Different Ways of Thinking
"That concludes today's schedule. You've both worked hard. Tomorrow, once your identification cards are issued, we'll go straight to signing you up for cell phones. I'm afraid a place for the two of you to live hasn't been arranged yet, so you'll have to spend just one night in the interrogation room. I hope you'll bear with us a little. If it's truly too uncomfortable, I'll see about preparing another room."
The physical exam had come back clean for both Helena and me. No abnormalities whatsoever.
That was only to be expected for Helena, but as for me — there was simply no way I could be unwell. Without a physical body, the very idea of being in pain couldn't exist. This body of mine was nothing more than a shape.
And then there was the personality assessment, which had concluded that neither of us was fit to be dropped into modern society. Helena was too pessimistic and aggressive, and I, apparently, simply didn't understand the human heart.
I'd thought my reasoning was perfectly sound, but this was their world. If I wasn't here to conquer it, then I was the one who ought to adapt.
I wasn't a conqueror. I was an observer. Someone who found it entertaining to watch humans live their lives. Someone who wanted, just a little, to nudge things toward the happy lives of the good people I so cherished.
So if they wanted me to sit through some education, I was more than willing. Ah — of course, about ninety percent of that willingness was for Helena's sake. If I wanted her to settle in here without anything unpleasant happening, it would be better if I took the classes alongside her.
And so, once those two exams were over and we returned to the interrogation room, Yegyeong told us something different from what Agent Park had said.
Wait. Weren't we supposed to use a different room?
We're sleeping here together?
Well, I didn't mind. But would Helena find it uncomfortable?
Just a little while ago she'd been looking at me with something like contempt in her eyes. She probably thought I'd been assembling harems of beautiful girls, and that I'd slotted her into one of them.
I'd only ever watched over one beautiful girl per era, though. You wouldn't call that a harem, would you?
Hmm. But I had watched over quite a few beautiful girls over time. Did that make me a playboy?
"Thank you for your consideration."
Helena, perched on the edge of the bed, offered no complaint at all. Still without looking at my face.
Did that mean she didn't mind sharing a room with me? Or that someone like me wasn't even worth noticing?
Either way, this was an opportunity. If there was conflict, it was better to face it head-on than to dodge it. So I didn't raise any objections either. I just offered Yegyeong a quiet greeting.
"Thank you. Will you be heading home for the day?"
"I'll be going off duty today, but once you have lodging, I plan to stay with you as well. Until you've all settled in here."
So she'd be living with us.
Only then did I peel my gaze away from Helena and give Yegyeong a proper look. Her face had a rather cool, composed cast to it — but she was a beauty all the same. The kind of beauty a women's suit sat well on. The kind of beauty whose face alone would be a pleasure to look at, living side by side.
No reason to refuse, then. Well, Yegyeong was only doing her job.
"Ah, I see. We'll be in your care."
"Yes. Please take care of me as well. I hope you both have a pleasant night. Ah — and if anything should make you uncomfortable."
"Press the button by the head of the bed, right? I will."
And with that, Yegyeong left, and the interrogation room was ours alone.
Helena, who still hadn't turned her head toward me, suddenly tossed out a blunt remark.
"Is that why you were grinning like an idiot? Because she's a pretty woman too?"
"Grinning like an idiot? Human relationships just go better when you smile, you know. We're going to keep seeing each other. There's no need to put on a stern face and get all flushed over nothing, is there? Better to keep things pleasant, if we can."
"Ah. So that's why you were smiling so freely. And because you plan on seeing that handler of ours on a regular basis, too."
She sounded thoroughly sulky.
I eased myself a little closer against Helena, who still had her back to me. With my arms bound, I could only press in lightly with my shoulder and chest against her back. Helena flinched, but she absolutely refused to turn her head.
"Freely? What, are you worried I might leave you behind and go somewhere else?"
I tried it as a light joke.
"Leave me behind and go somewhere? What on earth are you—!"
Helena whirled on me at once, flaring up. And in those eyes, on that face, there was something like anxiety. Something like fear.
At first I'd thought she was simply pouting. But underneath it all was the terror of being left alone.
I'd been far too careless. However many people who looked just like her were living here, however kindly they were helping her adapt — Helena was still a stranger in this world. I was originally from this side; I'd simply come home. But for Helena, I was the only person she could lean on.
In a world like that, if I started getting along with someone else... of course she'd be uneasy. That was just how the human heart worked.
The thought made me ache for her, so I leaned in a little more. A little farther than the distance she'd twisted away to put between us. That let me rest my cheek against her shoulder and look up at her face from an angle. The startled breath she let out, still flustered from her outburst, brushed ticklishly across my face.
The lowered lids as she looked down at me. The faintly parted lips. The sight of them pressed down on me with guilt. So I kept a forced smile on my face and soothed her.
"Don't worry. I'll stay with you until you've settled in here. I do want to see you living happily, after all."
"...Does that mean you'll leave someday? That once I'm happy, you'll go?"
"Because Helena has to live Helena's life. Wherever there's a meeting, there's a parting. That's just how it is. And we might meet again, you know."
I'd thought that would reassure her. For some reason, Helena's face crumpled instead. Then she wrapped her arms tightly around my back. Because my hands were bound behind me, we ended up holding hands without either of us meaning to.
"Yeonmin. Is that what you did with your other apostles, too? You watched over them and helped them until they were happy, never even heard a word of thanks, and then just left like that?"
"Uh... I didn't exactly advertise it. The happiness they won was something they built themselves. I didn't, well — I wouldn't say I did nothing. But none of it would have happened without their own will."
"No, that's not the point. I thought you just treated us like toys. That you'd put your hands on anyone as long as they were pretty. But that's not it, is it?"
"Come on, you're making me out to be quite the rake."
Of course I liked beautiful girls. But didn't everyone? When people picked a pet, they preferred a pretty one over a scruffy-looking animal, didn't they?
But that was as far as it went. I had no intention of doing anything to them. I just wanted the character in my game to be pretty, and the heroine in the movie I was watching to be pretty. Not many people decide they have to date the actress, do they?
Ah, getting an autograph would be nice, I suppose. But that was about it.
Helena's expression, though, showed no sign of easing. She was still unhappy about something.
"Yeonmin. Then what about you? Is it enough for you if people are simply happy? Once I'm happy, you'll leave me and go find some other unfortunate person, make them happy, and then walk away again without asking for a thing in return?"
Hmm. What exactly had her so angry? Was it because our ways of thinking were just that different?
"The reward is enough just from Helena becoming happy."
I said it with complete sincerity, but even that seemed to displease her. She was still frowning.
I really did love those stories — beautiful girls overcoming hardship and finding happiness. Happiness itself was a deeply important value, of course. But from the spectator's seat, it was the journey that was interesting. Watching someone stay happy forever was... well, it was nice to look at, but if you kept watching, you were bound to get bored. A game you'd already cleared was only fun if you dropped back in now and then. A movie was only fun if you revisited it once in a while to chew over the memories. Same idea.
"You goddess, you..."
Helena still hadn't let go of her anger. Well — maybe some of it had eased, since the arms locked around my back slowly loosened. But her expression was still fierce.
It looked like understanding each other was going to take a little time. The gap between us wasn't going to close in a single conversation. Still, we had plenty of time until Helena settled in here. We could work through it slowly.
Or maybe we didn't even need to. Helena would be living among humans. It would be enough if she simply remembered that I'd helped her.
So I started to ease myself away from her. I'd been leaning against her, and she'd been flinching and trying to pull back — and because I'd kept clinging anyway, the angle I'd tilted to had gone past far and into far too far. At this angle, I couldn't get up on core strength alone. Not unless I pushed off the bed with both arms.
"...Um, Helena. I'm really sorry, but I think I need a little help. I've tipped over too far. I can't get up."
Swallowing my embarrassment, I had no choice but to ask her for help.
"..."
But why was she just staring at me like that?
How mortifying.