A Leap of Faith
"Take courage, O lover! How else shall you endure your grief, if not by her hand?"
I didn't know why those words from some book suddenly popped into my head.
But...
"...Do you really think things would get better if you got a boyfriend?"
I was absolutely certain that if I missed this opportunity, I would never experience a moment like this again. So, I hurriedly opened my mouth.
"...A boyfriend?"
Perhaps Jo Ayoung hadn't meant anything deep by it, because she quickly tried to take her words back.
"Ah, n-no! That's not what I meant..."
But I was faster.
"No, actually, I think that sounds like a pretty good idea..."
I blurted out the unfiltered thoughts scrambling through my brain, desperately trying to seize the opportunity that had practically fallen into my lap.
"You know... if you have a boyfriend, it'll be much easier to reject other guys when they confess to you. And if you tell the other girls you have a boyfriend, they won't see you as a rival anymore. In that sense..."
To be honest, I barely knew what I was saying. I was just consumed by the desperate desire not to let this conversation end as a mere slip of the tongue.
"...Okay."
Jo Ayoung listened quietly to my rambling.
"Well, so..."
Meeting those wide, beautiful eyes of hers, I whispered, "I just thought... it wouldn't be a bad idea to try having one..."
...I had no idea what I was doing anymore.
I wanted to grab this chance by any means necessary, but my lack of experience showed. Every word out of my mouth was hollow and incoherent. Realizing this only made me panic more.
"Y-you know, a boyfriend."
I blew it. That was the very first thought that crossed my mind.
I should have been calm and persuasive, but instead, I had let my excitement get the better of me and spewed complete nonsense. She probably thought I was some kind of creep.
"..."
"..."
A brief silence fell between us.
I sank into despair, convinced I had ruined my only shot, while Jo Ayoung looked up at the sky, seemingly lost in deep thought.
The one who broke the silence was...
"Hajun."
It was Jo Ayoung, not me.
"...Yeah?"
What was she going to say? Like a student waiting for a report card they already knew they failed, I desperately wished she wouldn't say anything more, but...
"Do you really think things will get better for me if I get a boyfriend?"
Her voice was calm, leaving me with no choice but to answer.
"I think... so?"
Unlike before, my voice lacked confidence. But...
"I see..."
Jo Ayoung didn't look surprised or flustered anymore. She simply accepted my answer calmly, looking up once more to gaze at the rustling leaves of the tree.
Then, a soft sound escaped her lips.
"...Okay."
It was a voice so quiet that it would have been lost if we weren't alone. A sound that would have been drowned out anywhere other than this secluded park with its gently rustling leaves. A whisper I would have missed entirely if I hadn't been focusing every ounce of my attention on her.
To that sound, I replied.
"Then..."
My heart was still pounding wildly, and my mind was a chaotic mess of unfiltered words. But I pushed forward anyway.
"If you don't have anyone else in mind..."
Even if it wasn't perfect, there was nothing stopping me from taking that one step forward.
"...Would you like to go out with me?"
I didn't know what I was thinking. It was probably far too sudden. We had known each other for less than a single day.
Without any preparation, without a romantic sunset, and without heart-shaped candles on the ground, I had just blurted it out.
And Jo Ayoung, upon hearing that confession...
Late at night, the princess could not sleep.
Instead, she was taking her frustration out on an innocent stuffed animal.
"I've really gone crazy..."
The rabbit plushie receiving her punches wore a deeply aggrieved expression, as if wondering what it had done to deserve such suffering. But the current Jo Ayoung had no room in her heart to care about the feelings of a stuffed toy.
"Why... why did I do that?"
Ayoung kept pummeling the rabbit with a bright red face, her mind racing back to the series of embarrassing events that had unfolded earlier that afternoon.
"Would you like to go out with me?"
She had no idea how the conversation had even drifted in that direction. They had literally just met today, right after the freshman orientation.
It had started with him saving her from the group of bullies, then lending her his black hoodie to cover herself. In return, he had asked her to buy him lunch.
After that, they had walked together to find a place to eat and ended up at a snack shop run by an older girl she knew. While eating, things had gotten a bit awkward because of her, but they had managed to get through it, and she had successfully paid for the meal.
The story should have ended right there, with Ayoung expressing her gratitude and Hajun saying it was fine. But instead of reaching a neat conclusion, they had ended up grabbing coffee and heading to a secluded park. And there, she had...
"Aaaahhh!"
Thwack! Thwack!
The poor rabbit plushie curled into a ball, doing its best to endure the onslaught. Of course, that did nothing to stop Ayoung's fists.
"I've really, really lost my mind!"
She had lost count of how many times she had repeated those words, but she simply couldn't shake off the overwhelming embarrassment from earlier.
Why on earth did she do that? Everything had been going so well, so why did she suddenly blurt out that she wanted a boyfriend? Was it because of what that older girl had said? Ayoung, did you really just throw that out there without thinking at all?
"Sigh... Ayoung, you idiot."
Her mind was in such a state of chaos that she squeezed the battered rabbit plushie tightly against her chest and collapsed onto the bed. "Why did you do that, seriously..."
The rabbit plushie was suffering. The girl who had been beating it like a madwoman just moments ago was now crushing it beneath her heavy, voluptuous breasts as she lay flat on the bed. It struggled to survive, but it stood no chance against that crushing weight. Unaware of the plushie's silent plight, Ayoung kicked her feet against the mattress, her mind still trapped in that park.
"Should I tell him now that I don't want to date after all?"
She kicked her legs in frustration, agonizing over the decision.
Her memory drifted back to the moment of the confession.
"Would you like to go out with me?"
Under normal circumstances, Ayoung would have found such a sudden confession incredibly awkward and rejected it. But the problem lay in the conversation that had preceded it.
For some reason, Ayoung had felt compelled to explain the reason behind the older girl's rude behavior. She hadn't wanted Hajun to remember her acquaintance as just a rude, unpleasant person.
She had even dug up painful memories from her past that she desperately wanted to keep hidden, all to convince Hajun that the girl's actions were somewhat understandable. And she had succeeded.
The real issue was what came next.
"You're not weird at all."
"You."
Those were the two sentences that sly fox, Hajun, had uttered. With those words, Ayoung had felt deeply comforted about her past, while simultaneously feeling a strange, sweet flutter in her chest. That flutter had made her keep talking, saying things she shouldn't have, until she finally made that slip of the tongue about wanting a boyfriend.
After that, as she listened to Hajun's flustered rambling, a wild thought had crossed her mind. And the moment the words "Would you like to go out with me?" escaped his lips, Ayoung was already...
"Aaaahhh!"
Squeezing the rabbit plushie tightly once more, Ayoung rolled over on the bed and squeezed her eyes shut. But closing her eyes didn't make Hajun's face disappear.
"Would you like to go out with me?"
The question echoed continuously in her ears, tormenting her.
She really shouldn't have done this. Her mother had warned her about exactly this. Knowing Ayoung's chronic weakness, her mother had always told her not to lose her head and get taken advantage of just because a guy showed her a little kindness.
But how could she not?
He had appeared like a prince to rescue her, and for the first time in her life, someone had actually listened to her story and comforted her.
"Sigh..."
A strange sensation began to pool inside her. She shouldn't have agreed to this, not with a guy she had met only a day ago...
"Would you like to go out with me?"
What had she said back then?
Her body felt increasingly warm, and a soft fog began to roll into her mind.
"..."
Had she hesitated? Right, Hajun had added something else to ease her mind.
"If it's too much pressure... we don't have to jump straight into a serious relationship. We can just try dating for a few months, and if you don't like it, we can break up."
That was what he had said. And that was why she had answered without any further hesitation.
"...Okay."
And so, rather than jumping into a formal relationship, they had agreed to play-act as a couple for a trial period. And if they ended up liking each other after that...
"Haaah..."
She didn't know anymore. Her mind was too hazy to think straight.
Pushing her mother's warnings to the back of her mind, Ayoung clung to the rabbit plushie, surrendering herself to the sweet, dizzying impulse blooming deep within her chest.