Just Accept It
I squinted at the morning sunlight streaming through the window.
"Nngh..."
Instinctively, I rolled over, curling away from it. I hugged my fluffy tail close, savoring its soft texture for a good while. The fur brushing against my bare skin felt so good. I didn't want to get up. I wanted to sleep a little more. I didn't want to leave the bed. I didn't want to crawl out from under these blankets warmed by my body heat. I didn't have a habit of waking up early or anything, but today it was especially bad. And no wonder—my whole body felt as heavy as a sponge soaked full of water. Every muscle ached, especially my lower back, like needles pricking at it relentlessly. It was like I'd done some unaccustomed exercise all day and now muscle soreness had set in.
But there was still plenty to do today. I had to advance the research based on the idea Terria gave me yesterday, check on the body swap potion I'd been brewing in my spare time. If I had a moment, I should clean up too. He cooked for me yesterday, so I'd handle it today. And was there more? Right before falling asleep, I'd repeated to myself that there was something I absolutely had to do once I woke up. I couldn't forget it, but... what was it? Well, since it wasn't coming to mind right away, it probably wasn't that important. Someone with my memory wouldn't overlook something like that. If I'd really committed it to heart, it'd pop right up. Yeah, I'd just sleep more. If anything came up, he'd come wake me. And since I was naked right now, if he pulled back the covers...
Naked.
"Ah..."
My eyes snapped open. Remembering why I was undressed brought last night's intense lovemaking flooding back, and my face flushed red. I whipped my head around, scanning the room—thank goodness, he wasn't in bed. But was that really a relief? I'd been impaled on him, moaning like a slut, cumming countless times until I finally passed out. If it had been outright torture, fine, but it felt too good, to the point it scared me. So if he asked, How was it?...
One thing was certain: I couldn't say it was awful. Terria had said so right before sex—no coercion, just mutual consent. I couldn't deny it. I couldn't lie and say it wasn't pleasurable at all. I couldn't cover that ecstasy with the word "rape." But admitting it felt good? No way in hell. I'd consented to sex itself, but not to how he'd do it. And he'd used me however he wanted, like a sex toy. He hadn't cared about my limits at all. Then, like tidying up a toy, he'd washed me off, dried me, and carried me to my bed. That's when it hit me—what I'd sworn to do upon waking.
My lower belly still felt sloshy, full of his semen. I bolted out of bed, threw on some clothes, and hurried out of the room. He wasn't in the living room—where'd he go?—but I ignored it and threw open the lab door.
I had to make contraceptive. Pregnancy was the last thing I wanted to imagine. It'd been over a month without a period, but I'd chalked it up to beastkin bodies being different. Humans and beastkin could have kids together, after all.
Making contraceptive took time, so I'd be stuck on it all morning. I could buy some outside, but I knew exactly what looks I'd get. A young woman who looked like she could still be in the academy, buying birth control? People would think all sorts of things. Especially if she was so beautiful most men hesitated even to approach. They'd imagine her getting fucked in bed and envy the guy. Figure she was some young slut who couldn't keep it in her pants. I could picture their filthy stares, their disgusting fantasies about me. Better to make it myself, hassle or not. My body was exhausted anyway; I didn't want to go out.
Luckily, the herbs were in the storeroom. I'd asked the tower to source materials for libido suppressants, and these were included. If they hadn't been... I didn't even want to think about it.
I fetched the herbs, brought them to the lab, crushed them to extract the juice. I heated the flask precisely by the second, added the detox solution, and stirred with a rod. I kept twirling it until my wrist ached a little, then let out a sigh.
He's the one who came inside without a word.
I muttered to myself, unaware Terria was right behind me.
"Why do I have to be doing this...?"
"Because it's your body, obviously?"
"Eek!?"
I nearly dropped the rod in shock. I turned and glared, but he was smirking right beside me.
"Don't you think that's shameless?"
"I don't care either way. If you get pregnant, we raise it. What's the problem?"
"...Just drop dead."
Terria grinned and watched me work. I knew telling him to leave wouldn't budge him, so I ignored his gaze and kept my hands busy. When I didn't react, he got bored and started fondling my tail.
"...Don't touch it."
I'd gotten better at tensing the base, so I flicked it hard, smacking his arm. It didn't stop the weird sensations creeping up, though.
"How was it?"
Just as I'd feared, he asked. He meant the sex, obviously.
A bit annoyed, I pouted and grumbled.
"That's the first thing you say when I wake up?"
"You didn't hate it, right?"
"...I dunno. Don't ask."
Didn't hate it? It was too good to hate. Just recalling it made me shiver. He knew damn well, and asking anyway was so infuriatingly sadistic.
"Ariel."
He kept pressing, like he needed to hear it from my lips. His calm, emotionless demand sent chills down my spine. It scared me—still did—but did he have to humiliate me like this? It was too pathetic.
"Why! What do you want to hear? What answer are you fishing for?!"
"I'm asking how it was."
"...Fine, if you wanna hear it that bad, I'll tell you."
I stared him down. Meeting his sadistic gaze always terrified me, but not this time. I swore I wouldn't give him what he wanted.
"It hurt. It hurt. My whole body's still trembling like it's bruised all over. Did you have to go that hard? Until I collapsed from exhaustion? Am I your toy? Some object? Just a hole to fuck? Something you can use however you please?!"
"If that was it, I wouldn't have bothered with foreplay."
"You did that because you wanted to. To see me moaning and writhing. You think I don't know? It wasn't consideration for me. You could've been a little nicer. A little gentler. Even in bed, do I... not even count as a person?!"
"If we're splitting hairs, you rejected the kiss. What, you wanna be treated like a lover? Talk about wanting to be loved?"
"...The kiss isn't the point. I'm talking about you just venting your lust like some bitch in heat, thrusting away. What makes us different from animals then?"
I knew what he wanted to hear. But I refused to say it, clinging to my pathetic pride even as it tore me apart. It was self-destructive. My words were carving up my own heart.
"Guess you wanted lover-like sex. But we're not dating."
"You... bastard..."
He tapped the flask, where the brewing contraceptive sloshed.
"If it's tough, you'll get used to it. We'll keep doing it. And make a lot while you're at it. It'll run out quick after a few times."
"...Who said I'd do it with you? You think I'd keep going? You did it like that yesterday figuring we'd continue?"
I sneered, but my voice trembled uncontrollably. My throat choked up, wet with emotion. I couldn't stop.
"...Ah, now you're gonna force me? Fine, do that. Rape me so I can hate you properly."
"I won't. If you say no, I stop."
His tone held utter confidence that I couldn't refuse if he pushed. He'd corner me again, force a choice between bad options. Maybe I was already trapped.
"You vicious... hic, bastard. Why... why do this to me...?"
A tear rolled down my cheek. I collapsed, hugging my knees, burying my face. I'd submitted completely, even unconsciously. I was infinitely weak now. Terrified of what trap he'd spring next. I couldn't even imagine the web he'd spun, jaws agape.
Hatred faded; only fear remained.
"Why... hic, why me...? What do you want? Just... tell me... would you...? I know... I can't refuse what you want anyway..."
It'd happen your way. I'd fuck you in days. You'd push until I gave in. Right? You always do. So spill it all. I'll... maybe listen.
"W-Wait, was this... like with Lucas...? You contacted him behind my back? Told him to lobby the palace to cut Blue Tower funding...?"
But my words hit something. Terria glared, anger plain.
"Ariel. Are you stupid?"
"Ah, n-no..."
I trembled, head down. Felt like I'd messed up big; couldn't meet his eyes.
"Why are you so dumb now? Think. Why would the Blue Tower Lord do something that idiotic? Sex isn't worth that much hassle. Like you said, force it in and done. Why bother? You think your body's worth that?"
He tore me down cruelly, shredding my ego, crushing my pride.
"W-Why say it like... hic, that...?"
"Why? It's your words. Stuff you said to me back then. Don't pretend to repent now."
The more he spoke...
"Sorry, I'm sorry... hic, sorry..."
"Sigh, don't apologize. You think I want that? If I did, I'd have made you already."
All my fault.
"Hic... Then... what should I do...? Hic, how do I...?"
"Just accept it."
I was wrong; he was right.
"..."
"I know your 'sorry' is empty. You don't regret it anyway. Treating slaves like that is normal. I don't think what you did was wrong either."
Couldn't blame him.
"N-No... Sorry, I'm sorry... I mean it, really...!"
"Doesn't matter if it's real. I wasn't gonna forgive you anyway."
It was all my fault in the end.