the one who should be asking questions. Why are you asking something like that?”
“... It’s strange that you’re doing this much. You’re taking my completely unbelievable words seriously. Even risking your life. If you’re caught, it’s a serious crime.”
“A crime...”
Breaking and entering and property damage—if caught, it was indeed a big problem.
“And earlier... you knew it was dangerous, right? Why go to all this trouble to protect me? Why? I don’t understand...”
On what grounds could she trust someone like him, someone she had only met a few months ago?
Watching him blindly follow and trust her, an old version of herself came to mind and felt foolish.
The past when she had thrown herself into empty hope and endured everything without complaint, never realizing it would lead to ruin.
Seeing that side of herself again made her feel uncomfortable.
Did she really need to throw herself into one baseless assumption?
Why follow so blindly?
Why stand in front of that woman who had terrified her and protect him?
What was the reason she valued him so much? Why did she trust him?
If she asked that directly, Sugar simply tilted her head.
“I don’t know why you’re asking that.”
Even though he had explained everything in detail, the boy’s words hadn’t reached her at all.
But the next thing he said was the opposite.
“If you don’t trust me, then who do I trust instead?”
She asked with wide eyes, as if she herself didn’t understand.
Sugar recalled her first meeting with the boy.
At first, he had just been a friend she kept close because he was lonely.
Then, after she learned he could use magic, he became someone she relied on. It was the hand she had grabbed to change her future of being captured by the cult. It was nothing short of hope.
For Sugar, there was only the boy.
During the desperate moment when she was risking her life, he had succeeded in the plan.
He had brilliantly pulled off a process that even most adult mages would struggle with. He wasn’t just saying he was a skilled mage, but...
Even after that, he continued to show trustworthy behavior.
Even when he grumbled and complained, when he was reluctant, when he actually taught her with real effort and built assumptions with all his heart.
In a world where all kinds of forces were scheming for their own gain, who else could she trust but this boy?
“I trust you the most. Of course I trust Frallin, Amy, Roy, and all my friends. But among them, you’re the one! That won’t change.”
My best friend is you! — An honest declaration of friendship.
While saying it, his cheeks turned slightly red, perhaps from embarrassment, but the feeling was genuine. He gave her hand a little squeeze.
“Ah, just in case, I should mention this. It’s a secret from the others. Don’t get mad.”
With an awkward smile, he looked like a mischievous child.
She hoped the sincerity hidden behind that smile would reach her. She hoped the warmth would transfer through their joined hands.
The other person had lowered his head, so his expression was hard to see, but she hoped he felt the same way inside.
But since there was still no answer, she asked.
“... Tommy?”
She leaned in closer to check his face, and it was an indescribable expression.
His eyes were wide. His teeth were clenched tight. His empty gaze was fixed on the floor, yet it seemed to be looking even lower, toward some empty void.
As if he was afraid of something.
“If I...”
One by one, he forced out the words he found difficult to say.
“Have you ever thought that I would harm you?”
Ryly swallowed his true feelings and said.
You, who trust me, were actually trying to kill me.
You can betray my trust at any moment.
Even right now, in the blink of an eye.
Just like his mother did that day. For someone who had only learned things like this from the slums and the orphanage.
You,
“—Of course not!”
“...”
He just grabbed the hem of his pants. His fists were clenched so tightly he wouldn’t let go, wrinkling the fabric.
This bright, spring-like boy was so dazzlingly cheerful that he was not someone one could easily handle.
Ryly simply couldn’t say anything and lowered his head.
He stayed like that for a long time.
Sugar, watching him silently, finally spoke in a calm, somewhat cold voice.
“But since you asked that, it means you actually thought about it, right? You deserve to be scolded for this.”
“...!”
A chill ran down his spine.
Her gaze was terrifying.
Those eyes he always thought were pretty, he didn’t want to see right now. He wished she wouldn’t look at him. The feeling of being completely seen through made him feel like his insides were exposed.
Feeling his heart exposed, Ryly closed his eyes. He stopped looking forward because what was about to happen was too scary.
He didn’t want to be rejected by anyone, but especially not by this girl.
Please, please...
Yet the reason he had asked that question was because guilt was eating him up. He couldn’t hide anything in front of that smile.
He had been given a punishment for being ambiguously bad and ambiguously honest to an eleven-year-old boy.
A hand gently stroked his bangs. Then the feeling of her face approaching was felt.
What was he trying to do? The boy trembled silently with his eyes closed.
Right after, something wet and warm touched and then left.
—Plop.
“...?”
It was an unfamiliar sensation.
Confused, he opened his eyes slightly, and Sugar’s pink lips were raised shyly.
“A kiss.”
She said it so adorably.
The punishment given was the wetness touching his forehead.
Ryly’s cheeks flushed as he figured out the situation.
“W-what, wh-what, wh-wh-what-”
Immediately, he was gently hugged by the broken boy. It was light and cozy, like being wrapped in spring wind.
The sweet scent. The warmth like sunlight.
These were the things felt in that small embrace. The deeply engraved sensation was re-forged.
His wounded memories sank, and only comfort rose.
His rapidly beating heart slowly returned to normal, and his tightly clenched chest slowly relaxed.
“... You’re surprisingly well-behaved.”
While patting his back and saying it softly, pretending not to hear, he burrowed into her arms. It wasn’t just hiding his head; he did it that way.
He just wanted to. He wanted to hide in this world. He wanted to hide his embarrassment. He wanted to hide his heart.
He wanted to be closer even more.
A beam of light from the attic window shone toward them.
When he slightly lifted his head, Sugar was smiling with her cheeks lightly flushed.
He recalled the appearance from that old factory. Her pale face that had felt solemn under the moonlight.
That was nice too, but this was better.
Recalling the vague memories made him feel ashamed, so he buried his head again.
Sugar’s voice, mixed with laughter from the tickling, rang softly in his ear like a lullaby.
It was a pleasant whisper.
“Tommy. I know it’s hard to say in detail, but there will be a lot of hardship ahead. I wanted to get out of it somehow. In the middle of that, you cast magic like magic. Really, just like that.”
“...”
“At first, I had no choice but to trust you because I had no other way. Because you were the only one who could help me. Then, when the plan succeeded, my trust in you grew... and I truly came to trust you. Your assumptions were correct, the plans you made worked, you studied hard, you worked hard, you pretended to hate it while helping me...”
“I...”
“I knew the you who was helping me from the side.”
“No...”
“I knew the you who was trying to help.”
“No...”
“I had no choice but to trust someone like you.”
Sugar didn’t know what had happened to this friend.
His endless curiosity for knowledge, his magic knowledge, the occasional unstable side he showed.
She could only guess that he had experienced something big in the past.
In a rundown neighborhood, sad things happened without anyone caring. Even if you were loved and raised properly, no one gave you warmth and instead just took it away.
She thought the idea of him harming her was just a violent, impulsive fantasy based on the past.
She wanted to reach out a small hand to this friend who had helped her, to this boy who had helped her. She wanted to give warmth as a living person to another person.
The kindness that wasn’t taught in books. The warmth that only people could teach.
She wanted to guide this wounded child.
“That’s why I hugged you when Rubshi was there earlier. I wanted to help the you who helps me. I wanted to protect you... Now do you understand my heart?”
With that, she kissed his forehead and hugged him.
While doing so, the boy in her arms wriggled.
“... I can’t breathe.”
There was no answer, just a reluctant murmur. When she loosened her arms a little, he sprang out of her embrace.
Late to realize, he muttered quietly, “... I didn’t know...” and she smiled brightly. Then a thought suddenly came to mind. The thing she had forgotten while answering the question.
“Ah! And!”
“... What?”
“Blond hair. It’s a very nice color.”
“...”
“It suits you well. It sparkles. Even if you dye it, I’ll cheer for you. It will look great on you. That thing I said earlier was just me being mischievous—
“Enough.”
He cut off her rambling and stood up. Pretending not to care, he wiped his eyes with his sleeve and turned around.
“No matter what your taste is. I don’t care.”
He really didn’t care.
One day, he would stop covering his hair with dirt. After showing Sugar his brilliant golden hair like his mother, he would close the mouth that kept talking about tastes.
Ryly said it curtly and descended the attic stairs. The gloomy atmosphere had disappeared, and he was back to normal.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“The reception room. Fixing the wall?”
“Ah.”
When she answered with a teasing tone, Sugar quickly followed. If she got caught by the director, it was over. It would be better to just starve all day.
So the two stood side by side and walked. They both hurried because they had to finish before getting caught.
One smiled slightly, and the other turned his head away.
***
A sewer where human refuse and all kinds of garbage flowed.
In such places, monsters always lurked.
There was someone who had entered this dangerous sewer at night, hiding in the pitch-black darkness.
A small boy wearing a hood.
He unfolded the grimoire in his hand and chanted a spell. Countless spikes appeared in the air and swept through the sewer. One by one, the black, sticky monsters fell.
After a while, new letters began to appear on the grimoire.
It was possible to interpret the grimoire with the life of a monster. However, the efficiency was so low that it took dozens of monsters to fill even one letter. The only guess was that the monster and the grimoire had similar properties, so he didn’t like it.
After taking a breath, Ryly checked if there were more monsters around and moved his feet.
To overcome inferiority, one had to receive recognition from others.
To receive recognition, one had to become a great and powerful mage.
To do that, one had to finish interpreting the grimoire quickly. To do that, one had to kill—to do the most efficient thing.
He had chosen Sugar as the first offering. If he told her to die now, of course he couldn’t.
But would he harm someone else?
He had no answer. If he did that, he wouldn’t be able to face Sugar’s eyes.
He could do neither this nor that. It felt like his heart was burning.
Since he started being with Sugar, this had happened. He had manipulated her heart at will.
He had clearly tried to kill her but made it so he couldn’t. Instead, he wanted to protect her and know her better.
He had crossed the line today again.
One step forward was outside, one step back was inside.
He couldn’t stay on the line forever. He had to decide.
Yet he was afraid to make the decision. The sweet reality of escaping with the strange girl was too tempting.
Instead, he had found a solution: monster extermination. He couldn’t sleep, he had to use his magic power as it was, the efficiency was terrible, but it was better than doing nothing.
It was like giving himself a grace period. He needed more time to think, more time to decide.
‘In the end, it’s a choice that’s neither this nor that...’
A sigh escaped him.
While thinking to forget his sadness, the day’s events came to mind. Even in this place where filth flowed, he remembered the sweet scent clearly. It was a warmth completely different from this damp, dark place.
Then, a certain wish came to him.
He wanted to grow tall quickly. Because he was always being held in Sugar’s arms and comforted.
One day, when he became an adult, that child—
‘—W-what thoughts are you having?! Are you crazy? Have you gone mad? Are you sane?!’
He asked himself questions that made the listener give a bitter smile and chanted the magic spell with anger.
Ryly had judged himself to be in a place that was neither this nor that, but he couldn’t notice that his walking direction was steadily heading toward the inside of the line.