Thought It Was Poison, Turned Out To Be Viagra
The amount Sherri had calculated for my equipment was truly absurd. It was no exaggeration to say she had crammed every conceivable function into the armor, to the point that even half, or even a quarter, of what I’d earned over the last six months wouldn't even cover the cost.
So, I needed to pull in some quick cash, and the most appropriate place for that would be the Adventurer Guild. As I was heading back there to scout for a suitable quest, my gaze was drawn to the bulletin board where the posters were being pinned up.
"Hmm, bounty posters, huh?"
To think that a heinous criminal with an A-rank danger level was reigning as the leader of a bandit group...
Sure, with my current lack of equipment, targeting an A-rank was out of the question, but bandit groups were like that—the larger the scale, the more small-fry would gather around hoping to scavenge some scraps. And the posters said there was a reward just for turning in those small-fry. Hmm, maybe I should try a little small-fry hunting?
"I was wondering who was staring so intently at the posters, and it’s a rookie."
Just as I was focusing on the wanted posters, some adventurers watching me from the side turned my way and started voicing their concerns.
"You certainly look like you've got skill, but since you're still inexperienced, it’d be best to be careful about messing with bandits. Most of them are people who’ve been exiled from society and have lost their humanity to the point where they can only survive by picking other people's pockets."
"If you get caught, you’ll surely end up dead or reduced to a slave without even being able to put up a fight. Personally, I think it’d be better to look for other work, even now."
Hmm, seeing the seniors talk like this, it seems bandits are a difficult existence for even C-rank adventurers to deal with easily. But the fact that they’re so wary means there’s a high possibility they know where the bandits are located.
"Seniors, do you happen to know where bandits usually appear?"
"Well, usually it’s at intermediate points that are close to the main roads but have plenty of places to hide, while still being a certain distance from the city. The best thing is to not even go near those places."
"Should I mark the dangerous parts on your map just in case?"
"Yes, please. I’d appreciate it."
They marked them for my safety, but if you think about it in reverse, it means there’s money to be made at the locations they pointed out.
For that reason, I left the city and headed for the closest spot on the map, soon arriving at a place full of ruins where redevelopment had been planned but ultimately canceled.
I can see some footprints nearby... Hmm, let’s see. Should I just wait here?
"Kahaha!! A stupid traveler has walked right into our territory on his own feet!"
Just as expected, the bandits appeared, bursting into cheerful laughter. Seeing them all sporting vicious weapons and despicable expressions, I could immediately guess that they had thrown away any manners required of a member of society.
"Boss, looking at him from the outside, he doesn't seem to have anything on him?"
"Still, his build is solid, so he’d be good to use as a body servant!"
"Hey, you bald guy! If you don't surrender quietly, you’re going to have a rough time!"
The bandits started closing the distance, acting all cocky. But their stances were incredibly sloppy, and their gazes aimed at me were full of nothing but carelessness. It was a stark contrast to the technique and spirit Mari had shown during combat, which I’d watched for about half a year.
"Well, I guess this is about it. The level of these bandits."
Thinking there was no need to be scared, I picked up a stone from the ground and threw it straight at the guy who seemed to be the leader of the bandits.
And *THUD!* The leader took the stone to the head and went down.
"Eh?"
"W-what was that? How did a stone...?"
Oh boy, I didn't control my strength well.
If I take him in as a corpse, the bounty gets cut in half, did I go too far?
"Hey, are you alive?"
"Ku, heh-ack..."
The leader was gasping on the ground, spitting blood. Realizing thankfully that he was still breathing, I cracked my knuckles lightly and threatened the remaining small-fry.
"You guys. Do you want to surrender quietly? Or do you want to be dragged away with every bone in your body crushed?"
"S-surrender! We surrender!"
"Eek, please, just spare my life!"
Good, I’ve taken the first step with this.
After that, I returned to the city, turned in the bandits, and received a small reward. Following that, I continued to wander around the city, looking for places where bandits might be hiding.
About one gold coin per group of small-fry... I’ll have to move busily to reach my target amount.
"Kahaha! We are a heinous bandit group!"
-POOF!
"Eek! I was wrong! I’ll follow quietly, so please, just spare my life!"
How many times had I repeated the process of catching bandits and turning them over to the guards in this flow?
It was desirable that my pockets were getting heavy, but even so, a nagging feeling remained in a corner of my heart.
Because every single guy I caught for being a bandit was a prick.
Come to think of it, this world doesn't distinguish between men and women when it comes to physical labor, so there should be quite a few female bandits, but for some reason, I’m not finding any women.
If it were a female bandit, I could just have my way with her without any guilt... Sigh, aren't there any decent beautiful female bandits?
"So it’s you! The bald guy who’s been wiping out bandits around here lately."
About two days after I’d been hunting bandits feeling that kind of regret, I entered a mountainous area with few people to catch more bandits as usual, and realized I had stepped into an area where I could feel a large number of people.
And these guys gave off a completely different sense of discomfort than the small-fry I’d met so far.
"Whoa, this is a first."
Come to think of it, there were times when I missed one or two guys while wiping out bandits, and it seems those guys spread rumors about me to other bandits.
To think that bandits would go as far as to set a trap targeting me openly.
"Hmm, looking at you like this, you don't look like much. Are you really the guy who took down my subordinates?"
Walking out from among those bandits was a woman with heavy makeup and a sexy outfit. Unlike the women I’d met so far, her personality was quite strong, but since she was a character appearing in a bishoujo game, her beauty was top-tier.
And above all, what caught my eye was that she looked even more extraordinary than her unusual subordinates.
"You... you don't look like an ordinary bandit."
"Yeah~ you should at least be able to tell that much. It’s none other than me, Calshuna of the Flame, who has reached B-rank, coming to hunt you back for hunting my subordinates."
"...Is your name Calcium Chloride?"
"I said Calshuna of the Flame!"
Sigh, you could just introduce yourself by name, why attach a weird title like that to the front? But apart from that, a B-rank is an existence equivalent to Heidi or Mari. While I controlled my tension, guessing that she was an existence a C-rank adventurer shouldn't touch, the woman who introduced herself as Calcium Chloride started laughing with great spirit.
"Fufu, it seems you’re starting to grasp the situation~ who you’ve messed with, and what will happen from now on."
Her subordinates around her all started pulling out their weapons. The aura rising from them was clearly what you’d call mana. Realizing that each and every one of them was a skilled person who could properly handle mana, I let out a heavy voice, sensing that I couldn't solve this as easily as before.
"Do we really have to go this far? I’m not exactly a person with a high enough bounty to warrant a swarm like this."
"No, I decided that you need to be uprooted here. Because of you, I lost nearly half of my subordinates. If this continues, it’s clear I won't be able to properly pay the tribute I have to offer the leader."
Is the leader referring to the A-rank wanted criminal who has settled in this vicinity? This is a headache. I didn't intend to get involved with big shots if possible, but to think the guys I caught and turned in were henchmen of that side's executive.
"But you look like you have potential. If I catch you like this and offer you to the leader as a slave, maybe he’ll show some leniency. Keke, too bad~ If you get caught like this, you won't even be able to die and will end up serving the leader for the rest of your life."
Along with the threat, their distance from me started to narrow. Each one of them was a mana user. Naturally, even if my body is sturdy, if I get hit directly by weapons like that, I’ll have no choice but to bleed. For me, who needs to minimize damage, I shouldn't drag out the battle.
"Oh, really? Then I should resist as hard as I can."
Grasping that, I immediately hugged a nearby tree with both arms, and prepared to pull it with all my might to uproot it. And naturally, that was an unreasonable task that would be considered impossible by common sense.
"Puh, what are you doing now? Don't tell me you’re going to pull that out and swing it..."
-CREAK!
"...Eh?"
An exclamation escaped her lips, and with that, the guys who were approaching me with swords aimed at me also stopped in their tracks. Yes, what happened in that moment was something that didn't make sense by common sense.
"Hoo..."
But what happened now was clearly reality, and those who faced it must pay the price for not anticipating the current situation.
"Come at me, you bastards!"
-BOOM!
As the tree held in my arms was uprooted and swung, all the trees existing in the path started to be mercilessly smashed one by one. And as they collapsed with a thud, the scene instantly became a mess. Some bandits were hit directly by the tree, and some were buried under the fallen tree, becoming unable to function, so the footsteps toward me soon went beyond hesitation and reached the point of backing away.
"Th-this monster! To have this much strength without even using mana, what kind of body is this!"
That’s what I’m saying, I only found out today that I could do this much. It seems my body, strengthened by cheats, has grown even more while working as a porter for 6 months. The experience boost cheat is showing its effect in a place like this again. Thanks to that, it’ll be more doable than I thought.
"Calshuna-nim! It’s beyond our power!"
"Ugh! You idiots! I didn't want to use this, but I have no choice!"
But even though her subordinates were wiped out, does she still have a card left? Soon, Calcium Chloride took something out of her bosom, and she became an afterimage and disappeared from my sight. It’s not difficult to follow with my eyes. However, when I followed her with my eyes, her trick was already complete.
"Eat this!"
-STAB!
The needle pierced my skin and went in. Immediately after, a sharp pain was felt starting from the pierced part, and my expression crumpled in an instant.
"Ugh, what is this... Poison?"
"Khehehe, do you know why I’m called Calshuna of the Flame? Because those exposed to the poison I specially manufactured feel a burning, hot pain as if they’re being burned by flames and writhe in agony~"
Sigh, to think a bandit would use such cowardly tricks. Certainly, as confident as she is, the pain in the part where the needle pierced is at a level that can be called the worst since I came to this world. As I felt my posture collapse for a moment, she started laughing at me to her heart's content, as if she were sure of victory.
"Haa, it’s such a shame. Usually, the aftereffects of this poison are so severe that the people who get hit end up begging to be killed instead~ So it gets ruined to the point where it can't be used as a body servant... Puh, don't worry. If you sincerely apologize for being cheeky with that mouth, I’ll consider sending you off without pain."
Haa, this bitch is getting carried away just because she injected some poison. Bitch, I’ll definitely have my way with you.
"Hoo, hoo..."
As I stood up, taking deep breaths to endure the pain, the bitch who injected the poison needle started staring at me with wide eyes.
"Eh, how? You should be writhing in pain and unable to move properly right now?"
That’s what I’m saying. It seems I must have had something like poison resistance among the cheats I crammed in. Of course, even if it can't protect me completely, it’s not to the point where I can't endure it at all.
"You fucking bitch!"
-BOOM!!
As the punch swung with a shout hit a nearby giant tree, it started to collapse. As a roar rang out again and the surroundings started to be devastated, the frightened bandits hurriedly turned their backs and started to run away.
"Damn it! How are we supposed to beat a monster like that!"
"Just run!"
"W-wait! Where are you guys going, leaving me behind! Come back right now!?"
Unluckily, her escape route was blocked by the collapsed tree. As she faced me, trembling in a dead end, words like a warning started to be spat out from her mouth in a trembling voice.
"H-hieek. Don't come! Y-you! Do you know who I am!? I’m an executive favored by the person called the Great Bandit! If I tell that person, you, you...!"
"Shut up, you cunt!"
-RIP!
Her clothes were mercilessly torn apart by my hands.
"H-hieek..."
In front of her, who seemed to have lost her last will to fight and sat down on the floor, I was feeling myself being captured by an uncontrollable excitement due to the poison she had injected. Perhaps it was because the hormone secretion of my body was excessively activated due to the pain that was not just painful but raking through my whole body.
"Wh-what is that! Why are you taking out your genitals? Why is that suddenly swelling up so much!?"
"That’s what I’m saying. For some reason, stimulation is being applied to my whole body, and blood is pumping tightly into my crotch... Is the name of that poison Viagra by any chance?"
"Via, Via what? What is that?"
"Forget it, just spread your legs, you fucking bitch. I’m going to fuck you hard from now on."
"H-hieek! Don't come near me! Don't come near me with that disgusting thing!!!"
It’s too late to beg, you bitch. You’re a fleshlight I got my hands on for the first time in a while, so I’m definitely not going to let you go easily.