Will It Be Anger Next Time Too?
Eline knew at once that it wasn’t anger.
She had felt the emotion so rarely that the memory of it stood out with painful clarity. The racing heart, the narrowing vision, the way judgment grew clumsy and every nerve converged on the brain—the hottest feeling a mage, who must always remain rational and cold, could never afford to harbor.
She recalled the last time she had truly been angry. It was the moment Serean had tried to provoke her by using Lutes as a tool. The instant that woman had laid a hand on his arm with clear intent to harm him.
Right now, she felt none of that. Her mind was calm and clear, her pulse steady. She could hear the insects chirping distinctly and feel every brush of the night breeze against her skin.
Then… what exactly was this emotion?
She looked ahead.
Lutes lay sprawled across the shattered training ground, covered head to toe in dust. “Wow, the moon,” he murmured, half out of his senses yet laughing up at the sky. His eyes, however, remained sharply focused.
After lunch she had hurled magic at him relentlessly until the sun went down. By the time the moon had risen, her training was finally over.
“Lutes.”
“Uh… yeah?”
When he flinched, Eline bit the inside of her lip. …
She walked over slowly, just as she had the day before, and sat down beside him with a soft thud. Drawing her knees up, she studied his face. Seeing him coated in dirt left her momentarily speechless, but she gathered her thoughts and spoke.
“I’m sorry.”
“…Out of nowhere?”
She truly was sorry. It was the first time she had experienced this feeling, and her clumsy handling of it had caused her to release far more power than necessary. He had done nothing wrong.
“Yeah.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m a little sore, sure, but…”
Lutes forced a smile and began brushing the dust from his clothes. Why had this nameless emotion surged up? Why had she unloaded so much magic on him without reason?
She remembered walking with him after their meeting in the visitation room. How he had greeted Lui, how naturally they had spoken.
…Lui.
Lui, who always smiled so brightly and faced everything with positivity. That spotless smile, that constant self-improvement—Lui was one of the few students whose name Eline had bothered to remember.
Their conversation had been effortless. Lutes had spoken without any particular feeling, simply as a friend would, and Lui had simply smiled back. That was all.
Yet something had stirred in the corner of her heart.
…
She knew Lutes felt uncomfortable around her. She had been the one to tell him she didn’t want to hear the truth yet, even though he had been ready to speak it. She had hoped he would tell her once he could face himself with pride. But was that the only reason?
Her expressions were dull, she lacked interesting wit, and she could not smile as brightly as Lui. Perhaps, without realizing it, she had been making him uneasy in countless small ways.
Still…
I wish he would smile comfortably at me, too.
“Eline.”
“…Yeah.”
“Thank you. For everything.”
He was thanking her. What was there to thank? She had simply lost control of her emotions and poured them out on him.
“…Why?”
“Just… you stayed by my side helping me for two whole days. Today was… a bit rough, though.”
He stretched his aching body and slowly sat down beside her.
“No, I… went too far.”
“You didn’t kill me, did you?”
“….”
It was a terrible joke. The lingering traces of mana shimmered, and an acrid smell rose from between the broken marble fragments, yet neither of them spoke.
The night sky was clear. Bright moonlight and surrounding stars wove the Milky Way across the ceiling above them.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Want me to show you something fun?”
At the words something fun, Eline turned to look. Lutes staggered, raised a trembling hand, and began condensing mana. A faint light flickered unsteadily before forming a small orb. The sphere rippled like a water droplet, then burst apart with a soft pop.
Mana Condensation.
It was a technique Eline had trained endlessly since childhood. Seeing it again after so long felt fresh, yet if asked whether it was fun, she could not say she felt any such emotion. Or perhaps she simply could not feel it.
…
She pondered. Maybe these small, everyday things were what she failed to sense. She stared fixedly at his palm.
“Eline, look up, not at my hand.”
She lifted her gaze. The wavering lights were not scattering meaninglessly—they were flying toward something. Toward the sky. Of course they vanished before long.
“Did you catch where the lights disappeared?”
“I did.”
Three in the right sky, two on the left, one to the right of the moon, and one on the brightest star.
“Try connecting them.”
Eline nodded and slowly began to link the points. As she joined each remembered location, a pattern gradually emerged among the disordered stars. The brightest star formed the sword’s tip. The connecting lines shaped the rest into a blade.
That’s…
She had learned about it once during a liberal arts lesson. All the stars that illuminated the world were light from distant places, yet they also served as vast mediums recording memories of the past. People called them constellations.
It had been simple general knowledge unrelated to magic, so she had not studied it deeply, but she remembered it contained many heroic tales and interesting anecdotes.
“It’s the emblem of Sword Saint Dronica. Before magic became practical, he was the renowned general who stood beside the first emperor and laid the empire’s foundation.”
Stars glittered in Lutes’s eyes as he began to tell the story.
It was the tale of a sword saint. A man who had lost everything in a brutal civil war long ago. He had taken up his blade, risen to his feet, and conquered the continent alongside the young first emperor. People revered his greatness and called him the Sword Saint, carving his name into the heavens for eternity.
It was an epic she would never have heard without Lutes. The heroic story, like water soaking dry ground, seeped into her heart.
“…And they say that on the day he closed his eyes, those stars began to shine especially bright.”
By the time the tale ended, Eline was gazing at the stars floating in the sky.
The world was wide. There were so many different stories.
I…
Even if someone wrote about her far in the future, it would be the most uninteresting story imaginable. After all, her path had already been decided. She was destined for the Magic Tower. It had been decided from the start…
…
A low grinding sound echoed.
The training ground’s lights came on. The shattered marble fragments began to rattle and shift, as though the restoration magic was repairing them. The activation of repair magic meant the grounds were about to close.
“Shall we head back?”
When Lutes stood, he seemed somewhat recovered. He staggered upright, stretched his waist, and a series of cracks sounded.
“Lutes.”
“Yeah?”
…
Even though she could see he was in pain, could she allow herself to be a little selfish?
…Of course she could.
We’re lovers, after all.
It didn’t matter.
Eline opened both arms. Lutes flinched at the gesture, but when he sensed no flow of mana, his expression eased with relief.
“Give me a piggyback.”
“…?”
“My legs hurt to walk.”
It was a blatant lie.
* * *
My body throbbed all over. Looking up at the night sky reminded me that Alfred had left this morning. The constellations we used to talk about together floated through my mind.
When I first heard those stories, they had been so exciting and interesting that I looked them up endlessly.
Does Eline…
I wondered if she already knew them. I wanted to tell her. If she knew the tale it might be disappointing, but if she didn’t, perhaps it would be fun for her.
When I began the story, she listened quietly. The tale started with a boy who lost his family and stood back up, and ended with that same man lying down beneath the adoration of countless citizens of the empire.
As the time to leave drew near, the moment I rose, Eline spread both arms. My body reflexively tensed, but—
“Give me a piggyback.”
She suddenly asked me to carry her.
Why?
She didn’t look tired at all. She seemed perfectly fine, yet she wanted a piggyback.
“My legs hurt to walk.”
A lie. Anyone could see she was brimming with energy. Where did that excuse even come from…?
Her expression remained as impassive as ever. She stood motionless, simply watching me.
If I refuse, she probably won’t move.
“I’m really hurting a lot.”
“I don’t want to.”
I said I was in pain—why was she saying she didn’t want to? Her way of speaking was genuinely difficult to follow. Still, if we got caught during inspection we could receive penalty points. And above all, there was the very real possibility of being struck by Yulian’s “club of love.”
Well, if it’s what Eline wants…
She had even given up her time for someone like me. What couldn’t I do for her? It wasn’t difficult—just a piggyback. We had already held hands… and even kissed on the cheek. A piggyback ride should be fine, right?
Though I’m still not used to the cheek kiss.
“…All right, I understand.”
I walked across the rattling marble and turned my back to her. Bending my knees, I offered her a stable platform.
“You can just lean on me.”
Come to think of it, the last person I had carried was Alfred. Before I left for the academy he had wanted to climb the mountain, so I had given him a ride. I hope he arrived safely.
I heard Eline’s quiet footsteps. She stopped behind me.
Thud—
A soft sensation pressed against my back. At the same time her hair brushed my ear and settled on my shoulder, carrying a deep, clear scent.
Oh.
I had overlooked one thing. We had held hands and even shared a surprise kiss on the cheek, but we had never touched across such a large surface area. The feeling was completely different from carrying Alfred. I had grown used to the rough, bark-like texture that came with age and experience.
Eline was soft… and… plush…
No. Stop thinking strange thoughts.
I barely managed to organize my mind.
“…Is this okay?”
“Yeah.”
I felt her full weight as she leaned against me completely.
…
As always, my heart began to race. With trembling hands I slowly wrapped my arms around her legs and stood.
She’s light.
She felt as light as the haystacks I used to move back at the estate. And…
…This is insane.
It genuinely felt like my mind was going to break. The one saving grace was that with all my nerves focused on her, every ache and pain had vanished.
“…Lutes.”
Her breath against the back of my neck raised goosebumps across my skin.
“Yeah. Yeah? Yeah?”
“Are you all right?”
No, I feel like I’m going to die. If there were unconscious transport magic that could carry me to the destination, I would cast it immediately.
Whether she knew how I felt or not, she loosened her arms from my shoulders, wrapped them around to the front, and took both my hands.
Wow. Was she planning to strangle me to death like this?
Please, just do it.
“Sh… shall we go?”
“Yeah.”
Slowly, carefully, I began to walk. With every step, my heart pounded violently.
Step. Step.
As time passed, the dizzying sensation I had felt at first gradually became familiar. It was something I had thought about before while carrying someone—the mysterious feeling of hearing two heartbeats at once with every stride. I wondered if Eline was conscious of it too.
“Lutes.”
“…Yeah?”
“The constellation story was fun.”
“Really?”
She hadn’t looked like she was enjoying it at all, so I was glad. Then, slowly, Eline whispered softly into my ear.
“Do it again next time.”
…
“All right.”
When I barely regained my composure and nodded, Eline let out a small, satisfied sigh. She relaxed, entrusting her body to my back.
It was quiet.
The chirping of insects and the distant voices of people. The academy buildings that still had their lights on came into view. Eline’s faint breathing flowed down the back of my neck.
I couldn’t tell whether she was sleeping or lost in thought.
It was fun.
She had said it was fun. She wanted to hear it again next time. It was the first time. The first time I had told someone a story like that, and the first time anyone had told me it was interesting.
My friends would probably yawn and look disgusted at such a dragging tale, so I had never even started. And I never had time to talk with my family.
Next time, too. If she wanted, I would gladly tell her again.
On the night road back to the dormitory, my heart began to beat slowly, as if matching the quiet rhythm of Eline’s pulse.