Sincerity
The Magic Tower. The dream workplace that every mage aspired to, the very forefront of magical research.
It truly was an awe-inspiring place. Just hearing the name made me assume it must be incredible.
“This…?”
The ancient tome I’d been reading was something the mages of the Magic Tower studied?
“To be precise, it’s very basic. It’s an introductory book, after all.”
Eline continued speaking in her usual calm, understated tone, as if it were no big deal.
“At the academy, we take the core content from books like this and explain it in a way that’s easier for us to understand.”
“Ah, I see.”
So this book was the real thing—a foundational text that broke down and analyzed the very basics of magic.
No wonder it started from the origin of mana on the very first page…
“But why did you make me read something like this…?”
The question naturally arose.
Strengthening my theoretical foundation was good, but wasn’t this far more difficult than necessary? With so little time left, wouldn’t this actually hurt my efficiency?
Since Eline had studied countless times more than I had, maybe there was a better method.
As if she had anticipated my concerns, Eline gently took my hand and asked,
“How was it?”
How was it, huh…
“It was hard.”
“But you could still read it, right?”
I had only ever heard that the Magic Tower was an extraordinarily outstanding, incredible place. I’d been told they researched spells that could distort space and manipulate time, so I naturally assumed only the most exceptional people could go there.
That’s why I expected the language to be impossibly difficult.
It did make my head hurt, but I was still able to read through it.
“I could read it…”
Of course, simply reading it and fully understanding its contents were two entirely different matters. I hadn’t grasped everything—just enough for some of it to settle in my mind.
“Good. That’s all that matters.”
“…”
“The Magic Tower is, in the end, a place full of people. The same goes for the Alpha Class. It may look lofty at first glance, but it’s actually much closer than you think.”
So don’t feel anxious.
That was probably what Eline wanted to convey.
Of course, saying the Magic Tower was “close” was likely a bit of lip service, but ultimately, she had made me read this book to ease my worries.
It also served the dual purpose of checking my theoretical knowledge.
Once I understood the reality, a sense of relief washed over me instead of disappointment.
“I really thought I was stupid.”
“Did you?”
What a relief that I wasn’t.
Or rather, since I had read an ancient tome from the Magic Tower, maybe I actually had some talent?
…No, that’s not it.
She said this was the most basic of basic texts, so it was probably the easiest kind.
It wasn’t like I was grasping at clouds, but my heart definitely felt much lighter.
“Feeling better?”
Eline looked at me, as if she had read my expression.
“…Honestly, yes.”
“That’s good.”
She let out a soft breath. I couldn’t tell if she was happy, but the way she showed that small consideration for me stirred something in my chest.
Grateful, I carefully squeezed the hand I was holding.
“…”
Eline gently closed her eyes.
Just like during our walk before, she seemed to be focusing her senses that way.
Whenever we walked, she would always close her eyes to feel the wind. It made sense—without sight, one could concentrate more on touch.
Even now…
Was she feeling my warmth?
The fact that my existence mattered to someone—it was a good feeling.
“Lutes.”
“Yeah?”
“Can you loosen your grip a little?”
“…Ah, sorry. Was I holding too tight?”
Eline shook her head. When I relaxed my hand, her fingers began to move.
I swallowed.
Instead of simply overlapping our hands, she seemed to want to feel them more deeply.
Her fingers carefully slipped between my awkwardly layered ones, and before long, our hands were perfectly interlocked.
It was far more intimate than just holding hands. I could even feel the pulse throbbing at her wrist.
She could probably hear my heartbeat too.
It was racing.
Eline nodded, looking satisfied.
“I like this.”
“…Me too.”
The words barely made it out.
Hearing my answer, Eline gave a faint smile.
That expression, with emotion seeping into her usually icy face, was truly beautiful.
“Then shall we stay like this today?”
“Until when?”
She tilted her head slightly and whispered,
"Until the library closes."
I didn’t say anything more.
No—I couldn’t.
It had always been like this. If we kept going this way, I was going to be completely swept up by Eline.
I turned my head and opened the book again.
“Lutes, you don’t have to read that book anymore.”
“Ah.”
I nodded.
“Today, I just want to stay like this.”
Eline spoke quietly, as if she only wanted to feel my warmth, and I simply held her interlocked hand tightly in return.
It was warm.
So incredibly warm.
Thump.
Suddenly, one side of my heart began to ache.
It wasn’t aching from excitement.
Ah.
I started to feel disgusted with myself.
The sudden shift in my emotions left even me stunned, but—
…Do I
really deserve to receive this kind of warmth from Eline?
If my existence could be a source of strength for her, I felt happy, but—
In the end, it all started with a confession made as a penalty.
That fact hadn’t changed.
No matter the reason, I had deceived Eline.
At first I had been too flustered, but the more her sincere affection piled up, the more it tore into my heart.
I recalled the uncomfortable reason.
It wasn’t even a matter of receiving love that was too much for me. The very premise of “loving” was wrong.
Right now.
The thought suddenly struck me.
Before this relationship could go even slightly wrong, wouldn’t it be better to tell her as soon as possible?
The warmth traveling through her hand was so warm. The way she cared for me was so clear. It tightened around me even more.
If I said, “Actually, I confessed to you because of a penalty,” would she have accepted my confession that day?
…No.
This wasn’t something for me to worry about. It was something Eline should be the one to agonize over.
My feelings didn’t matter.
It was a matter for Eline to judge entirely after hearing the truth.
Yes.
I should tell her now.
I took a deep breath.
“Hey, Eline.”
Eline, who had been tightly holding my hand with her eyes closed, slowly opened them.
“Yeah?”
“I have something to say.”
When her deep blue eyes slowly turned to meet mine, I felt even more pathetic. Those deep, beautiful eyes—I didn’t want to hurt them, yet I knew everything was my fault.
I opened my mouth, thinking I should just say it.
Actually, I confessed to you as a penalty with my friends.
So your kindness like this makes me feel like I’m deceiving you.
That’s why… that’s why… that’s why… you should think about it one more time…
“Lutes.”
When she tightened her grip on our interlocked hands, my mind went completely blank again.
“…Yeah?”
“Don’t say it right now.”
Eline’s eyes were fixed on me without the slightest movement.
“…”
My heart began to beat slowly.
She said not to say it right now.
Had she noticed?
Or was there another reason?
“Later.”
With her other hand, she gently, warmly placed it on my cheek.
“When you’re not uncomfortable with me, when you’re no longer shaken—I want to hear it then.”
Her firm voice felt like it was pulling me up.
“Eline.”
“Yeah.”
“…You said you like me, right?”
“Yeah.”
At her words, I opened my mouth and then closed it again.
I wanted to say it too, but the words wouldn’t come out.
One by one, the lights in the library began to go out, and soon the librarian’s distant voice announcing closing time could be heard.
In the end, I forced the words out with difficulty.
“Thank you.”
I worried that my voice had come out too small. That it might have sounded wet with emotion.
Eline didn’t seem to mind. She held my hand tightly and looked at me.
“If you know that, then work hard.”
Was it a joke? Or was she serious?
Given Eline’s personality, she wasn’t the type to joke around.
After that, we didn’t speak anymore.
We simply held hands until every light in the library had gone out. Then we gathered our books and stepped outside.
“See you tomorrow.”
With those words, Eline turned and left.
On the way back to the dormitory, the night air—now on the cusp of April—was less cold than before, but still chilly.
The beginning had been a penalty.
“…”
If it hadn’t been for that penalty, Eline would have remained an existence far above the clouds for the rest of my life.
I had been so caught up in the fact that she had accepted me that I hadn’t looked back, but in truth, this relationship had been wrong from the very start.
That’s why—
The desire to rise to the Alpha Class grew even stronger.
I wanted to rise up, and then tell her my true feelings once more.
‘Eline, I’m sorry. Actually…’
I would tell her everything and accept whatever punishment came—whether she despised me or abandoned me.
“Trash.”
My thoughts had been too shallow.
When I looked up at the sky, the stars were twinkling as if pouring down, but tonight they did nothing to ease my worries.
Even so, knowing how pathetic I was, and even after revealing every truth—
If only Eline would allow it…
I want to keep standing by your side.
That thought began to take root.