A Debt She Cannot Repay
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Hayeon's hospital room was on the fifth floor.
Knock knock. A light rap against the door.
Then, after silently counting out a few seconds in my head, I finally eased the door open.
There she was, lying in the hospital bed, turning her head toward me. Her pale pink eyes curved gently as they met mine.
The gauze stuck to her cheek bothered me, but at least from the outside, it didn't look like she'd been left with any serious injury. No — to put it more accurately, it had already healed, hadn't it?
Hayeon had been in genuinely bad shape when it happened. Even I could see that. If Tiamat's treatment had come even a little later, there was no telling what might have become of her.
Well. Which was, of course, exactly why she could smile like her usual self now.
"Oh, you came to visit."
"Yep. That I did. How are you feeling?"
"Fine, thank you."
"'Thank you,' my ass. Whatever — I already talked to the school for you, so just get some proper rest."
"Thank you very much."
Hayeon bowed her head politely, and I found myself averting my eyes without meaning to. Hayeon, in turn, looked puzzled by my reaction.
'Ah, hell.'
Desperate to escape the awkwardness, I set down the fruit basket I'd brought at a suitably random moment. Hayeon burst out laughing at the wildly unprompted gift, but that laughter only bought me so long. Slowly, I opened my mouth.
As always, saying something for the sake of scolding someone left a distinctly bad taste in my mouth.
"So. You're not in pain, then?"
"No. I'm fine now."
Her answer didn't do a thing to lift my bitter mood either. If anything, it made it worse.
No — from Hayeon's perspective, she'd simply answered honestly. It was just that...
'Fine now, is it.'
For something to have only just become fine, it rather implied it hadn't been fine before. Of course, that much went without saying. The girl had ended up hospitalized even after receiving Tiamat's healing. What was it supposed to be, fine?
And yet, in spite of all that, Hayeon sat there wearing a perfectly composed face, chatting away with me like nothing had happened.
"By the way, that's amazing."
"Hm? What is?"
"I'd heard hunters' bodies are sturdy, but I never imagined it was to this degree."
Whether or not she knew what was going through my head, Hayeon suddenly said that — and then, at the same time, gave her own cheek a long, deliberate pinch. Making herself look like some ridiculous clown, and all I could manage in response was a sigh.
And then.
"Hayeon."
"Eh — yes?"
"I'm sorry."
I said the thing that needed saying first. Hayeon, who had been bracing herself — she'd probably assumed she was about to get chewed out for the ill-timed sigh — instead put on a thoroughly bewildered expression.
But to me, it was simply the obvious thing to do. After all, the fact that Hayeon got kidnapped this time was, start to finish, entirely my fault.
Why Kim Minchul had targeted Hayeon. Why Hayeon couldn't recognize Kim Minchul. Even the fact that I'd let her get kidnapped in the first place — all of it was on me. This whole mess happened because of me. Genuinely.
"No, it isn't! What are you even saying? The kidnapper was the one with problems."
"I'd say the same thing myself, but this really isn't the time for that kind of joke."
forcibly suppressing the wholehearted agreement that nearly burst out of my throat, I opened my mouth again.
"I suppose that's possible."
"Right?"
"But this is something I have to say regardless."
"Oppa, the way you're talking right now is straight out of a drama."
"Next time, just say no."
Hayeon, who'd been speaking with an almost teasing air, fell silent at that line. Having it come off as something of an interrogation left me feeling guilty, but she'd kept dodging the conversation for so long that I had no other choice. There was no way I could just stand by while a girl kidnapped because of me forced herself to act cheerful.
...The other day, Kim Minchul, her kidnapper, had interrogated Hayeon directly. Hayeon had answered with nothing but silence. So Kim Minchul laid hands on her — and even then, she never gave up a single answer. Taken at face value, it might even deserve praise. After all, the only reason I was able to crush Kim Minchul was the advantage in information I'd held. In that sense, it was no exaggeration to say Hayeon's silence won me that fight.
But Hayeon is not a soldier. Sure, as a cadet she occupies something not far off from one, but she's never trained for that kind of thing. She only became aware she was a hunter a mere six months ago. This isn't a situation you can wave off with a phrase like "she has a strong core."
How on earth does a mere high school girl hold out against a terrorist that stubbornly? There was something admirable in it. Something guilt-inducing. Something heartbreaking.
And something suspicious.
Not that I doubted Hayeon herself — I simply couldn't help wanting to know what on earth had gone through her head. And there was more.
'I'm not in pain anymore. I'd heard hunters were sturdy, but I never expected this. How strange' — was it?
Which was to say, Hayeon had been prepared to accept permanent injury, possibly worse, in order to keep her silence. If it had been some truly critical piece of information, fine. But she'd done it to protect a single one of my hobbies.
Why go that far?
That was all I could think. And precisely because of that, I had no choice but to say this:
"I don't really know what your reason was. But I can hear the details later. The important thing right now is deciding what you do if something like this ever happens again."
I wanted Hayeon to think of her own safety before my precious little secret — the one that wouldn't be worth a damn in China or anywhere else. A girl not yet twenty, getting beaten half to death in front of me? I'd rather spill the damn secret a hundred times over.
But.
"Hayeon? Answer me."
Hayeon was avoiding the question. She did finally open her mouth with a quiet sigh under my continued prodding — but the tone was, again, anything but agreeable.
"No."
"Huh?"
"Do you remember when we first met?"
"Uh, yeah?"
"That's when you saved me, Oppa."
"Well... I did, didn't I."
This was the first time Hayeon had ever voiced refusal, point blank. While I stood there reacting in a daze, she went on in that same calm, level tone.
"That's why."
"Hm?"
"You've already saved my life once. So, so... I can't owe you anything more than that."
"...A debt?"
The unfamiliar word came out of nowhere, and my brain lagged behind for a moment. It was only some time later that I realized the term Hayeon had used was meant to describe her entire life.
"A debt I doubt I could ever repay in the first place, really. Burdening you further than this just wouldn't be right."
"No — Hayeon."
She said it as though it were the most self-evident thing in the world, and my hand went to my forehead before I could stop it.
What do you even call this? Principled? Really? ...No, I couldn't bring myself to say either one, faced with a calculation that cold. It beat sheer shamelessness, I supposed, but I never dreamed she was thinking that way. The answer had so little warmth in it that I felt genuinely, if faintly, stung.
Do I really come off that heartless? I'd never intended to make a girl barely out of her teens start tallying debts against me.
"...Well. Thanks for answering honestly."
"For what?"
"Yeah. But you don't need to think that way. When it happens, you're allowed to just talk."
"......Did I get in the way again this time?"
"God, no. You helped. You did — but even so, next time, take care of yourself first. Obviously, the best outcome is for none of it to happen at all."
I scrambled to add that last part for Hayeon, whose face had begun to cloud over at my words. And then she tilted her head.
'Why is he saying all that if he just told me I did well?'
I could practically see the thought written across her face.
'Raising a kid is a goddamn nightmare.'
The thought slipped out of me unbidden. Damn it, is this what high school girls are like these days? No, surely not. If they were, "high school girl" wouldn't have stopped at being the strongest species in pop culture — it'd be the strongest species in humanity, period. All the more if she were carrying a katana.
"You know I'm pretty strong, right? I mean it — I'm fine. So next time, put yourself first. Got it?"
There was no answer.
Haaah. I barely stopped myself from clicking my tongue. I'd come here intending to lecture her, sure, but I never expected it to go like this. Did a person really need to get beaten until her face was unrecognizable just to protect one of my hobbies?
That was how I saw it — but apparently Hayeon saw it differently. Honestly, it was a lot of pressure. No, scratch that — if Kim Minchul had gone around demanding my signature move from the start, I'd have been telling her to just give it up already. No way in hell did I want anyone — Hayeon or anyone else — risking their lives to hide my pathetic little crumbs of information. Wasn't that just a bit uncomfortable to think about? It'd haunt my dreams.
But Hayeon herself just wore a faintly sulky expression. Some of it was probably resentment at me, who had just flatly denied the judgment she'd made. But more than that, she simply seemed unable to understand what I was saying. As far as Hayeon's mind was concerned, the idea that she owed me a debt the size of a human life appeared to be set in stone.
'No, this is a problem~'
A debt? Come on. Nobody looks at a doctor or a firefighter and calls them a creditor. And be real — Hayeon herself wouldn't go around claiming she owed her life to the doctor treating her right now, would she? I wanted to say exactly that, but her expression didn't budge an inch.
'Why? Why, though?'
"Hayeon, why did you do it? Of course it was an incredible thing. It was — but don't do it again, all right? It hurt me too, watching you get hurt like that."
I'd figured the conversation would end right about there. Honestly, that much should have been enough. But Hayeon, it seemed, was thinking just a little differently.
For her, the fact that she'd once been helped by me apparently functioned as a kind of debt. Literally — her life had been saved by me. And therefore...
One life.
Even if it cost her that life, she must never cause me harm. That was the depth of it.
Watching Hayeon's sulking face, I could almost believe that if Kim Minchul had truly tried to kill her, she would have embraced death without hesitation to protect my one trivial hobby.
'Sh-shit......'
No. This is too much. Genuinely. I keep telling you, you can just talk......!!
What is this, an economics sense that never got past "Hey, economy, let's be friends"?!!
"And anyway, there's no debt to speak of. Honestly, it's not like I saved you out of some pure, selfless heart."
"Liar."
"Huh?"
"That's a lie, you know. I — I know. I did think that about you, at first."
"Uh-huh...?"
"But you've never once looked at me that way. Not a single time. So, that's a lie."
It was a firm, flat rejection — so firm it took me a good few seconds to work out what Hayeon was actually talking about.
'No — shit.'
That's not what I meant!! What I said was simply that the act of saving her back then hadn't been pure goodwill — nothing more. And in truth, it wasn't even wrong. If the one who'd attacked Hayeon hadn't been a high-rank monster, would I really have gone this far for her?
No matter how I turned it over, the answer was a shrug.
And of course Hayeon took it in a completely different direction!!
Well — yes, obviously anyone would hear it that way!!
'Unbelievable.'
I dragged a hand down my face.
"So. What do we do now, then."
Needless to say, I hadn't brought Hayeon home with any particular plan in mind. But I couldn't exactly say, actually, the truth is I brought you home to use as monster bait, either. Because Hayeon still didn't know my condition. I hadn't meant to hide it, but somehow the chance to bring it up just never seemed to come.
Truthfully, I suppose there was also a part of me that didn't want to show a girl her age anything less than my best side. So — if I told her, actually, I have this condition, that's why I brought you here?
'Do not grandstand, Park Woochan.'
Nine times out of ten, that's exactly what she'd think. If anything, it read as such a disgustingly clumsy lie that even I could tell. You hate monsters? Then why would you want to attract them? Judging by the interrogation that question alone would kick off, staying silent was clearly the better option. If she accepted it, fine — but picturing that lukewarm, pitying stare...
'Ugh, shit.'
My jaw trembled on its own. Damn it. Is this what they call karma? For one brief moment, I almost respected Tiamat. Is it not a little too harsh to be saddled with responsibility just for having raised a psychopath? I could feel my faith in the architecture of the human conscience beginning to waver.
And then another thought struck me.
'That goddamn orphanage director.'
How did he raise this kid, that she turned out like this? I made a mental note to have a long talk with the man as soon as humanly possible.
In the end, Park Woochan was reduced to repeating the same well-worn principles right up until the moment he left. The sight of him earnestly lecturing her not to do anything dangerous again looked, in its own way, rather forlorn — an heir of the age, falling short of nothing in that role.
And so, after Park Woochan had gone.
Watching the door click shut, Ja Hayeon let out a small, unguarded sigh — so stripped of composure it was hard to believe it came from the same girl who'd been giggling just moments before.
'This is troublesome.'
Apparently, she had managed to put her oppa in quite the awkward position.
...She already owed Park Woochan her life. And because of that, she had resolved that even if her own life were threatened, she would never be a burden to him. Yet Park Woochan himself, it seemed, thought the exact opposite. He would sooner suffer harm himself than see harm come to her — that was the shape of it.
Half of her felt faintly conflicted at having acted so pointlessly; the other half felt strangely buoyant. Unable to grasp where the feeling came from even within herself, Ja Hayeon absently touched her own cheek.
She'd been smiling.
Not the blooming laughter of moments ago, but something that seeped quietly in, like warmth through skin. When the kidnapper had first broken her nose, she'd assumed a full recovery was completely off the table. Was it the hunter's body? Or Sister Tia's treatment?
Fortunately, her face now bore nothing but the faintest trace of a scratch. The doctor had even said she might be discharged as early as next week — which meant even that wouldn't leave a mark.
Feeling a rather schoolgirl-ish pang of regret that she'd have to leave the hospital so soon, Ja Hayeon began replaying the conversation they'd just had. Park Woochan's face, fumbling as he anxiously searched her complexion for signs of distress. His expression, careful and almost chiding as he spoke. Nearly all of it was memory of Park Woochan — and that fact gave Ja Hayeon a peculiar little pleasure. She had no intention of doing anything he'd dislike, so why did it feel like this? A truly strange thing.
'But.'
She'd probed, lightly — and gotten nothing.
I didn't save you out of pure goodwill. That was what Park Woochan had said. For a moment his phrasing had struck her as oddly deflating — and then Ja Hayeon tried a different angle.
Because Kim Minchul's words had suddenly floated back to her.
'You see family, a lover — you're chasing a phantom of a girlfriend, are you...?'
Of course, she didn't imagine some common kidnapper could read her oppa's mind. Their ways of thinking were too different by half. But honestly, it had nagged at her, just a little. She had poked at it, and Park Woochan showed no distinct reaction — but.
Unlike usual, his manner had been strange somehow. Like a man whose hidden thoughts had been nicked, if only grazed? She hadn't heard anything definitive, but it was more than enough to plant a seed of what if.
'A girlfriend.'
She picked up the hand mirror she'd set down beside her and studied her own face. The face plastered with gauze was barely recognizable in the glass. Still, by her own reckoning, it wasn't half bad at this point. She pressed a finger into her cheek, trying to shape a dimple.
'Do I resemble her?'
Not that she'd ever heard of or seen the woman. Of course, she could guess. Whatever had happened between Park Woochan and Park Woochan's girlfriend, it was certainly not the kind of story to be taken lightly. And yet, somehow, she found it hard to suppress this fluttering excitement.
Well. It was a good day, all told.
* * *