Want Me to Show You Something Fun? (Sohee's POV)
Sunday morning. Sohee stood vacant in front of the mirror.
In the end... it's Sunday...
At school she'd managed to dodge him this way and that, but a study-session appointment was something she couldn't break. The last thing she wanted was to give Minsu the impression she was blatantly avoiding him.
I managed to keep the texts sounding natural enough. But can I pull it off face-to-face too?
Sohee had never been any good at hiding what she felt. She could barely keep her face under control, let alone act — so how was she supposed to look like nothing was wrong in front of Minsu?
Last night her restless heart had kept her tossing until dawn. She hadn't slept properly, and her mind was still fogged over. These past few days had been hell on her. The biggest reason, of course, was the thought that Minsu might have a video of her masturbating in the department lounge. But a considerable share of it was also the nagging sense that she had done something unforgivable to him.
He'll be disgusted. He might even despise me. Call me a filthy bitch...
She tried flipping the situation around. If a guy she wasn't even close with had taken her clothes without her knowing and sniffed them while stroking his cock — what would she have thought?
She probably wouldn't have seen him as a person at all. She would have cursed him as an animal, barely even human. She might have been so revolted she'd gone straight to the police.
And yet the exact opposite had happened. She was the one who'd taken a man's clothes and sniffed them while fingering her pussy.
If Minsu found out... wouldn't he think she was a pervert? And wouldn't he never want to see her again?
I don't... want that...
If Minsu learned the truth, he might trash her to everyone around them. He might say he never wanted to see her face again. Just thinking about it made her chest cave in.
Of course she was terrified of a rumor spreading through the department — that Min Sohee had masturbated in the lounge — but the thought that she might never see Minsu again left her strangely, helplessly sad. That was how large his presence had grown inside her.
Still... he hasn't said a word. Maybe he doesn't know?
In truth, that was the more likely explanation. Everything she was agonizing over right now might be nothing but wasted worry. The video might not even exist. Minsu might have genuinely left his phone behind that day and simply come back for it. Otherwise there was no way he would have given her nothing — no reaction at all — for days afterward.
The thought eased something in her chest. The video was nothing more than a phantom her own anxiety had conjured up. Assuming it didn't exist was far more reasonable. Think of it that way, and there was no problem at all.
Is there really no problem, though?
Even if the video didn't exist — was there truly nothing wrong? With or without a recording, the fact that she had masturbated in the department lounge that day, burying her face in Minsu's clothes, would not disappear. Even if Minsu never knew, she knew.
There was no way she could behave normally in front of him while carrying that secret alone. Sohee knew herself well enough: she was not someone who could just let a matter of conscience slide.
She paced her studio apartment for a good ten minutes. Her heart lurched one way and then the other with every passing minute, a storm tearing through her chest.
Slap!
She struck both cheeks with her palms, trying to snap herself awake. And she made up her mind.
...Alright. Today I'll come clean to him first. I'll apologize properly and ask him to forgive me.
That was what Sohee decided. She would tell Minsu the truth and beg his forgiveness.
The café they'd used for their last study session. Minsu was already there.
"Minsu!"
"Sunbae. You made it."
He was sitting in a corner with an Americano, looking exactly as he always did.
"Took the corner seat, huh?"
"You like the tucked-away spots, sunbae."
"Hehe. Yeah, I do."
Good. So far it's just like always.
Sohee thought that as she sat down. She ordered a coffee and tossed him something ordinary.
"You've got to be busy these days. Major coursework alone is about to pile up, and you've got English on top of it."
"Still freer than that Yerin girl, at least."
"I really hope you beat her."
"I'll win it for my teacher, if nothing else."
They talked quietly, the same easy current as last time. Nothing felt different, and Sohee's shoulders loosened a little.
"Here's your coffee."
The server brought what she'd ordered. Once he was gone, Minsu spoke.
"I've barely seen you on campus lately, sunbae. Do you head straight home after class?"
"Ah... well... yeah. Home, or the library. Or... a café?"
Before that day, she'd run into him around campus now and then. Afterward, not once. She hadn't been actively fleeing him, exactly — but the possibility of crossing paths had been enough to send her straight back to her apartment the moment class ended, without wandering.
"Assignments are starting to pile up, and there's a lot to study... so I've just been staying put and hitting the books."
"Mm. I see."
The conversation had been flowing naturally until that almost-excuse slipped out, and Sohee began to wobble.
"S-so, should we get started?"
"Yes."
The session went as it always did. She corrected his pronunciation, walked him through sentence structure, and quizzed him on the kinds of things likely to show up on the exam. Every so often Minsu would deliberately flub a line just to make her call him on it.
In that ordinary atmosphere, her tension slowly bled away.
He really... doesn't know, does he?
By the time they were wrapping up, that was what she believed. His attitude was no different from any other study session. If he knew what she'd done in the lounge that day, there was no way he would be acting like this. The realization settled her.
Maybe I can just... let it go.
The guilt was still there. But if he truly didn't know, was there any need to bring it up? What if saying something only wrecked what they had? If her shamelessness destroyed her relationship with Minsu completely, she wasn't sure she could bear the emptiness.
She was still rationalizing when Minsu set down his cup.
"Sunbae. You look tired today."
"Huh...? Do I?"
"Those dark circles are pretty bad. Have you not been sleeping?"
Her heart dipped. He was looking at her with genuine concern, and she could barely hold his gaze.
...Is pretending nothing happened really the right call?
Conscience closed around her throat again. He was sincerely worried about her, and she was sitting across from him with a filthy secret in her chest. The thought shook her all over again.
I'll tell him. Today.
She bit her lip and decided. If she buried this, she would be the only one who kept suffering. Better to tell the truth, take whatever he threw at her, and ask for forgiveness. Even if she had to get on her knees and wring her hands.
When the session ended, Sohee stood and opened her mouth carefully.
"Minsu. Do you... want to get dinner tonight?"
"Dinner?"
He turned his head.
"Yeah. You treated last study session. Today's on me."
"That was a tutoring fee."
"Come on. What tutoring fee? We're teacher and student."
"Well. I won't say no."
After they left the café, Sohee led him to the same Korean BBQ place as last time. She needed somewhere that served alcohol. She didn't think she'd be able to get the words out unless there was soju in her. And it had to be a restaurant with a private, enclosed room — just the two of them.
"That place was really good. I've been wanting to go back."
"Right? Not bad, huh?"
"Yeah. I'll grill for you today."
So they ended up in the same beef house, the same private room as their first study session.
"We ate here last time too. And here we are again."
"I like it. Brings back that day."
They grilled meat and worked through a glass or two of soju. Sip by sip, color rose in Sohee's face. As the warmth spread she started talking about this and that, and Minsu played along just enough to keep the mood up.
"Ahh, sooo~ Yosep was making such a scene I was in this huge mess, you know?"
"That sunbae is a real piece of work."
Most of what she had to say was the long, exhausting history of Byeon Yosep's advances. Complaints she'd never even voiced to her own classmates came tumbling out in front of Minsu as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"I sweaar~ if it were up to me, I'd tell Yosep off for real. I have zero interest in going out with you, so go find someone else alreadyyy~"
"Then tell him."
"I've hinted around a few times, but he doesn't even hear it, you know? Hahh... maybe I just need to cuss him out."
"Oh. I'd love to hear you swear, sunbae. Doesn't seem like the kind of chance that comes around often. If you're going to do it, give me a heads-up. I'll hide and listen."
Having Yosep as something to tear into put a real spark in the conversation. Even while flipping the meat, Minsu leaned toward her and listened. It was so natural. So easy.
This is... actually perfect, just like this.
The thought surfaced unbidden. What if she told him the truth today and he looked at her with disgust? What if they could never sit like this again, laughing over a meal? The moment it crossed her mind, her resolve wavered all over again.
Not today... next time. I'll definitely tell him next time.
In the end, she couldn't find the courage. She'd meant to lean on the alcohol and lay her shame bare, but the fear of losing this easy, comfortable thing with Minsu was stronger.
He doesn't know... so once I'm ready, I'll tell him slowly.
She clung to that thought even as the soju seeped into her head. By now it was certain: Minsu had no idea what had happened that day. He'd really only taken his phone. There was no other way he could sit in front of her like this, acting as if nothing at all were wrong.
By Sohee's own moral measure, if he knew, he would never — could never — behave this way.
"Sunbae."
That was when it happened. Minsu set down the tongs he'd been using to flip the meat and spoke in a low voice.
"Hmm~?"
She answered with a curling, tipsy lilt.
And in that instant, he was wearing an expression she had never seen. The corner of his mouth was hooked up, just slightly, and his eyes were smiling in a thin, narrow line. It was a strangely frightening face. Like a brat who'd just discovered an interesting toy.
He said it as he came around and sat down beside her. Then he pulled his phone from his pocket.
"Something fuun...?"
"Yeah. I think you'll like it too, sunbae."
He tapped the screen a few times, and a video began to play.
And there she was. Sohee. Herself. The way she'd looked that day in the department lounge, getting herself off with his clothes.