With Professor Im Sol and Magic! (5)
It had been a long time since she'd felt this way. This emotion. It was the first time she'd ever enjoyed the magic fair this much. She was even curious about why it felt so incredibly fun.
Of course, she knew the reason. The only thing different from the fairs she'd attended before was the presence of her disciple, Lee Ho-yeon.
Maybe that's why Im Sol started to dread the approaching promise time. Their agreement had been to tour the fair in the morning.
'He seems to be enjoying it too... maybe we can extend it a little longer?'
For the first time in ages, Im Sol decided to bend a bit. Bowing to her disciple wasn't truly submitting, of course. It was just one of the tolerant postures an educator should show.
With that in mind, she spoke up.
"Um, so..."
"Yes?"
Lee Ho-yeon blinked at her, wondering what was up, and Im Sol felt a ticklish sensation. Feeling awkwardly embarrassed for no reason, she averted her eyes and continued, ignoring her slightly heating cheeks. For the first time since becoming an adult, she tried to act a little whiny.
"Since today is... basically experiential learning anyway. It's not forcing anything, if you're okay with it. Yeah. If you don't have anything else... maybe the afternoon too..."
It took considerable resolve for her. She was even willing to postpone her afternoon magic research—something she rarely sacrificed.
But before Im Sol could finish...
Boom!
Kaboom!
Thud-!
Something exploded, filling the fairground with noise. Screams from the crowd, smoke from the blasts.
- Run!
- It's a mine!
- Attack! Terrorism! Where's the defense team!
Even Lee Ho-yeon, focused on her words, got distracted by the chaos.
"T-terror! Professor!"
The fairground plunged into instant pandemonium. The pleasant atmosphere from moments ago felt like a dream.
Watching the scene, something inside Im Sol snapped.
She drew up her mana.
Suddenly, the whole situation pissed her off. Having her time with her disciple interrupted, and these pathetic pests scurrying around in front of her—it all grated on her nerves.
"...Annoying."
Im Sol regained her senses only after ending it all. With the culprits who'd ruined her mood eliminated, she planned to ask her disciple again. To stay together in the afternoon too.
But that was just her wishful thinking. After something like this, only Im Sol remembered their earlier conversation.
Looking up at her from the ground, the people's eyes held fear. Even her disciple, Lee Ho-yeon, was the same.
Im Sol closed her eyes briefly and stepped onto the ground. Then she addressed him.
"See it all?"
"...Yeah."
"...Did you hear everything?"
The words she'd uttered while losing her reason. The recent events were a bit hazy, but she was sure low-level curses had been mixed in.
"Uh... yeah."
Im Sol sensed a slight distance in Lee Ho-yeon's response. People who saw her full power usually reacted that way.
"Professor. Um, that was cool. For real."
Im Sol smiled faintly at his words. But she could tell. Her disciple, Lee Ho-yeon—he was an incredible actor.
You could sense it in conversations. He'd hidden so much from her without showing a hint. Acting skill beyond his years.
Until now, he'd chatted casually with her, showing less aversion than others. She didn't want to believe it was all an act. That would make her feel too pathetic.
But some of it probably was. He'd surely adjusted to her despite not liking it.
Just now too. She'd clearly seen his expression after she cast her magic. The look of someone beholding a creature that shouldn't exist in this world.
People instinctively recoil from things beyond their experience and wisdom.
And Im Sol had always faced that recoil.
'In the end, the reason he sticks around is my body... or his kind nature that can't say no.'
Her good-hearted disciple was a great actor, after all.
"Am I... burdensome to you?"
"No, no. I was just surprised."
Im Sol felt a bit... downhearted. She'd thought she'd long since shaken off these emotions. She had, definitely.
So why did his reaction sting so much?
Unable to pinpoint the reason, she lashed out pettily.
"It's fine. You can call me a monster. I'm used to it."
"Professor, don't say that. How could you be a monster?"
Hah. Even so, her disciple stayed kind to the end. She was grateful enough to want to lean on him, but she held back.
Everyone she'd met so far hated her true self. And yet, the one disciple she thought matched her soul—would he really like even that?
That was too convenient thinking.
"Still, I didn't want to show it to you."
"...Professor?"
Im Sol sighed deeply and gave a self-deprecating smile.
"I put up walls. To protect my pride and ignore others' words. When those walls crumble, this happens. What you just saw—that's my real self."
Will he pull away now?
"I know. It's proof I'm ugly, maladjusted to society. Can't even bow my head properly. A monster who only knows magic. That assessment isn't wrong."
Will he still like me like this?
"... "
"So I didn't want to show you."
A trauma she'd never shared with anyone in 28 years. Today, she confessed it to Lee Ho-yeon.
She couldn't understand why it had come to this. Swept up in the mood. Or maybe no other chance to speak. Or perhaps...
A faint hope that maybe one person would understand her.
"...Hah, Professor."
Im Sol fell silent, waiting for his next words. She'd decided not to expect anything. Not to rely on others.
She resented herself for feeling this way.
"Professor, don't think weird things. At least I... I absolutely don't think that way."
"...Then what do you think?"
"Huh?"
"What do you think of me? The maladjusted monster mage Im Sol... what am I to you?"
Im Sol regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. Stupid. Too desperate. How bewildering for a disciple.
Enjoying the magic fair, then terrorism hits, some crazy woman solos the terrorists and has a meltdown.
If she could, she'd turn back time. Shouldn't have started this. Better to let it slide quietly.
Im Sol looked at Lee Ho-yeon. He hesitated, then spoke carefully.
"You're Professor Im Sol."
"...Yeah. Thanks."
Im Sol turned her head with a faint smile. It's over. A generic response from him.
She could only give a bitter smile. Telling someone seeking praise that they're "nice" is an insult.
He must find her exasperating. Incomprehensible. No praiseworthy qualities, after all.
Who'd keep following such a pathetic person around, calling her professor?
'In the end, even my disciple is the same.'
No—precisely, he was 'normal.' Unlike her 'abnormal' self.
Im Sol wished he'd just leave quickly. She resented and appreciated his consideration to the last.
"...Professor, to me, you're just Im Sol the person."
Im Sol glanced back. Lee Ho-yeon's eyes held no tension or wariness—just calm acceptance.
Clutching her nearly vanished hope, she listened.
"Someone who acts all grown-up despite the small age gap."
"...?"
Im Sol furrowed her brow. She couldn't follow her disciple's sudden odd words.
"Loves sweets like a kid. Thinks she's the most special in the world, ignores other mages, even dumps important tasks on a student—such a weird professor."
"What are you... "
Disgust flooded Im Sol. Hating her while pretending to be close? All an act? Was the relationship only comfortable for her?
About to snap in anger, she shut her mouth at his next words.
"But that side is cute."
"...W-what?"
Her eyes widened. Disgust vanished, replaced by fluster.
"Smiling brightly with chocolate, thrilled after magic research, more sincere than anyone in class despite saying others don't get it. All of it—cute."
"What're you saying? You, you're...!"
Im Sol couldn't hide her panic. Her disciple spouting weirdness felt so unfamiliar.
"Proud of being the world's best mage, yet burdened by it. Self-mockingly calls herself a monster but craves someone to hold her—a weak person. That's the Im Sol I like."
"S-stop. Please..."
What if someone hears? She tried to cover his mouth, but her hand wouldn't move.
"Kkh, heuk... kekeke."
Resenting him for laughing alone, Im Sol tried to get mad.
"You, you. Want a real scolding? Jokes have limits. This isn't funny, just unpleasant, and... uh..."
But oddly, no anger came. Just embarrassment, hot cheeks, pounding heart.
Even as he gripped her fumbling hand tightly.
"What I mean is..."
The world spun. His hand burned hot.
"Don't push yourself too hard. I don't mind if you act weird. It's still Im Sol."
"I, I'm..."
Thump. Thump.
Words swirled in her mouth but wouldn't form. Breath caught, chest tickled. Wanted to speak, but couldn't open her mouth. Felt like crying from frustration.
I want to say something. But my heart won't let me.
Seeing her lips twitching, Lee Ho-yeon smiled softly.
"You don't have to be the best always. No need to grind magic to prove monsters wrong just because people call you one. Take breaks, go out sometimes. So what if you're maladjusted? If a group's full of people worse than me, I'd ditch it too."
Hearing his sheepish smile and words, Im Sol thought: He knows nothing.
About what she'd endured. What she'd thought.
Humans like Lee Ho-yeon know nothing. Those who've lived easy can't grasp the hard-lived life.
That's why they cheer, say it'll get better, keep going.
Selfish, ignoring the broken emotions. Im Sol despised such people.
Yet... she couldn't blame him.
She just spoke her mind.
"For me... magic is all I have. I've known nothing else my whole life."
Lee Ho-yeon sighed inwardly in relief at her response. It was going as planned.
Convincing a woman who'd known only magic her life was tough, but they'd shared so many emotions. Short time, but he was the only one who understood Im Sol. Affection levels proved it.
This much persuasion should work.
"I've got you."
"... "
"I'll help. So you can do whatever you want."
Im Sol shut her mouth at his words. Gazed into space thoughtfully, then at him, then away again.
Lee Ho-yeon tilted his head at the sight, but she was fighting her body's tremors with all her might.
Thump. Thump.
'W-what? Why am I like this?'
Couldn't stop her heart's pounding. Needed to respond, but no words came.
Im Sol recalled her old talk with Baek Ayoung.
'Ayoung-ah. Heart pounding whenever you're with someone, chest aching at negative thoughts about them—that's love.'
Words she'd teased Baek Ayoung with. This was exactly that.
Looking at Lee Ho-yeon made her heart race; thinking of replying tensed her up. Her brain clung tight, refusing negativity.
'Wait, no. This isn't it. Really not.'
Im Sol wanted to hold her final line. She was the professor; he, the student. Baek Ayoung was the nurse, excusable, but Im Sol was truly a professor. Years in academia, perfect evaluations—her pride.
She'd noticed growing closer to him. That's why she'd started calling him 'disciple' to keep distance. Names felt too intimate.
Her self-imposed limit. Closer, and it'd exceed master-disciple.
After battling herself in her head, her blurted response sounded incredibly dumb.
"I-I'm the professor. You're the student."
'I'm screwed.'
Im Sol squeezed her eyes shut. Utterly off-topic. How stupid would she seem?
Watching her, Lee Ho-yeon chuckled in disbelief. She's at it again.
Professor this, professor that. No rule says professors can't rest, or students are always below.
'Age gap's not even that big.'
Anyone'd think she was much older. Laughing at her odd words, he replied.
"Anyway, no more of that talk. Got it, Professor? No—Sol unnie."
Like always. The playful nickname for teasing or gratitude.
Hearing it, Im Sol's eyes widened.
Pop-
Something inside her burst.